The Present and The Past.

When we were in front of Agatta's door I looked back to my house as a warrior look back at the battlefield, with the sadness of knowing so many sacrifices were made in order for him to leave that place alive. Agatta realized this and quickly offer me her hand and successfully made me feel better by saying:

"He will be ok."

"Yes. He will." I continued, then I grabbed her hand and went inside her house.

Once inside, we sat on the kitchen table and Agatta suggested we continue doing our homework, that will help me move on a little from what just happened. We did so and it really helped me get my mind off everything else, also because Agatta wanted me to help her with her homework. She asked for my help with some math problems she didn’t fully understand. Even though I am not very good at many of our assignatures, the one that I always do better at is math, but that’s because in my dad’s desk there are a lot of math related books and notes that he uses for work. My father works as an engineer in an automotive company, it's actually the same company in which Agatta’s father works in, but he is part of the logistic team, also it is important to notice that our fathers didn’t meet at the company, they met before they even started working there. Apparently, our mothers have been friends since long ago, they have mentioned that they met probably around the age of ten, and they attended different highschools in which each of them respectively meet our future fathers, however they always kept in contact with each other and somehow they end up living right in front of each other. I looked a more like my dad while Agatta looks a lot like her mother, and given their and our ages, we can deduce that they got pregnant around the age of 20, but we weren’t born on the same day, not even the same month, I was born on February 15th and Agatta on June 3rd.

Once we finish our homework, she sat besides me and confessed:

"My mother also makes my dad drink those kinds of tiny bottles from time to time."

I smiled, I didn’t need any proof to tell me that was a true statement. After all, our mothers are alike in many ways, so finding out that was one of them did not come as a surprise.

“I see. How long does it take your father to recover from the events afterwards?”

“Around 2 days.”

“Mine too. Strange, isn’t it?”

“It’s actually scary to me…”

She sat even closer to me, her face really revealed that all of this was an unsettling thing for her.

“My mother is always so kind, tender and sweet, but…” Agatta continued. “But when it comes to that sort of stuff it is as if she was someone entirely different… Sometimes I wonder if I…”

“If you what?” I asked, seeing that she wanted to say something else.

“Nothing…” She answered, avoiding my question.

But even if she seemed as if she didn’t want to answer, I know her well enough to know that in reality she was scared of even asking, because that question itself scared her, and the answer she might get out of it could be even worse than she thought. Seeing her in such a bad predicament made me want to help her more, but I couldn’t do much if I didn’t know the question.

“Do you wonder if you ever end up like that?” I asked her. I don’t know how I reached that conclusion in a short time, but it seemed to me that was the question she was too afraid to ask.

“Yes.” She confirmed. “I wonder if that is something I’m destined to live.”

I put myself closer to her and put my arm around her shoulder.

“There are no established patterns in life, or that’s what I believe.” I told her. “I think that we can do more than just imitate our parents, we can learn from those things and in time we might do what's best for us.”

“Yeah.” She said and then she hugged me tightly. “I hope so.”

I also hold her tightly in my arms. I think that, despite all the bad things that have happened, today has been the best day for my relationship with Agatta.

“Besides.” She continued. “There are a lot of good things that we can also learn from them, and maybe, do them even better in the future.”

“Exactly!” I answered. “You just said it, your mother is always so kind with everybody, and so are you too. Even though my parents literally threw me out into your house these past days, you just accepted that and you have made me feel at home!”

She turned red again and let go of me. She faced the other way for a while and didn’t speak until she got her thoughts together.

"I… I…” Forget it. She couldn’t get her thoughts together. “It doesn’t matter, I’m going to take a bath.” She said and then she left the room.

Today she bathed first, even though she told me yesterday that I should bathe first so I wouldn’t have lewd thoughts in the tub. Now, do you think I had lewd thoughts in the bath once it was my turn to wash in the same water she used?

Yes, I had several.

I remembered all the times we ook hands and hugged each other today, also that incident in which I engulfed her breast by mistake. I didn’t do anything, I was just there, thinking, enjoying the moment, my hands were in the air the entire time to prevent me from getting busy with myself, but yeah, I enjoyed that moment.

