Deep

Kritvik Bhatt

“Well, what’s the status with Aaryan?”

The sun was shining brightly that day, for some reason, and the blue skies were ornamented with dazzling white clouds. The sun too shone happily on top of the shining white school building, obviously. On the brown soil in front of the school building, there were students scattered all around as they played football and other stuff. Some were just walking too, for some reason.

Inside the white-painted classroom, Sana had her chair tilted backward toward me as she opened her lunchbox, which was on top of my table.

I smiled. “Man, you don’t really need to ask this question every day,” I replied as I opened the lid of my lunchbox and kept it at one side.

“Yeah yeah. But, any developments?” She asked.

I shook my head. “Not really, man. After all, I have no way of contacting him. I tried to contact a common friend too, but he was angry at Aaryan so we didn’t really get too far.”

“That’s sad,” She said as she turned to her lunchbox and took a bite in.

I too turned to my lunchbox, took a bite in, and started to chew.

She gulped in and turned to me again. “Anyway, you don’t look so gloomy or tense like you used to be for the past some days, you see.”

I smiled while chewing as I turned to her. I gulped in. “That’s good.”

“Hmm,” She happily nodded as she took another bite in and started to chew.

I gulped in. “By the way, where’s Kavya these days? Why is she not coming to school, huh?”

She chewed for a second and then she gulped in. She then turned to me. “Well, she’s preparing for exams by herself, you see.”

I nodded as I took another bite in. “Damn.”

“Exams are from this Monday.” She turned to her lunchbox again and took a bite in.

As I glared at her while chewing, I said, “Yeah. And today’s the last day of school before exams, huh?”

“Ymeah,” She said while chewing. She then gulped in and turned to me again. “And the first exam is of math. I don’t really think pre-boards are gonna go good, you see.”

I smiled as I gulped in. “Don’t worry, man. You’re doing just fine. You’ll do well in the exam.”

“Hope so,” She commented. “Like, I’m making so many dumb mistakes, like changing plus sign to minus out of nowhere, forgetting to change the plus and minus signs while taking a number to the other side, and more things like that.”

“You’d just need to be extra careful while doing questions. After all, all that stuff happens because you just try to get them done as quickly as possible.”

She nodded as she turned to her lunchbox and took another bite in. “Yeah yeah.”

I too took another bite in.

We both just chewed silently for a second or two until she gulped in and turned to me again. “You see, I feel like it’s a good thing that you’re over with your beef with Aaryan.”

“Huh?” I turned to her and gulped in. “What do you mean?”

“Like, you’re not depressed about that anymore.”

I nodded.

“You see, now if you meet him, you’d be in a better mental state, and would be able to converse with ease. Otherwise, you’d have had problems.”

“Which problems?” I asked as I glared at her while taking a bite inside my mouth.

“Well…” She rolled her eyes upward, and then it hit her. “Like, you’d be crying and begging him to forgive you, or something like that. But now, you can talk like a civilized guy.”

I smiled as I gulped in. “Damn, man.”

“Don’t you think that too?” She frowned.

I nodded. “I do, but it’s just that I never really thought about it, man.”

She smiled as she took a bite up her hand and was about to take it in. “Yeah. Just say sorry, and if he doesn’t forgive you, just walk away from him.” She took the bite in.

I nodded as I turned my eyes rightward, glaring aimlessly. “Man, you’re right. I’ll be sure about it.”

“You gout som self-respec too, you cee,” She said as she chewed. She then gulped in, still looking at me. “You know you don’t need him in your life anyway. You’ll make more friends.”

“Sana, you know that it’s not that I was depressed because I lost him. It’s more because I feel guilty that I did something like that to someone.”

She nodded. “Yeah…”

“But I don’t really feel that guilty anymore, for some reason. No doubt, what I did was really wrong, but now, I feel like it was just a thing of the past.”

“Great,” She smiled. “You don’t need to be an emo at all times.”

“Yeah, man,” I smiled as I turned to her and took a bite in.

She took a bite in as she looked into my eyes.

“For some reason, I think that if we talk now, I’d be much more composed and calm, just like you said.”

“Hmm,” She nodded.

“And…” I gulped in. “And for that, I wanna thank you, man.”

She gulped in as she blushed with that smile of hers. “N-No, you don’t really need too—”

I stared aimlessly at the table. “No doubt, you have helped me a lot to cope with this situation. Just you asking me every day… if there’s any progress… and… and indirectly showing me that you’ve got my back… made such a difference, man.”

She glared into my eyes with that warm smile and pink cheek of hers.

My eyes were filled with emotions and the lump in my throat was rising, for some reason. “It’s… the first time that…”

Sana moved her right hand toward me and kept it on my cheek. “Go on.”

I turned my eyes to her and smiled. “I won’t cry this time. You don’t need to worry.”

“Still, it’s better like this.”

I gulped in—it was not food this time, obviously. “It’s… the first time that… I’ve felt so close to someone… after Jiya. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, emo,” She said as she moved her hand back. “Just don’t start these emotional monologues all of a sudden. Stay cheerful.”

“Obviously I want to, man.”

“Anyway, who’s Jiya?” She frowned questioningly.

“She used to be a really good friend of mine some time back.”

“‘Used to be’?”

I looked into her eyes. “Yeah, man. After we shifted to this city, we stopped talking, obviously.”

“W-Why? Like, this is the age of internet, emo.”

