Episode 2: That's Absurd!

Okay… maybe I shouldn’t have chosen fire conjuring as my power.

At first, she thought it was cool. She could be like the Human Torch and be made of fire and stuff… although that didn’t sound very practical, or comfortable for that matter.

Nope, she wasn’t on fire. She was just a firestarter—a twisted firestarter.

It had been a week since school started and she was trying her hardest not to use her power. It was hard though, when she really wanted to set something on fire, but she didn’t know what.

Is this what they call “misplaced anger?”

She was thinking about all this while trying to do her homework as the worksheet in particular was geometry, her least favorite type of math.

I would’ve understood all this better if it wasn’t for me being on my phone during the whole fucking class.

That was a problem for the ages, she decided. Totally.

“What if the world was in danger and the only person in the world to save us was Ean?” A voice queried, making her snap back to reality.

Ah, that was just Miharu talking.

“We’d be screwed infinitely,” Naoko replied.

Ean sat up straighter, and she really started to contemplate the current discussion. Could I somehow save the world?

With just her fire power, it seemed pretty unlikely.

That was when she began to tear up cartoonishly. “It was the most decent circle I’ve made…” she murmured, drawing a circle on the table.

“Hyuh? Geometry?” Suika’s head perked up from where she was napping.

Ean shook her head. “Nah, forget it. It’s not a big deal.”

That was when Naoko yelled.

“HEY! ORDER!”

Ean and Suika shut up immediately.

“Order in the club!” She said, slightly quieter while drumming her fingers on the table. Ean had to admit she emitted a business-like aura.

Ean sighed dramatically. “Guys, I’m sorry. I’m just not in a good mood today, uuuu…~”

“I understand,” Jopi added in her usual wholesome tone of voice. “I’m not in the greatest mood today either, ‘Cause I’m broken, when I’m lonesome, and I don’t—’”

“Shut. Up.” Miharu said darkly. “Breaking into song is one of the most annoying things you can possibly do, not to mention the fact it reminds me of musicals…” The girl shuddered.

“Yeah,” Naoko added, not even looking too bothered that she didn’t say what she was really going to say yet. “You’re not Mimori, Jopi-chan. Are you trying to roleplay as her or something? Ding.”

Jopi put her hands on her hips. “Are you trying to be Kasumi? You’ve been acting pretty bratty lately!”

Naoko actually seemed to ponder that for a moment. “So if you’re Mimori and I’m Kasumi then that means Suika is Tomo, Ean is Mari and Miharu is… me.”

Jopi cackled at this in a way Ean thought was a major moe gap. “Understandable, considering Suika’s obsession with Chris can rival Tomo’s obsession with every boy band in existence.” She managed to compose herself enough to add, “Even 5ive and LFO!”

Naoko scrunched her nose up. “Ew, really? Augh, suddenly Chinese food does make me sick. Ding!”

Ean growled, scratching her hair like mad.“I don’t get it! It doesn’t make any sense to me! Who the fuck are Five and LMFAO?!?”

“LFO.” Naoko corrected, a “ding” predictably following after. “But LMFAO could also be considered a boy band if you think about it hard enough.”

The girls bantered on and on, and it occurred to Ean as this was happening that Naoko had totally forgotten what she was going to say. Maybe it wasn’t that important after all…?

“Yay me!” Ean said out of nowhere, clapping for no reason. “Yay for me not knowing old boybands! Ick, they’re disgusting anyway.”

Ean, however, could think of a million other things that were disgusting, like cigarettes, and heroin—vaping was okay, though.

Suddenly, someone barged into the club room, startling everyone.

“ARE YOU CRAZY?! ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR MIND?!”

The person who said that was a girl that Ean was already familiar with named Keitei Savahei, a ninth-grader who was on the disciplinary committee team. She heard enough about her from various conversations in her class over the past few weeks to last a lifetime.

And Ean had pissed her off. It couldn’t have been anyone else.

And how did she react in this clearly intense conversation?

“Well, well, if it isn’t The Savage.” Ean mused.

Keitei’s face flushed, her mouth screwing up to one side.“D-don’t call me that!”

