Chapter 34: Discovering Droids

The new recruits chatted amongst themselves as they moved deeper into the Junkyard.

As they walked, Jester kept an eye on Happy Hour, ready to step in at the first sign of infection. None came. Even when she passed other Chimera-bots, there was no reaction.

Whiskers, on the other hand? The robopets eyes turned purple as he hissed and swiped at any they passed by. Though he didn’t seem willing to leave Happy Hour’s shoulder to make an issue out of it.

“How much further do we need to walk, sir?” The girl asked, as she played with her braids.

A spray of junk flying into the air cut off whatever his reply would have been. Jester moved in front of the small group of children, raising an arm as a robotic leg smacked against him.

From beside him, he saw the girl start shaking, as she opened her mouth in what appeared to be a silent scream. Even Andry looked concerned at the sight.

He didn’t blame them.

What crawled and shimmied out of the junk pile was a thing of nightmares. For half a second, Jester thought it was a dragon, but another glance proved that delusion false.

All the creature’s various parts extended from a stegosaurus torso. Blue lines of light ran through the damaged scales, making the creature appear as though it glowed from within.

Three mechanical wings that looked like something from a Da Vinci drawing stuck out of its sides. They flapped, cracking and wiring as they did. Rips covered sections of the material that hung in between the wooden slats.

Its long tail was nothing more than a collection of bundled wires, held together with what appeared to be duct tape. Red, black and yellow all knotted together at various points. They wrapped around a mace, which created a spike at the end.

Robotic skulls, fused together, made up the beast’s bulbous head. Exoskeletons housed eyes that ranged from something he’d expect to see in a doll to blinking round lights. When it roared into the sky, mouths of all shapes and sized opened at the same time.

All of them now bore nothing but sharp and spiked teeth.

That was when the screaming started.

Jester moved forward as the Chimera-bot whirled on the screaming girl.

“Hey, hey calm. What’s your name?”

“Linsy.”

“Ok, Linsy. Listen to me.”

From the corner of his eye, he could see Andry moving to the girl’s other side. Happy Hour was there as well, a smiling face for when the girl tore her eyes off the beast.

“Like I told BillyWrench, and your other friend—”

“—Abradarkness.”

It took all his willpower not to snort.

“Right. Like I told them, this thing can’t hurt you. No matter how scary it looks. Now, if you don’t want it, that’s fine. We can hold it off while you get far enough away. One of the others might be able to grab it.”

Linsy stood there, shaking as the Chimera bot look at her and shuffled about. She was breathing hard, and once more Jester did his best to comfort her.

“You don’t have to do this,” he said again. “No one will think less of you.”

She nodded, but there was a tremor in her voice. “I’d like to try, please.”

“I’ll be right here if you need me.” Happy Hour said, refusing to step away from the girl. From her shoulder, Whiskers hissed at the machine.

The sight of the tiny cat admonishing the Chimera-bot made Linsey giggle, and she looked more relaxed as she faced the monstrosity.

“Ok, Linsy.” Andry knelt beside her. “I need you to walk forward. It’s going to rush at you. Remember, this is a game. No robot can harm you. You’ll get a prompt. Hit the middle button and it’ll stop, and become like a puppy.”

He paused.

“A really ugly puppy.”

It was the most gentle Jester could ever remember hearing his voice. Linsey took a deep breath and took a step forward.

Then another.

Followed by a third.

With another scratch, it beat its mechanical wings as it took notice of her approach. All of its legs pounded the ground as it moved forward.

Before it could get too close, she thrust a finger out towards it.

To Jester’s shock, it paused its advance.

Legs scrabbled at the dirt, and its wings flapped. Even its tail slammed down, all to halt its momentum. Inches from her outstretched finger, the beast paused.

She looked up at it.

The Chimera-bot looked down at her with its multitude of eyes.

Then it let out a mechanical barking sound.

Linsy giggled, and it barked again. All the while, Whiskers hissed at the machine. When it leaned down, he batted at it from Happy Hour’s shoulder. At the contact, his eyes glowed an ever brighter purple. The hissing stopped, and it seemed to settle down.