“Still, eventually, things died down. We tried, obviously. I tried to maintain my friendship with my friends there, but I couldn’t.”

“T-That’s really sad.”

I smiled. “Don’t worry, I’m over that stuff too.”

She smiled. “Great.”

I then turned to my lunchbox and took a bite in as she continued to stare at me for a few seconds. As I started to chew, I turned to her, noticed her looking at me, and my cheeks turned a little pink as I jerked my eyebrows up.

“Nothing, emo. I was just thinking that you’ve seen a lot too, you see. And, that’s really cool.”

I smiled as I gulped in. “You’ve seen a lot too, after all.”

“And, I really used to think that I was the only one whose life was like that. But, after meeting you and Kavya, I feel like I was wrong.”

I nodded.

“Everyone is struggling in their own ways, you see.”

“Damn, man. I agree.”

“I didn’t give you any choice, you see. You have to agree.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I turned to my lunchbox. “Now let’s finish our lunch quickly and then go for a stroll.”

“Yeah yeah.” She turned to her lunchbox too and took up a bite in her hand. “Anyway, I wanna hear about Jiya, if you’re comfortable.”

“Obviously, man.”

“But not now.”

“Huh?” I said as I took a bite in.

“Well, I don’t want to talk about the past.” She turned to me. “It’s depressing, you see. I don’t wanna take any chances.”

I smiled as I chewed. “Alright. As you wish.”

“And I just told you about her yesterday, if you remember.”

“What? Really?”

I smiled a little as I looked directly into her eyes.

***

Under that dazzling sky and bright sunlight, both of us were walking in the middle of the silent and peaceful street, as usual, which was filled with brown and white three-four story apartment buildings on both the sides, along with some cars and poles on the edges.

I had my head tilted leftward toward Sana as she spoke. “And, I feel like people are talking about us these days, you see.”

“Huh? What are they talking about us?” I frowned doubtfully.

“Like, how I touched your cheeks a few times? Maybe something like that.”

I nodded.

“I guess they think we’re a couple,” She smiled as she turned her head frontward. “Kirishima-senpai too thought we were lovebirds.”

I smiled. “But it’s nothing like that, obviously.”

“Yeah,” She nodded. “People just want gossip, you see.”

“Maybe we’re making some good gossip for them, after all.”

“They won’t understand why we’re being like this. We got no other friends, you see.”

“Yeah,” I turned my head frontward too. “After all, they don’t understand friendships.”

“We’re just really close friends.”

“That’s it, man.”

“Like, we don’t even act like a couple,” She turned to me with those widened eyes of hers. I too turned to her. “We don’t hold hands or do things like that.”

“Yeah, man. Narrow-mindedness.”

“Yeah.” She then turned her head frontward, and then turned to me again. “Like, I was so angry at that girl who was talking about us behind our backs! She said something like I was a slut, you see.”

“Damn,” My smile faded and my eyebrows frowned.

“A-And, even something like the new boy is a fuckboy.”

“W-What’s up with these people, man?”

“Yeah! That’s what I was trying to say. Like, we don’t talk about you behind your backs!”

“Yeah, we never talked stuff like that about someone!”

She then turned frontward. “I just can’t believe these girls!”

“Damn, man.”

She then turned to me again. “That’s why I don’t like these girls.”

“Now, I’m in the same boat as you, man.” My frown faded as I turned my head frontward. “Maybe we should talk to them and get all of this stuff clear.”

“No.”

“Huh? Why?” I frowned again as I turned to her.

She looked me in my eyes and replied, “Well, they’re just gonna be like they never said that stuff, you see.”

“Y-Yeah.”

“It’s better to just ignore people like that.” She turned her head frontward. “Talking to them will only make us angrier, you see. Plus, I’ve talked to these girls before. They’re really irritating. They think like they’re on the top of the world. They’re filled with attitude. So no, we’re not talking to them—especially you.”

“Huh? Why especially me?”

She smiled as she turned to me. “You get emotional easily, emo. I don’t want you in a bad mood just because you talked to them.”

I smiled as I looked into her eyes.

“It was just moments like those that melted my heart and filled it with love for her. No doubt—she cared for me so much, and she openly showed it to me. I felt a little too emotional because of those moments, obviously.”

I turned my eyes frontward. “Alright, man. Just as you say.”

“Well, generally, it’s the girls who are emotional and need protection from stuff like that. But in our case, it’s you.”

“Shut up!”

“You’re even sounding so girly now!” She said with a damn huge smile as I turned to her and she turned to me. “You’re just too girly! Be a man! Why are you blushing?!”

“Damn, man! I’m not blushing!” I facepalmed. “I… I just…”

“You are! Just look at you!”

“Damn, man. Stop it!” I turned to her again and looked her in her eyes.

“You… really are.”

“Stop it!”

“Ahahahhaha!”

“I don’t really think that I’ll ever forget these days, man. I’ll never forget these days, however hard I try. I… I loved her so much. And… I still love her so much. So much that I couldn’t imagine a life without her. So much that I always used to light up whenever I used to see her. So much that… I wanted to just be with her every second of my life. I don’t really know how to confess my love for her with words, but… I’m just so desperate to use the right words, man. I… want to see her happy. I want to see her smile. Always. I just want a happy ending to my story. That’s it. I’ve seen so many rainy days, so many crying nights, and finally, I was experiencing so much love, so much happiness. I didn’t want this to ever end. After all, who does?”