When a Bright Light Meets a Brighter Light

"Kenta, are you alright? Your face's been frozen like that for several seconds now," Fumiko said, peering around the corner of my periphery.

"Eri Kitamura... is coming here?"

"Absolutely! We decided on behalf of her new agency to do a campaign that involved going to towns where her fanbase is strongest. The first on that series of stops was naturally the Roppongi district located here in Minato, Tokyo."

"Wait, are you one of her fans, Kenta? I don't think I quite understand what's going on here."

"Uh--I'll tell you after school tomorrow," I said.

My negative thoughts subtly showed through my body language. My eyelids narrowed and my torso slumped forward several degrees. The shock of Eri's return to Roppongi HIlls caused such a large shiver throughout my body, that I couldn't help but bundle my arms together as if I was in a snowstorm.

Fumiko quizzically tilted her head, letting out a slight whimper.

"Well, okay. Whatever's on your mind, I hope I can help you with it."

"Did I say something out of turn? Would a concert ticket be enough for your trouble," the slender young woman with glasses asked.

"Oh, sorry. You've done nothing wrong. I just got a really bad case of nostalgia, that's all."

I felt myself clam up. The positive experiences I've experienced in the last month seemed to vanish under the scrutiny of my former relationship. With my luck, I'll probably bump into her later today.

The two of us bid the young bespectacled manager goodbye and stepped on the bullet train first leading us to Fumiko's residence.

A brief instant passed where she stayed in her seat after the stop was announced. She took the opportunity to grasp my hand, trying to smile to mask the obvious concern from the previous frown she wore the whole ride to the Roppongi Hills residence.

"We're going to talk as soon as our last class ends tomorrow, okay," Fumiko said.

Okay, Fumiko, I promise," I said, matching the saccharine sweetness of her smile and chuckling.

She let go of the hand she emotionally held for ransom, and waved goodbye with her twinkling fingers as she left the train car.

***

I thought I had put my old feelings from the past to rest in that past basketball game, but those last few memories with Eri always forced me out of my present reality.

I hated the anxiety that overrode my common sense. The nagging thoughts that told me I was a horrible person for a few simple bad decisions.

Nothing short of closure with her in a final conversation would put these irrational thoughts to bed for good.

With the current state I was in, maybe a visit from her would be a blessing. I reached past the point of helplessness and to the point of anger that is forcing me to make a change for the better.

"Kenta, is that you?"

I stared down a long red-haired figure some ten meters away in an orange dress that took on a brighter shade as it bathed in the setting sun. She stood no more than ten meters away on the sidewalk that stood adjacent to the street that led to my house.

Maybe I was seeing things, but she wore a perturbed face that echoed the sentiments that bubbled to the surface in my mind. Her nose had that subtle wrinkle that indicated that she wanted to talk. And just like the last time we met up at The Escapist Lounge, she decided to forego her contacts in favor of her old glasses. She also simply tied her hair back in a ponytail again, albeit a little neater this time. She was too preoccupied today to focus on her appearance.

"What brings you here, Eri," I asked.

"Do you have time to go to the old café?"

"Okay, but for what?"

"I promise I'm not going to force you into anything. I just want to talk about why we broke up a little more."

***

I awkwardly sipped the straw of my ordered drink, the clear carbonated cup of Fae threatening to choke my throat's passageways every time it went down my gullet.

So I've heard you've become pretty popular recently," I said.

"It's like I said, my hard work was going to yield results eventually," Eri said, casually sipping on some of her own drink.

I was so used to her sitting by my side, that I couldn't help but squirm in my seat. The only time I sat across from her was the day I broke up with her.

"I always envied your confidence, Eri. Every time I did something great on the court I had to verbally express my confidence. The entirety of my confidence in freshman varsity felt so manufactured in comparison."

"But why?"

The response caught me off guard. I stopped haphazardly drinking my soda and just stared at her for a minute.

"What?"

"Why would you be jealous of my confidence? I didn't really start feeling confident until I spent more time with you. Truth be told, the smile that's on that poster that's being passed around town, I couldn't properly do it until after my relationship with you."

She sunk her manicured nails into her thighs, which were covered by frills that terminated around the bottom of the dress.

"Those feelings after the breakup didn't override the happiness you felt with me?"

"Ha! Are you kidding. Of course they did. I was angry. Angrier than I had ever been. But those bitter memories at the end of my relationship with you started affecting my work. In order to keep going I had to channel the happiness I felt when I was still with you."

"So what was the reason you decided to meet me then, if you're able to channel that past happiness."

"Because I can't make it last, Kenta. Every time I channel those happy memories, I always feel a supernova-level burnout after I finish a concert. I--I want us to give our relationship another chance."

She blinked her eyes as much as she could, to avoid the building tears in her eyes to violently sputter out, sniffling every so often.

"But Eri, we broke up for a reason," I said.

"Oh, okay. That's disappointing. I want to change your mind, but I don't want to enter that dark place anymore. After we broke up I saw nothing but red. But when that anger subsided, I felt very sick to my stomach," she said, wilting in her chair.

"I'm sorry, Eri. I also have to think of Fumiko as well," I said, locking eyes with her.

"Fumiko? Is that your new girlfriend's name," she asked, blowing her nose with a cluster of napkins.

"Well, she's not officially my girlfriend yet--per se," I said with a wry chuckle, resting my hands on the edge of the table to properly balance them.

She immediately put down the last clean napkin in her hand on the space in front of her, glaring at me with dilated pupils.

"Are you messing with me?"

"What do you mean?"

"If she's not your girlfriend, who is she?"

"This is kind of hard to explain, but she's a platonic romantic partner of sorts. Hahaha..."

"Don't screw with me," she growled, slamming one of her hands on the table.

"Eri, you're making a scene," I said, calmly pointing at the whispering patrons around us.

"Okay, fine. Can you at least tell me one thing?"

"Sure."

"Do you love her?"

The hand she used to slam the table now covered her mouth, her throat spasming with each new word she spoke.

I thought back to the white haired girl with metallic blue eyes that seemed to process everything around her in the span of milliseconds. I thought about how worried she was when she noticed my visceral reaction to the flier. She wouldn't take her keen eyes off of me, even for a moment. For once, I felt like her gaze was protecting me.

"Yes. I do."

"Then tell her. I would hate to be heartbroken like this, and you didn't seriously express your feelings to the girl that beat me," she said, standing up.

She didn't bother to hide her face, venting the negative emotions that she built within her since that bitter breakup.

"Eri, you're going to find someone better."

"That's some nice lip service, Kenta. I appreciate it. Thanks for paying for both of our meals."

I gripped her shoulder before she could walk away again.

"No, Eri, I mean it. I think it's because of how great you were, that our relationship never worked out. I saw that idol from a small underground agency that Roppongi Hills immediately warmed up to, and thought to myself, she's going to outgrow me someday. She's just too talented."

Her tears only increased in volume.

"Kenta, that just makes this even sadder. I didn't want someone talented--I wanted someone that saw me off the stage, not on it."

"I don't want myself to be the reason you can't perform. You have thousands of adoring fans waiting for you tomorrow. Just for one day, give them that smile on the flier with all the authenticity you can muster."

"I'll try. Goodbye, Kenta," she said, repeating an exercise that allowed her to breathe properly.

She wrapped one arm around my shoulder and gave a distanced shoulder hug.

"You don't have to be a stranger, Eri. You can move closer to hug me."

"I'm sorry, Kenta. If I fully wrap my arms around you, I'm not going to be able to let go."

She bowed before stepping outside the café, waving at me, which could very well be the last time she said goodbye.