Prologue

It is hard to say when everything went wrong.

Perhaps, everything had already collapsed before I allow myself to recognize it after it is too late.

Perhaps, everything was slowly falling apart around me, as the stones that lay the foundation of who I am crumbled away, bits by bits.

Perhaps, I had no future to begin with, nothing to look forward to, nothing to do but to twiddle my thumb, waiting, as the walls around my mind grow ever larger.

I do not know.

I am simply an ordinary person, trying my best to fit into the world around me, trying to fulfill the obligations that continue to grind away at my soul, trying to smile as my world continues to shatter around me, pretending as if nothing is wrong.

I cannot predict the future, nor can I vividly recall the past. All that is left of my past is an ever-tightening noose around my heart, constantly reminding me of something that could have been and the possibility of a bright future that will never come true.

I cannot maintain the façade that everything is okay. With each day that pass, I can feel the countless lies that I spun starting to unravel. One day, I will be revealed for the fraud that I am as the naked truth will lay bare for all to see. The world is not so kind to liars nor is it gentle to truth-tellers. The dream that sustained me for so long will one day end as my eyes become open.

I cannot keep at bay the loneliness that endlessly gnaw on my mind for the world is cruel to those that it deems do not belong. Society favors those that are special, that are extraordinary, that are capable of leaving a mark upon its history. Society does not favor those that are outcast, it does not favor those that are ordinary, it does not favor those that are like me, an NPC in the game called life.

I cannot keep going this way.

I cannot.

One day, there is a chance I will make the decision to take my own life, to quietly disappear from society. I can feel it in my mind. The last thread that sustained my sanity is slowly tearing away, exposing the fragile ego that I desperately tried to hide.

Who I am is but a face in the crowd, an ordinary person in an extraordinary world.

To me, happiness is nothing more than a fleeting emotion, a breeze in the wind.

More often than not, I find myself desperately searching for distractions, something, anything, to keep away the bottomless despair that is encroaching on my mind. For now, this diary is my distraction. I hope to record my story, a story of an ordinary person that will one day disappear. This story will not change the world, nor will it save anyone. It will be a story written by someone that wanted to exist but like all ordinary things in this world, will soon be forgotten by the sands of time.