That’s How I Spent The Day At The Beach

There were cheers of joy when everyone woke to find the rain had come to a halt and the sun was shining brightly. Except me. While everyone grabbed their bathing suits and rushed down to the beach, I shrouded myself in darkness and refused to come out. I could hear Yoshi trying to explain why I wouldn’t come out to Toujou-san.

“Does he have a fear of water?”

“Something like that.”

“I see.”

“We’ll just leave him here.”

“Is Sozen not coming?” It was Karou. She must have come to check on me.

“No, he isn’t.”

I heard footsteps climb up the ladder and felt someone leap on top of me. “Sozen?”

“I’m not going.”

“Are you sure? You can just stay in the sand.”

“I’ll just get sunburnt if I do.

I heard the sound of footsteps receding and the door shutting. I was now alone in my room. Not many people knew about last year’s incident, hence Toujou-san’s lack of awareness about why I refused to go to the beach with them. I preferred it this way; keeping my trauma low-key made sure I wouldn’t be treated differently.

As the morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, I gazed out at the shimmering sea in the distance, a tangle of conflicting emotions churning within me. While the people there were having fun playing in the water and walking across the sand, I was lying in bed like a coward. But the mere sight of a large body of water would always ignite a tempest of memories from that fateful day. Even though I appreciated its tranquil beauty, I could not stand the thought of being close to a vast expanse of water. The sensation of being engulfed by the relentless waves and the panic as I fought to break free lived resonated in my mind. It was an experience I never wanted to go through again. I longed to join my friends, but that traumatic incident held me captive. To them, the beach was probably a place of carefree laughter and playtime, but to me, it had become a place I would never want to go near. I turned away from the window and laid on my stomach. Would I ever be able to enjoy the beach again? Would I ever be able to swim again in its clear water? Could I have fun with my friends?

There was a knock at the door.

“Kurosawa, it’s me, Takanashi-sensei. Can I come in?”

Sensei must have come to check on me. “Yes, you may.”

The soft click of the door handle echoed in the room, and a gentle breeze wafted in as Sensei entered. She was wearing a blue and white striped T-shirt, which was probably hiding her bathing suit below.

“Are you okay? Nishida-san told me you were feeling unwell.”

“She told you I was feeling unwell? Well, more or less.”

“Can you come down from there? I’d like to check your temperature.”

I removed the blanket covering me and slowly descended the ladder. Sensei placed her hand on my forehead.

“You don’t have a high temperature. Do you feel nauseous or do you have any pains in your body?”

“No.”

“I see. Then, is it perhaps a mental issue?”

Sensei was really good at reading people, so there was no point in hiding it. “You can say that.”

Sensei realised what was going on, so she sat down next to me on the single bed. “I see. I understand your decision.”

“Thank you.” Of course she would know. She was the one who saved me back then.

“But, let me ask one question. Are you going to keep running away from it for the rest of your life?”

“What?”

“I am referring to your trauma. There is no time stamp for it, but how long are you going to let that incident hold you back? I assume you wish to be with your friends out there, enjoying the beach. But you are being held back by that incident. Instead of trying to face your fears, you are doing your best to avoid them. Overcoming the shadows of your near-death experience requires a lot of patience. That being said, you won’t get anywhere if you don’t make the first move. First, acknowledge the depth of your emotions. Allow yourself to feel the fear, the vulnerability. Embrace it.”

“It’s not that easy, Sensei.”

“Nothing is easy, Kurosawa. That’s how life is. If it were easy, then no one would learn anything. We deem things impossible because we fear they cannot be done. But part of being human is finding a possible solution to an impossible challenge. Ultimately, your journey is a testament to your ability to transform trauma into growth. Like the sea transforming itself with each tide, you too have the ability to reshape your narrative. Believe in yourself, and in the end, you will find that you have not only conquered the challenge, but you have also developed as a person as well.”

Sensei’s heartfelt words were absorbed into my mind. Her advice—could it really help me?

“Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Lean on your friends every now and then.”

Sensei was right. I couldn’t let that incident define who I am. I had to take the first step in order to move forward.

In the silence that followed, my eyes met Sensei’s. A faint smile formed on her face, releasing a glow of comfort. She believed in me, so I had to believe in myself. I rose from my seat with a newfound determination. The room no longer felt like a safety chamber. I looked back at Sensei and declared, “I’ll go, but I won’t go near the water for now.”

She looked back at me with an expression of pride. “That’s good enough for now.”

After changing into my beach outfit, Sensei and I walked side by side to the beach. My feet hesitated for a moment before stepping onto the sand, but with Sensei’s aid, I managed to make my first step on a beach since the incident. Sensei guided me to a beach umbrella, which had two towels under it. I watched from afar as my classmates splashed water at one another and tossed a beach ball around. Out of nowhere, Sensei splashed some water from her bottle onto me.

“Now you’re wet like the rest of them.”

“Was that really necessary?”

“Yes, it was.”

“I’ll get you back for it!” I grabbed the bottle and tried splashing some water on her, but she swiftly got to her feet and ran away. I chased her, determined to pay her back for soaking me. We were both tired from running, so we returned to our spot. Karou and Yoshi approached us.

“Sozen, you’re here?” A surprised Karou said

“Yes.”

“Did Sensei convince you to come?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Thank you, Sensei. You made something we thought would never happen come true. Next time, you’re going in the water.”

“No.”

“Huh!?”

“I think he plans to take it one step at a time, Nishida-san.”

“What the wise Sensei said.”

“Fine.”

“Riri-chan! Come play!” We watched as Haruno-sensei ran out of the water and towards us. She grabbed Sensei by the hand and pulled her away. I chuckled as I watched Sensei being dragged into the water by Haruno-sensei and then mercilessly attacked by a wave of splashes from the students.

For the first time in a while, I was enjoying my time at the beach.