CHAPTER 6 – DUEL AT THE UN

CHAPTER 6 – DUEL AT THE UN

Monro’s limousine drove quickly to the United Nations building while the annoying rain continued. They got out of the car and headed to the entrance. Monro’s expression caused the building security to people to salute him. Everyone headed for the section reserved for the Democrats' delegation. Barney tried to get as far as he could from Prof. Cheers, who still treated him with suspicion and caution. Her glances made him tremble and sense that he was with a mental patient facing forced hospitalization. In a few minutes, the hall that looked like a busy beehive became silent when Chairman Shilton , dressed as a rock star, sat down and the secretary announced:

“Chairman Shilton has arrived. Council members and representatives of the conflicting countries are asked to sit in their places so that we may start our meeting.”

As if by magic, everyone sat down while Monro and Aswad stared at each other with blazing eyes revealing hatred. They could hardly get down to business.

Shilton started to explain:

“Honorable Presidents Aswad and Monro and the delegates and ambassadors of the United Nations, I hereby open the UN Security Council meeting regarding the issue of the difficult situation between the Selected Democratic Organization and the Free Islamic Forces. The UN is interested in assisting the parties in this issue, to calm the tension and to create a new, sound, stable, and normal relationship between the two conflicting parties. I call the honorable President of the Selected Democratic Organization, Mr. Monro, to speak and afterwards President Aswad will address the Council...Please Mr. Monro.”

Barney looked at Monro with admiration and even with envy since the entire world was going to watch him.

“Honorable Chairman, honorable members of the Council and dear ambassadors of the nations, two days ago, a ball was organized by prisoners at the “White Mouse” prison with Mike Satanic, the world's most infamous terrorist. In the middle of the ball, Mike Satanic and his people murdered the warden and his deputy and some of the prison guards while Mike Satanic escaped to the Free Islamic Forces under President Aswad’s protection. I request justice from the Council members. I demand that President Aswad, the leader of the Free Islamic Forces, return Mike Satanic to us. In addition, they must compensate us for the terrorist attacks against us.”

Monoro’s fans applauded in the hall while Democratic flags were raised. Monro returned to his seat with satisfaction and stared at President Aswad, who ignored him, as he took the microphone for his speech.

“Honorable Chairman, dear members of the nations, honorable members of the Council and dear ambassadors of the nations, you have just heard the lies of Monro, the President of the Selected Democratic Organization. You also heard the pathetic applause of some of the traitors in this hall. To my great sorrow, all that happened at the Selected Democratic Organization had nothing to do with the Free Islamic Forces. We are a force that supports peace. We wish to resolve our conflicts with understanding, agreement, and cooperation. We did not send terrorists to attack the Selected Democratic Organization. We do not know them. As for Mike Satanic, he told me that he was captured deceitfully and maliciously. The Free Islamic Forces had nothing to do with his escape. He wanted to stay with the Free Islamic Forces, to be imprisoned at the Free Islamic Forces since he felt himself in danger at the Selected Democratic Organization prison and he was afraid to stay there. He feared for his life. I ask that the honorable Chairman and the representatives of the Council dismiss the request of the Democratic President and return to sanity and calm to prevent destabilizing the relationship between the Selected Democratic Organization and the Free Islamic Forces. We don’t want to be the ones to initiate a war in this region and worst of all, the destruction of the world.”

Also now, applause was heard from the other half of the hall, from Aswad’s supporters who waved the Islamic flags. Shilton , the Chairman, was planning to continue his speech when Monro leaned towards the microphone and screamed with rage:

“The words of President Aswad are lies, cover-ups, philosophizing and demagoguery.” He added arrogantly “I hereby announce that the Selected Democratic Organization is immediately recalling our ambassador to the Free Islamic Forces and in addition, we will stop exporting fruits and vegetables to the Free Islamic Forces. As far as I’m concerned, the Islamic people can eat straw instead of fruits and vegetables.”

From all sides one could hear whispers and murmurs of the surprised national representatives. Aswad jumped towards the microphone with rage and screamed:

“The President of the Democrats is a cheat, a thief, mean and corrupt.” He added with more arrogance, “I hereby announce that even before the Democrats we will immediately recall our ambassador and the Free Islamic Forces will stop exporting oil to the Selected Democratic Organization. These rag dealers deserve to travel by donkey and cart.”

The two leaders stared at each other with hatred and disgust and continuously hurled insults at one another.