Andry didn’t seem to notice the odd interaction. Instead, he turned and looked at BillyWrench and Abradarkness.

“So, which one of you two is next?”

They looked at each other, and then back towards Andry.

“Me!” they cried out in unison.

***

It took another couple of minutes for them to find another Chimera-bot.

“Who wants this next one?” Andry asked.

Abradarkness raised his hand, seconds before BillyWrench could manage.

“Alright, you’re up then.” With one massive hand, he nudged the boy forward. “Go when you’re ready.”

His hesitant steps were painful to watch as he approached the junk pile. Only when he was only a few feet from the mound did things kick off. There was no explosion with this one. No roars or shrieks to fill the air.

At first, things simply slid away from the pile. Metal and plastic parts gently flowed along the miniature rivers of oil.

They came faster and faster until the head of the Chimera-bot poked from the top of the mound.

To Jester relief, it wasn’t anything near the fright Linsy’s was.

Its head was nothing more than a perfect steel sphere, with a camera lens in the middle. With an intermittent hum, the camera lens shifted around. A red light blinking on as it stared at Abradarkness.

More and more oil splashed into the pooling puddles as it wiggled up. Each movement was worm-like, which made sense as its body appeared. Torsos, and nothing but torsos.

They were all a different make and model.

After a short time, it simply flopped over and let the river carry it downwards. At no point did legs or arms appear. The entire machine appearing to be a metallic legless centipede. As it slid towards them, lights came on all over its body. Small LEDs that shone a variety of colors.

All of which refracted in the oil spilling from every seam and hole.

It sped up the longer it slid, though Abradarkness held his ground. One of his hands was out, similar to how Linsey stood. Though his legs were shaking.

Bouts of steams came from one or two of the holes, letting out a high-pitched whistle.

Jester wondered how it planned on stopping itself. With no real tail or other appendages, a quick halt shouldn’t be possible. Andry grabbed Abradarkness from behind as the mechanical monstrosity barged into him.

It knocked them back, but somehow they didn’t fall.

With a twitch of his hands, they’d captured a second Chimera-bot.

As soon as the deed was done, the oil stopped spilling from its sides. Even the pools on the ground evaporated. Which made it more palatable when it wiggled around Abradarkness, who patted its side.

Jester hoped it started again during any of its fights. Oil was slippery, a fact he’d proved with Rippertooth. Any opponent would have to figure out a way around that early. Those that couldn’t would be in a for a bad time.

“So, what are you going to name your new bots?”

He got the question out while the two new members of their little group shuffled around each other. Whiskers watched them from Happy Hour’s shoulder with a yawn.

Linsey and Abradarkness both looked contemplative as they walked again.

“Biblically Accurate Angel?” She suggested. Both of the boys laughed, and she joined them in short order.

Jester couldn’t deny the idea behind it. The thing had far too many eyes.

“I’ve heard worse names. What about your worm thing?”

Abradarkness looked his machine over. It wiggled after them, seeming to have no issues with the terrain.

“Wiggler? No, that’s dumb. How about Tunnel Spiller?”

Happy Hour smiled and clapped her hands. “So, Biblically Accurate Angel and Tunnel Spiller. I like them. Those are fitting names. You’ve chosen well.”

“Plus, I can give mine some sheep skin and shorten it to Baa.” Linsey giggled again.

“Mine’s not going to need any accessories. It’s going to be cool on its own.” BillyWrench pointed towards a pile. “Then I’m going to enter the next series of tournaments and win.”

“Yeah right. I bet you can’t even beat Jester.”

“I can too.”

“Can not.”

The two were still arguing when Andry called them to a halt.

“Trouble?” Jester asked.

He was looking around, but couldn’t see anything that might cause an issue. His big friend shook his head.

“No, I don’t think so. I’m wondering if we should turn around. We should have found one by now.”

“Do they have a specific spawn zone?”

Jester couldn’t remember hearing anything of the sort, but who knew with this update?

“Not a such.” Andry said. “Still, usually we find them pretty quick.”

At that, he gestured towards the trio following behind them.

“Ahh. Want to turn around, then?”

