Chapter 29: Dumpster Decree

Mounds of ancient machinery towered above them as they moved.

Jester couldn’t help but chuckle at the various reactions. Tiffany and Dam13n were both staring around themselves with open mouths. Kylee was less obvious, though he watched her pause and inspect a torso or battery more than once.

She’d been in the game when most of this stuff was around. It didn’t surprise him she recognized most of what was on display.

They were even more careful as they walked here than out in the streets.

None wanting a repeat of what happened before Andry picked them up.

The flickering bulbs that illuminated the junk piles cast everything into shadow. More than once, he saw Dam13n jump. Only to discover it was little more than a robot head looming out at them. Still, he was right to be wary.

On the way in, they’d seen one of the Chimera-bots ambushed a player. A thing of scuttling arms that surrounded a burning steam boiler. It wasn’t much of a fight. As soon as it knocked the player to the ground, it stopped.

Then together, they simply wandered off once the player stopped screaming.

Some players watching even applauded.

Jester didn’t trust it, and so they did their best not to go near any larger mounds unless the path forced them to. Though their best defense was simple. They all owned robots.

At least, he thought they did.

He’d never actually seen Dam13n with one. Nor did the younger man talk about it when questioned. Tiffany shrugged when he got a moment to whisper the question to her.

“I mean, he has to. I’ve seen him with an inventory. Never seen it myself, though.”

With nothing else to go on, he’d left it at that. However, he could have sworn he saw Dam13n shoot him a look once or twice.

“How much farther do we need to go?” Kylee asked, as she stepped around a puddle of spilled oil.

“Not that far, I don’t think. I doubt it needs to be in the exact spot.” Jester shrugged. “At least according to Debrah.”

“She could have been a little more specific.”

“Well, she’s going off of her friend’s information. Maybe someone who works at the company?” Tiffany didn’t turn around as she broke into the conversation.

“Isn’t that a risk?” Dam13n gestured all around him. “I mean, they’re responsible for all this. How do we know they aren’t trying to make things more interesting?”

“We don’t,” Jester answered.

Happy Hour filled the created silence with psychotic laughter. Harsh words followed suit once more in that guttural language. The sword in her stomach wiggled. as the knife arm waved about.

“Damn that’s creepy, man,” Dam13n muttered. “I hope we can get her fixed soon. This sucks. She shouldn’t be like this.”

“Correct on both counts.” Jester shifted Happy Hour around in his arms. “At least she’s not begging for help anymore. That’s something.”

“Or transforming.” Tiffany paused, before stepping around a collection of broken pipes in the ground. “Jester, I have to ask...”

“No.”

“Yes.” Her tone was stern. “What do we do if we can’t fix her? Or if we have to wait for the update to complete?”

He didn’t respond, as he didn’t have any ideas to give her. To his surprise, Kylee piped up.

“We pull out of the Cups, or keep competing with someone else if they let us.”

“You think they would?” Dam13n looked skeptical. “She’s pretty well bugged. Would they allow that on such a massive stage?”

“Maybe, maybe not. It might get them to help.”

“Or they delete my account.”

Kylee nodded. “Or they delete your account. Thought, would that be a bad thing?”

He looked at her, and she shrugged.

“You’re pretty well known. A fresh start, maybe a new robot. Would it be the worst thing in the world?”

Jester opened his mouth to answer and then paused, wanting to give himself time to process what she’d said. He’d lose a lot for sure. The quest with Markal being the most obvious. Plus, if he didn’t have an Android, Debrah might bar him from The Dollhouse.

His eyes shifted to Happy Hour.

Those green eyes that weren’t hers staring back at him.

“It might not be, but I’d still rather not. I’ve been having a lot of fun here.” Jester smiled at Kylee’s confused expression. “What?”

“I didn’t think you were enjoying yourself that much.”

“Met people, did things, played the game. Plus, with the changes, Happy Hour might be the best companion someone could get. What with how adaptable she is.”

“True enough,” Kylee said. “Alright, where to next?”

He looked around, blinking as he realized he knew where they were. With a nod, he gestured to a pile of parts.

“I found her in there.”

“You know, man,” Dam13n said. “I don’t think you ever told me how you two met.”

“Didn’t I?”

“Didn’t tell me either.” Tiffany raised one shoulder, the closest she could get to holding up a hand. “What about you Kylee?”

