Chapter 58:
My Dad is an Otaku, My Mom is a Fujoshi, and I Wish I Was Dead
Test, test! One...two...is this thing on? Good...it's working. I thought I broke it when I dropped it in the swimming pool the other day when I was hiding trying to record Takeda from 3-2 confessing to Nakaumi from 3-4, but old technology is unkillable!
Oh, sorry! I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Miku Maebara, a second-year student in Class 2-1 at Shinchoushi Private Academy Middle School in Chiba Prefecture, and I'm the #1 roving reporter for the school newspaper! There's no scoop too big or too small for me! Whenever something's going down at school- confessions, breakups, illicit love- I'm on the scene!
And today, I'm about to break my biggest story of all.
My best friend Kaechan is really pretty and smart and that's why I love her so much...but the Shinchoushi Middle School Student Council don't. They're always getting on her case...we don't have a disciplinary committee, but they sure think they're one. They go after me, too, but nothing keeps an intrepid reporter down!
But anyway, here's the background information- on the last day of school before the break, some first-year girl asked Kaechan to help her clean, but it turned out it was a dastardly trick by Senjuuin, the arrogant president, to detain her on false pretenses! Luckily, this really scary tall delinquent first-year named Ryou Shiritori came along and saved my friend from Senjuuin's clutches. Surprisingly, he's the little brother of Shiritori from 1-1 in the high school who's...uh...no, she's not dating my Haru-kun, I refuse to believe it!
Both of them are really intimidating...the only time I talked to Ayame Shiritori she got right in my face and wouldn't shut up...and her brother skips class and walks around all day looking like he's gonna kill someone...awawawa, how am I ever gonna beat Shiritori? What if I have to fight both of them? Haru-kun's so precious but that girl's in the way and I don't know what to do! And this Saturday I finally get to see my Haru...but Shiritori will be there too...I've got no chance...Keep it together, Miku! You have to do your best, no matter what!
Back to the story. So Ryou Shiritori-kun comes along and saves Kaechan, but then Nagahama (the vice president who likes feet- I'm pretty proud of breaking that story) comes along with the rest of the Student Council and tries to restrain the younger Shiritori so he fights them off...and then the next day he gets hit with an indefinite suspension from school because that dastardly Senjuuin told her mother that Ryou-kun hit her with a rock and gave her a concussion so her mom comes storming into Headmaster Beardy's office and says she'll shut the school down unless Ryou-kun gets expelled like some villain from kids' TV! What a crisis, right?! Kaechan told me not to say anything about that last part, because one of the teachers will end up fired if I do. So I'm keeping my mouth shut!
Anyways, I'm ready to get the toughest scoop of my career! Kaechan said that I was the one who could help right this wrong with my stalk- I mean reporting skills, so it's up to me to skillfully expose Senjuuin's lies and correct this horrible injustice. It's a reporter's job to ensure transparency in government and authority. You know what they say, democracy dies in darkness! Even though the teachers have the final say on everything at school...so it's really more like an autocracy...with an unelected ruling class governing the subjects, and that ruling class is only held accountable by their own rulers...gah, I never realized how tyrannical our system was! Maybe after breaking the news of the love triangle in the art club, I'll start the groundwork on a revolution to overthrow the teachers...I am cute enough to be a revolutionary symbol that people flock to, like Tomoe Gozen or the Yellow Rose of Texas...hehe...
Eh, I think I have more important things to do. The revolution can wait. The teachers are all very nice, especially Shima-Shima. He's my homeroom teacher and our math teacher and I'm his favorite. He doesn't say it out loud, but I am. When the school newspaper was doing a teacher profile column, I got to interview him and it was really interesting...I asked him what he liked best about teaching middle school and he said "because kids haven't had all their hopes and dreams crushed yet" and then he started telling me about how his wife had left him and how his children won't speak to him anymore. Shima-Shima's such a silly old guy, hehe.
I'm prepared and ready for battle! This morning I got up bright and early, headed all the way down to school, opened up the club room, and armed myself with my trusty notepad and every single voice recorder the club's got. The old ones, the older ones, you name it! I've got at least ten of them on me. And I put on an old flat cap that's been hanging in the club room for as long as I've been there. Because this is an important mission. The heroic deed Kaechan entrusted me with is to record Senjuuin confessing that she lied and got Shiritori-kun in trouble, on tape. I've got one of the recorders bulging out of my pocket so she'll see it and tell me to turn it off and then she'll have no idea I've got nine more and my phone all running. And if she finds my phone, she can't confiscate it because school's not in session! I'm pretty much a genius.