“I want to keep going,” BillyWrench said. “At least for a bit longer.”

“If you’re sure.” Andry started moving again.

“I am.”

Together, they continued on their way. However, Jester was getting an uneasy feeling. They’d found the others much more quickly. What was different now? As they continued to walk, the feeling grew. There was something amiss here.

He was about to call for a halt when Andry cried out.

He turned to see what the man was yelling about when he saw a tentacle curled around BillyWrench. It’d grabbed his shoe and tugged him off his foot. To his credit, the boy didn’t cry out. Instead, he was stabbing at the air.

“Middle button!” Jester called, a second too late.

They could only watch as the boy vanished into the pile. Mounds of junk creaked and shifted as he vanished inside.

“Crap!” Jester yelled. “Andry.”

“Right, get digging!”

“Can we help?” Linsey asked. She was dancing from foot to foot. Her face worried as she glanced back towards her newly found Chimera-bot.

“Sure.” With a grunt of effort, he moved a pile of junk. “Tell it to dig. Get Tunnel Spitter in on this, too.”

However, before they could, the pile shifted on its own. Tentacles spilled from the grapes, lifting them away. Excited shrieks accompanied the motions, and soon enough they could see BillyWrench once again.

He stood on the back of a giant ant. Though instead of legs, tentacles numbering in the dozens came from each socket. Both of its antenna were tentacles as well. Random bits and pieces of metal stuck out of the torso. As though it wore some kind of makeshift armor.

“I told you mine was going to be the most awesome,” BillyWrench cried out. “I’m going to be unstoppable.”

“Very Lovecraftian Knight,” Jester said. “You ready to head out?”

The boy grinned.

“Did you forget? You wanted a fight. I say we get to it.”

He shared a look with Happy Hour, who gave him a shrug.

“I don’t mind.”

“In that case, sure. Let’s find a clear spot. This should be fun.”

BillyWrench directed his robot from the back, and together they moved onwards. Deeper to find somewhere that could act as a makeshift arena.

***

They found a decent location not too far away.

There wasn’t much in the way of illumination. Broken spotlights shining from a few of the mounds allowing them to see. He could see other lights as well. Discard eyes that poked out from various corners of the arena. It gave a sense that this spectacle was being watched by an entire crowd of unseen watchers.

He tried not to shiver. With the tentacle bot, and the scenario. This was giving him horror movies vibes that he didn’t like.

All the others backed away as the Chimera bot moved to the center of the arena. Happy Hour, instead, stayed beside Jester, looking over at the Chimera-bot.

“Jester?”

“Yes?” He asked.

“Am I going to fight to win this?” She’d dropped her voice, but he could see her looking towards BillyWrench.

“Why wouldn’t you?”

That earned him a shrug. “It’s his first fight. I could go easy.”

“Maybe. But we came here, with the express purpose of figuring out your rage form. Would be a shame not to, if we have the opportunity.”

At that, Whiskers meowed in agreement. His eyes flashed purple, and he stuck his nose directly into the side of Happy Hours’ neck.

The shift was fast.

In seconds, a familiar forms as standing in front of him. A sword pointing directly at his stomach, even as she raised a goblet towards him.

Those blank green eyes were back, even as her rabbit ears twitched. However, there was something new now. Stars. Little lights that flowed all around her outfit. Happy Hour chuckled, and the sound came out dark and menacing.

“Do you know what I’m thinking, you pathetic excuse for a player?”

He resisted the urge to take a step back. She’d take that as a sign of weakness, and he wasn’t sure what would happen then. Instead, he simply gave a small shrug.

“No, what?”

Her attention turned to BillyWrench, who was backing away. She lunged forward, and he fell over his own foot. With a laugh, she gestured towards the Chimera-bot once more, shrieking at her.

“I think this is going to be fascinating.”

BillyWrench laughed and pointed towards his new robot. “CThulant isn’t going to lose to the likes of you!”

Even through the mask, Jester could feel the sneer as she handed Whiskers to him. The cat’s eyes were now back to their normal blue color.

“Good attitude, if wrong. This should be fun. Come. We don’t have all day.”