Ean snorted. “I can’t believe I finally have the honor to meet you! I’ve heard so many things about you, and they’re not all pretty.”

“Tch.” Keitei clicked her tongue. “You say that but you’re the one who has nasty gummy bear-flavored vape juice and a vape stick in her locker!” The girl’s face grew redder. “And I have it right here in my backpack!”

Ean smirked. “How do you know it’s me for sure?”

Keitei’s frown deepened. “Because the stuff was inside your locker! I’ve been through all the kids’ lockers so far, and you’re the only one who had that junk in there!”

Nervousness grew inside the pit of Ean’s stomach, but she tried to stave it off. “Now what’s gonna happen? You gonna keep it for yourself and smoke it?”

At this point, Keitei’s face was just a tomato with a face on it. “I’m bringing the stuff down to the principal’s office in just a moment and you’re gonna atone for your sins.” The girl then made the smuggest face she had ever seen on anyone, ever. “Just. You. Wait.”

Ean rolled her eyes. “Yep! I can’t wait.” She looked Keitei up and down, trying to imprint her appearance and facial expression into her memory. “Now go fill your savage water bottle with savage water and go eat your fuckin lunch!”

Keitei groaned and left the room.

“Good luck!” Ean called after her.

After the door shut, Jopi spoke up.

“Ah, Keitei. She sure is something.”

“Indeed she is,” said Suika, nodding along.

At that moment, the girls heard the chatter of students going back to class, so lunch was definitely over.

As Ean was walking back to her class, she had a sneaking suspicion that the principal’s office would be the last stop for the day at school instead of the CDAC.

That marked the second time in her life in which she actually regretted something.

… Is this character development? Daaaamn.

★

It, of course, happened.

Right as sixth hour ended, Ean was called to the principal’s office (cue tons of “Ooohs!”).

So, there she was. In Mr. Setsumori’s office.

Mr. Setsumori was sitting at his desk, his hands clasped together in a way that Ean recognized from that one super-famous anime.

“So… Ms. Sasaki,” the principal said in a sober tone. “Ms. Savahei told me what she confiscated from your locker this afternoon.”

Oh boy. Here we go!

So how was Ean going to tackle this? Detention, while not being school, was still being forced to stay home under one of her parents’ guidance (whoever was home that day). And she still might have to do schoolwork, just without anyone helping her.

So she was down to two decisions.

Numero uno: Tell the truth. Fess up. Explain it all. Get in trouble.

Numero dos: Use her fire power and ignite his desk ablaze! Get in hella trouble.

Lying wasn’t an option. It totally wasn’t. The princ-i-pal knew it was her. Keitei had proof it was her.

So now what?

Truth. Powers.

Truth. Powers.

It was such a hard decision.

“... Ean? Ms. Sasaki?”

That jerked her back to life.

“Are you going to say anything or are you going to continue to ignore me?” Mr. Setsumori smiled a creepy smile that was definitely not putting her at ease.

“I-I, ah, I…” Aw, fuck.

She took a deep breath. Numero uno it is.

“I just want to say… I did have my vape and gummy bear-flavored vape juice in my locker… and yes, I’m sorry about it.”

The principal nodded slowly. “Alright, good. That’s what I needed to hear. But I also need to hear something else: Why did you have it in your locker even though you know it’s a violation of the school rules?”

The question penetrated Ean’s brain like an arrow through a cheap target. Oh, God. How am I gonna answer this one?

“Was it because you didn’t pay attention during the orientation?”

It was like he read her mind, which was totally weird and made her feel even more uncomfortable than she already was.

“Um… kinda,” she mumbled. “Like, I was listening, but it was more like… I forgot? Ah, I forgot, yeah. And also, vaping helps me destress myself. I stress out all the time.” I’m not exactly lying, now am I?

“Hmm, alright.” He said, his keen eyes showing above his thick-rimmed glasses. “I understand. I’m not as mad at you as you think. I understand where you’re coming from—but you’re still getting detention.”

That had to be the biggest disappointment Ean had ever heard in her life. Why does he have to fuckin structure his sentences like that? What the fuck?!

