Child No More

Silence lingered in the forest as Saki held on to Chiharu. No words were spoken. All the training broke, releasing a wellspring of emotions. Time drained away slowly letting things run their course until Chiharu was ready.

Saki kept her eyes on Chiharu watching her as she stayed with her. ‘…she never gave herself the chance to grieve…’ It was clear to her that vengeance was almost instinctual for Chiharu. A troubling mindset drilled deep into her. ‘…she couldn’t allow herself that moment… just like with her parents…’

Saki rocked slowly back and forth with Chiharu just letting her be. Her thoughts spun question after question in her mind trying to understand the family. ‘…what did they do to her to make her like this? She needs time to be a girl, not a killer for hire…’

Chapter 45 – Child No More

Chiharu pulled her head up, still running with tears, but looking a little stronger than before. She pulled away from Saki with no resistance. There was a small distance between them as she looked straight at Saki with a long face. ‘…how could…I…I felt…safe…’ Her eyes lowered a bit as her hands moved to try to wipe away the tears with her. Freely running emotions still poured through her even as she tried to close the door. “Grandfather…he’s dead…”

Saki reached out her hands to place them on Chiharu's hands for comfort. The tension and uncertainty could be felt the instant she touched her. “It’s alright, Chiharu… You’re allowed to cry…”

“But I couldn’t…” She choked in her words as she paused. Instinct framed her life. “…avenge him…”

“…Chiharu…”

It became clear that she was having trouble speaking, but it was something that felt necessary. Every time that she stopped she was pushing herself to keep going. There was something that would not let her stop. “They were right…in front of me…”

“You don’t have to Chiharu.” Saki tried to lean over, but Chiharu became more adamant. She threw away Saki’s hands and stood up, turning away.

Chiharu stared down the thick trunk of a tree feeling uncontrollable frustration channeling through her. She had failed. “…in front of me!” Her fist ran into the bark of the tree making a low dull thud as it did not give. “They were there! I could have…”

Saki ran over to Chiharu hoping to calm her down again. “Chiharu please… Don’t…” Chiharu snapped back at Saki, turning and throwing her leg out to kick her, missing widely.

“NO! You don’t know!” Chiharu turned back, throwing her fist once more against the tree. She wrenched her eyes closed trying not to think of her grandfather. It was a haunting image in her mind that she could not shake. “They were right there! They killed my…”

“…Chiharu it’s fine…”

“But they killed him! …killed…” The words continued to pound in her head repeatedly. She collapsed to the ground, her hand sliding down the tree as she fell. “Dead… He’s dead…”

Words started to fail Saki. All she could remember was what had happened with Yuki when his parents had passed away. But the way that Yuki handled it was completely different. He isolated himself after his mother and barely seemed to acknowledge when he father did. It only seemed to make him angrier. ‘…I’m helpless…’

“I…failed him…I couldn’t…do it…”

“…I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted you to do this…” She tried approaching again, but her words hit the wrong nerve in Chiharu making her lash out.

She pushed back Saki, failing to find strength for more. “Don’t pretend like you know! You don’t!”

“…Chi-“

“What do you know!? Nothing! You don’t know me!” She took a wide and wild swing at Saki with her fist lacking any coordination. It was easily caught, but she was forced to look at an unyielding Saki. “You don’t-“

“No…” Saki found her determination. “I don’t know you! But I know that look! I could see it in your eyes! You didn’t want to kill! You couldn’t kill!”

Chiharu’s eyes had widened in surprise not expecting to hear something so piercing. It made her want to back away. She was being pressed back and seen through, naked.

“You let it control you, but in the end you were stronger than your desire to kill!”

‘…control me? No… I wanted it! Me! I wasn’t being controlled!’ She shook her head. Frightened like a child, she pulled at her hand trying desperately to break free. However, her mind suddenly flashed back to the hallway in the estate when Yuki confronted her. It made her freeze up hearing it again, so close to the truth as though he had been through it.

She didn't want to hear anymore echoing through her head. ‘…uncontrollable? NO! No! Me! Just me!’ Chiharu snapped her wrist free from Saki, though it felt like it was given up rather than won. She started to run away.

“You did it because you’re the head of the family.” Saki words had a cold tone in them as they stopped Chiharu in her tracks. The comforting tone that she had before had vanished while the determination still remained. “An obligation. Because you want to be an assassin.”

“Yes! I’m head of the family! But it’s not because I’m the head!” Chiharu was forced to turn around again to face Saki. “I don’t care about that! I don’t care about being an assassin! They killed my grandfather!”

