Crumbled Clay (Part 2)

Following that episode, I settle Celicia onto her bed, where she promptly drifts off to sleep. An hour has passed, or at least it felt like it’s been an hour, and I find myself standing outside her door, holding a tray bearing a loaf of bread and a glass of water.

“*Knock* *Knock* Celicia? You up?”

“…Yeah.”

“…Can I come in?”

“…Sure.”

Gently pushing the door open, I'm greeted by a gentle rush of warm air against my face. Celicia's room is awash with natural light, thanks to its reliance on daylight. Positioned under the window, her bed basks in the illumination. To the side, a bookshelf holds an array of volumes focused on diverse cities and foreign languages. Adjacent to it, a table hosts two plants and an open notebook, its pages scattered in a haphazard fashion.

“How are you feeling?” I grab a chair from her desk and sit in front of her bed.

“Just a bit lightheaded, but I’m okay…” Celicia still laying down face her head towards me, a small smile appeared on her face.

“…What happened back then? You were just fine when you first came into the workshop…” I look all over her body, trying to notice something odd.

“Haven’t I explained it before? I used up all of my magical energy…” Celicia avoids my gaze, clenching and unclenching her hands.

“That still doesn’t explain anything…” I slump my shoulders.

“Uhhh… I’m too lazy to explain, so to put simply; this forest has a spell that lowers mana output, and my mana is below average.”

“Is that why—”

“Yeah… Just doing that much takes a lot out of me…” Celicia’s face strains as she explains.

“…”

“It’s pathetic, isn’t it? I can’t even exert enough magical energy to be able to help out…” Celicia gave a self-deprecating smile, “You know, I actually felt super happy when I invited you here…”

“Huh? What do you mean?” I lean my head forward.

“I mean, you look really helpless.” Celicia then giggles.

“You’re going to get smacked after this…” I crack my knuckles in response.

“Tehe. Sorry~” She sticks out her tongue in response.

“Haah… Not that you’re wrong anyway…”

I’m sure I could figure something out even if she didn’t help me out. Even someone as worthless as me has enough persistence to get through something, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m genuinely glad that she invited me over.

“…Do you know the reason why I invited you over?” Celicia asks.

“Wasn’t it because I helped you talk to that chapel guy?” I tilt my head.

“That’s a part of it, but the other reason is a lot more selfish than that…” Celicia twirls her hair. Her hand abruptly stopped, and then she clenches it and says, “The other reason was because it felt good to be better than someone…”

“…”

“In my family, my dad owns a workshop on pottery and my mom knows how to sell them. My friend Siofra wants to be a professional hunter, but she can also succeed in the family if her dreams couldn’t work out. Every single one of you is good at something, except for me…” Celicia unclenched her hand and starts playing with her hair.

“…”

“The more I look at them, the more I start to think that I’m being left behind. And the mere thought of that makes me scared…”

“…”

“But… when first I met you, it felt like I was higher than you, and it made me feel better… It made me realize that I’m not in last place and I brought you over here to not make me feel worthless…”

“…”

“For the record, I don’t bring in some stranger to my home just because they made me feel better about myself. I grew to like you as a person and you did help me out, which makes the transition easier…” Celicia explained in a fluster.

“I see…” I sighed.

“But… after seeing how you calmed Sofi down, how you’re good at cooking, and how composed you were when you were helping me, I can’t help but think that I lost my lead, and I’m back in last place…”

“…”

“…And then you treated me this nicely… How can I just continue to lie when you’re this nice…” Celicia said as she buries her head in her pillow.

“…”

“…”

“…Is that everything you wanted to say?”

“…” Celicia nods.

“Okay… Then it’s my turn to say what I think…”

“…”

“…To me, I don’t care what reason you had in taking me into your house. I do think it’s a little bit weird, but I’m still grateful to you for letting me stay here…”

“…”

“You’re also wrong on a lot of things. You may not realize it, but you’re really good at giving me a tour of your village. Your explanations are brief and easy to understand.”

“Do I?” Celicia’s eyes widen.

“Of course! You’re also tasked with delivering these potteries, right? Without your help, your parents wouldn’t have been able to sell their products.”

“…”

“You don’t need someone like me to make you feel better… You’re already doing well on your own, so don’t think negatively about yourself…”

“…Why are you the one saying that…?” Celicia mutters.

“…?”

“Shouldn’t you apply that thought process to yourself too?” Celicia then sits up on her bed, looking at me at eye level, “Why do you always think so negatively about yourself when you have a lot of good things going for you?!”

“…?”