“The Selected Democratic Organization stops importing hashish from the Free Islamic Forces.”

The supporters of the Selected Democratic Organization clapped their hands while Aswad replied:

“The Free Islamic Forces stops importing marijuana, heroin, cocaine and LSD from the Selected Democratic Organization.”

The supporters of the Free Islamic Forces clapped their hands and Monro responded:

“And the Selected Democratic Organization annuls the broadcast of the Arabic TV series and the import of belly dancers.”

The supporters of Selected Democratic Organization clapped and shouted like soccer fans, defaming Aswad who answered:

“And the Free Islamic Forces declares a Jihad on the corrupt and racist Selected Democratic Organization that abuses the Arab residents who live in the Selected Democratic Organization.”

The supporters of Free Islamic Forces clapped and shouted like soccer fans, defaming Monro who yelled:

“And the Selected Democratic Organization declares a new war of liberation against the Free Islamic Forces and against the appalling, ugly, and disgusting President Aswad.”

The supporters of the Selected Democratic Organization and the Free Islamic Forces fans clapped and cursed Monro and Aswad at the same time.

“Monro is corrupt… the Selected Democratic Organization is fucked up.”

“Aswad is nuts… the Free Islamic Forces stinks.”

The stunned and embarrassed Chairman Shilton immediately stopped necking and petting with the Indian woman representative beside him, jumped from his seat and nervously hit his table.

“Monro and Aswad, stop that immediately! This honorable Council will not stand for such despicable and embarrassing behavior. You must learn from me how to behave in a more appropriate manner. I warn the representatives of the Selected Democratic Organization and of the Free Islamic Forces.” Suddenly he pulled out a red card as in a football game and waved it.

“If you don’t stop it right away, I will expel you from this arena until the vote that will take place here soon.”

The supporters of the Free Islamic Forces and of the Selected Democratic Organization were terrified and embarrassed. They immediately became silent. Shilton was shaking from anger as he stared at his watch and continued:

“I hereby inform you of an hour break and thereafter a vote regarding the measures the UN will take against the accused in this complicated affair. I hope that during this break you will reach a decision on this matter. Each vote is important.”

Shilton left the rostrum with a frown, responded to his friend’s advances, and disappeared with her into his office in the building. Monro whispered something to Boris, his personal bodyguard, and then turned to his assistants:

“Please invite all national representatives who usually vote against us to our conference room in the building...”

At the same time, Aswad whispered something too Mahmud, his personal bodyguard and then turned to his assistants:

“Please invite all national representatives who usually vote against us to our conference room in the building.”

Monro and Aswad and their bodyguards rushed to their assigned conference rooms. Their assistants ran around, like drugged cockroaches, from one representative to another and led them to the conference rooms. The third world and the Islamic national representatives whispered secretly in the conference room where Monro received them in friendly fashion with a seductive smile. He didn’t know that one of them was Aswad’s bodyguard, who had sneaked in as a national representative. Aswad hosted the representatives of the democratic nations in Europe, Asia, Canada, South America, Australia, and other nations that are considered friends of the Selected Democratic Organization in his conference room. They whispered to one another in the conference room where Aswad also received them with a seductive smile. He was unaware that one of those present was Monro’s bodyguard, who sneaked in.

Monro stood as a general and turned to those assembled:

“Thank you for coming on my request. We are here before a very important vote, and I would like to ask all of you to vote for me because the Selected Democratic Organization is right in this case and I promise to compensate you accordingly. Don’t vote for the murderers Aswad and Mike Satanic; don’t vote for the terrorist family.”

They stared at each other, full of doubt and confusion. They were known as Aswad’s supporters and followers. Some of the representatives asked:

“But you know that we are Aswad’s supporters, right? Why should we vote for the Selected Democratic Organization? Maybe Aswad is right in this affair?”

Monro looked at everyone with a menacing look and explained:

“If you don’t want terror in your countries, ruining your peaceful daily lives, vote against Aswad and Mike Satanic, vote against terror, vote for me. I know that President Aswad and Mike Satanic plan to turn each one of your countries into the New Free Islamic Force to be a base for terror and destruction, against your democracy and for Aswad and Mike Satanic’s tyranny. Do not forget that those who vote against me will not receive the most sophisticated weapons that the Selected Democratic Organization promised to send to you. We will stop supporting you economically and the Selected Democratic Organization will stop improving and upgrading your arsenals. Do not think you would be able to turn to other countries for the purpose of purchasing weapons. We will not let that happen. "

His guests were silent and little by little began nodding their heads in comprehension and left the conference room while Monro’s security people secretly gave them cash received from Monro. Aswad’s bodyguard quickly disappeared from the room as if the devil were pursuing him.

