45.i A Diamond Body

~ Ham Song ~

Ham Song held his breath and watched the massive playback screens with unblinking eyes. He didn’t care what was going on with the other clones. He was only focused on Sun Ritsu.

It wasn’t long before half of the competition was thrown off of the platform thanks to that one sumo wrestler. To Ham Song’s horror, Sun Ritsu still hadn’t found a way to remove the earring from his ear.

“What the hell is he doing?” Ham Song squealed. “And who in heaven’s name is he talking to?”

Sun Seven squinted up at the giant screen and whistled. “Damn, porky pie. You’ve got sharp eyes.”

“He’s probably trying to convince his staff to help him,” Bodhi said. “The Golden-Hooped Rod of Compliance is semi-sentient afterall.”

Ham Song had no idea how the monk could stay so calm in a situation like this. Especially when they didn’t even have any alcohol handy.

Bodhi added, “Something tells me that even though Ritsu has the strength to wield it, the Rod itself won’t easily take a command unless it respects the wielder first.”

Seven arched an eyebrow. “But didn’t we see Ritsu take control when he stood up to Sun Tie Quan yesterday? He seemed to know exactly how the Rod would react in that situation.”

Bodhi nodded. “I think in that moment, Sun Ritsu did have the staff’s respect. But if the staff treats every call to action as a request, it could be that it only acts on a case by case basis. Basically, Sun Ritsu has to prove that he’s a worthy, competent wielder each time he wants something from his weapon. And I don’t think he’s there yet.”

Ham Song didn’t think so either.

“This is so frustrating,” the pig grumbled. “We didn’t have any time to prepare for this!”

“That’s the point,” Bodhi said. “They want to have a bloodbath upfront so the rest of the competition will have a more focused narrative. These tournaments like to establish favorites and front runners early on.”

“I get that, Bodhi. I really do.” Ham Song huffed. “But eight? Eight contestants out of hundreds?”

Bodhi shook their head. “Doesn’t matter if they only had spots for three or even two. From there, you can drag out a competition as long as you’d like, trust me.”

“Ah-ah-hey! Ritsu’s been hit!”

Both Ham Song and Bodhi tore the attention away from each other and back on the mega screens.

“Ohhhh damn! Shit. I mean darn!! Ack! I meant to say shoot! My apologies to the Cute Code Committee, but did you see that just now? Looks like some poor soul just got knocked out by a boomerang staff. Let’s play that back.”

Ham Song’s jowls quivered as he watched Ritsu’s deer-in-headlights face get t-boned by an aerial weapon. The mega screen slowed it down again and again until everyone could see the exact point of contact and watch the split fly as Sun Ritsu got KO’d.

Ham Song flattened his floppy ears over his eyes. He couldn’t watch this anymore.

“Not a boomerang this time, Dan. That staff is registered to Sun Tie Quan, who also goes by the name Blue Force whenever he’s competing.”

“That’s Sun Tie Quan for you! Hm, but Chow? Why do you think he targeted this sun clone specifically? That hit looked like it was meant for whoever that guy was. Wouldn’t it make more sense for Blue Force to target his strongest rivals in a trial like this?”

“Yes it does and that method is more consistent with what we know about Blue Force’s strategizing style. I’ve just pulled the other contestant up in the database and apparently this is his first ranked event ever. He’s coming up as Sun Ritsu sponsored by the Lemon Lime soda brand, but—”

“Hold on! Hold on! Chow, look at this!”

Ham Song felt the seat next to him jolt as Bodhi grabbed hold of the back of the chair in the next row. They leaned forward with unblinking gray eyes, watching the tournament as they held their breath.

“Yes!” Bodhi hissed. “Yes! Fucking hang in there, Sun Ritsu!”

Ham Song dared a peek up at the play by play. To his dismay, the sun clone was still out cold, but…

“Our champ’s not out of the fight yet!” Seven barked happily.

Ham Song didn’t understand how Bodhi or Seven could be so damn happy about this. Sun Ritsu was still knocked out cold. The only reason that he hadn’t slid off of the platform was because his earring had found itself wedged in a crack. No matter how much the platform tilted or teetered, Sun Ritsu was stuck to his staff.

“If he slides around anymore, his earlobe will rip right off!” Ham Song sputtered. “It must be Luck. How else could such a thing happen?”

“Don’t be an idiot, Ham Song,” Bodhi said, smirking up at the screen. “That ring did not just happen to get caught on a crack in the floor. It’s the Golden-Hooped Rod at work. I don’t think it will let him fall. Now we just have to wait and pray no one tramples on Ritsu or tries to force him off.”

“You implied earlier that Ritsu would be able to make it through this round with his reflexes alone. How the hell is he going to rely on them if he’s not even conscious!”

Both Bodhi and Sun Seven were too fixated on the mega screen to pay any more mind to old Ham Song’s whining. And what do you know, Dear Traveler? The hold that the Golden-Hooped Rod of Compliance had on the platform did not waver. Sure, Ritsu slid this way and that. He was kicked around both on accident and on purpose. His ear was probably profoundly swollen at this point, but he did not slide off of that platform.

“That’s it, folks! Sweet Immortal Peaches! That’s the round! We have our eight finalists! I cannot believe it! Can you believe it, Chow?”

“Barely, Dan. I’m quite surprised.”

“Well so am I! It was absolutely insane the way that played out!”

“Thank you to everyone who came out to compete. I’m sure that I speak for both of us when I say that you put your whole heart and soul into this competition. You deserve a round of applause as well.”

The sea of sun clones groaned from where they lay sprawled out on the stadium lawn. Many looked pretty disappointed in their performance, but most of them were too exhausted to reveal any strong emotions beyond the panting and squinting their eyes shut in defeat.

Still, everyone in the stands followed Chow Jia Hui’s lead and clapped for the losers. Some of the more traditional suns on the lawn fought through the pain to rise to their feet and bow to the fans.

“All right, Chow. Let’s go over the final eight that will be moving on to the next round.”

“Sure, Dan. Let’s see. According to the judges, here is the list of remaining contenders in the order of how well they performed and utilized their staff this round. Number one: Sun Zhaoling, The Barefoot Sun. Number two: Sun Tie Quan, Blue Force. Number three: Sun Terra, The Earthbound Sage. Number four: Sun Liu, The Artist. Number five: Sun Yong Kid, The Rookie. Number six: Sun Chop, Zheng Zheng. Number seven: Sun Shan, Sparkplug. And lastly, barely making his way into the eight position… Sun Ritsu…. It doesn’t seem like he has a popular title that he goes by. But yes, he is here.”

“Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! I think the judges are having a dispute with one of our contenders?? Yes, yes. It seems that Blue Force is contesting the judges’ decision to allow the nameless and obscure Sun Ritsu through to the next round! This is wild. No one challenges the judges in these kinds of tournaments. That is some serious monkey king gall he’s got to pull something like this.”

“Absolutely, Dan. Let’s watch and see what happens.”