“That’s quite the contradiction. Which is it? You want to be the head and want to be an assassin, but you don’t want to be. You want to kill for personal reasons, but don’t want to kill. Which is it?”

“I don’t care about any of it! It’s revenge!”

“But you didn’t get revenge, you ran away!”

“They’re still dead!”

“But you didn’t get your revenge!”

“Grandfather’s killers are dead! It’s done!”

“No, it’s not. It’s not settled, but you didn’t do it!”

“I don’t care!”

“Yes you do! But you still couldn’t kill them!”

“Because I was afraid!” Chiharu came to a sudden halt when she heard the words. It made her eyes widen in shock. She wanted to take it back, but there was no way anymore. However, now that she had said it her legs lost their strength. They carried a heavy weight the entire time. It lifted now, leaving nothing. Chiharu collapsed to the ground, no longer certain what she was feeling or supposed to be feeling.

Saki walked over to her, kneeling down at her side with a painful expression. ‘I’m sorry I had to do that to you… but it was the only way…’ She placed her hand on her shoulder trying to comfort her once more, but got no response or action out of her. It seemed like she was a statue completely gone from the reality around her. ‘…I had to force you to confront it…’ Saki picked her up and began to carry her back to the house. ‘…let’s go back…’

Several guards greeted her when she arrived back, in the early hours of morning. She assured them that Chiharu was safe, but tired. Chiharu was carried back by Saki to her room. She quietly tended to her as the remaining men of the estate hovered outside. Tamotsu was the only one that remained inside with his usual loyal determination. After she finished Saki walked over to Tamotsu, his eyes said he understood.

“She wasn’t able to admit the fear to herself, but now that she’s heard it…” Saki turned her head down feeling guilty for the actions that she took that had left Chiharu in a lifeless state. It was her fault even though it seemed that no one was blaming her. Each look she received silently seemed to judge her.

Tamotsu raised up his hands placing them on Saki’s shoulders giving her a smile that she could not see. “She just needs time to think in peace. It’s been a long night for her and you. She’ll come out of it when she’s ready.”

“…I hope…”

“I know she will.” They finally made eye contact. The certainty in his words and the deep caring gave some comfort. “Knowing her. When she does, she'll want to challenge you again.”

Saki choked a little at the joke as she could not laugh, but gave him a slight grin. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” She stepped away to return back to her room.

“Thank you…”

She blinked trying to keep from crying as she walked out of the room. Halfway to her room she started to run for a reason that she couldn’t find. She wouldn't stop until she reached the destination.

Out of breath and sore, Saki stood bent over in front of the door waiting. She hovered outside, unable to move as she panted even heavier than she would have running. Nothing could stop it as it engulfed her trying to numb her body. The door slid quietly open as she stepped into the darkened room. She walked over to where the blankets were for sleeping. Her head hung down, staring at them paused once more.

Tears slowly began to fill up in her eyes as she looked down at the blankets. She collapsed to her knees looking over the blankets seeing Yuki sleeping peacefully unaware of her presence. When she looked at him she couldn't stop crying. ‘…I’m so sorry…’

Morning came quickly for everyone, ready or not. The aura of the estate had changed from when they arrived. Chiharu still remained unchanged and Tamotsu stuck to her side. Her men took turns standing guard.

Yuki and Haruo were loaded into the car as Saki dragged behind them. She tried to say something to the men, but nothing came to her. One of the men reached out holding her hands looking down at her with an eased expression. “Thank you for protecting Lady Chiharu…”

Saki tried to respond, but was left unable to, only feeling worse. The man walked around to the car getting into the drive seat as Saki stood outside the open passenger door. She looked back at the estate once more before stepping into the car.

Tamotsu stood up from his knelt position next to Lady Chiharu’s side. He stepped out of her room into the back porch that wrapped around the house. No guards went with him as he walked into the back courtyard going away from the house. He disappeared into the forest masking his presence. After ten minutes of walking at a slow pace he came to a stop.

“The plan was a success, sir,” said a shadowed figure in the tree as Tamotsu looked forward, not acknowledging the presence.

“Yes… With him out of the way and someone as inexperienced as her in charge… The next stage will proceed much more smoothly.” Tamotsu considered the pieces in play now. ‘Those kids did a far better job than I hoped, cutting open her weakness. They’ve primed Lady Chiharu for the next step…’

“I will make preparations, sir.”

“Patience. I’ve waited a long time. I’m in no rush. I have to steer in the correct course. I will signal you again when the next stage is ready.”

“Yes, sir.”

Tamotsu closed his eyes, keeping a stern empty expression. ‘…the time for her to die has not yet come…’