Chapter 38: Destructive Diva

Jester left her question hanging as he settled more comfortably in his chair.

The screens above them remained blank, which he didn’t like the implications of. He could still hear the screaming and rage of the crowd when Chester left the room. His message they would have to wait longer because of the disruption.

It made him worried about what the players collecting to watch the show would be like.

With a shake of his head, he tried to dismiss the thought. No one could actually get hurt, and the Developers would step in if something got too out of hand.

Probably.

Still, if the numbers outside were any sign, RagerSystems were likely loving it all. Ticket sale numbers alone would be huge. They never could say no to a large cash infusion. As long as no robots came out in numbers, it would be fine.

While he pondered, he watched Happy Hour pace around the teleportation platform. Her wooden leg thumping against the metal disk.

There was no rhythm to the sound.

A fact he found disappointed him. This virus riddled version of her was powerful, yes. However, she didn’t have the same sense of style. Which could make the fight more interesting, he supposed. Dance replaced by a brutal and rapid beat down.

He couldn’t deny he wasn’t somewhat excited by the idea.

Plus, this would be the first time he got to see her stats in this form.

She continued to pace, pausing briefly occasionally to take a swig from her empty chalice. It glinted in the artificial light. Her mask shifted as she did it, as though her mouth was opening to accept the liquid.

Jester shook his head, an action that drew her attention right to him.

Those unblinking green eyes stared directly into him. Somehow more fake than her normal eyes. If the game allowed it, he was sure his skin would be crawling.

“What?” Happy Hour snapped.

He debated for a minute about telling her, then he shrugged. “Why do you drink from the cup so much?”

“What else do you do with a cup?”

“Fair,” Jester said, unsure what else to respond to that with.

Before he could try to continue the conversation, the screens turned on. They whined, releasing a high-pitched squealing sound. A white line ran vertically along the screen before expanding to fill it.

Color came next, and he got his first view of the arena.

It was not what he’d been expecting. Any idea of the sandy ring was gone. They’d replaced it all with lush grass that looked like something out of a picture book.

Flowers boomed in lines along them, each a different hue to the one next to it.

Trees ringed the edge of the area, tips poking a touch above where the wall would normally stop. They looked solid, and their leaves were all a bright green.

Behind them, people stood where the Headlopper seats normally were. Players crammed in shoulder to shoulder as tight as they could go. Armband wearing gnomes stood next to angry cyborgs. Each, Jester noted, was shorter than normal players.

A restriction that he supposed made sense to get more bodies into the arena.

Throughout the crowd, people held signs.

{DOWN WITH THE DOLLFUCKERS!
😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡}

{JESTER AND HAPPY HOUR
SCRAPPER VICTORY!}

{I’M HERE TO CAUSE PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE 🦢}

The last one made him chuckle. A player wearing an elaborate goose hat held it above their heads. They didn’t have an armband, but those surrounded them did. As his eyes swept the crowd, the variety of support for Happy Hour amazed him.

Not that there wasn’t an equal or possible more support against.

He couldn’t spot Debrah, Tiffany, or any of his other friends. They were most likely catching the livestream.

A new shape slowly appearing from the center of the arena dragged his gaze away from the stands. It was a sapling, but growing at super speed. Within moments, it transformed into a tree.

One that continued to grow until it towered out of the arena. Jester wondered if those outside could see the top of it. Creatures of all shapes and sizes appeared along the multitude of branches.

Squirrels jumped in and out of holes. Song birds sang a chorus of trilling notes. A possum carried two babies on its back. All of them were adorable.

He could admire the paint work too.

It was near perfect, only their eyes allowing him to notice they were mechanical.

From nearby, he could hear Happy Hour scoff.

“What kind of battle arena is this?” Her words carried a tinge of irritation.

“No idea,” Jester admitted. “They promised a one on one though. Strange the animals are there. Decorations, you think?”

“Doubtful.” Happy Hour shook her head, causing her bunny ears to flap about. “A trap.”

“Yeah.”

Jester continued to watch the screen as the camera panned around. The crowd was in a frenzy now, and he swore he saw someone throw a punch. Multiple signs vanished from view as the brawl began in earnest.

As though waiting for something like this to happen, a notification appeared. Not only on the screen, but in front of him, too. From the way the players in the arena paused, they all received it.

With a frown, he glanced at the small blue box in front of him.