In the Free Islamic Forces conference room, the representatives of the democratic countries were dragged inside forcibly, and Aswad stood like a planted tree facing the gathering:

“Thank you for coming on my request. We are here before an important vote pertaining to your future and the future of the world. I want you all to vote for me because the Free Islamic Forces are always right, especially in this case. I promise to support each one of you in any situation and with any problem and to continuously provide you with oil at loss price. Don’t vote for the victory of corruption and evil of the Selected Democratic Organization.”

They stared at each other, confused. They were known to be the supporters of the Selected Democratic Organization and as the followers of Monro, and several representatives asked:

“But you know that we are the supporters of Monro. Why should we vote against the Selected Democratic Organization? In addition, what if you are wrong in this affair?”

Aswad looked at everyone with a frozen expression and explained in an unpleasant manner:

“I know that each time you vote you support President Monro like a flock of sheep, but this time vote for me. You do not want the corrupt and nasty Selected Democratic Organization to take over your countries like it did in Egypt, Jordan, Israel, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, and many other countries. It is planning to rule you and destroy your peaceful way of life. Vote against the devil that is called the Democratic Organization, vote for me… for Aswad who will save you and the world. I know Monro is planning to turn your country into his home territory, into the Democratic Organization base. Monro is a tyrant. Don't forget that those who vote against me will not receive the oil that the Free Islamic Forces send you. You will destroy your economy and you will enter into a critical recession and into chaos and anarchy. Do not think you will be able to turn to other countries for help; we will not let it happen. Vote for the Free Islamic Forces and you will continue to get oil and at loss price and we will also personally provide you with generous financial grants.” He threw lots of large Euro bills in the air. “I promise, I provide.”

All the people present jumped and collected the bills after maintaining an embarrassing silence. Little by little, they started nodding their heads and left the conference room while Aswad’s security people secretly gave each representative an expensive gold Rolex watch and Monro’s bodyguard left the room, running like a jaguar to the Democratic Organization conference room. The two bodyguards entered their own conference rooms, approached their leaders out of breath. Monro ended his conversation with his assistants, stopped Boris’s body with his hands and said:

“Calm down, Boris. Tell me what you heard. What happened at Aswad’s?”

“The honorable President Monro, all the representatives of the Democratic countries were present at Aswad’s … All the nations that support the Democratic Organization. From what I understood, however, he threatened them into voting against us and promised them gifts and money. From what I saw and understood, they are afraid of him and I’m sure they will vote for him.” Those present opened their mouths in astonishment and didn’t believe what they heard.

Monro smiled hesitantly and answered paternally:

“Don’t be silly, Boris. All the nations that supported me will continue to support the Selected Democratic Organization. No one will betray me.”

Meanwhile, Aswad stopped his conversation with his assistants, calmed his bodyguard Mahmud who was out of breath and asked, smiling:

“Relax Mahmud, tell me what happened. What happened at Monro’s?”

“Honorable President Aswad, all the representatives of the nations that support us attended Monro’s meeting. Monro was the one who threatened them into voting against us...they were horrified...but he promised to bring them expensive gifts and lots of money. I’m absolutely certain they will vote for him.”

They all became silent and didn’t believe what they just heard while Aswad waved his hand dismissively and answered with irony:

“Believe me; all those nations that supported me will continue to support the Free Islamic Forces. I certainly promise that those who betray me will pay a very high price.”

Chairman Shilton ’s voice was heard over the PA system.

“You are all required to return to your places. The vote will commence in five minutes.”

They stopped chattering, turned their heads towards the loudspeaker with worry and concern. They rushed back to their seats in the hall and sat down in tense anticipation over what was ahead.

Aswad returned to his seat, Shilton hit his desk with the gavel.

“I thank you for returning to your seats. I would like to begin the voting but beforehand anyone who has anything to say should say it now or else remain silent until the important vote is over.”

The two presidents stared at each other with hatred, their bodies shaking with anger and disgust. They even stuck out their tongues and made ridiculous faces at one another. Aswad jumped from his place, waving his hand, and pointed threateningly at the surprised Monro, who flinched with fear and concern.

