Cynosure

“Are you actually insane?”

Miho wasn’t angry; this was a genuine concern. Her mouth hung open- at least as far as I could see it reflected in the puddle on the school roof. Hiroki didn’t say anything. It was hard to tell what he was even thinking with the sunbeams reflecting off his glasses, turning them opaque. No matter. I was sure that he felt the same as Miho, deep down. He was letting Miho lead the charge, now- it was the only thing he could do for me as a friend.

“You got shot the last time, and now you want-”

“Got shot at.”

“It’s the same thing! You got shot at, and you want to go back there? To the North?”

“Yeah.”

Ayasa was there, after all. We still had unfinished business.

“Right now? They might have at least arrested you before, but with things the way they are, they’re going to shoot you on sight!”

Miho, as always, had a point. Going to the North once had been stupid. Going twice was suicidal. Still, it had to be done. I was sure of it. There wasn’t any more time. Either I would be gone tomorrow, or the world would be.

“I’ll disguise myself as a student. They won’t shoot a student minding his own business.”

Well, they might. It was hard to tell. If the curfew was strict here in the South, it must have been ten times stricter in the North. A student might be able to feign ignorance.

“Nishizawa. This isn’t a joke. You do this, and there’s a good chance we'll never see you again.”

A sensible answer, just like Hiroki. There was a good chance I’d never see him again regardless of if I went or not. The end of the semester was coming, and fast. It would either be Okinawa or the North. Staying in Tokyo wasn’t going to be an option for me.

“I’m serious about this. I’m going there.”

Miho stepped forward, this time with a different angle of attack.

“Why? What are you gaining from this?”

“I’m going to get Ayasa back.”

Miho backed off her rhetoric, just for a moment. Ayasa’s disappearance had clearly disturbed her- the two were a lot closer than I had assumed.

“Get her back? You’re going to abduct her? Do you even know if that’s what she wants?”

Given the choice, what would Ayasa pick? Even now, I couldn’t answer that. There were times she seemed like she had wanted to melt into the role of Sayu and just forget about who she had been, and then there were times where it seemed like everything was just an act for the sake of fitting in. Neither one could be called fiction, and yet neither one was the truth.

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m going to ask her.”

“She’s already bound to be in trouble for sneaking away. You’re gonna put her in even more danger!”

“I’ll be discreet about it. I’m just going to be a random transfer student. She won’t get in trouble for talking to a classmate.”

Miho had stepped closer, soaking her slipper in the puddle. I didn’t have a choice, now. I had to look at her pleading face. It felt like it was going to burn me. It was just like the face she made that night on the stairs.

“You’ll be killed, Touma!”

Yes. I could be killed. That was a very real possibility. And still…

“Miho.”

She wasn’t crying- yet, but there was resignation in her eyes all the same. She had surrendered before the fight had even started.

“Miho- you once asked me something. Why I kept acting like I was just some observer- like I didn’t have any part in this. I don’t know if I can answer that, even now. But…”

Miho mumbled out something, some half-formed rationalization meant only for herself.

“Miho, I never really understood what Ayasa wanted. That’s why I’m going to the North. I want to ask her myself. I don’t want to just sit back and pretend none of this ever happened.”

Miho turned around, lifting her arm up to hide her face. Hiroki just kept watching. After a long time, Miho said something I could hear. Her voice was steady again.

“What if she says ‘no’?”

“‘No’?”

“What if she tells you she doesn’t want to come back?”

To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to deal with that. My hypothesis about what happened after I left her that night was still full of holes and messy assumptions. Ayasa seemed to have escaped being “disappeared” by the North, but what did that mean? Had she really gotten off with a slap on the wrist? Who was she in contact with, and what did they know about me?

“Then I leave. I leave and I don’t go back.”

“And if she says ‘yes?’”

“...I’ll think of something.”

Hiroki stepped forward. He must have realized Miho had already given up the fight.

“Nishizawa. If Higashiyama was really trying to protect you, then you’re slapping her in the face by showing up unannounced. Saijou’s right. They’re going to shoot to kill- if you’re lucky.”

“And if I’m unlucky?”

“You get to be the third defendant in that espionage show trial the North is putting on. Your friends and family get to see all the gory details as you get lined up in front of a firing squad.”

“Sounds like that would still be shooting to kill.”

“In the North, they always have the firing squads aim the first volley at the stomach. That makes sure it hurts more.”

“Can you stop?”

Miho wasn’t interested in Hiroki’s lurid description of my hypothetical death.

“Sorry, Saijou.”

I really shouldn’t be ignoring these two. They’ve got much more common sense than I do. However, I made Ayasa a promise. I wasn’t able to keep any of the others I had made to her- so it was important to keep the last one, no matter the cost.

“Shinji. I know there’s a risk. It doesn’t matter. I have to do this.”

“Even if that means betraying Ayasa’s trust in you? Spitting in the face of her sacrifice?”

“We don’t know what she promised, or what kind of deal she made. That’s what I want to find out. I’ll be careful.”

Hiroki rubbed his temple, adjusting his glasses.

“Nothing about this is careful, Nishizawa. She might be under surveillance. If you just walk up to her, they’ll have your number in minutes.”

“I told you. I’m going to disguise myself as a transfer student. They won’t-”

Miho burst back.

“You’re a terrible liar, Touma! What makes you think they’re going to believe you’re a transfer student?”

“Ayasa did it. Everyone believed her.”

“She’s a much better liar than you.”

“We’ll just have to hope she rubbed off on me.”

Miho clicked her tongue and turned back around, aggressively thumbing at the strands of her ponytail.

“Fine. You can go.”

Hiroki’s interjection surprised me. It wasn’t like him to be so lenient.

“But I’m coming with you, Nishizawa.”

Huh?

“Shinji!”

Miho was just as surprised as I was. Hiroki was supposed to be the voice of reason.

“Look, Saijou. I know Nishizawa. He’s going to go no matter what you or I say. The least I can do as his friend is look out for him- even if that means doing something stupid myself.

“Shinji, you-”

“If you go it alone, they’ll suspect you. They probably don’t know about me, though. It helps if you have a friend who can vouch for your identity. And besides…”

Hiroki turned North, looking out over the skyline. Beams of light poked holes through the clouds and shone down on the smokestacks and concrete apartment blocks.

“...I want to see for myself what’s going on over there.”

I walked over to Miho. She was standing on the opposite side of the roof from Hiroki.

“Miho. I’m sorry.”

“Huh?”

“If I had realized what you meant sooner, maybe Ayasa-”

Miho refused to make eye contact with me. Still, there was a kindness in her voice, now. It was something I hadn’t heard for a long time, now. No, actually- I had been ignoring it. Probably for a stupid reason, to sate my own ego or something like that.

“No. I should have explained myself better.”

“I’m going to bring her back.”

“Is that what she wants, or what you want?”

“I think it’s what you want, Miho.”

Miho blew some air out of her mouth.

“You still have no idea how to read me, Touma.”

She was right- but I think today, I came a lot closer than I ever had before.

“Shinji! we have to leave tonight.”

Hiroki looked back.

“Hmm? Why so soon?”

“It’s a long story.”

It wasn’t, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell Hiroki the truth about Okinawa. It felt like I was leaving him to die on some far-off battlefield.

“How are we getting in? Your old route’s bound to be sealed off by now. They don’t like to leave gaps open long.”

“I know a guy.”