{ARE YOU READY FOR THE FINALS!

Today we have Glasshopper and Inectorz vs Jester and Happy Hour! We at the company are sure you’re all wondering about the arena changes. Don’t fret. We shall start soon, but allow us a bit of backstory.

Dramatics as it were.

In this glad there is no violence. No predators or bloodshed. Today this changes. The man-made machines of the world come to crush this oasis. Without care as they fight each other, they shall destroy all around them.

That could be a problem.

Let us find out how much}

Jester could admit he didn’t like the sound of that.

He re-read it again in an attempt to eke out any form of additional information. Even as he tried to ignore the sounds of fighting that still came from the television. The perpetrators would get kicked out and banned from the venue soon enough.

A part of him wished he’d gotten more information about the arena before today. If he’d known, he could have gotten a fairy costume for Happy Hour. It would have fit the theme like a glove.

Happy Hour was looking at the screen as well. Her head shifting as she read the words.

“This is of no consequence.”

“You think so?” Jester looked at her curiously. “This is a pretty big hint.”

She scoffed and waved him off. “That we shouldn’t destroy the arena or something bad will happen? Bah. We didn’t need a hint for that. Look.”

He did as she instructed and found the screen now depicted an aerial view of the arena. With a move of her hand, he could see what she was trying to show him. Those rows of flowers weren’t random. They were a maze of some sort.

Though one with multiple paths that all lead to the tree in the center.

“The arena was already going to be an issue. This changes nothing.” Her words were smug as she shifted from foot to foot.

“Yeah, so how are you going to avoid it?”

At his words, Happy Hour turned to him, rabbit ears twitching. The ring of metal around her eyes glinted in the light, drawing his attention to her eyes.

“I’m not.”

“Your not?” He asked.

“Yes, I’m not. No point. Do you think it’s designed for us to be careful about it? Look at that grass.”

Jester did so, noticing how it bent under some kind of breeze. Each individual blade bending towards the outside of the arena at set intervals. Any foot that so much as moved in its general direction would crush something.

“I see.”

Together, they waited in silence until the teleportation platform glowed. It shone and with a flash; the lights were gone. Happy Hour appeared on the screen seconds later, standing on one side of the arena.

They’d dropped her from a small height, and she damaged the grass underfoot.

Inectorz landed on the other side and did the same. Though within moments, insect wings popped from its back. Ones it didn’t have in any matches before. Previously, all its mobility came from being able to stick to walls.

As Jester watched, they buzzed and Inectorz lifted into the air.

He made a mental note of the change and wondered what else Glasshopper managed with her backers.

A screen popped into view around the arena.

Heather vs Happy Hour
FINAL MATCH! ROUND 1

Owner: Glasshopper                     Owner: Jester
Current HP: 15/15                          Current HP: 15/15
Damage Rating: Medium               Damage Rating: High
Armor Rating: Medium                  Armor Rating: Medium
Speed rating: High                          Speed rating: Medium
Best Weapon: Acid SpitterV2        Best Weapon: H6404htlpa
 How Many Wins: 4                         How Many Wins: 1
How Many Losses: 0                      How Many Losses: 0

Jester couldn’t help but smile as he read over the stats. She was far more powerful in this state. Faster, better damage though about the same armored.

While she wouldn’t be able to keep up with Inectorz, she wouldn’t be falling behind either.

This would be a fun fight.

***

The breeze continued to bend the grass around Happy Hour as she stood.

Her ears twitched as she turned her head this way and that, as though searching for her opponent. Jester knew she wouldn’t find them from where she stood. The trunk of the tree was too thick, and Inectorz didn’t seem willing to move.

With her scan appearing to come up inconclusive, she moved. At first, she got into a crouch, knees bent strangely as she raised her free hand to point at the tree.

Then she jumped.

In one powerful motion, she launched herself through the air. Her feet crashing to earth when she landed and crushing any flowers underfoot. The colorful row exploded beneath her. A swarm of petals flooding into the air.

As though sensing the movement, her knife-arm reacted. From its spot on her neck, it lashed out. Enchanted blade slicing through the petals and leaving more bits to litter the ground.

She laughed, throwing her head back as she did.

When she finished, she raised her cup towards the tree and toasted it.

“Nature eat your heart out!”

With another laugh, she made her way forward once more.

Petals flung into the air in her wake, landing a path to show her devastation of the local plantlife. Happy Hour moved erratically, as though doing her best to crush as many as possible.