As they readied themselves into the center of the arena, Jester looked around them. He could have sworn there were more lights than before.

More of those unblinking, watching eyes.

With a sigh, he raised his arm above his head.

“Ready? Fight.”

As his arm dropped, and Happy Hour laughed with unadulterated joy.

There was no polite bowing or even smack talk at the start of this fight.

From his position beside BillyWrench, Jester stood and watched the two massive machines eye each other off. CThulant’s tentacles curled up and spread out without moving the main body at all.

Happy Hour simply stood and pretended to drink from her goblet. There was a smug air about her as she waited for her opponent to strike. Even from where he stood, Jester could feel the mocking aura around her.

This was funny to her, though he couldn’t figure out why.

“Well?” BillyWrench asked. “What now?”

“We wait I guess.” Jester shrugged. “This is new to me as well.”

It was too, which worried him more than he was willing to admit.

Happy Hour before was always an active participant in combat. A fact that worked well with the watching crowds. However, a robot who stood around and did nothing? That would lead to boring fights.

No one wanted to support someone who gave a lackluster performance. Which could have a large impact on any future deals.

It also confused him that CThulant was following the same script. It simply stood there, going through its idle animations as though waiting for some other signal to. Jester was honestly starting to worry her transformation had broken something bad enough to lag out the game.

As though she could sense his thoughts, Happy Hour pointed towards her opponent. The knife arm on her neck following suit.

“Are you about ready?” She called out.

CThulant shrieked and as he flailed his tentacles about. However, he still didn’t attack, and soon enough, they were once more moving through their idle animations.

He caught Andry’s eye, who shrugged, even as BillyWrench folded his arms and glared at the two combatants.

“This is stupid,” he muttered. “Why won’t they fight? Did you break something?”

“Maybe?” Jester couldn’t actually be sure. “Hey, Happy Hour?”

Her head snapped towards him with a disturbing clicking noise, her unblinking eyes focusing on him. She took another mock sip from her cup as she did, the metal flashing under the blinking lights from the surrounding mounds.

After half a minute of waiting for her to respond, he sighed.

“I thought you wanted this fight?”

“I do.” From her tone alone, he could tell she would have rolled her eyes if capable.

He sighed again and gestured at the tentacle covered metallic ant. Who continued to idle, and do nothing of interest.

“Then why aren’t you fighting? You have your opportunity. Get to it.”

“I don’t want to start.” She stamped her foot like a petulant child, but he could hear the smirk in her voice.

“Oh, you have to be kidding me,” he muttered, before raising his voice once more. “Attack it!”

“No. It can attack me.”

“It’s not going to.”

“It might.”

“Why are you being like this?”

“Why are you being like this?” she mimicked back in a high-pitched voice, before she casually poked the sword impaled hilt first in her stomach. “Get over it Jester.”

“If you don’t attack soon, I’m going to concede.”

It was the only threat he could think of. From the way she stiffened and turned to face her opponent, he knew it’s worked. Her entire posture changed. Gone was the disinterested slouch, now replaced with the look of someone who wanted to get to it.

“Don’t you dare.” Her words came out as a growl, and the knife sticking out of her neck waved about.

“Then get to it.”

“Fine!” she screamed the word and started forward.

Jester watched as she flat out sprinted towards her opponent, jumping over the tentacles in a fluid motion. A scoured line appeared across the green painted appendage where the sword met it.

Happy Hour laughed, low and dark.

“That’s your first taste, you poor excuse for a machine!”

CThulant screeched as it lashed out with more tentacles. She jumped those too, smacking one away with her goblet. More scrapes and slashes appeared on the tentacles as she maneuvered around them.

It was amazing to watch. She didn’t seem to have much control over her stomach sword. As she needed to align her entire body for an attack. Still, he couldn’t deny the effectiveness of it.

The knife arm in her neck waved about as well as it stabbed at any tentacle that came within reach. More shrikes came from the Chimera-bot at each blow. Happy Hour laughed.

“Come on then! You have so many limbs. Let us see how many I can cut off!”

