A Complete Loser

Kritvik Bhatt

Triiing!

My mother walked across the white-colored illuminated drawing room, reached the entrance of the house, twisted the doorknob, and pulled the door. Outside, she looked at my figure, standing silently, my eyes glaring at the door, waiting for it to open up.

“What happened today? Why are you back so early?” My mother asked as I looked uninterestedly at her.

I walked from her right, entering from the little space between her body and the door-frame, and stood beside the shoe-rack. I bent down to take off my shoes. She turned to her back to me as she closed the door again. “There was no one. I checked the park, and then I went to the field. Both of them were empty, for some reason.”

“Oh,” She turned to my left at the living room and walked back across it silently, her slippers tapping the ground softly.

I stuffed my right foot inside the slipper, turned left, and walked to my room from between the living room. As I was walking in, I remembered the face of Aaryan, smiling.

“Ya saw nothing bad going on today. Today’s nice and peaceful.”

“Then go away. Shoo.”

I turned right as I stood about a step away from the wall and went straight in the latter of the two doors. As I walked in, I closed the door of my room behind my back. I walked from between the bed and the table on my left and right, and then opened the door of the balcony beside the bed, parallel to the first door.

I walked in on my balcony, looking at the three-four story apartments on the other side of the street. With my arms on the railing of the balcony, I stood beneath the evening sky silently. I turned my head to my right. The sky was half-black, and it would be turning completely dark in just a matter of minutes. Small cold breezes ran here and there every second. Another small cold breeze stood up from my right and walked through my left, slowly rubbing my hair and skin.

“HEY YOU, PLEASE HELP US! THOSE GUYS ARE TAKING OFF OUR CLOTHES AND FILMING US! PLEASE, PAL! PLEASE!” I remembered the desperate guy shouting. I remembered his bleeding and crying face. I remembered the face of the other guy whose face was soaked completely with blood, who lied beneath the first one. No doubt, he was scared to his core.

“What… would they have done to him? Would they have really…” I thought beneath my serious dead eyes as I looked at the little yellow ball of what used to be the sun. “No doubt at it. They’d never do such a thing. They’re not this low.”

I then remembered Rohit’s irritated face as he looked at me with a vape in his mouth.

“Yeah, they can do such a thing, maybe…” I thought. “But… I should have saved them. I should have tried to give up a fight, call for help, or do something. Why didn’t I…”

Thump! My heart hurt. I closed my eyes.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

“Why… am I so weak?” A drop of tear emerged from the edge of my eye. It stood there, shining for a second, before I moved my hand up and wiped it off. I opened my emotional dead eyes. “Why did I… not help them?”

I imagined my figure, tied and rolling on the ground, desperately trying to open the ropes of my hands behind my back, as I looked with fear on the three demonically dark figures with red eyes, one laughing, one having a vape in his mouth, and the third one smiling as it stood behind the first two ones.

“If I were tied up and beaten like that… who would help me? Will these two guys help me?”

“No doubt they won’t. And what I’ve done today, I shouldn’t even expect help from anyone.”

I still stood silently on my balcony, thinking about what had happened today. I felt low because of the incident.

“Now go. Shoo.”

“I… am so fucked up,” I whispered to myself. “I couldn’t even… help some people in need. I… could have… done something, maybe, and… and… and…” I gulped in. My voice was breaking. “And… I…” I was somehow trying not to cry. But, a drop of tear ran through both my cheeks. “I… am a complete failure… a total loser.” I closed my eyes.

***

In a couple of minutes, the sun had set. The sky was completely dark. The end of the day was near. I stood silently on the balcony, my eyes fixed on top of the apartments to the sky. The street was silent, scarcely filled with cars on the edges, but no one walking around.

“It… was going on so great…” I thought. “For some reason, talking to Sana made me so happy. I was in such a great mood today. But… what happened after that was… It was so, so fucked up.” I moved my right arm up, placed my elbow on the railing, and then covered my face with my palm. I remembered the desperation and fright on that guy’s face who was shouting at me for help. His voice was cracking as he shouted as hard as he could, “HELP US, PLEASE!”

My breathing fastened.

“No. I should not think about it now.”

“HELP US, PLEASE!”

“DAMN! I’M SORRY! DAMN IT!” I shouted beneath my palm. “ARGHHHHH! I’M SOWRRRRYYYYYY, I’M SOWWRRYYYYYY!” I cried on top of my lungs that evening, taking out all of the frustration in my heart. “I’M SORRY! I’M A LOSER, A COMPLETE FUCKING LOSER!”

“That day, I decided… not to go down to that field again.”

***

“What’s this ‘The Black Reapers’?” I frowned as I whispered.

“It’s a delinquent gang here in our city.”

The history teacher’s faint feminine voice was around the class. “And then, the last Napoleonic War took place in Waterloo, where France found itself standing against…”

Sana then continued whispering, “Like… in the new anime which aired some time back.”

“Where the high school students are always fighting after school?”