“Honorable Chairman, this evil man, Monro, this terrorist, the President of the Democratic Organization, threatened all the representatives who generally support us into voting against us. I request annulment of the vote to determine that the Democratic Organization is at fault in this affair and to take all the necessary measures required against them.” With a winning smile he added: “The Selected Democratic Organization must pay. In addition, we need to also...”

Monro jumped from his place with a startling Karate movement that caused Aswad to flinch. He disgustingly and hatefully pointed at President Aswad and shouted:

“That’s a lie, a downright lie. Aswad falsely accuses me of what he did to the representatives who support the Democratic Organization. Now you understand what this mean and mentally ill Aswad is capable of doing? He is trying to turn the entire world against the Democratic Organization, without shame, as if he rules the world and not me. It is true that I also spoke with representatives who support the Free Islamic Forces, but I explained to them what is right to do and what will happen if the Democratic Organization loses this election. Save your souls from President Aswad. It is better for the world to punish the mentally ill and dangerous Aswad who is dangerous to us and to the world.”

The people in the hall froze and stared at the weird leaders with fear and concern. The two leaders continued to raise their fists with hatred and even with anger to signal throat cutting as something they might do to one another, given the opportunity. Shilton , who lost his patience, felt like having a heart attack, banged his head repeatedly on the table, and screamed:

“Shut up, whores. I can no longer stand this circus. I do not care what any of you has done and I don't give a damn about either of you. We are now going to have a vote as previously decided and the vote begins right now. Those who are in favor of the proposal of the Free Islamic Forces will vote for and those who oppose the proposal of the Democratic Organization will vote against.”

Monro angrily jumped from his seat and told Shilton :

“I object to this vote. Why must everyone vote now for the Free Islamic Forces? What about the Democratic Organization? You don't give a damn about it. You are known as Aswad’s and the Islamic Forces’ friend. Do you only worry about them? Why do you ignore the Selected Democratic Organization? This is an illegal vote. You are directing the votes in favor of the Free Islamic Forces.”

President Shilton sighed with despair and frustration and hit his head with his hand.

“Okay, Monro, we will hold two votes. In the first one, members will vote for or against the Selected Democratic Organization and in the second, for or against the Free Islamic Forces.”

Barney scratched his head with skepticism and muttered to himself:

“I don’t understand why there’s a need for two votes. During the first one, there’s a way to know who has more votes and finish the matter.”

The Chairman continued to hit his head on the table like a lunatic and screamed hysterically:

“Come on, damn it. Let's start with this fucking vote for and against the Democratic Organization. Those who are in favor of the Selected Democratic Organization will vote now.”

The representatives who voted in favor sighed in relief; the number of votes for the Democratic Organization appeared on the main screen.

“And now those who are against the proposal of the Democratic Organization will vote against it.”

The representatives who voted against smiled with embarrassment; the number of votes against the Democratic Organization appeared on the main screen.

“And now, those who are in favor of the Free Islamic Forces will vote for.”

The representatives who voted in favor sighed in relief. The number of votes for the Islamic Forces appeared on the main screen.

“And now those who are against the proposal of the Islamic Forces will vote against it.”

The representatives who voted against smiled with embarrassment. The number of votes against the Islamic Forces appeared on the main screen. At the end of the surprising votes, everyone looked with astonishment and disbelief. Shilton smiled with satisfaction and with a little joy and tried not to burst out laughing but couldn't restrain himself.

“The outcome of the first vote pertaining to the proposal of the Selected Democratic Organization is as follows: 95 for, 95 against. The outcome of the second vote pertaining to the proposal of the Free Islamic Forces is as follows 95 for, 95 against. Since there is no decision regarding this matter, I call for a new vote in a week or the cancellation of the renewed voting in the event that the Democratic Organization and the Islamic Forces arrive at some understanding and appease one another. I hope that this idea is acceptable to the Islamic Forces and to the Democratic Organization and they will make an effort to find a solution to this conflict in a peaceful, pleasant atmosphere with a sincere desire for reconciliation."

They all screamed, barked, and clapped their hands positively and with sincere intention for an appropriate closure of this affair. It seemed as though they were entering the messianic period and peace was coming to the world. Without notice or a sign of what was about to happen, Aswad screamed with his face distorted:

“There will be a repeat vote.” He burst out, jumped over his seat, and ran towards Monro while many others jumped in their places with anxiety and trepidation.