“I gathered Lexington was involved.”

“Well, in that case. If you two can clear some area, I’ll give you the rundown. I want to put her down some place she won’t touch anything.”

“On it boss,” Dam13n said, which earned him a laugh from Kylee.

As the two worked to clear away gears, pipes and the occasion sparking cable, he told them the story. He explained the chase, which was met with laughter as he detailed the way Rippertooth crashed.

Angry cursing started up as he mentioned Lexington’s sucker punch. Then more laughter at Happy Hours’ antics after she awoke.

By the time he was done, the area was little more than bare dirt.

He hoped it’d be enough.

“Shall we?” he asked Tiffany.

“Sure, give me a minute.”

It took some finagling, but she lowed Happy Hour’s legs without issue. They paused, each waiting to see if she’d absorb the dirt. There was an audible sigh of relief when nothing happened.

“Alright, my turn.”

With as gentle a movement as he could manage, he helped Happy Hour stand on her own feet. She didn’t so much as sway as he let go. No matter how much the sword on its own should unbalance her.

“Well?” Kylee looked at him. “Now what?”

“Now?” He paused. “I don’t know.”

Silence reigned as Happy Hour continued to stand there doing nothing. Even when they moved around her and spoke her name, they didn’t get a reaction.

“Should we leave and come back?” Dam13n suggested.

Jester shook his head.

“No, I don’t think so. When she was speaking before, she mentioned waiting for a new player. To get herself an owner.”

“Which she has,” Tiffany pointed out. “You still have your inventory, right?”

“Right.”

“Then who is she waiting for?” Kylee raised a hand. “If it’s someone new, we might be in trouble.”

“Might not be new. Might simply be different.” Jester bit his lip. “I have one thing I can try. It’s a long a shot, however.”

He stared at his inventory and waited for it to appear.

Inside there was little. A few items, and it wasn’t even one he placed inside himself.

A suit that he knew to be bright yellow.

{Inventory
Category: Apparel
DollmakerMC Suit Jacket x1
DollmakerMC Suit Pants x1
DollmakerMC Top Hat x1}

His clothes changed in a flash.

He shifted his shoulders as the suit settled in on him. Part of the game mechanics meant it would automatically adjust to his build. Which was a good thing. From what he remembered from the photo, DollmakerMC was thinner than him.

“Wow, nice suit, man.” Dam13n let out a whistle. “Why don’t you wear that more?”

“Because it’s not mine.” Jester resisted the urge to fidget with the top hat. The different material making it weigh a touch more than his last. “This was one of DollmakerMC’s old suits.”

“A gift from Debrah then?” Tiffany looked towards Happy Hour. “For her, I’d assume?”

“Yes. She’s mentioned their time together a few times before.”

“And you’re hoping that, what? This jogs her awake?” Kylee took a step back as she spoke. “What if it doesn’t work?”

“At least I tried.”

Jester took a deep breath and moved forward, trying to remember what he said on that day.

It was now or never.

When it came to him, he opened his mouth and spoke.

***

“I see you have a quest for me?”

He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting. To be honest, he thought nothing would happen. However, the response he got was instantaneous.

“You should be thankful that I picked you to help me!” She screamed at him.

Jester couldn’t detect any of the cheerful banter that’d been present the first time. Her feet slammed into the ground as she moved forward. A hard thunk filling the air each time she used her wooden foot.

The knife arm attached to her neck waved about with wild abandon.

“We shall kill the robot who took my position!” Happy Hour twitched as she spoke, her head snapped towards him. “Absorb her into the fold! Make her one of us!”

From the corner of his eye, he could see Kylee wince. He didn’t blame her. This was off.

Another garbled text box appeared in his vision. Once again, only one option remained available.

{Quest G------$ - T*&^rn M--d's W404s!

H_____ to De==a’s D------se and b---- Maid#34 in a ----t. Y-- h- g--d temporary p(^&*%^&)s to u----de and f--t with Happy Hour.

Attempts: 0/3

Warning: If ---- fail ---, you will lose ------======------=======------. You ------ any potential ----- Happy Hour on as ----- robot ------.

ACCEPT?
YES}

As soon as he clicked yes, Happy Hour cackled. She leaned backwards and roared into the sky. The arm waving, and the sword in her chest glowing.