“Yeah yeah,” She whispered back in reply. She then turned her head back to me, who sat on the desk behind her. In front of her too were some more desks with students sitting silently. “It’s cool, right? I wanna be a part of a delinquent gang too.”

“Maybe…” I replied back as I looked into her lit eyes.

She narrowed her eyes. “You’re boring.”

I smiled a little. “M-Maybe…”

“Yeah yeah.” She then turned her head to the front again.

Ding, dong! The bells rang, and the period was over. The old history teacher turned her head up from her book to the students and announced, “We’ll take up from here tomorrow.” She then closed the book, turned to her right, walked toward the teachers’ desk, took her other books, and then turned back toward the exit of the room on our right, and started to walk away.

Whole class stood up in unison and sang a little, “Thaaank youuuu, ma’aaaaam.”

Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. After some footsteps, she was out of the class. Just as she was out, the whole class erupted into a little chatter. Sana suddenly turned back toward me. “Next period is math, right?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s sad…”

“I hate math, man!” I commented.

“Who doesn’t?” Sana commented with a smile. “Like, who’d even love something like math?”

“For some reason, many do,” I replied. “Especially when it’s only limited to numbers.”

“Yeah. Trigonometry is hard.”

“It’s damn hard.”

“And boring.”

“And geometry is boring too.”

“Anyway, hear me what I was saying about that delinquent gang,” She suddenly changed the topic.

“The Black Reapers?”

“Yeah yeah,” She seemed excited. “So there is a fight which will be taking place between them and another gang named ‘The Sons of Satan’.”

I frowned. “What’s up with their names?”

“Yeah. Like, I just can’t believe how you can name your gang something as cringe as that!”

“Yeah, no doubt it’s cringe.”

“Yeah yeah.”

“By the way, how many people are there in the gangs?”

“About ten in each,” She replied, looking directly into my eyes.

“These gangs are small. The ones in anime were way bigger. They had something like fifty.”

“Yeah. But like, that’s Japan, not India. In India, kids are more… more like… ‘cultured’.”

“Yeah, man! Watching twenty guys fighting won’t be that entertaining.”

“No, it’s gonna be worth it!” She said, her eyes widened and lit up.

“Huh? Why?”

“They’re all cool. And, you see, watching cool and handsome guys punching each other is cool.”

“Damn, man!” I replied in disgust. “The f…?!”

“Ahahahaha.”

“Disgusting, man!”

She continued to laugh a little for a second, then stopped and continued, “But jokes aside, trust me, it’s gonna be fun. Like, you see, watching fights is always fun. So, are you gonna come with me to see them?”

“But, what if someone starts fighting with us without a reason, maybe, or like we get caught or something?” I asked. “What will we do?”

“Run away!” She said with a huge grin beneath her black mask.

“Uh, maybe they’d be faster than us, since we both are not into sports, and they… they must have a good physique.”

“Yeah, but… but it’d be cool! Come on, Kritvik!”

“Uh, okay then. But… I’m weak in fighting, so I won’t be able to save us if something happens.”

“But I’m strong, so don’t worry!”

I smiled at her. “Okay then.”

It was a bright blue day all around the wide school building covered with empty grounds on both sides. Some kids were playing football at the right corner of the ground, running here and there and kicking a ball.

“Good morning, students. So today, we’re going to start a new chapter named ‘Circles’.”

***

“So it’s tomorrow at six?” I asked. Both Sana and I were walking through the ground from the school building to the gate of the school. There were more groups of students—all chatting—around us, some steps away.

“Yeah yeah. Tomorrow at six.”

“Okay then, I’ll make sure I’m there,” I replied with a smile.

“And then we’ll watch them fight! So cool!” She was excited as she smiled at me.

“Damn, man! You’re so excited for this!”

“Yeah!” She then turned her head from the front to me. “Well, that tense moment between the two gangs before the match… It’s so cool! It’s better than any drama movie.”

“Indian movies are damn meaningless anyway.” I turned my head to the front.

“Yeah. Like, why don’t they learn something from anime?!” She commented.

I turned to her again. “Yeah! I’d love to see an anime with an Indian setting!”

“It’d be cool!” She then turned her head to the front. “Wait, it won’t be cool.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Indian high school life… is not so interesting. At least in my opinion.”

“For some reason, it sounds cool enough to me.”

As we both walked, we both stepped out of the ground and turned right together, lost in each other’s talks. “Like, what’s so interesting in our lives? Japanese kids are depressed, they’re in relationships, and then they break them, and then they cry. They really love each other in those relationships.”

“And in India, kids are in relationships just for fun,” I replied in a serious tone as I looked at her.

“Yeah yeah. Like, why are you in a relationship! You both are literally blushing while talking to each other! And you both trust each other enough to… like… share your problems?!”

“Damn, cool down, man!” I commented with a smile. I then turned to the front, my smile faded, and I commented. “But really, some people misunderstand infatuation for true love, and then enter in a relationship, and then break up in just a month.”