Okay. The hour is at hand. I'm calmly walking up the rickety steps in the old school building like I'm supposed to be here. If you have confidence, you can lie and everyone will believe you. That's what I heard on TV. I wish I could be confident around my Haru, though...Never mind.
I'm here. It's the scene of the crime. It's where the Student Council almost gutted Kaechan and turned her into soup before Shiritori-kun showed up to save the day. That guy's really scary and it seems like he'll kill you if you look at him funny, but he helped my bestie out so he must not be that bad of a guy, really.
Stay calm. I just need to act like I know what I'm doing. Even the Student Council can't resist the charm of a cute girl.
Knock. Knock. The door to the Student Council room slides open and I'm immediately greeted by a bespectacled praying mantis.
"Maebara, what do you want?" Nagahama really doesn't sound happy to see me today. Then again, he never is.
In the back of the room, sitting in the middle of the U-shaped row of tables, Senjuuin has stopped in mid-stamp to stare at us with a mildly amused reaction. Okay. There's my target. I'm looking right at her. The rest of the armband brigade has also paused filing papers to gawk at the scene. Man, it's tough dealing with them...I'm so glad they're gonna be stepping down soon.
"Ah, haha, I'm actually here to do a profile on the president for next month's school newsletter..." Instinctively, I scratch the back of my head. Crap, I gotta act natural!
"Really." Nagahama continues to stare down at me. "And why now, of all times, instead of last month when school was still in session?"
"Uh...I forgot."
The glasses beanpole doesn't break his gaze. "Interesting. I can believe that, but I haven't seen a single other member of the Newspaper Club on campus the entire break. Not even your president Hiraku and your vice-president Saotome have felt the need to set foot on school grounds, but you do? All articles in the school newsletter are reviewed by your club's leadership before publication, correct? Or am I mistaken, Maebara?"
The nerd is actually good...I'm sweating a bit. The entire room has stopped what they're doing to stare at me. Gotta play it cool, gotta play it cool...
"We communicate over LIME during breaks. You know, we live in the 21st century."
Nagahama scratches his chin. "Maebara, do you realize that every article published in the school newsletter has to be approved by us? Even your...I suppose they could charitably be called articles. You're lucky that your writing is too comical to take seriously. If you had fractionally better grammar, you wouldn't be allowed to publish a word because of the amount of slander you engage in. And it seems like the last time I checked with Hiraku-san, there wasn't an article planned about our president for next month. I can't believe that someone who's a self-proclaimed 'top-tier roving reporter' wouldn't know about the review process, now would you?"
Okay, now I'm getting mad! That dumb, slackjawed, idiot, butt-kissing stooge just insulted my reporting! I put my life on the line every day to get the best scoops, and he wants to talk about my hard work like that?
But if I pouted and puffed out my cheeks, they'd figure out what I'm doing...ugh.
"I'll allow it, Nagahama-kun."
Holy crap, buttering Senjuuin up actually worked. I knew she wouldn't be able to resist the allure of a glowing puff piece!
"Thanks so much, President! I knew I could count on you!" As soon as I grasp her hand and smile, she looks a little unnerved for just a second, but immediately returns to her cool, icy expression.
Wow, Kaechan's a genius. She told me to act like I admire the president and Senjuuin would drop her guard because she's egotistical or something, and it's working! I can see an easy victory for us...by tomorrow Shiritori-kun will be free and the dastardly Student Council will be resigning in disgrace!
"Hey, President...I'd like to get your honest thoughts in your interview...so do you mind if we go somewhere else?" I lean right over her ear as I say this.
"MAEBARA! You are staying right here!" Wow, four-eyes didn't like that. Getting rid of the flunkies might be tougher than I thought...
"It's fine." The president clasps her hands underneath her chin. She looks like she's in control, but I've got her right where I want her. Man, that was easy. "Nagahama-kun, you've worked hard enough on administrative tasks today. Please lead the fieldwork. I'll be fine right here."
The gangly vice president gives her a look of utter confusion and shock, but slowly leaves the room, taking the rest of them with him.
Okay. Now it's just me and her. I've got the villain right where I want her. All I need to do is get her to talk.
"First off, Maebara-" the president stares at the band of my skirt- "get rid of that voice recorder. I'll do this on the condition that it's written transcription only."
"Aww, President, voice transcription is useful, though...if I have to write everything down I might misquote you."
"Take it or leave it."