BillyWrench was screaming for CThulant to attack to dodge and strike. Jester didn’t bother telling him to cut it out. The AI was autonomous, which meant it wouldn’t listen to his orders.

Still, he wouldn’t be the first player who go to into the fights to remember such a detail.

More of the tentacles came into the fray, and he watched in amazement as she leaped between them. Higher and higher she went, at one point balancing at the end of its left most antenna.

She looked down at the beast then. He didn’t need to see her face. There was no chance she wasn’t smiling at it.

A grim malicious and sharp.

“What do you players say?” She called out before diving off the top of the tentacles. “Oh. Yes. BELLY FLOP!”

The sword pierced CThulant’s head without issue. All the tentacles seized up at once, before they collapsed to the ground. BillyWrench cried out and ran towards his new robot. Jester followed suit, keeping a wary eye on his laughing android.

There was a question floating around his head that he’d not considered before. One that he now knew was of the utmost importance.

Where was the off switch for this?

By the time he reached her side, she’d gotten started getting herself unstuck. With a screech of metal, she pulled herself free. The sword wobbling wildly in her stomach.

“Well?” Happy Hour asked as she turned to face him. “Are you not entertained?”

“Sure.”

He looked towards the fallen Chimera-bot. It was moving again now, one tentacle poking a now smiling BillyWrench.

“Whose next? I want a go at the rest of them, too.”

“I don’t think so.” He shook his head. “Now that we can activate it on command, we need to figure out how to revert you.”

She placed her non-goblet hand on her hip and stared at him.

“We’d want to do that… why? I destroyed him. You want to win, right?”

“Yes, but we can’t have you like this all the time. You’ll scare people.”

Happy Hour shrugged. “Who cares?”

“I care. Come on. Let’s see if maybe Whiskers can fix this again.”

She gave a dramatic sigh and followed him as he started back to the small group. Once he’d reached them, he took Whiskers from his shoulder and touched him against Happy Hour. Whiskers purred as he nuzzled once more against Happy Hour’s neck.

No changed presented itself. A frown creased his face, and he did it again.

Still nothing.

“Ok, damn.”

Jester stared at the robopet. Whiskers continued to purr. Adorable, but unhelpful.

“Ha,” Happy Hour scoffed. “That didn’t work.”

“Perhaps she needs to be told to revert?” Andry suggested.

“We can try it?” Jester turned to Happy Hour. “Revert to Happy Hour.”

One of her rabbit ears twitched as she stared at him. Then she started laughing. Hysterical giggles that caused her to double over.

“Oh, you thought that would work?”

Behind him, he could hear Linsey whimper as Abradarkness tried to comfort her. That was bad. He needed to get this under control, and soon.

“I needed to try.”

He waited until she stopped laughing before he suggested his next idea. It was something he saw her do back in Debrah’s office. A facet of owning a UI he didn’t realize she could operate.

“You can access my inventory, correct?”

“I can.”

He checked it and smiled as she saw her maid uniform inside.

“Please equip your maid uniform, then.”

“I can’t.”

“Try.” He said again. “Call it a test.”

Before his eyes, he saw his inventory close, and Happy Hour glowed. She shifted, the ears and sword vanishing. In seconds, she was back to her normal self. A smile on her face, as she dropped into a curtsy towards Linsey.

“I’m sorry for scaring you, miss.”

“It’s. It’s ok.”

Linsey didn’t sound ok, and Jester eye’d her. She was shaking and staying behind Andry.

He didn’t blame her. Happy Hour’s virus outfit was a disturbing sight. However, getting to know how it worked was important. The last thing they needed was it coming out accidentally. If it happened during an official fight, the forums would be abuzz for days.

Plus, he doubted Debrah would be too pleased.

Players already considered Androids disturbing for several reasons, no need to add another to the list.

“I think you should head out before us,” Andry said. “I’ll get this lot squared away.”

“Sure.” Jester nodded. “It was nice meeting you all. Billy, you fought well. I’m going to be excited to see what you do in next year’s big tournament.”

“You think so?” BillyWrench patted a nearby tentacle.

“I do.”

With that, he waved and started walking back. He wanted to catch Kylee in her warehouse. She’d want to hear about this.