Touching the moon

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This time of night, the stars are so elegant... So shiny... And so perplexing...

The smell of winter… Most people know it, it's like you can smell the coldness of the snow.

Right now I despise that smell. I want the frost… No, I want this horribly painful smell to disappear completely…

I lay on the serrated, ice-cold grass in the middle of the street... A street I've never seen before.

The early winter frost slowly consume my resting body, it was nothing like they said on the weather forecast this morning.

And even in this cold world, there are countless white and yellow stars in the never-ending sea of the sky. 

Before, I used to ignore the enormous night sky, as I had seen it a thousand times. But now it felt different.

The moonless sky I look at now makes me want to shed a tear... 

And in the end, I let it drip… As free as it pleases.

My tear hits the chilled grass, but instead of freezing, it runs down the only piece of grass strong enough to stand up.

Somehow, I can't talk, not even move an inch away from the beauty it seems I've desired for so long.

I cry, softly. Like I've never cried before. There were many times I wanted to cry like this, like an innocent baby...

There's no pain in my body, only the overwhelming abundance of millions of multi-colored stars, shining like thousands of planes in the sky.

It's so beautiful. I should have stargazed more in my life, with my sisters, with my mother… With the people I loved.

Maybe it would be okay to cry then?

I raise my hand above my head as if grasping the abyss above me is a possibility.

It's almost as though I can feel the warmth, the glow of these far-away galaxies.

And as if I were the fated hero in a play, snow runs through my fingers.

Or… Maybe it is the stars? If that's the case, then all stars are painfully cold to me.

As fast as the snow touches my hand, it melts into a single cold tear. A tear from heaven itself…

The more I lay here, the more I want to explore the vastness of the universe… But I know that's impossible, for I am only human.

I can't forget that fact...

My body feels light, like a white feather… Or maybe like a single leaf from an old, fragile tree.

While I sit up, the discomfort wears off, washing it away as waves of the ocean wash away dry sand on a warm beach.

By the playground ahead of me, a humanoid thing stands out from the childish bright colors of the slide.

Staring at it feels worthless, but I can’t take my eyes off it… Because it too stares at me.

My dry and pale face has already removed any speck of memory of the happy tears I had until now.

The weak body of mine feels as frozen as a tiny winter's lake, almost like the dead grass underneath me.

A few minutes… Or maybe seconds ago, I had felt a bliss I may have longed for my entire life.

But now I feel hopeless, broken… I am not too far from a dead man, or simply a shell of hopelessness.

Right now I want to die…

But… I also want to live, I want to see stars I've never seen before.

I want to discover things, I want to love someone and stay alive, and grow old! I want to feel something wonderful, yet again. Isn't that what being human is about?

My human skin feels like it's burning… Yet I don’t feel a single drop of sweat on it.

I curse myself for being a simple human, the only creature that can break as easily as an old branch...

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At the gate of winter, 1993

The late autumn is here, and the air grows bitter.
While trees wither away towards winter, orange and yellow leaves stick to the dirty, wet streets like glue.

And soon the winter frost will remove any trace of autumn in the cool air.

The night had covered the entire sky with its atramentous fog.

But it wasn't gloomy, because the stars shone brightly through the seemingly everlasting mist of the night sky.

And the rain, which poured down like bullets, reflected the freezing winter like a mirror.

I would usually help my friend and his mom during the weekends, when we didn't have school. Even though I did it out of my own interest, I would still get paid. No matter how much I tried to talk them out of it.

And after work, I would normally take a stroll around the city before going home.
It is the same old route every time, a place that seemed entirely stuck in time.

But it wasn't because I didn't like home and wanted to stay away from it, no, not at all.

It is because I enjoy the beautiful silence of the seemingly endless city. I don’t know exactly why, but it makes me feel extremely peaceful. 

Today, though, it is pouring like arrows being shot down from heaven. So walking around town seems pretty tiresome.

It's still only a quarter to eleven. So, doesn’t that mean the last bus arrives in 15 minutes?

Yeah, that’s absolutely right, there’s no way I'll be able to make it in time. That means I have to walk home, once again.

"Shit, I'll probably be yelled at by my sister for arriving home so late, yet again."

She's always getting mad at me for coming home late, calling it "irresponsible" and "foolish". 

