Always Human

So yeah, kissing Isao had been a terrible idea. He'd known it at the time, yet he'd gone through with it anyway. They'd known each other for, what, a month? Neither he nor Isao (evidently) were the sort to do such a thing, and yet...

Youji supposed it wasn't too dissimilar to the first time it'd happened. But worse. People talked about how bad parenting led to youth being astray or whatever, but in his case, his parents had always been kind—too kind—and he'd never really lived through anything particularly traumatic. 

Sometimes things just happened. Wrong person, wrong time. 

That, and he used to be a little shit.  "Hey, Miyo," began Youji, as though she'd listen. "Do you remember Touma?"

The scribbling stopped. So she had listened. He continued to ink the page until he couldn't anymore. 

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

She replied, "Uh. I'll. Finish that page first."

As he did, she worked on the outline. Youji knew this because she tore more pages than a paper shredder. Sometimes she did this as she drew the actual panel, but it depended on whether Jun was around or not. 

At some point, she put the pencil down. "I'm kind of shocked that you'd being him up, honestly."

"Nah."

"Uh, yeah? It might shock you to hear this, but you're not exactly an open book."

"Look who's talking."

Miyo held eye contact as she slowly tore the page. Back at school, her makeup used to be so heavy that Teddy noted that no one had ever seen her face until she married Jun. Nowadays, she barely washed her face. "Why the question, anyway?" She asked. "You brought him up. Now you answer. Or else."

"Or else?"

"I'll eat your cute co-worker."

"Everyone is cute to you."

"Yeah, you get it, You-chan. So, do you want to do it at the couch? Right here? In front of my invalid husband?"

Instead of humoring this, Youji said, "Something happened that reminded me of him."

"...oh boy."

"It's nothing bad. I mean, kind of, but nothing compared to that. I'm just... kind of wondering if it's worth it at this point."

"It being...?" She glanced to the side as Jun emerged from their room, yawning, scratching his gut. "Jun-chan, good morning! I was just about to be unfaithful. Wanna join?"

"Youji, the fuck are you doing here? Are you one of those people that likes to work?"

"It's my day off," Youji explained.

"So you work on your day off? Ew. Anyway, what would you guys like for breakfast? Pork cutlet? Amazing. Gonna make some right now."

It wasn't until then that Youji glanced at the cat-shaped clock next to the entrance, which read: 1:22 PM. Well, no wonder he was hungry. Miyo forgot about her bodily functions whenever deadlines approached, but this wasn't his job, so.

Miyo poked his cheek with a pencil, which he batted away. "You were telling me?" She pressed. 

Better to let things out than have them rot inside. "It's my, as you put it, cute co-worker. When I'm with him, it feels like I'm talking to Touma after the incident. I'm over it by now, sure, but it's not a good thing to remember."

She'd begun to outline again. "Hmm. He did look kind of, uh. Anxious? Maybe he's just shy?"

"No, no. It's hard to explain. It goes beyond shy and anxious. I don't know."

There it went, rrrrip. "I wouldn't care about it that much. So what if he's neurotic? He's just a co-worker. Ignore him and enjoy your job. You deserve it."

Right, he'd only told Jun about Isao—properly. Hence him harassing Youji the night he'd stayed at Isao's place. "I guess," was all he said. 

"Touma's probably... I don't know, an office worker with a wife and six children by this point. He probably doesn't even remember you. Your edible co-worker won't even remember you once he quits, or whether your scared him or not or whatever. Just stop caring about it."

Jun showed up with three steaming bowls of pork cutlet, for Youji, for Miyo, for him. He gave no fucks about Miyo's work being there; Youji had to slide it to the side. "Sometimes," said Jun, "You impress me with how dense you can be."

"Who?" Asked Miyo.

"Both of you."

Should he tell Jun, shouldn't he...? Miyo clearly wasn't helping. As hungry as he was and as good a cook Jun could be when he really believed in himself, Youji could barely swallow. He said, instead, as the twosome feasted: "I kissed Isao."

Neither of them stopped. Not until they'd voided their bowls, so fast, so close to each other, that it verged on uncanny. It could be another one of their stupid competitions. "Who?" Asked Miyo with her mouth still full.

Jun had the decency to swallow first. "And?"

Well then.

"And... that's it. I guess."

"Wait, who's Isao? What's going on?"

"His co-worker."

"HUH?"

"Right? Apparently he went to that kid's place literally the day after they met, and—"

"Shut up," said Youji.

