40.ii The Divine Cave of Three Stars

~ Ham Song ~

Ham Song’s observations are not done yet, Dear Traveler. But there are some things that we need to cover before we can move on to the dinner portion of our spiritual cadre’s evening.

First, let’s start with the judges. They won’t become as key as say Sun Seven or Sun Surina, but they are worth going over. Three of the judges are rabbit spirits who have judged tournaments of this sort in the past. They are also meant to enforce Code (yes, that Code) and respond to any harsh Code violations. With that being said, the Kawaii laws have been relaxed somewhat for the sake of this tournament.

The bull spirit known as Shan Boshan comes from a region in the Ninth Heaven known as Shonen Playground. It’s essentially a turf triangle of the Tiger, Ox and Monkey provinces. He serves as the expert on the all-outness and cumulative badassery displayed by the contestants. Don’t ask me what any of that means or how it’s measured. The spirits that come out of Shonen Playground are on a whole other level.

The last spirit was the elderly sun clone aptly named Sun Laozhi – Old Master. He’s your typical old wise man with plenty of fun secrets hidden up his enormous sleeves. Laozhi was always in high demand for tournaments such as this. If he was there, then it’s a pretty big deal.

Next, let’s move on to our anchors. They’re real characters these two. Sun Xiao Dan is a popular event caster. He does everything from televised championships to grade school talent shows. He calls himself the people’s sportscaster and almost never turns down a request. Due to his widespread popularity, he, like Laozhi, simply goes by one name – Dan.

Then there is Chow Jia Hui. Like the three bunny judges, she is a Kawaii Village native. It’s there that she began building her career as a trivia night host. However, you should know that Chow Jia Hui secretly despises her home turf. She only returns for special events such as this. The sportscaster is fondly known as Encyclopedia Chow, which you’ll hear others refer to her as from time to time.

Almost finished, Dear Traveler. Before we move on, I’d like to go over the nature of the competition. As expressed before, this is a staff-wielding competition with the intent of measuring a monkey spirit’s innate control and prowess over their quarterstaff. The prize for being the last monkey standing is eight hundred thousand in cash as well as an all expense paid trip to a hot spring resort at the Mountain of Mind and Heart.

This year is a little bit different from past Sevenfold Peach tourneys because this time contestants are barred from relying on their Immortal State. The reason being that whenever you gather a lot of monkey kings in one place and let them go buckwild with sweet immortal peaches, you get a lot of…damaged property. The Rabbit Province was not willing to deal with the costs of cleaning up after their guests. It would break more laws in the Code than I have the energy to count. So this was the compromise.

Some spirits were not happy about this, but they couldn’t do anything about it and neither can we.

I personally find it hard to believe that one of the contestants won’t at least try to find a way to test these limits. Who knows. Maybe if they’re cute enough, they might be able to get away with it.

Let’s not spend too much time in this state of wondering. It’s time to kick this tournament off with some ordinary verse:

Spirits wait and spirits watch

Some travel great distances

To test staff against staff.

They are all gathered here now.

None drunk on immortal wine

Too early to break out in sweat

So then how do they shine?

All their tails coil and stretch

Refusing to hang still.

Patience. There soon will be no rest

during the Sevenfold Peach. The ultimate test.

Bend your rods, children of the Great Sage!

Show us your skill!

For the staff that can bear the extremes

Means the spirit has a strong will.

While the staff that hits its limits quick,

Reveals inner weaknesses.

Many will try.

Only one shall get it right.

We are about to begin.

Mark every step and

synchronize your breaths.

Who has what it takes? Who will go far?

Here at the Sevenfold Peach

In a Divine Cave

of Three Stars!