“…! No… Never mind…. Sorry about that…” Celicia lowers her shoulders, her gaze stuck on the floor.

“…”

“…”

“…You know, I’m actually jealous of you,” I said.

“Huh…?” Celicia brings her face up.

“I wasn’t particularly close with my parents... They take care of me, but I repaid them by stubbornly leaving their house to work on my own…”

“…”

“And now that I’m here, I can’t meet my parents ever again…” I let out a laugh and clasp my hands together.

“…Do you miss them?” Celicia asks.

“…Not sure…”

Ahh… This is the biggest problem for me. Putting aside my technical abilities, it’s this feeling of uncertainty. Even though my parents have done their best to raise me, I can’t even be sure whether I feel sad or not...

“…Yuuma?”

This is why I can’t admonish Celicia for doing the things she did. If anything, at least she’s sure about what it is that she wants to do, so I can respect her for committing to her decisions.

“That face again…”

My heart feels nothing but regret that I can’t meet my family again, as if I’m going on a long journey where I wouldn’t be able to meet them for a while. Even though I know that there’s probably no other way to get back to my home. However, my mind admonishes me for not having any sentimentalities towards my parents. In the end, what is it that I—

“Oi Yuuma!” Celicia flicks her finger on my forehead.

“Ow!” A burning sensation reverberates through my forehead, “Why did you do that?!”

“You weren’t responding to me!” Celicia pouts.

“R-Really? My bad…” I scratch my head.

“…”

Celicia fidgets for a bit. She then strokes her long silver hair and avoided my gaze.

“…”

Celicia closes her eyes and shook her head for some reason, and then she looks at me,

“Yuuma, do you have something that you want to achieve before you die?” Celicia asks.

“…Huh?”

What’s with the sudden topic change? She didn’t even question why I was spacing out…

“Your answer?”

“W-What about you?” I answered with a question.

“Me? I really want to travel the whole world…” Celicia redirects her gaze towards the ceiling, the light seeps in from the window, illuminating her entire build, “I’ve been alive for hundreds of years now, but I never really traveled anywhere outside of Artevir…”

“Wait what?”

“Hm?” Celicia redirects her gaze towards me and tilts her head, “Did I say something weird?”

“…How old are you?” I ask, gulping my saliva.

“I’m two hundred and three years old…”

“Two hundred?!”

“W-What?” Celicia’s body jumped.

“M-My bad… It’s just…”

“Yeah… I didn’t think you’d be that surprised though…”

Two hundred years… I get that’s how most fantasy elves work, but it’s still surprising to see someone looking this cute after two hundred years have passed.

“Two hundred years…” I mutter, resting my chin on my hand.

“What about you? How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-five…”

“That’s still pretty young…” Celicia adds.

“In your terms then I guess…” I replied. A thought popped into my mind, so I ask, “If you have lived for that long, then how come you’ve never traveled once?”

“Remember what I said about how our taxes get paid once we do a business trade?” Celicia asks.

“How everyone here exchanged their payment for protection?”

“Exactly. However, my family wants to have their own income, so that’s why dad started a business where we can get our own income.” Celicia explained.

“Ohh…”

I wonder why would he do that though… Maybe this family wants to have their own income that they can control...

“But… I can’t really do much to help out my family considering how weak I am…” Celicia shifts her gaze downwards, her hands clenching on the bed sheet.

“I already told you, didn’t I?” I lean forward and attempted to give a reassuring smile, “You have an extremely important job, so don’t underestimate yourself too much…”

“…”

“Besides, everyone has a lot of things that they’re not good at. All you have to do is ask for help to make up for your shortcomings. That’s what you did with Aki, right?” I rest my arms on my legs, leaning forward until we’re almost a breath away from each other.

“Right… Thank you…” Celicia said as she broke her gaze from me.

“I didn’t do anything though…” I gaze toward the floor.

“Just talking to me is enough to make me feel better, so thank you…” Celicia stretched her hand, before stopping midway and retracting it. She continues, “…Good luck on your pottery.”

“Thanks…” I slowly bring my gaze up toward her, “Anyway, is it okay if I take a bath? The workshop was really damp, so I feel super sticky…” I bring my arm upwards and took a sniff.

“Okay… I was planning to take a nap after you’re gone anyway…” Celicia said in a smile.

“Alright. Good night, Celicia.”

“Goodnight…”

I then walk towards the door and step outside. Before I close the door, I gave her a tiny wave and then left.

…

….

“…Saying all of that, but he’s not even applying it to himself… Is he an idiot?”