As she did, he could hear an ominous wooden creaking. A sound that seemed to pick up as she moved towards the tree. Animals in the branches were moving faster now, some bunkering the best they could.

It made Jester nervous as he watched her go.

For Inectorz part, it simply continued to hover in place behind the tree. Though its back legs appeared to be rubbing together strangely. The long proboscis that made up most of its face pointed towards the ground.

Whatever it was doing, Inectorz focused all of its attention on the task.

With one last jump, Happy Hour finally reached the tree.

Her gaze shifting upwards to watch the animals huddled in its branches. She cocked her head to the side.

“Why are you here?” She asked.

When she got no response, she shrugged and turned her attention to the crowd. They were all in a state of watchfulness. Though there was a nervous energy to them.

It reminded Jester of a group of students who were being good for a reward. Or maybe out of fear.

He couldn’t see any faces of players who’d been in the original brawl.

With one hand coming up to her mouth, she let out a theatrical yawn. It lasted for a solid minute, and as she moved to lean against the trunk of the tree.

“This is boooring,” she complained when she was done. “Is this all your robot is good for Glasshopper? You should concede. Lame.”

Laughter came from the crowd at that, and a group chanted her name. She gave an overly dramatic bow at that.

“Yes, yes. Praise your champion! Well, let us finish this then.”

As nonchalantly as he’d ever seen her move, she wandered around the trunk. When she walked far enough around to see Inectorz, she gave him a wave with her cup hand.

“What’s up, bug?” Her tone was as mocking as it could get.

Inectorz didn’t respond, not that it could. It continued to hover as its legs kept making those strange movements.

“Hey, don’t ignore me!”

Again, Inectorz said nothing.

“Fine, I’m coming to you then.”

Happy Hour turned on one heel as she dropped back into her squat stance. This time, however, she wasn’t going for distance.

With an angered scream, she jumped to the first branch of the tree she could reach. As soon as she landed, she jumped once more. Each move taking her higher and closer to her target.

Behind her, the branches dropped, spinning in the air to land pointed down.

Not that Happy Hour cared as she continued to move forward.

In two strides, she ran along a thicker branch and leaped off the end. Her arms raised above her head, she maneuvered her torso. The sword that stuck out of her stomach shining as it pointed towards Inectorz.

“I’m going to make you an insect shiskabab!”

For a moment, Jester thought it was over.

Then Inectorz dropped like a stone. Even with its wings closed, it was falling far faster than it should have been able to. It was also listening to the side, landing with a crash. Grass and dirt sprayed into the air.

Happy Hour screamed in rage as she plummeted after her quarry. Her feet smashing into the ground.

Jester expected her to jump forward and attack the prone robot nearby. Instead, she jerked her foot and stayed in place. As she wailed and trashed at whatever was holding her, Inectorz rose to its feet.

Its many legs shifting as it regained its balance.

With an annoyed grunting, she looked towards it. Inectorz proboscis pointed in her direction.

“Webbing?” Happy Hour asked. “Really?”

Instead of answering, the proboscis bulged, and an orange and yellow bubble flew out.

In a swift motion, the goblet was in front of her, catching and seeming to absorb the liquid. It didn’t get it all, but now she held a half-full cup of the stuff. The bits that touched her bubbled and seemed to eat away at the purple fur.

Before it could shoot it again, she dumped the liquid on the ground.

It churned around her feet. Now that the camera had shifted to point at it, Jester could see the strands. They were thin and hard to spot at first. Though he supposed it made sense. Those odd leg movements were it spinning it onto the ground.

That was new, though thankfully the acid was eating though it.

Inectorz shot another large globule of acid at Happy Hour. Once more, she caught it, snarling at the drops that touched her fur.

“You’re disgusting.”

She dumped the new contents on the ground, and it ate through the webbing faster.

Her opponent, deciding that its current attacking strategy was ineffective, bolted forward. Each of its legs moving it far faster than something that disjointed should be capable of.

Jester winced at the sight, dreading the inevitable crash. It wouldn’t be able to do much damage. Though with its speed, death by a thousand cuts was a viable option. One Happy Hour could do little about.

In response, she jumped back. The acid having eaten through enough of the webbing that she got free. Her dodge was a close thing, avoiding a claw swipe with centimeters to spare.

Inectorz didn’t pull back on its attack.