I don't know if she's worried about me or just angry all day long, but it feels quite overwhelming.

Standing alone on this uninteresting road, I take a look up at the half-moon, which in return, is looking down at me.

It strangely makes me think of something...
My sister used to make me wave at the moon when I was a kid. 

Because she thought it looked sad... 

I almost want to wave at it and say hi, but at the end of the day, it’s just a huge chunk of lifeless rock.

I hadn’t noticed until now, but the city is filled with lighted-up windows, even though most people should be asleep now.

Well, sophisticated restaurants and convenience stores would usually stay open for businessmen working late into the night, and those were quite common to find.

But then again, the succulent smell of fresh ingredients would quickly get overshadowed by the sick smell of cigarettes. So it's quite easy to forget that.

As I walk at a lazy pace, I continue looking around, hoping to catch a glimpse of something that could grab my attention for a little while.

I had already walked this street a few times and it is always as uninteresting. The stairs felt like a chore to walk up, while the street felt irritating and dull to navigate.
On my first day of work, I would run up these stairs as fast as possible, in excitement of this unfamiliar part of town. But it seems I've grown too used to this place.

I pass the identical convenience store I walked past a few days earlier, with the only difference being the number of posters hung up on the window.

Like those equally famous stores, there is no life in the otherwise prominent parks, no cars wildly driving to reach home in time, or even a moth swarming around a lonely light. 
No, it is only the deafening silence of the night. Only the wind and the loud crystal rain...

But then… I turn towards the other road, above the parked cars… Huh? What is that, a… Girl?

Underneath an old, rusty black lamppost on this rainy night, an entirely white girl sat, with nobody around.

And in this miserable weather, she's sitting on a swing. A faintly red and plain old playground swing for children…

I feel bad looking at her…

Am I not supposed to ask what’s wrong, when presented with someone that looks as sad as her?

Hmm, but wouldn't that be creepy? 
Then again, she looks as miserable as the weather itself.

I walk over to her, feeling like swallowing my own tongue.
Why am I so nervous….. Maybe it's the thought of her going “What? Who the hell are you?!” And then punching me square in the face…?

Pfft, there’s no way to know without asking.

I didn’t notice until now, but her hair… It's pure white, like a layer of early winter snow...
Just like her hair, her eyes are wonderful and cloudy, resembling something like a shiny and expensive diamond.

She looks pure, innocent, and not someone who'd yell at me for asking a simple question.

"Excuse me…"

I speak first, as I move my umbrella over her wet head.

"...Is everything fine?"

It must really look like I'm trying to hit on her...

The girl glances at me, as if she were a curious animal who had never seen another human. Her white and beige outfit, which resembles something a wealthy girl would wear, isn't wet at all...

“...?”

Crap. She's clearly freaked out now, I must look like a creep to her!

“...I think I feel peaceful... The night is so pretty..."

Hah… 
She has an unbelievably quiet and calm voice… 

This girl, who I had met only a few minutes ago, is literally an angel in human form.

She's as white as a feather, yet she resemble something more like a fairy of some sort. Or maybe like a white orb in the cold autumn rain, a glimmer of warmth in this concrete hell. 

“Ooh… Ah! I apologize for suddenly disturbing you!"

Her face turns to a delicate mixture of melancholy and wonder, almost like it's impossible to understand her real emotions.

Her eyes are telling me that she is in pain, yet she's so peaceful?
Yes… She's like an alien from far, far away…

We exchange glances briefly for a few moments as the discomfort of the situation dawned upon us. The only sound to be heard is the bullet-like rain hitting the wet pavement and the puny umbrella with its weak force.

“...The night sky… Makes everything feel so alive.”

She merely says a few words to shatter the silence, while gazing up at the same moon I had looked at earlier.

"You think so? Well, I guess it has an interesting touch to it.
In my opinion, it feels horrible and lonely."

"Lonely?"

"Yes, we two stand here alone, after all!"

Her silky smooth hair flutters slightly in the wind of this terrible weather and the frozen rain plays like a broken cassette. I could honestly stay out here for days, watching this girl sit on that childish swing...

“Aren’t you cold?”

The girl finally change her innocent gaze from the moon and onto me. And… She simply looks at me and says...