“He is the most corrupt and despicable person of all, and he needs to pay.” Without any warning, he slapped the completely stunned Monro in the face. Monro's shocked bodyguards and consultants froze.

“You are a Zionist devil and a capitalist troublemaker along with your friends, the representatives of the corrupt exploiters of Arab nations. I will not let you destroy Islam.”

Monro immediately got himself together and without hesitation, he hit Aswad with a violent Karate chop while he screamed back:

“And you are a dangerous, mentally ill terrorist who must be immediately committed along with Mike Satanic and your Arab representative friends who support you since they are dumber than you.”

The terrified Shilton ran to them and tried to separate them, but Monro punched him unintentionally. Shilton lost consciousness and collapsed. It seemed like that was the longed-for signal. It was the straw that broke the camel's back in the hall. The hall was in chaos. Any semblance of patience and sanity was lost. . The Third World and the Arab national representatives started a violent struggle against the Western national representatives who supported the Democratic Organization. They began punching and kicking. They advanced to breaking chairs over their opponents' heads. Then, they began pulling metal rods out of the chairs, landing blows on their opponents' heads and bodies. Barney was certain he was watching an imaginary and bizarre Kalcy. He stood with his tongue sticking out, watching the phantasmagoric vision occurring before his eyes. Suddenly he broke into deafening laughter, approached Shilton ’s microphone and started reporting like a crazy sportscaster during the Superbowl.

“Ladies and gentlemen, our dear viewers, in the meantime, the Democrats are leading but at this moment the Nigerian slaps the Swede. Now the Dutch hits the Malaysian in the head, the Indian holding a chair throws it at a stunned Russian who falls and the English that saw a table beside him, lifted it and threw it on the Iraqi who collapsed but the French...”

Barney could have continued reporting ecstatically but he was forced to stop because at this unbelievable and unpredictable moment, the Chinese representative's chair flew over Barney’s head. The Chinese representative was laughing hysterically and gloating. The Canadian representative's chair landed on the Chinese head and Barney reveled while he continued laughing madly. He placed a dirty floor rag over the dripping blood coming from a head wound. Outside the hall deafening police car, ambulance, and fire engine sirens blared. The noise ruptured the contaminated atmosphere in the hall. The cops and anti-terrorist division burst in with weapons drawn, with helmets and shields along with the ambulance teams carrying stretchers and medical devices. The police officers and the anti-terrorist squad could not understand who against whom was and therefore they tried to stop the terrible commotion by shooting in the air. Shilton held a bloody cloth over his head and was almost hit by a chair flying towards him. He sighed with satisfaction when the fighting stopped and collapsed, exhausted, and wounded on the floor, sighing from pain and bleeding. The ambulance team began examining the injured. Those who were severely injured were the first ones to be carried from the hall to the ambulances. Then, those who were not so severely injured, and the last ones were the slightly injured. When they evacuated Barney from the hall on a stretcher, he realized that both Aswad and Monro were being carried to two adjacent ambulances, located near his own ambulance. The two injured leaders continued swearing at each other, raising their hands in offensive Middle Eastern movements as if they were the only ones in the place and without regard to what was happening around them. Monro:

“This is it. This is the end of you, Aswad and of the Free Islamic Forces. Tomorrow, the Selected Democratic Organization will fight you and will conquer the Free Islamic Forces and you, I promise to eliminate you personally, once and for all.”

Aswad maliciously smiled at Monro and screamed:

“Before you even manage to take one step, I promise you that the Free Islamic Forces will eliminate the Selected Democratic Organization in a second. I will not only eliminate your army, but also all your pathetic people. I will not eliminate you immediately. You will suffer torture from hell until you beg to die like all the rest of the people of the Selected Democratic Organization.” Aswad’s arrogance succeeded in annoying Barney. He jumped out of his stretcher and told the shocked Aswad:

“Listen jerk, you are little Arabic pisser, I will personally get you,” he laughed with enjoyment. “I will put a bullet in your head and in that way, I will save the world from a sick blood sucker like you.”

Monro clapped his hands and laughed hysterically. Aswad stared at Barney with horror.

“Who the fuck are you? I remember you from my visit to Mike Satanic at the democratic prison. Who are you?”

Barney answered with arrogance “I’m Barney, the Deputy Minister of Education and Culture of the Democratic Forces.”

Barney and Monro hugged with satisfaction and sent stares of mockery and disgust towards Aswad who looked at them with a frozen facial expression of the angel of death.