Sorry

Kritvik Bhatt

“Man, those days… no doubt, were like a living hell.”

My head was tilted toward the sky. The sky was so peaceful, for some reason. There was no apparent moment. The gray silently covered the whole sky, just like they were those days. Sun was setting, and it was about five in the evening, maybe. The sky had its color, man, but it was turning a little darker.

My hands were in my pockets as I walked on the street alone, for some reason. The three or four-story apartments on both the sides were standing still, and there was no movement around, no doubt. I then turned my head frontward.

“I had to complete my math homework, so I had told Aaryan to go without me and that I’d join them later. And, for some reason, I was kinda… shy, maybe. I didn’t have the guts to face him, man. Because… the party was the day after tomorrow, and I’d decided that I’d lie to him about a death in the family and that we need to go out of station for that stuff. Obviously, I didn’t want to lie to him, man. But, what… what else could I have done, huh?”

Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp.

I turned left toward the little entrance just at the edge of one of the apartments. I pushed open the narrow green gate, which creaked. I then moved my right foot up and stepped to the wet mud on the next side. “Damn!” I disgustedly looked at my foot half-sunken inside that mud. I then moved my next foot in and started to walk toward the brick pathway on the left. For some reason, there was just mud between the pathway and the entrance, since the pathway was some steps away from the edge of the apartment on the right, whereas the gate was not.

I stepped on the pathway and started to walk frontward. At the front corner was the badminton court, where I could see a shuttlecock flying up. For some reason, I couldn’t see the guys who were playing badminton there because of the bushes on the left edge.

I continued to walk and turned left in the middle of the pathway. I entered the grassy area of the park, turned right, and then continued my walk toward the badminton court. My face was dead serious, man.

“Man, I’m gonna tell him today that I won’t be able to come to his birthday party. Whatever it takes. After all, he should know about it, man.”

I could see Aakash’s back, with Rohit and Aaryan standing beside each other on the other side of the court.

I smiled when I was just a couple of steps away from them. It was a fake smile, obviously. “Man!” I shouted as I reached them.

Rohit suddenly turned his eyes to me as I walked to the right edge, where the extra badminton racket was lying on the bench. “The fuck took ya so long, motherfucker?” Rohit asked.

“Man, you know these math assignments,” I said as I took up the black racket and turned back toward the badminton court. I stood on the right side of Aakash as he just hit the shuttlecock coming at him. “For real, mate, you are a nerd or what?”

“No doubt, I’m not a nerd, man, but it’s just that I do my homework and stuff,” The smile faded away as the shuttlecock came running toward me and I moved my badminton up my shoulder.

Rohit smiled. “Motherfucker, if y’are not a nerd, then I ain’t a drug dealer either.”

I smiled as I replied, “Yeah.”

“And I ain’t a clown,” Aakash said.

“And I ain’t in therapy,” Aaryan added.

“Damn, man! It turned real dark right there!” I commented as I turned to him.

Aaryan smiled as he hit the shuttlecock. “Assholes.”

“Yeah, mate, when will you be done with this therapy?” Aakash asked.

“Dunno, pal,” He replied. “Ya see, it’s up to the therapist. If she gives the feedback that it’s enough and I’m not gonna do this shit again, then she’ll leave me.”

My smile faded as I hit the shuttlecock again and then turned my head to Aaryan on my left on the other side.

Rohit, for some reason, smashed the shuttlecock with his racket and it went straight between the two of us.

“Awesome, mate,” Aakash said as he turned his head back. I turned backward and started to walk toward the shuttlecock. “You’re challenging us or what?”

“Let’s play a match today, motherfuckers,” Rohit then announced with a grin. “We’ve been playing like shit for long enough. I wanna play a match.”

Aakash smiled. “The teams?”

“As they are,” Rohit replied.

I straightened my back with the shuttlecock in my hand, turned backward, and started to walk to my original position.

As I stopped at my place, Aakash said, “Give me that shuttlecock.”

I turned to my left at him and threw the shuttlecock at him. He caught it with his right hand and then started to walk toward me. “The match starts from the right. Go that side,” He commanded me, and I walked to the other side to take his place.

He, for some reason, stood at the front corner of his side of the court and glared at Aaryan, who was on his left and my center.

Aaryan bent his knees a little, his badminton lateral in front of his body. He was ready.

Aakash moved his right foot backward, and then flicked the racket at the shuttlecock. For some reason, the shuttlecock went from just above the net and was already falling downward at the other end.

Aaryan gave an underarm stroke and the shuttlecock flew toward me. It was up from my head, so I moved my racket up my shoulder and swung it hard.

***

Time kept on passing and the sun kept on falling. The leftover sunlight was fading away and the sky was just some minutes away from turning pitch black, man.

The game went on, and the shuttlecock kept on flying from one side to the other.

“Twenty-two to twenty, motherfucker!” Rohit screamed out dejectedly as he turned his head skyward in defeat. “Fuck!”

On his right stood Aaryan, who looked at him with a smile. “Don’t worry, asshole. It’s one-one. The next round will be the decider.”

Aakash kept his hands on his waist as he turned to Aaryan at his front and commented, “This game is awesome, mate. But the last round is finally gonna decide who wins this shit.”