“I don’t know.”

Don't... Know? Wasn't it natural to recognize how it felt to be too cold for your own comfort?
All I have that could help… Is this umbrella.

“Well, here. I don't want to stand here and watch you get sick, so you can have this."

Her surprised face stares at me like I'm the alien this time.

“...You shouldn’t give me that…”

“Don’t you worry about it! I have a few more at home!
...I'd come everyday and give you a new one, if I could!”

Yeah, this umbrella's just one of those cheap ones you get for 500 yen. Now that I think about it... I really do have a bunch of umbrellas at home...

As I hand it over with a reassuring smile, she touches my hand briefly…
Yes, her small hand is extremely cold… 

But she looks so comfortable in the rain, at the same time.

She finally cracks a faint smile, and even though it appeared hopeless, it made me smile as well. 

She looks much better this way.

“You know… This is the first thing I've ever received from another person… I will treasure it as long as I breathe...”

“Oh? That... Doesn’t sound like any fun.”

“...”

She grips my umbrella tightly as if she doesn't want it to be taken away by anything.
And then the girl looks up to the moon again, almost as though she wants something from it.

“...But thank you either way…
Is there anything I could do for you in return…?”

“Well, you see… There is something I’ve been secretly wanting."

"......"

"And that… Is your name...!”

“My name…? I’m Elisa. Shirayuri Elisa.”

Her name is as strange as the she is, and it is also one that's relatively simple to forget. So, I repeat her name several times in my head to memorize it.

“No, but actually! Thank you, Shira-chan!”

“...Shira-chan?”

Elisa silently bows, despite the fact that she has no idea what I'm talking about.
After all, she made this bleak night another wonderful one.

I smile at her without a blink of hesitation, showing her how grateful I am.

We simply stand here… Smiling at each other as the trees dance in harmony...

And then reality strikes me yet again...

“uhm- ah! Sorry, Shira! I’ll have to go now!”

She stands there without saying anything, still clutching my cheap umbrella.

It's quite a hypnotic sight… An entirely snow-white girl with a sole black umbrella sitting in the darkness of the rainy weather.

"My sister will yell at me again for being late, and I absolutely humbly-bumbly apologize for having to leave so abruptly!"

I quickly bow and place my palms together as if in prayer.
And as expected of her, she looks strangely at me for saying that.

Now I need to get home as quickly as possible. Otherwise, my sister will use me as a chair, or perhaps as a doll, mopping the floor with my face... 

As Elisa looks slightly dumbfounded at me, I shake the childish thoughts from my mind.

“I’ll see you around, Elisa!”

“Yes… I’ll see you… Again. Definitely!”

For the first time, she stands.

"One last thing... I promise you, Elisa! I'll return here soon!"

"...A promise...?"

I extend my hand to give her the brightest thumbs up I can.

I respectfully wave back to the girl as I jog away, not even looking back for a single moment. While the rain continues to conquer my ears with its annoyingly loud sound.
I had never enjoyed being out in the rain this late, but now, I feel like could stand here in peace.

As I approach the bus station, I notice an oddly familiar black car parked by the side of the road. It is the only source of life in this half-dead city.

With my gaze stuck on the number plate, I notice the car window roll down slightly. The whole thing appear to be shady as hell.

“…?"

“Master Fuyuhiro, good evening.”

The man takes off his sunglasses, as to show me his respect.
A man I've known all my life, who wore sunglasses even in the dead of night, peers out the open window.

“Hidetsugu..?”

“Hello again, Fuyuhiro-sama. I was ordered by your sister to come and pick you up.”

That's all there is to it? She's gone insane and is now forcing my father's bodyguard to check on me?

“Well, I'm sorry about that, how long have you been hanging around here…?”

“Half an hour or so... 
...More importantly, why are you so wet? Didn’t Aoi give you an umbrella this morning?”

“Hm? That’s not it, I simply forgot my umbrella at work.”

“We could drive back if you need-”

“No no! I’ll just grab it next Sunday.”

I get into the warm car as we continue our useless conversation. But my thoughts aren't filled with umbrellas or even a single worry...

Because whatever happens... I'll return here to see her, even if this city is as lifeless as high as the sky goes. For that's what I promised.

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