Both moved backwards towards the tree. Happy Hour barely escaping injury. Some attacks made it through when they forced her to dodge around the fallen branches. Inectorz simply climbed over them, though it cost them some speed.

One foot got too close to her face.

The knife arm reacted to the presence, lashing out and cutting it off. At the first sign of damage, Inectorz once again pulled itself away. Jester watching the web coming from it, whipping around as it jerked the insect back.

Happy Hour leaned against the tree as Inectorz prowled around the various branches. It made no sounds bar its footsteps.

Noise came from the crowd, however. They cheered, screamed, booed and yelled out suggestions. Jester briefly wondered if the last one counted as cheating. Happy Hour was the single fighter on the field who could take advantage of that.

Neither of the combatants appeared willing to close in on each other.

As Inectorz continued to move, Jester could see its blacklegs moving. It was spinning more web, wrapping them around the branches.

They would be inaccessible for Happy Hour now. Unless she wanted to use them as miniature platforms.

She didn’t dart after the bug robot. Instead, she pushed slightly off the tree. Her sword angled towards the massive trunk. Her grin showed all her teeth as she turned towards Inectorz.

“So,” Happy Hour said. “How much do you want to bet the tree doesn’t like taking damage?”

Before Jester could figure out what she meant, she drew herself back and thrust her stomach forward.

The blade smoothly entered the bark with no resistance. Even the melted slag pushed in without issue. A fact that confused Jester, not that he planned on complaining. It didn’t stop until she pressed herself against the trunk.

An ominous moan filled the arena, followed by the cracking of wood.

Then the ground beneath them shifted.

***

The bulging ground broke against the circle of smaller trees.

Dirt flew into the sky as roots burst from the ground. They travelled backwards, appearing along the rows the flowers once made. Their creation destroyed those as well, causing petals to once again fill the air.

Around the tree, Happy Hour jumped as Inectorz did its best to stay stuck to the ground with its webbing.

Those branches that were stuck into the ground rose into the air, each attached to a root. They swayed about actioning as miniature clubs that easily broke the web barrier Inectorz set up.

Jester watched as he waited for the ground to stop churning. It didn’t. Happy Hour moved, leaping from root to root with as much speed as she could muster. Inectorz simply picked a big one and stayed there. The robot’s ability to stick to surfaces coming in handy.

In time, it spread its wings and lifted itself off the ground. Flight seemed to be slow for it, and it didn’t appear to be able to maneuver in the air.

Not that such a thing stopped it.

It simply spun more web, using them as anchor points to pull itself after the fleeing Happy Hour.

She would jump, and it would follow, occasionally dive-bombing her from the sky. She refused to let it hit. Occasionally, it would shoot acid, but she either used the roots to fling her away or caught it in the cup.

Whenever she caught some, she poured it against the tree.

The bark bubbled and melted off, showing a brown metal substance underneath. Happy Hour laughed as she dodged another of her opponents’ dive bomb attacks.

Inectorz crashed down, to be thrown back into the air by the surging roots.

With a spring in her step, she ran towards the outside of the ring. Here, the roots were less packed together, giving her more room to stand still if she needed. Inectorz followed, pulling itself along with the webs.

Petals filled the air, occasionally blocking the sight of the battle.

When the screen cleared, he watched Happy Hour go from solid ground to churning roots. She never strayed far from them, diving on any time Inectorz landed long enough to charge at her.

Once she tried to take the dodge the ram attack on the ground. Her cup hand swinging out to connect against Inectorz side.

In retaliation, one of its legs came up and kicked her firmly in the chest.

Players roared their approval from the stands as she rolled across the ground. Her hand scrabbling to grab the root and let it send her off to dodge the next attack. She rolled on the ground, getting to her feet as the bug jumped over the roiling root.

“Well, this is fun. A bit of mud, and we could really give them a fight to watch,” Happy Hour said.

Inectorz jumped for her again.

They were back at the previous dance. Happy Hour sprang from root to root. Each movement chosen with care to push herself towards her attacker. Whenever they met in the air, her knife arm struck out.

Though it didn’t manage to score another foot.

At one point, they stayed still. Both stood covered in petals and grass. Dirt caked the front of Happy Hour’s mask. Inectorz appeared to be blooming from various joints.