Rohit turned to the front again and crouched down on the ground. He turned his head to his left at Aaryan and asked, “Motherfucker, we lost this one because of yer mistakes.”

Aaryan turned his head downward in guilt and kept his hands on his waist. “I’ll make up for them in the next round, pal.”

Everyone was sweating like they’d just come out of some sauna, maybe. But, Rohit, Aaryan, Aakash, and me—everyone was smiling, for some reason.

“It’s fucking awesome, for real,” Aakash commented as everyone stood silently, looking at each other while breathing in and out with their open mouths, for some reason.

“Yeah, man,” I commented with a smile as I turned to my right at him. I too crouched down like Rohit. I turned my head downward, panting in and out with my mouth. “Huff. Huff. Huff.” I thought, “How should I… start this conversation, man. How should… I tell him that… I won’t be coming to his birthday party.” I took a deep breath in with my mouth and then exhaled it out. “For some reason, it’s… just so damn tough, man. It’s just so damn tough.”

I then stood up again, and so did Rohit. “Let’s begin, motherfuckers. One last round, and then we’re going home.”

“Sure thing, pal,” Aaryan said as he turned to the front, spread his legs a little, and bent his knees, ready for the match. Rohit stood simply and casually on his right, for some reason, with his badminton in his right hand, beside his right leg.

I moved some steps behind and placed myself at the center of my half of the court as Aakash started to walk to the corner of his half. Again, like the last time, he was about to flick the shuttlecock toward him, when suddenly, he heard me, “Wait, man.”

Everyone turned to me as I crouched down again. “Maybe I need a little bit more rest.”

“Motherfucker, get up now,” Rohit irritably said.

“It’s getting late, ya see. We gotta go home too,” Aaryan told him.

I nodded. “I wanna tell you something, man. Actually, we’re going out of town for a couple of days. Someone in our family has died, maybe, or some damned stuff like that has happened. So, I’m going tomorrow.”

“So?” Aakash asked.

I turned my head downward in guilt. “So I won’t be able to attend your birthday party, man. I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Alright, asshole,” Aaryan said with a smile. “Who the fuck apologizes for this shit?”

Aakash smiled too as he looked at me. “Now get the fuck up, mate.”

I stood up.

Rohit then commented, “Motherfucker, we’re gonna continue partying like that, to be honest.”

“Yeah,” Aakash added.

Aaryan added, “We’re gonna fucking party all night long after board exams, ya see.”

I smiled. “Damn, man. Okay.”

Aakash served, and the shuttlecock flew up in the air.

***

The sky had turned completely black, man. There were no stars or moon all around, for some reason.

Beneath that, in between the silent apartments, walked Rohit and me beside each other. He had his badminton kit hung around his right shoulder as he walked on my left. Both of us were tired and walked quite slowly, without any hurry.

Rohit then commented, “That’s what has been keeping ya so stressed all week, motherfucker? That ya won’t be able to attend a fucking birthday party?”

“Huh?” I turned my head downward and moved my hands inside the pockets of my pants. “Damn, I wasn’t stressed about it, man. I just… didn’t know how to strike up this conversation, for some reason.”

“To be honest, motherfucker, ya think that y’are able to hide it well, but the reality is that people can easily sense that y’are up on some shit.”

I didn’t know how to reply to that, man, so I kept quiet, my head tilted a little downward.

“Whaddya say?”

“Maybe, man. Dunno.”

Rohit smiled. “Well, okay, then. But I wanna tell ya one more thing that I observed.”

I turned my head frontward and then turned to him. “What?”

“It’s that… I… Motherfucker, ya…” He sighed out. “Phew. I don’t know how to even say that.”

“Take your time, man.”

“Yeah.” Rohit then stayed silent for a couple of seconds.

Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. All that was between the two of us was the sound of our footsteps.

Rohit then suddenly said, “Well, I’ve noticed that Aaryan… used to laugh a lot when he was in the gang. But, to be honest, I feel like right from the day when he was caught, he… he feels kinda depressed about some shit. Ya must have noticed that too, right?”

“Man, I didn’t know him before,” I said as I glared at the road, for some reason.

He nodded. “Yeah, I forgot. So, I feel like he feels kinda depressed about some shit.”

“Maybe it’s this case of vapes and stuff?”

“Yeah. But whatever the reason is, the point I’m tryna make here is that… it’s for the first time… after that scandal… that he’s been smiling so much. He’s so fucking excited for his party—that motherfucker.”

I turned my head leftward at him. He was smiling.

“Not just that, to be honest. I’ve seen that this motherfucker has matured a lot after that shit. He’s in much better health—both physical and mental—knows what he wanna do, and knows when to laugh and when not to. He’s changed, but… in a fucking good way.”

I smiled too. “Damn. You notice this much?”

Rohit smiled. “I’ve been through some shit myself, motherfucker. Everyone has, to be honest. Vikram, Aaryan, Aakash, Sooraj, maybe you too, and even Amit and Akshay—everyone has gone through a lot of shit silently… on their own… and they’re fucking smiling today.”

With that smile on my face, I turned my head to the front. “You make me feel more guilt, man.”

“Nah, don’t be fucking guilty over this shit, motherfucker,” Rohit said.

I turned my head downward, and just nodded.