XIV: The "I" in Friend

Following my bonding exercise with Evangeline in that sweltering gym storage shed, I made my way back to my apartment and took a much-needed shower. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as long as I’d have preferred, but conserving hot water so that neither my parents nor I had to freeze to death was crucial.

Oh, what fun living in pleb housing is.

After my brief rinse, I headed into the kitchen where mom was stirring a large, steaming pot of chicken soup.

“Hey, mom.”

“Hi, Shinsuke. Dinner should be done in fifteen minutes.”’

“Thanks, it smells great. But I had a question for you.”

“I’m sorry, Shin, but your father couldn’t find any pudding cups at the store, so—”

“Not that,” I interrupted, ignoring the stabbing of her words. “I was wondering if you knew if Mizuki got home yet?”

“Yeah, I heard her come back a while ago,” she replied, pouring broth from a ladle into a spoon and tasting it. “Perfect. Say, is everything okay between you two? You haven’t walked to school together for a few days now. That isn’t like you guys at all.”

“You and I have the same question. I was going to go see her, do you know if her father is home?”

“Mr. Wada? Not that I know of. He’s usually still at work at this time.”

“Okay, then I’m going to go talk to her.”

“Just be back in time for dinner. I don’t want to have to come get you.”

“Mom, it’s literally next door.”

She kicked off her slipper and caught it, holding it above me, menacingly. “I know.”

“R-right…”

Not requiring another excuse to put distance between me and mom’s heat-seeking slipper, I stepped out into the outdoor corridor and knocked on the Wadas’ door.

No answer.

I knocked again, making sure to do so harder in case she couldn’t hear and said, “hey, Mizuki. It’s me, can you open the door, please? Mom said you were home.”

Yet again, no answer.

I sighed and knocked once more, this time saying, “Mizuki, I don’t know what I did wrong, but to have you ignoring me like this really hurts. Could you please at least tell me what I—"

Before I could finish pleading, the door slowly opened, stopping when it was only slightly ajar. Through the crack, a red-faced, puffy-eyed Mizuki peeked at me timidly through her waves, which she allowed to guard as much of her features as possible.

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting to see when the door opened, but it wasn’t the sullen image of the girl that stood before me. In days prior, Mizuki had an air of melancholy about her, but her expression was as stoic as it always was. What I was looking at was far away from that unbothered demeanor I was used to, and it forced a lump to form quickly in my throat.

In the aftermath of her mother leaving her and her father, Mizuki was hardened. She had ceased being one to show much emotion one way or the other, but you could catch her smiling more often than you could catch her crying. In fact, I couldn’t remember a single time she had cried since that awful time in her life. From that fact alone, seeing that look on her face scared the hell out of me.

“Mizuki, what happened?” I asked with urgency.

Offering no response, she gently pushed her body against the door, holding it open and silently beckoning me inside. I wasted no time crossing the threshold.

Once I was inside, she shut the door behind her and slumped against it. With folded arms, she looked at me, her gaze dull and watery. Little swollen spots of soft red discolored the pale skin beside her nose and eyes.

“Tell me what’s going on, please. Why have you been ignoring me? And why are you crying?”

“I’m sorry,” she said, talking to me and not at me for the first time in days. “I would never willingly ignore you, Shinsuke. I just…I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.”

She spoke so softly that I had a little trouble hearing her voice. I didn’t want to interrupt her by asking her to speak up, as it had already been difficult enough getting her to talk at all. Instead, I stepped closer to her as she continued.

“I just felt so embarrassed and ashamed of myself…”

“Why?”

She broke our gazes and chose silence in lieu of a response.

“Mizuki,” I started, “you’ve been acting strange ever since you talked to Evangeline. Did something happen between you two?”

“No,” she replied in surprisingly curt fashion. “She talked to me; we spoke about you. She was nice to me. She tried to get to know me and be my friend, but I…gods, I just ignored her. I completely blew her off.”

“But why?”

“You know why, Shinsuke,” she said, frustration flaring in her voice. “Gods damn it!”

Tears started to pour from her eyes in droves, as if the dam had finally burst. She collapsed to the floor in a sudden, intense fit of sobbing and began punching the wood beneath her dangerously hard.

I rushed to her side and yanked her arms back. “What are you doing?! Your hand—”

“I don’t care!” she shouted while trying and failing to shake out of my grasp. I kept her arms locked in mine until, eventually, she gave up.

When she stopped flailing, I released her arms and embraced her from behind. As I held her, she allowed her head to slump. Gravity tugged at her waves and led her hair to conceal her face again.

“You’re the only friend I’ve ever had, Shinsuke,” she said. Her voice hitched and struggled to be audible through sobs that bounced her shoulders in my grasp. “The way she treats me…it scares me. I’ve never been close with anyone but you and your family.”