I left the bath happier than when I entered, now it was finally time to go to bed, but to my surprise Agatta wasn’t in her room, nor in her parents’. She was downstairs setting up two futons in the living room, which it wouldn’t be a surprise if it was just one, but giving it was two of them made me wonder what was going on there.. They weren’t placed next to each other, rather right in front of each other. She saw me standing there and told me:

“What is it?”

“Why did you set up 2?”

“Because we are going to have a sleepover.”

I stared at her hoping that she would come with a punchline, but no, she was being serious.

"Well… if you say so…"

"Good. You sleep on that one, and I on this one." She said pointing at the futons.

I lied on the one she assigned me and waited for her to turn off the lights and come to lie on hers. Once she did this I asked her:

"Why are they in front of each other and not beside each other?"

She didn't answer immediately, she try to hide a little on her futon and then she answered:

"Because you're going to have lewd thoughts if we do."

"I won't!"

"Yes you will!"

"I promise you, I won't have any!"

She realized that I really wanted us to sleep beside each other, but she was still trying to put terms and conditions.

"You really won't?"

"Not a single one!"

"And you won't try to do anything?"

"I won't!"

I heard her sulking and then she hid completely under her futon.

"Those that mean we can put them beside each other or…?"

"I don't care!" She replied, madly.

I don't understand why she got mad. After all, I promised her not to try anything, but anyway, I moved my futon next to her and I lied there waiting for another conversation to spark or to fall asleep, whatever happened first.

Suddenly Agatta just threw a curveball at me:

“Hey, why did you ask me to go out with you?”

The fact that she didn’t hesitate whatsoever made it even worse for me. I started babbling like an idiot not knowing what to answer, luckily she helped me a little.

“I mean, you have always been athletic, and really handsome, even in elementary school there were girls who said that they liked you…”

I gotta be honest, I stopped listen when she said I was handsome, I turned red and when she finished I asked her:

“You really think I’m handsome?”

“Ask the damn question dammit!” She said as she punched me on the sides.

“Ow, sorry!” I reacted. “Okay, fine, I’ll answer…”

I took a moment to put my thoughts together, I really forgot why I asked her out in the first place, but it wasn’t as simple as just wanting to have a girlfriend or something like that. Finally, I sorted the memories needed for me to answer her question.

“Back in elementary school, I had a friend who was the first one of our group to get a girlfriend, and when you are a kid you want to compete in everything, so many of the group try to get girlfriends as soon as possible afterwards, however I was just confused by all of that, I mean, I didn’t know what a girlfriend was for, I didn't know what you were supposed to do in a relationship, so I didn’t try to get one. It wasn’t until we got into middle school that someone explained to me what having a girlfriend was about. It was a woman, I think you also knew her, her name was Susa Maji, she was in the swimming club with us in our first year.”

“Yeah, I remember her. She also said that she liked you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, she was very mean to me at the beginning of the year because she thought I was your girlfriend, then she stopped after I told her I wasn’t, but after you asked me out and I accepted she just never talked to me again.”

“Really? That is weird… she was a good friend of mine.”

“But how do you mean that she explained to you what having a girlfriend was about?”

“Well… one day after practice I stayed by the pool, that day another of my friends just told me that he got a girlfriend, and I was still wondering what was the purpose of it. She then came by my side and asked me:

‘Is everything ok?’

‘Yeah…’ I replied.

‘Then why do you look so down?’

‘It’s just that… One of my friends just got a girlfriend today and I… I was just wondering why is that such a big deal.’

‘Well… it’s just part of life. Don’t you have someone you like or want to protect?’

‘I do, I have some friends that I don’t want anyone to hurt, but… how is being in a relationship different from being just friends?’

‘Well… there are some things that you can’t simply do with your friends and that you can do in a relationship.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like this.’ She said as she clinged to my arm. I could feel the warmth of her body and seeing her face so close made my heart beat faster. Then she said: ‘And some other stuff like holding hands and kisses.’

