"I love you," So The Story Goes

“So you’re sure you’ll be okay?”

I asked for what felt like the tenth time—I’m sure my dad must’ve been frustrated, as he shooed me out of the room with a wave of his hand.

“Mwah.” My mom snuck a kiss onto my face before I could go. As a dutiful son, I quickly wiped it off and onto one of the empty beds. “He said he wants you to get a good night’s sleep before your finals, and I agree. We just went to the store, so you can make your own breakfast.”

“Don’t worry about me,” I said and turned to leave—but I wasn’t fast enough.

“When I get home, tell me about your internet girlfriend! I want to know if she’s real!”

My mom managed to kill me instantly with merely a sentence. Never had I thrown myself out a door faster than in that moment. I felt as if I was ready to ram into the nearest wall and melt into a puddle. Surely, water had an easier existence than humans. Its mere presence was valued, and as a result, it had no experience with the pain of this…”cringe”, yes.

I needed to fucking sleep.

What a screw-up. Idiot. Moron. Asshole. If dropsgum ever found out about this, she’d—

Shit.

I LEFT HER ON THE CALL!

Somehow, that was only the second scariest moment of my day. The voice message had thrown me off so bad that I bolted from the house without even hanging up, much less messaging her a goodbye. It’s been hours, shit, she’s gonna be so pissed. As I ran out into the parking lot and threw myself into the car, I pulled out my phone before I started it.

Luckily, the Eclipse App opened quickly, and…

And.

To say my absence was noticed was an understatement. It wasn’t until I looked away from my phone to see the sun rising from out the window that I realized the several dozen notifications made sense.

At first, it was a few messages from dropsgum.

dropsgum: Hey??? are you coming back? its okay if you’re busy ill just mute lol
dropsgum: Ping me when you’re back!!
dropsgum: Um hey
dropsgum: You good?
dropsgum: Are you
dropsgum: Are you crying?
dropsgum: shit

Ah— She must’ve heard my panic to grab my stuff before I left. That, and the door slam when I left…god, she’s worried sick.

And she was hardly the only one.

Wintersreprieve: Take a deep breath through your nose, and out with your mouth
Wintersreprieve: So you know his general location?
heartsAlight: Do you have his phone number?
heartsAlight: Don’t send it, but it’d help.
dropsgum: I don’t
dropsgum: Shit should I call the police??? It sounded like he was being kidnapped
rainDrips: Are you sure that’s what you heard?
dropsgum: YES!! I heard something really suspicious and he sounded like he was crying and I don’y know what to dof
dropsgum: UI can’t breathe
rainDrips: If you have his location, you can call the authorities.
rainDrips: dropsgum, please calm down. Everything’s going to be okay.

A few of the RP members had messaged me out of concern, with the rest of the notifications being from other futile attempts to get my attention through pings. I couldn’t wait—though she was online, her status was idle, so I figured she was either out of the house, asleep, or…

Waiting for me.

Though that was a ridiculous hope.

I called her from my phone. As it was the same account I used on my PC, it’d kick me off the call there at last.

“Where were you!?”

“Augh!” The ringer had barely gone off for half a second before she picked up. I couldn’t squeak out an apology before she began to sob, her mic letting out odd, intense bursts of static.

“I’m sorry, sorry, sorry…” I repeated a few times before moving my phone away to protect my ears. Man, I almost felt like sobbing by proxy. “I was—I had a…it was a mess. I had to go. And I forgot to say goodbye. I’m sorry, there was a lot on my mind…”

“Why—Why are you apologizing!” The sniffles punctuated her words, but she was mostly understandable. “I’m just glad you’re okay, but—you’re okay, right? Right!? What happened!?”

“I…my dad.” Now that I thought about it, I hadn’t called him that for years. Since when did I…? “He ended up in the hospital. I got a voice message saying it didn’t look good, so I rushed over, but, but he’s fine! He’s stable, it was just a weird scare. So don’t worry. I’m fine.”

“…”

“…Sorry, did I—“

“Aah, I’m sorry!”

“GAH!” That time, the sonic boom of her voice nearly made me drop my phone. Damn, if that thing got lodged under the pedals, I’d be screwed.