Before he could respond, her madness stopped. She paused, the hand carrying the goblet raised into the sky. It gleamed in the light of the bulbs that illuminated the area. A fact that gave everyone present a good view of her mangled paw.

“A toast!” She cried out. “Let us toast to our victory! To revenge!”

Jester threw a sideways glance at Tiffany, who was openly sending messages. He hoped it was to Debrah. She’s need to know about this.

“I have some questions about the quest?” He ventured, trying to buy some time.

If Debrah said no to all this, they’d have to try something else.

“Oh, JesmakerMC!” She giggled, and sounded close to her normal self. “What would you like to know?”

“Who do we need to fight?”

Happy Hour paused, her goblet remaining raised in the air. The arm that held it shook, soon followed by the rest of her.

“Dude, I think you broke her,” Tiffany whispered as she moved beside her.

“Hush, give her a second.”

At least he hoped that would be all it would take. To his relief, the shaking stopped. For a moment, he worried she’d launch into the air or get stuck in the ground. The typical glitched NPC behaviors.

“You don’t like us fighting. That wasn’t why you built me.” Her words came out with a static effect. “I am to serve drinks. I am to fight. I am to wait for a new owner. Two owners found. One owner registered.”

She paused and waved the goblet around a few times. Then she bounced as though back in her proper rabbit costume.

“You ask me who we fight?” Her voice once more took on a sinister tone. “We fight the usurper. We fight Heather.”

“We already beat Heather,” Jester tried.

He hoped he could skip this quest with that line alone. That whatever was going on, it would check against a quest flag or some other simple thing. When it saw the ticked box, this would all be over with.

“Then we shall best her again. They gave three attempts for her to win. She still has two more. Thus, we will crush her into the ground. For the glory of the aspiring conquers!”

“I’m sorry, we have to beat her three times?” Jester asked, all his hopes dashed.

Happy Hour nodded, her purple ears flapping about as she did.

“She needs to know her place.”

“Sorry, Happy Hour?” Dam13n raised his hand. “Question, who are the aspiring conquers you mentioned?”

Again she paused, her entire body shaking. It was though her code was fighting with itself. Her body appearing unable to contain the conflicting directives. Soon enough it stopped, and she resumed bouncing from foot to foot with a thunk and crash.

“They are the ones who travel.” Once more, she raised the goblet into the air. “Soon, soon they will be here.”

“That sounds like some stuff for the next big update,” Kylee said as she shot a look at Dam13n. “Probably best not to ask more.”

“Why not?” he gestured towards the still bouncing Happy Hour. “It might help us get some information on what’s happening.”

“Sure,” Kylee agreed with a smile, which she twisted into a sneer. “It also might be cheating or against terms of service. Let’s not push this. I need my account.”

Dam13n winced. “Right, yeah, point.”

Jester ignored them. None of it mattered if Debrah shut them down. She’d need to be the one that would let them fight Heather. If she said no, well, that would make this harder.

He caught Tiffany’s eye when she looked away from her screen.

“Hey, what did Debrah say about all this?”

She frowned and shook her head.

“She’s not happy. However, she’s willing to help. Does have one question, though.”

“Shoot.”

“Do we have to do this at the Dollhouse? She’d rather not have Happy Hour inside again until this is all sorted.”

He couldn’t deny that was a reasonable precaution. If the serving robots got infected, who knew what would happen?

“Do you think she’d let us use the outside street? It’s empty for the most part, right?”

“I can check.”

His foot tapped against the ground, and he breathed a sigh of relief as he saw her nod.

With that, he looked back at Happy Hour. She still held the goblet high as she bounced from side to side. The sword in her chest staying completely still no matter how she moved.

“Hey, Happy Hour question?”

“What is it JesmakerMC?”

“Do we need to fight anywhere specific?”

She froze up again before she shook her head. She lowered the goblet, twisting her arm as though pouring the contents onto the ground.

“Wherever she will fight. It matters not where we crush her.”

“Right. Ok. What if we lose?”

“How dare you!” She bounded forward at that, the sword tip slamming into his chest. He stumbled backwards.

“You believe I would lose?”

“I need to know the quest parameters.” He refused to flinch, even as he righted himself. “What happens? Do we get more attempts?”