"HUH? NO WAY."

"That's not—"

"And it wasn't even the only time. Remember when he ditched us last time?"

"But—"

"You-chan! Congrats! Forgive me for calling you a v—"

Youji stood up. Miyo burst out giggling, while Jun shrugged at him. They knew him, so they didn't care. "Doesn't matter, anyway," he grumbled. "He barely even talks to me now. I'm sick of it. I need a drag."

"I thought you were quitting," said Jun.

"Yeah, just like he said he'd never drink or like anyone else again," said Miyo. As Youji left, she added, "By the way, the girl living next to you complained about the smell. If you're gonna start with that again, at least do it outside of the complex."

He'd planned on doing so outside, next to the bike, as usual, but he sat on one of the couches instead. There, he used one of Miyo's weird chakra candle things to light up the cigarette. "Hey!" Jun spat out. "No way! Get the fuck outta here with that shit!"

Youji waited until Jun had approached enough to blow the smoke on his face. 

"Show 'im, You-chan!" Miyo called out from the dining room. 

Jun broke out coughing. "Anyway," said Youji, "I went to his apartment, but we didn't do shit."

"Wh... fff..." Jun tried, and failed, to snatch the cigarette away from Youji. He really hadn't thought it'd make Jun cough like that; if nothing else, that cooled him down almost instantly. "Rrrffhh..."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"Shut. Upf. I'm fffine." Jun cleared his throat, waving away the smoke with his good hand. "I'm fine. What's so special about him,, anyway? He l... ffff... looked dumb and he's average-looking. Full offense."

Needless to say, Youji put out the cigarette. It was torture. "He's... hey, are you sure you're—"

"I'll kick you out."

"—okay?"

Jun kicked his shin, then sat next to him. "So?" He urged. "You can talk to someone with common sense now."

"...sorry for—"

"Youji."

"Fine. Fine." Fine. "So, listen, this is gonna sound bad at first. Just wait for me to finish. It'll make sense. Isao kind of reminded me of Touma, but not..." he trailed off. Jun's expression mirrored Miyo's when Youji had first uttered the name. "...not that they're similar or anything. At all. He reminds me of Touma after the incident. His face. It's like I'm talking to someone who's terrified of me no matter what I do."

"Uh. So. Uhh." Jun scratched the side of the kelp blob he called hair. "I was not expecting that. First off, why do you like him?"

Youji shrugged.

"See, it's just weird. If you were like Teddy, who gets a girlfriend every three days, it'd be one thing. Not only are you freaking out about someone you barely know, but you literally sle—"

"We didn't."

"Then what did you guys do? Play chess?"

"I don't know. I was drunk. We didn't fuck, though." Almost. "It just happened."

"...yeah, 'it just happened' isn't something you'd do. Bah, whatever. Have you tried talking to him about it?"

"Yeah. He says he's fine, but it feels like bullshit to me."

"Maybe it isn't."

"You'd know if you saw him. I feel like I can't even say hi without him freaking out about it. He flinches when I get close. He, um. Hurts himself when I talk to him. I think I'll quit."

It took some time for Jun to reply. "Fine, that does sound bad. Has he always been like that around you, or did something happen to...?" 

Youji shook his head. "Always like that. Sometimes I think that we're better, but then... back to square one. Over and over again."

"I don't know man. I meannn... don't take this the wrong way, but... yeah, you'll take it the wrong way anyway. Never mind. What I can tell you, though, is that this has nothing to do with Touma. It's over. They're different people. Move on."

"It's hard," Youji mumbled. 

"I kind of heard what you guys were talking about while I was at the kitchen. Miyo's right. He probably forgot about you already. It's time to do the same, live your life. Talk things through, and if you really feel like you have to quit, remember Miyo and I—"

"No."

"Yes. What, do you want to be homeless?"

Youji said nothing.

"...of course. Nah, never mind, It's too early for this shit. I'm also job hunting, just so you know. Any day now. I'll see if I find something interesting."

"Sure. What about your hand?"

"What about it?"

"When are you getting physical therapy?" 

Jun snorted. "Changing the topic."

"That's not..."

"Yes it is. Anyway, I'm also looking into that. Any day now. I got a friend with some connections who said he'd help me out."

He'd said that months ago.

Jun stood up, nudging Youji's shoulder. "Now go finish your lunch before I paint your face with it."

After such a gentle request, how could he say no?