And she made me remember that my mother once told me that you can just kiss someone on the lips when you really love them.”

I stopped for a second because I heard Agatta making some weird noise. It was as if she was gnashing her teeth, but it sounded as if she was just about to break them. She sounded really mad, so i tried to grab her shoulder and asked her if she was okay, but she didn’t even let me lay a finger on her, as soon as she felt where my hand was she rolled away from me. So I just asked her from distance:

“Are you okay?”

“I am, just tell me what happened then?”

“Are you sure…”

“Just tell me already!”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry… after she told me that I thought of something or rather… I thought of someone… you.”

I saw her flinch. I turned red by confessing that, but she wouldn’t let me off the hook just like that after I said it. With a softer voice than before she asked me:

“Why did you thought about me?”

“As I said, it felt good to have her that close to me, but since you and I have known each other for a long time, and we have done all sorts of things together I wanted to know what would it feel like to do that sort of stuff with you. When I told Susa-san that I had friends I didn’t want people to hurt I was talking about you… I don’t know since when, but before I can remember I have felt extremely comfortable at your side, I feel as if you are an extension of my family, when I’m with you, it doesn’t matter where I might be, I feel… at home.”

“T-t-then? What happened?” Asked Agatta, her voice sounded now entirely different, as if she was still holding something on, but it didn’t sound like anger anymore.

“Well, after that I just thanked her for letting me know all that, and I told her I had something to do immediately.

‘What is it?’ She asked me.

‘I’m going to confess to the girl I like!’ I replied.

After that I left to search for you, that’s when we met by the beach we used to walk to get home, and when I… when I asked you to be my girlfriend…”

Agatta couldn’t hold her emotions anymore and she jumped over me and started hitting me with her pillow repeatedly.

“Idiot, idiot, IDIOT!” She said as she was hitting me.

I tried to cover her blows, but I was either too tired or not fast enough and I couldn’t stop a single one.

“Ow ow ow! That hurts Agatta, stop it!”

“You are such an idiot!” She continued. “You rejected such a petty girl in the most horrible way and then you went and asked another girl to be your girlfriend!”

“But, I thought you said she was mean to you. Why are you so upset about it?”

“I’m not upset!” She finally stopped hitting me with her pillow. She threw it back to her futon and then she hugged me as hard as she could. “I’m happy, so happy that I don’t know what else to do!” She laughed for a second as she was still holding me with all her might. “I thought that, if she ever had the opportunity to tell you she liked you then you two will inevitably end up dating. But she thought she could get through your dense brain by playing around with you, but you are so stupid you probably didn’t realize she was confessing to you when she did that. Right?”

Why is she insulting me if she is supposedly happy? However, she’s right. I didn’t realize that that was a sort of confession.

“Yeah, I never realized that… but also, not long after some of my friends broke up with their girlfriends because they said that dates weren’t fun with them, and that they didn’t want to hold hands sometimes… so that’s why I was so afraid of trying to do that sort of stuff with you… I didn’t want us to break up so soon.”

“Yeah that sounds like something you would do, and to be honest, something I would do too. But, now things are different, so we can try to do all sorts of stuff together.” She said with a big smile on her face. “For starters, we are going to sleep in the same futon tonight! So give me a little space.” She commanded and immediately got into my futon.

“EH!? ARE YOU SURE?!” I asked, completely surprised by her actions.

“Yes, and you are also going to hug me at least until we fall asleep. So hold me tight.”

She put herself closer to me, I could feel her warmth even when I still wasn’t hugging her, and the smell of her shampoo had my mind turned upside down. I felt all my blood rushing to my lower body so I asked her before I continued:

“Are you sure? I mean, if I hug you, then you probably might feel my-”

“I know, but it’s ok.” She interrupted me. “We will work it out somehow, just remember that I’m doing this because I love you, more than anyone else.”

Her words moved me and I decided to hug her as she requested. She was so soft and tiny, it was like hugging a teddy bear, but a thousand times softer and a million times better.

“I love you too, Agatta. More than anyone else.”

She smiled and put her hands on top of mine.

“Good night.” She said.