“If we lose—”

Her words cut off with a static filled hiss. She turned away and stalked back to her original spot. The knife arm cut the air when she faced him once more. It reminded him of a thrashing cat’s tail.

Anger then.

“Are we ready to go?” Happy Hour asked, her voice devoid of emotion.

“Tiffany?”

“Debrah says she’s ready when we are.”

“Right, in that case. Let’s head out. Are you going to absorb anything more?”

“Why would I need to improve on my perfect form?” There was snark in her tone now.

“Good, fine, let’s get going.”

“Of course, JesmakerMC.”

Dam13n shook his head. “Man, this is getting weirder.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jester sighed and rubbed at his face. “Hopefully it’ll sort itself out.”

Their walk back wasn’t as filled with worry as their walk there. No longer did she absorb anything she touched. No, this time there was a fresh problem.

The other Chimera-bots.

Anytime she passed on, it would stop moving. An appendage would then start wiggling about. Any that didn’t possess such a thing either rocked back and forth or let out a roar of an engine.

Jester could only assume it was a salute. A glitched version of her dance emote activations.

The first time it happened, it was jarring. By the fifth? He didn’t even notice it. That didn’t stop Dam13n from jumping at each instance. Nor other players from complaining.

When they reached Geartown proper, the throwing started again. Even when it became obvious, it wouldn’t do much of anything, it didn’t stop. It seemed like a new game, one everyone wanted to play.

Kylee and Tiffany both hurled insults at those who dared. One man tossed a large armor piece that hit Happy Hour in the head.

She stopped and turned to him.

Before he could utter a word, she’d moved. The sword in her chest ramming into him. He was on his ass in seconds. Jester knew if he could see her eyes, she’d be glowering.

“How dare you,” she growled out. “Leave.”

To his credit, the man did.

From the corner of his eye, he saw people flick at empty air. Screenshots or video, he couldn’t be sure which. Either way, it was a problem for later.

They needed to get to the Dollhouse before this got worse.

***

Debrah was waiting for them out on the street.

Heather stood next to her, the stars on her uniform swirling around the shortened skirt. She wore a sneer, though he noticed the way she stepped back as Happy Hour moved closer.

“Hey, thanks for this,” Jester called out. “I know it’s a bother.”

“It is. You owe me.” Her words were brief, and he could tell her gaze never left Happy Hour. “I see you’ve encountered some problems on the way?”

“Other players,” Tiffany supplied. “They wanted to help.”

“Dicks,” Dam13n muttered.

“Right, well if you guys are like done complaining? Can we start? I have better things to be doing.” Beneath her snark, Jester could hear the worry.

Worry that increased when Happy Hour took a step forward.

“Oh, you can’t wait for me to crush you into the dirt?”

“Whoa, that’s aggressive. New look?” Heather shot back, as she took a step backward. “Love The Junkyard aesthetic though. Very you.”

Happy Hour shook and bounced on the spot.

“Don’t worry. You’ll get to experience it as well.”

“Yeah, no, not for me. Thanks.”

Debrah stepped forward and held up a hand.

“Tiffany said this would need to be three fights?”

“Two,” Jester said. “Our first one already counts.”

“In that case, let me try something.” Debrah turned to Happy Hour and raised a hand, finger outstretched.

“We concede the first match.”

No response.

“We give up, you win.”

Again, all Happy Hour did was shake and bounce.

Jester shook his head.

“Might not count if the fight hasn’t started?”

“I thought it might not. Still, it was worth the attempt. It would have made things a lot easier.” Debrah waved at heather.

“Shall we start?”

Jester nodded. “Sure. Happy Hour, are you ready?”

The only response he got was maniacal laughter.

“Right, I’ll take that as a yes. Ready when you are.”

{3.
2.
1.
FIGHT!}

The box flashed and vanished from view faster than it’d ever done before.

Debrah was barely away when Happy Hour darted forward. Heather held up her hands and jumped to the side.

“I concede.”

“There is no running from me!”

“Well, there goes that idea,” Kylee said from beside him. Tiffany moved to his other side, one of her large hands taking his.

“Jester, when I was messaging Debrah, I told her to have Heather take a dive. Better than anything bad happening.”

“Solid plan,” he said. “I hope it works.”

Heather dove to the side to avoid another charge. The sword embedded in Happy Hour’s chest missing her with room to spare. With a grin, the blonde stood when the wooden foot connected with her face.