“H-how long are you talking?” she managed to stutter out.

“I think a week would do it,” he confirmed, still doing that creepy, unnatural smile of his.

Ean smiled back at him, in a way that she knew she was in deep shit… but that deep of shit, she guessed.

“N-nice to know,” stammered Ean as she bowed to the principal and left the room at a hand gesture of his. She didn’t want to look back.

★

Ean already knew her parents’ reactions to her wrongdoing, and they obviously weren’t glowing and positive, so when Ean got home, her phone and computer were taken from her almost immediately.

“We aren’t mad, just disappointed.” That’s what their reactions could be summed up as.

And so Ean found herself in her room, with nothing but schoolwork to do—but that was the last thing she wanted to do at the moment.

Ean was lying on her bed, her feet kicking to a song that was stuck in her head at the moment, the only things comforting her were the Thrasher poster on the wall by her bed and the Kanye West Graduation poster across the room.

God, I wish I had more things to put up on my walls. If I actually collected magazines, or hell, even records I could put them up on my boring-ass walls.

Ean let out a small sigh and tried picturing seeing it like it was winter and the air was cold enough that you could see your own breath.

“Being grounded sucks,” she muttered, in a bitter mood. She began to play with the edges of her hair, separating parts of it that were stuck together for seemingly no reason.

That was when she felt compelled to sing aloud that stupid song that was stuck in her head. The one that Miharu played out loud that evening at the club while they were chilling out.

“‘I don’t need to be anything other… than a prison guard’s son…’”

Yes. The opening to that dumb old show One Tree Hill that Miharu apparently liked a lot.

She skipped over the first verse because she couldn’t remember it very well. Plus, the guy that was singing’s accent was kind of funny.

“‘I don’t wanna be anything other than what I’ve been, tryna be lately!’”

Her room wasn’t barren enough that she could hear her voice echo off her walls, but it did have a certain acoustic to it that she liked.

“‘I don’t wanna be anything other than—’”

“Ean, could you please quiet down? You’re disturbing my show here!” Ean’s mom hollered from the living room (that she was actually pretty close too, to be honest).

Ean groaned. “FIIINE!”

Well that ruined my already shitty mood. Why can’t she just ignore me? She thought, pondering humanity at its finest.

Ean’s motivation to sing was extinguished, but something else came up into her slightly emotionally exhausted mind.

Let’s call Naoko and borrow that spellbook!

I mean, what a great way to pass time and not do homework, right? Since her electronics were her only source of entertainment, she had to go to different sources when those were taken away.

Ean sat on her bed with a big, dumb grin on her face. Thank God I know how to summon Naoko.

Then, she opened her mouth and yelled at a reasonable volume.

“Nao-kooo!”

Within a few seconds Naoko appeared, a glowing purple light surrounding her upon entering.

“You called?” she said in her usual droning voice. “Wait—what am I, your whitelighter or something?”

Ean cocked her head to the side, eyebrows furrowed. “The fuck’s that?”

Naoko sighed. “It’s a thing from Charmed. Alright, moving on…”

“Oh.” That still didn’t clear much up for Ean, so she dropped the subject from her head (for the time being). “So, I was thinking,” she began enthusiastically.

“Thinking what?” Naoko found comfort lying on Ean’s bed while said girl was still sitting criss crossed on the floor. “Is that it, or is there more to the story…?” A small smile formed on her lips.

Ean blinked and continued on. “Ah, right! I just wanted to know if you still have that, you know—”

“No, I don’t know.”

“—spellbook—”

“—Anywhere at your house or in your backpack. I know you tend to be pretty fuckin prepared for just about anything, so yeah.”

At the moment, Naoko didn’t care if it was the actual version or the photo-copied version (she learned about those a day after she joined the club), as long as it could do magic. Besides that, there was another rather pressing issue that was floating around in her mind at that moment, too.

“Hey, Ean-chan,” she said, voice sounding even more grave somehow.

“Yeah?” Ean shifted her gaze from the Thrasher poster to Naoko’s face.

“What happened to your phone?”