"Fine." I take the decoy recorder out of my waistband and slap it on the table. I'm doing my best to look disappointed on the outside, but on the inside I'm jumping for joy. She fell for it! She really fell for it! She has no idea I have 9 more recorders and a phone on me! Not so tough now, are you, Asako Senjuuin?
"So what did you want to ask me?" The president sits up straight, although with her tiny frame it doesn't make her seem any taller or more imposing.
Gotta work this in naturally. "So first off, just a general question...could you introduce yourself?"
She puts a hand on her chin and thinks for a second, but answers. "My name is Asako Senjuuin. I'm in class 3-2 and I plan to continue on to high school next year. I'm 14 and I'll turn 15 in December. Some of my hobbies include archery, flower arranging-"
"Okay! Let's go ahead and stop you there." I'm furiously scribbling away on my pad, but it's all a ruse. "I think the readers will be more interested in your service to the community. So how did you become student council president? Is it something that you always wanted to do?"
"Yes." Every time she stares at me with her icy gaze, I get a little more nervous. I hope she's not onto me. Kaede told me she was really smart. "I joined the Student Council as a first-year and mainly did administrative work. As a second-year, I became treasurer and performed those duties to the best of my abilities. Kurihara, the outgoing president, nominated me as her successor last year, and I accepted after being confirmed in a 5-0 vote. I can't say for certain what made my seniors nominate me, but I hope I've lived up to their expectations. I'll get the chance to ask them next year. I will be running as president in high school, so I hope to build on my experience in a new environment." She gives a fake smile.
Uh oh. I see what Kaechan meant. Senjuuin is giving nothing but diplomatic answers. I mean, obviously her senpai nominated her because she bribed someone! However...she can't stay diplomatic for long.
"All right, President. On that same note, how would you say your interactions with students have been?"
"Rewarding, for the most part." She nods forward as she focuses, and her long, low twintails flick. "I subscribe heavily to the Confucian philosophy of the upright ruler...what that means here is that those who have been placed in a position of authority, such as myself, have to be morally upright, or, to put it more bluntly, a good example. If I don't set a good example, for instance, by not following the rules, other students will not respect my authority. The most important part of leadership is not making any demands of your followers that you wouldn’t be willing to do yourself."
Ugh. This is almost making me sick. Does the Little Tyrant not hear what's coming out of her mouth?
Since I'm a little ticked, I guess this is as good of a time to go for the kill as any. "What about challenges? What are some of the difficulties you've had interacting with students?"
"Well, sometimes we might not be on the same page. Social cohesion is important for a harmonious learning environment." She looks up and away toward the ceiling like she's somehow innocent. "It's important for us to issue corrective action, not in a vindictive way, but so that students will learn. In a way, we're almost like teachers."
I swear I saw her grin for a second. She's lying out her teeth and she knows that. That's why no one likes her. She's so two-faced and she acts like she's doing the world a favor when she's out picking on someone!
"Recently. Are there any students that you've had problems with?"
"I don't know what you mean." She cocks her head with a fake innocent glance. "I'm not sure this would be appropriate for a school newsletter column."
"I'm just trying to give you a chance to show how you've dealt with adversity! Specifically, are there any tall, bleached-blond delinquent first-years you've had a tough time with in the past?"
Once again, she plays dumb. "I'm not sure. I try to remember students, but I'm still getting used to the first-years. I'm afraid I don't remember anyone by that description."
"You know." A vein throbs in my temple. "Someone named Ryou Shiritori, by any chance?"
I was hoping that would get a reaction from her, however minor, but it doesn't. "No, I'm afraid that name doesn't ring a bell...my apologies, Maebara-san."
STOP IT WITH THE DUMB ACT! I'M GONNA GO NUTS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
If you haven't guessed, I'm really annoyed at her. Not just for messing with Kaechan...for wasting my time. "It seems like he was involved in a bit of an incident with the Student Council, and was disciplined. Can you give me some more insight into how you used your problem-solving skills to handle the situation?"
"All we can do is recommend disciplinary action to the teachers, Maebara-san. We have no power to discipline students."
Crap, crap, crap! What do I ask here? I would go to her mom next, but Kaechan told me that saying that would get someone fired, and I don't want to do that!
Suddenly, Senjuuin's icy sneer stops my racing thoughts. "I think that's enough for your article, Maebara-san. We should wrap it up for today."
"But I had a few more questions..."
"I said that will be all for today." Senjuuin's voice has faded from that high, fake voice she was using to its normal disdainful tone.