Her head snapped back as she hit the pavement.

He saw Debrah wince at the impact. He did too. Artificial skin scraped off as her face bounced into the ground. When she looked up, he could see streaks of metal.

“What is wrong with you?”

“I am fine. Better. Fight me.”

“Yeah, ok.”

Heather kicked out from her position on the ground. With a leap, Happy Hour bounded over it. A move that gave Heather enough time to stand up. Not that it helped. As soon as she’d landed, the goblet in her hand flew forward.

It crashed into the other Android’s stomach with a clang, and once more Heather was on the ground.

“Come on, at least banter better,” she said as she rose from the ground. “You were never much of a fighter, but you could, at least, snark.”

“Talk less. Fight more.”

One of Happy Hour’s ears twitched as she made to punch at the ground. Heather rolled away.

“Why? Worried you’ll lose on both accounts?”

At that statement, Happy Hour straightened and shifted her positioning.

“I can not lose.”

“Can’t you? I seem to remember you doing it a lot.”

Heather was smiling, even as she backed away.

Happy Hour screamed and charged once more. As the two traded blows, he shook his head.

“What do you think will happen if she loses?”

From beside him, Kylee tapped her chin.

“Well, the quests bugged. From what she said, she needed three victories, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So, it might end the quest. Even may mark it as completed. Though it’ll probably break something.” She looked at him. “I’m not sure if I’d risk it.”

“It doesn’t look like it’ll come up anyway, man,” Dam13n said.

Jester couldn’t help but agree.

Heather was on the losing end. All of her attacks were doing nothing, while Happy Hour was knocking her around with ease. He knew neither combatant had that much health, so it shouldn’t be long.

{WINNER
JESTER
REWARDS:
N/A

2 / 3 complete.}

Surprise filled him at the fact it wasn’t a glitched mess.

Though he was happy to see it. If it was working, that meant this quest was being treated as somewhat official. Which meant all they needed was another win.

Heather drew his attention to her with a groan.

She didn’t look right, barely able to get off the ground. Debrah was by herself, a wand in one hand. She waved it over Heather, who stood up with a shake of her head.

When the Android was fully on her feet, the wand crumbled to dust.

Some form of healing item? They existed, but most players didn’t bother with them. Any shop could heal a robot, and players couldn’t use such items in combat. As a consumable, they also vanished, meaning they got expensive after a while.

For this, though, it was perfect.

“Are you ready to go again?”

The box barely vanished when Happy Hour charged. She was halfway towards her opponent when she stopped. Jester watched as she flickered once, then twice. Then she vanished.

“What the?” Dam13n asked, before he was gone too.

It took a moment for Jester to reenlist. Dam13n hadn’t been the one who vanished. He had.

Around him was a featureless white room. Happy Hour was standing there, immobile. Alongside her, he could see a default avatar. Cousin, brown hair, male wearing a plain jean and t-shirt combo.

The avatar raised a hand in greeting.

“You are Jester St’Servo?”

“I am, and you are?”

“Oh, I’m one of the QA guys. My desk number is 427. So, that’ll do as a name. Confidentiality thing, you understand.”

Jester nodded. He did. This didn’t happen often, but rumors were abound on the message boards. If someone really broke something. They got a meeting. Attendance was mandatory, and most of the time ended with little fanfare.

It wasn’t often the game got broken in any significant way. Even with all the patches, RagerSystems were careful about QA matters.

“Right. So, this is your robot?” The man’s tone was kind, but professional. Corporate in every way.

He wondered if they were being recorded.

“Yes.”

His reply was brief, and he forced his voice to sound confident. There was no need to show any fear here. It wouldn’t help.

“Great. So, reports say that she attacked a player? Did you order this attack?”

“No.”

427 nodded, and typed on an invisible keyboard.

“Can you tell me if you’ve seen any other behavioral issues or anything else weird?”

Jester blinked and thought about his answer.

There would be logs of everything he’d done. So, if he lied, they could find out. However, if he told the truth and they decided she was an issue? Poof. His account would be gone. 427 was looking at him, and he decided.

With a deep breath, he explained. He started with how she was infected, then his trip into The Junkyard. He left out Debrah’s messages, framing it all as though he was guessing. No point throwing an ally under the bus.

As he talked, one thought rose to the surface.