“Why didn’t I think of that!? I’m so stupid—I’m really, really sorry you had to go through that! Are you home? At the hospital? Is your dad there? Where’s your mom? Wait—unless you have two dads…I don’t remember…”

How can she be so scatterbrained at a time like this? Oddly enough, her response was enough to relax me through sheer bafflement. “Mom and dad, “ I clarified. “My mom’s staying overnight, but I’m going home. I’ll probably be alone for a while, so guess it’ll be good for studying.”

“I see…”

“Yeah—sorry I ditched movie night, but maybe after our tests are done?” Grabbing the keys, I jammed them in and turned on the car heater. Despite it being close to summer, it was somehow just as cold as it had been in March at this early an hour.

“You think…”

“Huh?”

“You think I can come visit?”

…Did she…

“Did I—sorry, I must be imagining things.” Since I was about to get on the road, I should probably hang up. Clearly, the exhaustion was getting to me, making me hallucinate again.

“I said I wanted to come visit, idiot. We live close enough, and I’m sure I can take a taxi over there and meet you within the hour. If you’re okay with giving me your address, I mean…”

N. No way. My face felt as though someone threw gasoline on it and threw a match on me. Stranger danger, sure, but—dropsgum wanted to see me in person. She was offering. Not once had she ever shown any enthusiasm towards the idea. Was this out of pity? I didn’t want her to feel obligated.

“Are you sure?” I leaned against the seat, trying and failing to calm my speeding heart. “I—I mean, if you’re comfortable with it. You don’t need to force yourself.”

“I’m not!” she snapped. “In fact, I…I need to do this. I need to see you. But before that, can I tell you something?”

“Of course!” She probably was about to warn me about something like an allergy. At least we didn’t have any dogs, or cats, or—“

“Wow, uh.” She swallowed. “I’m actually trans and am super bad at passing so I use a voice modifier and stuff and you’ll be able to see through that right away and stuff and so, uh, er…”

“Yeah.”

—Yeah.

“You’re not…you’re cool with that, right? Please?”

Any idea that what she had to say was minor was brought to a screeching halt. Trans—Transgender? Passing? Voice modifier? What?

“Oh! Oh, oh…” I said, in lieu of lacking intelligent speech. Our school had an LGBT+ club, and I’d seen stories from local events and such on the news, but my knowledge on the subject was…slim, to say the least. Most of what she said beyond the bare basics went over my head, but the voice modifier reminded me of a certain incident.

“I think I did hear your voice once,” I said. I’d never wanted to slap myself harder. “I mean, without that…modifier thing. I thought it was your brother, but it also was just…you.”

“Wait, what!? When? I…oh god…” Her voice cracked.

“By that, I mean—“ I stammered, sitting up like I’d been shocked, “—It was cute. It had your cheer, your…everything I like about you! So, no matter who you are or what or anything, I still care about you. I love you, so don’t worry.”

“…You love me?”

Did I just.

Ah.

Yes.

I did say that.

Hah.

Aha.

“I…”

I might as well die right now. I think if I willed it enough, it could happen.

“I do. I might’ve given the impression to my mom that you’re, a, uh…internet girlfriend.”

“Uh, huh.” Damn it, I missed when she was shy. “Alright, now gimme your address. Please? Pretty please? Pleeeeease?”

I hung my head in defeat. Even if I tried, I knew I couldn’t say no to her.

------

She wasn’t kidding. I had some eggs made by the time I got a knock on the door.

dropsgum— No, Sabrina Foster. That was her name. She looked like many of her characters did: long blond hair, fair skin, wearing a pink dress that oozed glitter along with black cat stockings and pink dress shoes. A big white ribbon was tied around her waist, and in her hair was various clips of cute animal mascots. Her eyes were dark brown, soft and vulnerable and everything I always imagined she’d be. She stood at the door, smiling and trying to look less tired than I’m sure she felt.

Free spirited, moving to the song of her own heart, that was who she was. But now, here, she was showing a part of herself that she was terrified of me knowing.

I’d show her that she had nothing to be afraid of. My heart was alight with warmth, everything inside me screaming to reach out to her. I put a hand on her shoulder, and she wrapped one around my waist. From up close, I could see her hastily covered up blemishes, the messily applied makeup, her slightly bigger nose, her crooked front teeth—but all those aspects of her were just more of her to fall in love with.

I knew it now.

We loved each other.

There was no distance to divide us. We leaned in, and for the first time, shared a kiss that would cerement our passions, our future.

Her lips…

Tasted like gumdrops.