She suddenly stands up from her chair, strides all the way toward me, and before I can do anything, her face contorts in a mocking sneer and she leans toward my ear, saying in a soft but malicious tone of voice, "Did you get everything you were looking for?"
"Yes...I thought that was an insightful interview..."
"I mean on those other voice recorders."
"Wha-"
"Let me give you some advice, Maebara. Next time, don't make your hidden recording devices so obvious. It's kind of pathetic, honestly. Of course I knew you were bugged. I figured it out within the first ten seconds."
What?! This girl knew I had those other voice recorders on me?! And I hid them so well, too!
"Oh, and by the way...if you ever thought you were seriously going to trick me into trusting you and saying something that I shouldn't after you’ve caused me nothing but trouble for months...well, you're more idiotic than you look."
I feel like I'm gonna shatter like ice.
Asako Senjuuin just outwitted the #1 Roving Reporter! How could I ever let that happen? I'm sorry, Shiritori-kun! I'm sorry, Kaechan!
“Tell Kouga she is, too, since she obviously put you up to this. Now take that shocked expression out of here and stop wasting my important time,” Senjuuin sneers.
Now I’m mad! Kaechan might be grumpy, but she’s not stupid! She’s the smartest person I know!
“Why do you hate Kaechan so much?!” My voice comes out before I can control it.
The student council president stares me down with a cold, withering gaze. “‘Hate’ is a strong word.”
“You hate Kaechan! You get on her for no reason at all!”
“Perhaps it seems that way to simpletons.” She folds her hands under her chin with a half-smile. “I admit that my reasons for enforcing discipline on Kouga are a bit different from someone like you. You are merely a nuisance. With Kouga it’s deeper. My job as the school’s leader is not just disciplining troublemakers- it’s identifying potential troublemakers before they even get the chance to cause any. And the worst of them all is Kouga.”
Senjuuin leans toward me, her eyes so piercing that I nearly take a step back. “Do you know why that is? Because everything she says and does is a lie. She’s putting on an act.”
Wow, she’s making me so mad! “Stop saying all those mean things about my friend, you jerk! You big doo-doo head!”
Senjuuin…is laughing? “I figured you wouldn’t be smart enough to realize that Kouga has you wrapped around her finger. Our interview is finished, Maebara.”
The door slams open, and the glasses beanstalk and all the other goons come storming back in.
I did all that, and I'm no closer to getting Senjuuin to talk...in fact, I'm further behind than I was! Now Senjuuin knows that I'm trying to trick her into confessing her evil deeds, and she's not gonna say a word about it! I hate her! She's making my life so hard!
Wait, change of plans! Since the direct attack didn't work, it's time for the indirect approach!
Maybe if I research her, and find out something embarrassing about her, I'll get her to admit that she lied about Shiritori-kun in exchange for nobody finding out her secret! Man, I'm good! Asako Senjuuin may have won round one, but this time I'm taking you down, and it's for Kaechan!
5 hours later, she finally comes out of the student council room. Ugh, I had to crane my neck and squat for hours waiting on her, and now my legs are killing me.
There she goes, walking daintily- she's definitely headed home. Time to sneak behind her and the goons. Just one classroom at a time...quickly, like that, dashing door-to-door before anyone realizes.
Crap, did she see me? Nope! I'm good. Whew.
Now I'm following her home on the street, just waiting to get a good photo with my phone from a great hiding spot...no, it isn't stalking, it's advanced reporting techniques. Come on, go inside a cafe or something...or get mad at someone...or reach down and pet a dog or literally do anything other than walking gracefully down the street! Now we're both on a bus and she's still not doing anything but looking straight ahead...and there she goes...I think I'm going a long way out of my way...
Whoa, that house is enormous! It's in the traditional Japanese style and they have sliding tatami and they even have that little water catcher thing that goes "doink" in the courtyard with a fountain! And the whole thing is surrounded by a wooden, short fence with a graceful inner gate...it's like one of those houses out of fiction.
Senjuuin nods to the man standing at the gate, and then it opens and she goes inside.
Wah- I followed her all the way home! I have followed her for a whole day and have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to show for it!
SHE'S PERFECT!
I flip open my phone, quickly text Kaechan "I've got nothing" and then slip it back in my pocket as I sigh. Kaechan was counting on me, but I failed...
All I can do is blankly hold my phone in the direction of the house and see if she comes back out or something...
Wait. One of the doors is half open and I saw something move on the camera...it's probably nothing, but I gotta check it out. I'm desperate...
Huh?
What is that?
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