Taking life by the throat.

 Ryuji opened the door of his house to be greeted by the sounds of pop idols singing through a speaker, accompanied by another voice poorly timed trying their best to sing along. He took off his shoes and put them in the shoe box that he always kept by the door, since he knew if he didn’t he would lose them. He slogged through the hallway being so exhausted that a cold sweat trickled down the bags of his eyes even so he made it into the living room to see his little sister Tsuna in an apron sweeping the living room floor while singing the words to her favorite song. It changed so much that it was kinda hard to keep up with for most people but she would constantly antagonize her brother about the new song she just listened to. It became harder for him not to know what she was into.

Tsuna’s short tan hair complimented the skirt she was wearing that had a pattern of cute bears. She was so entranced with her own performance that she didn’t notice her older brother come in. Ryuji didn’t want to impose on her fun so he quietly put his uniform on the coat rack and went into the kitchen to see what she was making. He eventually made it to the stove and took the lid off the pot with a cloud of steam erupting from it, letting the smell of the dish permeate the room with its peppered scent. The natural kick that the smell of the curry was a shock to his senses and had woke him up a little, though it did cause him to blink a few times to try and regain his senses. The noise of putting the lid back on was enough for his sister to finally realize he was there, she frantically looked around first at the coat racket then frantically jolted over to her speaker to turn the music down. Then she rushingly slipped over to her brother and bowed. Her words were spoken way too quickly for most to understand what she was saying but since she spaced out a lot during house work this sort of thing was common for them.

“I’m so sorry for not seeing that you got home, it’s good to see you big brother!”

Ryuji put out his hand to pat her head and asked.

“Why are you apologizing? You know I should be saying thanks cause the front row seats for your performance were great.”

Tsuna lifted her head and kissed Ryuji on his lips. As she leaned away she gave him a cheeky smile.

“I mean if my older brother enjoyed it then I can’t be too mad can I? Now get away from the stove so I can finish the curry.”

“Sounds good I’m gonna head to my room and get to work.”

As Tsuna stared at the curries broth the steam coming off the top of her head rivaled the dish’s. In the moment she was always good at hiding how embarrassed she gets but after it's all said and done she can’t help but get so embarrassed about whatever she said.

Ryuji walked into his room and tried to sit down but his chair had clothes on it from this morning where he drowsily sat his pajamas where he could. So he picked them up and put them onto the top of his dresser, still not a good place to put them but saved himself from the work for now at least. He opened his laptop and began to type away at the first thing he thought about. When it comes to writing he was always more of a panser but he usually took notes beforehand just to keep consistency but today was different. He was so charged with his emotions today that it was as if his hands wouldn’t stop. All the heart he put in his novels made him more honest when he was writing than any other time. Not because he wanted to be a liar but his thoughts always feel clearer whenever they are typed onto a screen. Though writing like this causes pain, many intrusive thoughts, every sad thing that happened in your life charges this one moment. This is what writing was for Ryuji, concentrated pain so that he could make happiness. When tragedy strikes his writing takes a turn for the better but when he’s finally happy it's like he can’t write a word. But was that healthy? His bones hurt and his head hurt a little but he didn’t want to lose his passion which he feared he would lose due to his lack of success in his trade. Just as any other day he started trying to type with these new negative existential thoughts and his heart rate began to increase.

These thoughts began to flood his brain about worries he didn’t even have with his material, the idea that another novel that took another year would be nothing but a drop in the ocean that wouldn't even get the validation of a small ripple. His heart began to rev so much that his right arm began to sting even more. The idea that he has been doing this since freshman year and hasn’t even had consistently 100 readers per book. Was he wasting his life? Putting everything into what he loved he hadn’t even spent any money on luxuries for himself due to wanting to save in case his work ever needed more cash for a project. Was every hardship he endured for his work for naught, was it all gonna be forgotten by every person in a world as vast as this one? His eyes began to tear up vigorously as he held his head with his hands gripping so hard that it appeared he wanted to rip his own skin off. Before he could spiral further a hand reached over his shoulder closing his laptop and hung on his shoulders.

“You really should close your door more, you know that?”

His hands fell to the desk harshly knocking onto the brash wood. He had cried so many times at this desk. May they be happy tears, or tears of pure fear. This place was his sanctuary but still was a prison. He couldn’t help but ask himself if this is what stockholm syndrome feels like.

“Hey Tsuna, I think I need to get away for a bit.”

She held him tight and spoke into his neck with a peppy voice.

“Well lucky for you, dinner is ready so you won’t have to think about this for a bit.”

They both sat at the table in silence, both of them seeming to not know how to break through it. Their relationship had always been amazing but that was the problem. They knew every detail about each other and neither of them had been a fan of idle talk. The idea of how little they talked plagued Ryuji’s mind. It's just nothing new ever happened. The only words spoken between them were worried cries relating to their silence. While he picked at his food Tsuna asked a question.