Ean jolted. “Shhh!” she said, shushing her friend. “My parents grounded me and I got detention for a week for that vape thing.”

“You mean that whole ‘vape your locker’ deal?” Naoko added, amused slightly. “Yeah, I was there when Keitei said that.”

“Ah.” It just occurred to Ean that she wasn’t the only other one in the room at that time.

Naoko made a show of getting off Ean’s bed and rolling her eyes. “I’ll get the spellbook. Be right back.”

After Naoko left, Ean realized that her parents (her mom in particular) didn’t barge into her room during that entire conversation—yet again, she did hear her on the phone during that time, and she still was at the moment.

It only took Naoko the duration of not even half of an A$AP Rocky song to come back, copy paper version of the spellbook in hand.

Fuck yeah! I am so ready right now!

She accidentally said all of that out loud, too. Unknowingly.

Naoko facepalmed.

“I’m really just doing this so you can learn a lesson,” she stated. “I think enough bad is going to happen if you do enough of these spells. This whole situation just feels like an afterschool special in the making.”

Ean looked confused. “The fuck is an ‘afterschool special?’”

“Something before your time.” Naoko’s eyes lowered. “Ding.”

And probably before yours too, Ms. Dinger.

And with that, she left once more, leaving Ean with the all-powerful, all-exciting spellbook (and potion book too, huh?).

Ean was hyped, and she could tell from her body that she was sweating bullets… even though she hadn’t even begun to do any of the spells yet.

“Hmm…” she murmured, flicking through the pages like flicking through TV channels.

“Ah ha! Found something!” she declared to herself. ‘Shape-shifting: Can turn the user into anything they desire.’ Huh. ‘Anything they desire?’ I wonder if it can turn me into a sexy-ass teenager.”

Wanting to try it out for herself, Ean got up from her carpet to look at herself in the mirror. Although she didn’t show it on the outside, she felt pretty self-conscious of her appearance, as she was petite for her age and didn’t have any curves anywhere on her body.

Ean bit her lip. “Hmm…” Then shrugged. “It wouldn’t hurt, would it?”

And so, Ean picked the booklet up off the ground and quietly read the spell aloud. While she was doing that, she also realized that the spell would only last a day or so, if you didn’t read the counterspell. Shivers of excitement ran up her spine.

When she was done reciting the spell, she looked up at the mirror to find out that…

Nothing had changed.

“Fuck!” she shrieked. “Nothing happened!”

Just like a bee to a flower, Ean heard her mom’s footsteps coming closer and closer, and just like that, her door swung open.

“What is it, Ean?” she demanded, looking panicked. “Did something happen to you?!”

For someone who is supposedly disappointed in her daughter, she sure as hell still shows concern for her.

Luckily, Ean was stealthy enough to have hidden the spellbook under her bedsheets in those five precious seconds it took for her mom to half-enter her room.

“Oh, nothing,” she said innocently. “I was just attempting to get my eyes crossed in front of the mirror, that’s all!” She stuck her tongue as cutely and as innocently as possible.

“Ah, okay. Glad you’re finding something to do in your room that’s not being on your godforsaken electronics. Are you hungry yet?”

Ean shook her head. “No thank you! But thanks for asking!”

Shut.

Ean was left to herself once again.

“Alrighty,” Ean cracked her knuckles. “Let’s do this again!”

She recited the spell for the second time, this time focusing all her attention (well, the best she could) on it. The next thing she knew, she opened her eyes and there she was, five inches taller and three cup sizes bigger.

Ean cupped her hands over her mouth to keep from screaming.

“Holy shit,” she whispered instead. “Like… damn. Ah ha ha ha!” She then paused her freaking out for a second. “Wait—speaking of pretty… DREW!” Ean grinned evilly. “Yeah yeah, I can summon him like Suika did! And then I can check him out again for sure! Ah, fuck. You know what I really need? A sound barrier!”

And so, the young girl made a sound barrier by using the Projection spell. But of course, it needed to be tested to make sure it really worked.

“SH*T! F*CK! C*NT! RET*RDED!” Ean decided to hurl any swear word or offensive word she could think of at the top of her head, and to her amazement, she heard no one stomping up to yell at her. Not like her mom ever yelled at her when she swore, but still.