“Is that what this is about? Mizuki, I’m the same way. You’re the only friend I’ve ever had, and socializing isn’t my thing either. Besides, with everything you’ve been through, it’s more than understandable you’d feel uncomfortable.”

“No!” she said in firm dissention. She broke out of my embrace and choked out a furious growl. Her arms now freed, she slapped herself frantically, forcing her tears to stop falling. “You’re not the same, Shinsuke. You know that. And there’s nothing understandable about this!”

I tried to stop her from hurting herself, but she got to her feet before I could capture her in my arms. In her enraged haze, she drifted to the living room and continued hitting herself as she resumed speaking. “That woman left, she’s gone! She doesn’t get to control my life like this!”

I followed her to the living room and approached carefully. I stopped across from her, just close enough to potentially grab her if given the opportunity.

“She isn’t here, she isn’t here!” she repeated, smacking her face left and right in rhythm to her words.

“Mizuki, please stop. You’re hurting yourself!”

“You’ve been in my life far longer than she ever was, Shinsuke. Just think about that! So why won’t I wake the hell up and stop letting her do this to me?”

I took a cautious step forward and said, “Your mother abandoned you and your dad, that isn’t something you can just get over, no matter how much time passes. Stop punishing yourself for being understandably hurt!”

“You don’t get it, Shinsuke!” she snapped. “Evangeline was nothing but nice to me, but I thought horrible, awful things about her. Whenever she walked ahead, I didn’t see her, I saw the the back of that woman walking out the front door. Why do so many people look like her to me?!”

As she ranted, I spotted her phone on the coffee table in front of the television and took it into my hand.

“I feel terrible, Shinsuke. She didn’t deserve the things I thought about her. And I—”

While she was distracted, I grabbed hold of her wrist and forced her phone into her hand. “Mizuki, enough already! Stop talking and listen to me, okay?”

Her eyes widened and she shook like a leaf in my hold, but she nodded.

“You’re right, Eva isn’t your mom. And she didn’t deserve those thoughts. That’s why I want you to take your phone and text her. She was worried about you, so tell her you’re okay, all right?”

Once again, she nodded, and I continued. “Mizuki, all of this is perfectly normal. You’ve been hurting since the day that woman left you behind and you never got closure. I get it, if your own mother could abandon you without a second thought, how could you trust anyone else, right?”

Her expression made it clear she was struggling to hold back more tears.

“I don’t know what you’re going through, how could I? But Mizuki, I feel the same way you do. I will never trust anyone the way I trust you—you’re the only person outside of my parents I’ve truly known or wanted to know. Meeting Cynthia and Eva has had the same effect on me, and at least with Eva, I’ve been equally as unfair in judging her prematurely. There’s nothing wrong with you, Mizuki.”

I released her wrist from my hold and wrapped my arms around her instead, hugging her gently.

“I just want her out of my head, forever, Shinsuke.”

“I know, I want that for you too, Mizuki. I want it more than I want out of this contract and a better life for us. We’ll get through all this together one step at a time, okay? You aren’t alone, and neither am I, because I have you. So don’t push me away.”

“Shinsuke… I’m so sorry that I ignored you…”

“I don’t care about that. Just promise me we’ll walk to school together again, please? I miss you.”

“Yeah, I want that more than anything. Thank you…”

Slowly, she returned my embrace. We stayed that way, enjoying the moment until my phone began to rumble in my pocket.

“That’s mom. I better get back for dinner before she breaks your door down and murders me with her shoe. Do you want to join us?”

Mizuki rubbed her eyes and shook her head. “Thank you, but I better stay here. I don’t want dad to come home and see me like this, he deals with enough.”

“Will you be okay?”

“Yes, I promise.”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow, Shinsuke.”

We shared one more hug before I left her apartment and returned to mine. Mom was placing a full bowl on the table for me as I entered.

“Oh, just in time. Lucky you,” mom hissed.

“What’s with the disappointment? You texted me. If you wanted to toss your shoe at me so badly maybe you shouldn’t have given me a heads up.”

“Huh? I didn’t text you,” she said, raising a brow.

“That wasn’t you?” I sighed and immediately pulled my phone from my pocket.

“Nope. Anyway, all jokes aside, how was Mizuki?”

“It’s a lot to explain, but I think she’ll be okay.”

Mom said something but I completely zoned out reading the text message on my screen. It was from Eva.

So, uh, after you left, I got followed around town by some strange men. I managed to lose them by cutting through some alleyways. But I think we need to talk tomorrow.

I ground my teeth and muttered, “Cynthia…”