“Is something the matter?”

He looked to the ceiling

“I don’t think so, the only real problem that I am having is the lack of new ideas in my writing.”

As he said this an indescribable feeling coursed through his veins, he longed for something he couldn’t describe his heart senselessly longed for something that it couldn’t even describe. It made his skin crawl, he felt like he was gonna cry though his heart felt happy. Why was he feeling this? “New” that word rang true in his heart and he noticed something nothing new ever happened. He went to work, he wrote, he ate then he wrote until he fell asleep. Then he had an epiphany.

“Hey, Tsuna, are you really happy here?”

Tsuna began to swirl around her curry with her spoon.

“I mean you're here so why wouldn’t I be?”

This response gave him the green light to make a reserved cry.

“So let's say, we were together, somewhere else.”

Tsuna put the spoon in her mouth and looked at him wide eyed.

“So like moving?”

Ryuji stood up quickly slamming his hands against the table.

“No more like running away, just me and you!”

Tsuna took a moment staring wide eyed at her big brother. Her heart felt as if it was gonna beat out of her chest and her cheeks followed giving a rosy glow to her face. She stayed there in silence thinking then her eyes teared. Ryuji, seeing this quickly spoke.

“Wait, I'm sorry I didn’t mean to have such a selfish idea I'm fine where we are! I really am!”

Tsuna got up and ran to Ryuji jumping into his arms, he spun her around putting her in a bridal carry. Then she looked up to her big brother with tears falling down her face.

“You idiot! I’m crying cause I’ve been dying to hear you say you’d take me away for as long as I can remember!”

He snatched her hand and walked with her to the living room, putting a speaker on to play a 90’s hidden jams radio station. They may not have known the lyrics, or the beat or anything else, but regardless they danced throwing each other across the floor acting as if it was a ball room for their personal use. Until Tsuna randomly grabbed Ryuji falling to the couch taking him with her. She looked into his eyes and let out a pure blushing smile.

“When was the last time you grabbed me like that?”

Ryuji thought for a moment and it had been around 20 whole years since they’ve been so free. It was during his graduation day by the river that night he let out a joyous cry that even the gods couldn’t help but smile at. Then for the rest of the night they lit fireworks by the river, they worried about the cops coming due to it being incredibly illegal where they were but at the time they couldn’t care less, this was their moment nobody else's. They fell asleep on the ground with the only thing separating them from the ground was the lush grass.

“Probably around graduation but no more, starting tonight every night, every day, every waking and sleeping hour we will be together going on our own journey that not a person on this earth could ever hope to replicate.”

“So does that mean we’re never coming back?”

Ryuji looked around the house they had bought around ten years ago. The way it built up wasn’t exactly how he thought it would. He decided to buy very limited furniture because he thought that it would fill up quickly with things bought from their travels but he was always far too busy to ever travel so it stayed empty. Not even pictures were hung on the walls, just desolate beige walls. He never took a moment to think about it but he hated it there. It reminded him of how little he has done with the life he was given and how little he could have really done about it. He looked at his sister with a confident smile with a glitter in his eyes.

“I guess not.”

She laughed to herself uncontrollably for a second and asked in the midst of it.

“Do you even know where we are gonna go?”

Ryuji looked to the side a little embarrassed.

“No, not, really but we can figure it out as we go along!”

Tsuna grabbed his head and put it back to faceing her.

“Well I guess that's the beauty of it.”

Tsuna leaned in and kissed her older brother. They stayed there embraced in each other's warmth for quite some time. The idea that they could have been like this all this time but fear had stopped them made them both feel a little silly but they were silly together so it didn’t matter too much.

“So when are we gonna head off big brother?”

Ryuji thought for a moment and said,

“No greater poison to progress than procrastination, so why not tonight?”

Tsuna quickly got up saying with a spin.

“You're right and if we’re gonna do that then I’ll prepare the best dinner I can think up. We hardly ate our curry after all!”

Tsuna got up and began to cook a spread as a get away party and they both cracked open a bottle of wine. The talk between them was lively, talking about all the places they wanted to explore. Europe was a large continent after all. The idea’s, the hope, every little thing about leaving this repetitive life made their hearts swoon with excitement. They were deep in the night where Tsuna asked a question.

“So what about your writing are you gonna give it up? We have enough money so what is your plan there?”

“Well I think I’m gonna have a little notebook where I’ll write ideas of stories. I think it’ll bring some excitement to my writing, nothing to get you out of a block like some new experiences.”

Tsuna ran to hug Ryuji, almost tackling him in the process.

“How did I end up with a big brother like you?”

Ryuji sighed.

“I could ask the same thing.”

After they finished their meal they packed their things and lit a match, throwing it in the middle of the house. They sat there for a moment watching their now old home being reduced to a simple campfire. They both walked out of the house and drove out of there as their home turned into the only warmth radiating in this desolate winter.