Jester watched as Inectorz repeat the web creation motion with its back legs. Happy Hour didn’t let it finish this time. She took initiative from her opponent’s strategy and charged. This time it was Inectorz time to run away.

As she approached it, stomach sword thrust forward as best she could. It jumped on a root.

Players in the crowd boo’d, bored by the back and forth. Neither seemed to be able to land a solid hit. The surging roots evening out any actual difference in their speed.

“Come on, Happy Hour,” Jester said as he stared at the screen. “You got this.”

Back and forth, they moved across the arena. Both circling the arena. Most of the grass was gone now. Anytime they landed, they destroyed patches of the scenery.

What they didn’t mangle the roots did a fine job off.

Any of the animals that lived in the tree were gone as well. Bits of robotic squirrels and birds littering the ground.

They fought back to the tree, where Happy Hour scooped up what looked like a squirrel’s head.

“Two can play at this ranged game!”

Inectorz didn’t even dodge the throw, the head bouncing off its armored torso. In response, it spit more acid, most of which she caught. Some missed her and hit the tree. Instead of dumping it on the ground, she grabbed another head.

This one belonged to a songbird.

Jester watched her dump the bird head in the cup as she used the roots to run away once again. After a minute, she reached in and fished the bird’s head out. After landing on solid ground, she raised her leg and tossed the head at Inectorz.

He cheered as the beak of the bird buried into a chink in the beetle shell. The acid slowly burning the metallic chitin away.

Cheers and screams of her name joined more booing from the crowd.

To his absolute horror, she turned away from Inectorz. Her cup raised to the audience, she bowed with a theatrical flourish. He jumped from his chair, screaming at her as Inectorz tackled her from behind. Its entire weight hitting her into the ground.

The sword sunk into the ground until it reached the melted slag. He could hear her curses as she struggled to free herself. Inectorz, for their part, rolled off her back and landed nearby.

It struggled to roll off its back, even as she tried to get unstuck.

He couldn’t help but laugh. It was such a ridiculous sight. His laughter died as it spat more acid at her. She got some of it, however the rest of it burned into her.

Happy Hour screamed with rage, even as she poured what little she collected on the ground. An attempt to soften it up, he figured. With a roar, she pulled it free and flopped over onto her back.

Legs giving out as acid act into her legs. She landed on her side, facing the insect.

“I’m going to kill you,” Happy Hour said.

Inectorz did its best to roll, one of its legs stretching out. Jester could see the strategy. One root nearby moved in a regular pattern. If it could get that, it would get up. Happy Hour did nothing but lie there. She wasn’t out, simply not moving.

It took two attempts, but soon Inectorz was on its feet. With a buzzing noise, its wings fanned out as it took to the air. Happy Hour continued to scream threats at it.

It moved slowly until it positioned itself over her. It looked down, and she glared at it from her side.

“Finish it then, bug!” she coughed out.

Inectorz didn’t drop immediately, as Jester expected. With the smallest of motions, its back legs created a web. A rope with which to pull itself down with maxim speed. Happy Hour wouldn’t be able to dodge.

The crowd picked up on this too, roaring their approval. They screamed for Happy Hour’s destruction and cheered for Inectorz to win.

Happy Hour continued to lie there. Acid eating away at the faux fur. Those green eyes boring into the crowd. She was watching them; he realized. Her gaze transfixed on those who came to see her fail.

After what seemed like an eternity, Inectorz dropped.

That was when Happy Hour rolled over onto her back.

“Gotcha bug boy!”

Jester couldn’t remember hearing a voice that ever held that much smugness in it before.

Inectorz couldn’t stop its fall and dropped onto the sword. As its own momentum carried it downwards, she smacked it with her cup hand. The knife arm stabbed out at it, doping as much damage as it could.

Not even the slag could stop the body from crushing Happy Hour.

Jester watched in stunned silence at the scene. Happy Hours, arms twitching from underneath the mass of Inectorz bulk.

A picture of both himself and Happy Hour appeared on the screen. Victory emblazoned open it. Jester smiled as he looked at it and moved to the teleportation platform. He figured they’d be asking for him soon, anyway.

Then the screen changed.

What looked like a riot was taking place in the stands. Players throwing punches and one or two being pushed into the arena itself. Those that fell over the wall vanished, teleported out for invading the space.

Before he could understand what was going on, a damaged Happy Hour appeared by his side. Then the screen turned a bright white, two words appearing over it.

PLEASE WAIT.