What Ean did hear however on the other side, was this:

“Oh, hi honey. How was work?”

“Doing good. How ‘bout you? Did you file all those checks today?”

“Shh… I think our daughter’s sleeping. Be quiet. Also, did you hear she got grounded…?”

The fact that she could hear them but not have them hear her was amazing. The Magical Sound Barrier™! Buy one for your family today! Satisfaction guaranteed!

Ean let out a huge sigh and plopped herself on her bed to stretch.

“Okay,” she said simply. “Summoning once again. Summoning 2: Electric Drewgaloo.” She set the booklet onto her lap and sang a little ditty. “Da-da-da-da… ah! Here we go, here’s the summoning spell! Blah blah, blah blah blah. Da.” For whatever strange reason, Ean kept feeling increasingly sleepy, or possibly drunk (off of power?). Despite that, though, she continued on.

After reciting the spell (while picturing a version of Drew that she wanted, of course), she felt a buzz of energy fill the room, and Ean looked to where she felt it the strongest.

As a golden yellow figure started to form, she thought stupidly to herself, “Young Girl Summons Twelve-Year-Old Drew Fuller: Gone Sexual.’”

She wasn’t sure why, either. You figure it out.

Anyway, she watched in awe as the figure’s features started to form, and sure enough, it formed a twelve-year-old Drew. And just like when Suika summoned him (or, uh, Chris, rather), his eyes were a piercing yellow.

Damn, that’s actually kinda hot.

“Umm… hi,” Ean said to him, in an awkward tone that she didn’t expect to come out. To make up for this, she crossed her legs and tried to make a sexy pose (but probably failed miserably).

Drew didn’t appear to be fazed. He pushed his curtain bangs out of his eyes instead “Uh… where am I?” he queried.

Ean’s mouth formed a straight line.

Fuck, she thought. Doing basic math, he’d have been twelve in 1992 so how am I going to break it to him that I’m from the future?

Welp. Might as well do it.

“Um, hey kid! Did you know that you’re in the future right now?”

For some reason, Drew cackled, cracking an adorable grin on his face. “The future? Yeah, right. I must have just blacked out and I’m dreaming right now.” He then pinched himself. “Ow!”

Ean smirked. He is too fuckin cute.

“Woah!”

Ean turned around (lol) and saw Young! Drew peering into the mirror.

“My eyes are yellow! Am I a vampire or something?”

“Why, of course you are!” teased Ean. “This is a dream, actually, not the future! You can do anything you want right now!”

Drew shook his head profusely. “No, no dude. I pinched myself. This is real life. But seriously…” He paused for dramatic effect. “How did I get here? And why are my eyes yellow, exactly?”

Ean facepalmed. I’m gonna have to actually do some explaining, aren’t I?

She sighed and started to take off her school uniform shirt. “It sure is-”

The girl sighed and began to explain to the young boy what exactly was going on, and after that…

She fainted.

★

Ean wasn’t sure how long she slept, but when she woke up it was once again bright and sunny out. Since she didn’t have her phone she wasn’t woken up to the dulcet tones of “Gold Everything” each morning, she guessed she was either up super early or up super late.

Whatever time it was, she could hear her parents having a chat outside, so it was definitely Saturday, meaning they were both home. She also sensed that Young! Drew wasn’t there, so she also assumed that the spells must have worn off already.

Ean touched her chest and was instantly greeted with a surface akin to a

Yup. The spells have definitely worn off.

This disappointed her. However brief it was, it was fun looking more mature, and it was fun to not let her parents hear her profane-laden ramblings (although they did the same) and her talking to somebody even though shouldn’t have been… even if that someone was actually from twenty-three years ago.

Ean rolled over on the bed, where she had conveniently fainted, and sighed. Her stomach grumbled accordingly.

“I’m starving,” she said aloud, all groggily.

As her eyes traveled across the room, she saw her spellbook, still open on the ground.

Whoops.

Then, as sneaky and quietly as she could, she got off her bed and stuffed it into her backpack.