The Memory of the Divine

I was floating in a lake on my back, the same way my father had taught me to do when I was little. My breaths were slow and somewhat shallow, my muscles loose. The water around me moved gently, sweetly cooling my body while the sun fought in equal measure to warm what wasn’t beneath the surface.

My eyes were closed, but I knew the sun was there. My vision was red, heat bounced off of my skin despite the slight frigidity of the air, and a slight stinging feeling was beginning to develop in several places it would hit most keenly.

I’d experienced this floating sensation, this battle between the water and the sky, so many times, but it’d been such a long time since I’d felt it. The clarity of the memory was uncanny, so much so that I recognized something had drawn it out. When I realized that, I was suddenly afraid of why.

My mind began to wander to one particular memory of the water, one where I’d drifted off away from the attention of my family to a place where I couldn’t reach the bottom of the murky liquid, to a time when I was small and had to push my body up from the mud to the surface time and again to take breaths, but just moment later a deep voice wiped the memory away.

“I had wanted to recall a pleasant memory for you, but I seem to have caused you distress. I apologize.”

I didn’t understand, as the voice came from nowhere, but sense filtered back to me bit by bit. When I remembered Eir’s voice, I recognized the likely source of this apology.

“You’re the Gloam Tree?”

“I am. It is a pleasure to finally speak with you, Danny.”

“Why did you dig into my memories?” I hadn’t intended to be, but I was sure my tone sounded rude. Nonetheless, the Gloam Tree responded softly.

“I apologize again if this feels like an intrusion, but the fact is that I have been connected to your memories and mind since you arrived here. I had to be as a matter of necessity.”

“Necessity?”

“You arrived in a fragile state, even with my support. You will continue to be in a fragile state. If you wish to disconnect from me, then I will do so, but such would pose a great danger to your life. I would prefer you not choose that option.”

“It's not like you’re one to go talking to a lot of people...” I sort of joked, taking a moment to process its words. “What do you mean by danger? Is it about my level of magic?”

“That is the primary factor. You are capable of creating your own healing magic to a suitable degree now, even if that was not initially the case, but without my support your ability to do so would drastically weaken. I cannot from a great distance directly transfer my magic to you, but I can continue to help your body produce it swiftly and maintain it despite the difficulty.”

“It's hard to make?”

“It is. Most people create magic unconsciously so they only understand the difference when they notice that some people regain magic more quickly than others, but some affinities of magic are simply more resistant to being formed, and similarly unstable and easily denatured once they are.”

“That sounds a lot like those elements at the very end of the periodic table... superheavy elements, I think? They generally don’t last long and are hard to make.”

“That is a workable comparison, though based on your memories I wouldn’t consider healing magic quite that difficult to manage.”

In a sudden moment of unexplainable clarity, past the general tranquility I’d been feeling, I again realized who I was speaking to so casually.

According to what Loali and the others had told me about the mythology of this world, about its creator Xovod and their children, the Gloam Tree might as well have been a god or demi-god. Even if that story wasn’t real, I was still speaking to an incredibly rare, old, and powerful being. A being that was in my mind and had somehow brought me back to life.

“I am not accustomed to other beings being nervous in my presence, so the only response I have is to apologize to you again. I do not intend to intimidate you. I am in no way offended by the way you have spoken to me thus far. I am seeking no recompense for any “trouble” you may believe you have caused me... I simply wish to speak with you, as we have been.”

“Are you sure..?” Having heard some downturn in the Gloam Tree’s voice, like disappointment, I could hardly refuse to do as it asked, though I needed to be sure.

“Of course. Thank you.”

For a short while longer I asked questions which, much to my surprise given the tone of the conversation beforehand, the Gloam Tree delicately refused to answer. It would not, or could not, tell me why it brought me back to life, or if it had any specific purpose for me here.

“I can say that I earnestly desire for you to be happy. It is rare for me to be able to so fundamentally feel as if I can trust another, let alone converse with them, so truly I wish for your happiness- even if the bond between us was formed initially without your will.”

“I understand why, so that’s okay... and thank you. For saving me, and for caring about me.”

Several more questions passed between us with few concrete answers, along with some chatter, before the Gloam Tree touched on something that added some more energy to its tone again.

“Monsters, but especially monsters descended from my own kin, are generally disinclined to harm you because of your connection to me. Healing magic itself inspires a sense of trust that I sometimes find troubling, but even without consciously realizing it our magic, and my status, has effects on others.”

“Wait, what do you mean by that? What effects exactly?” Given its phrasing, I suspected that the Gloam Tree meant this literally, as in the magic itself induced others to trust its user.

“It is as you have surmised, though not to the degree you likely fear. People, and even monsters, are simply resistant to the idea of harming you, and may feel the need to protect you depending on their own personalities. Your presence is subtly comforting, enough so that the idea of bringing harm to you purposefully is far from one’s mind, so long as they do not have ample reason to harm you otherwise. The effect is far more severe for myself.”

“And I’ve been this way since I woke up in the Night Domain?”

“Yes,” it responded, but I could sense some caution in its tone, “but I wish to assure you, again, that the effect is small. Those you know and love in Kogen would have reacted to you in much the same way without your magic.”

“I’m not sure about that.” The words came out reflexively, but I only half believed them. I understood all the people of Kogen to be kind, and was certain they wouldn’t have abandoned me regardless of my magic.

I was less sure of how my relationships would look now without my magic, though, and not necessarily because of the unconscious effects.

“That girl, Loali, truly cares for you. Your magic is less relevant than you wish to believe.” The Gloam Tree was in my mind, so it made sense that it knew the face that’d popped into my head with my concerns.

“I know she does,” I responded, “but that doesn’t mean she’d think of me the same way if I didn’t have magic. She lives and breathes magic.”

“If I recall, you spent a bit of time together before you knew you had magic and those times were still engaging, were they not?”

“She was also trying to figure out what my magic was the whole time.”

“Indeed she was, but was she not also keenly focused on your mind?” It was right, but for the moment I remained silent. I knew, intellectually, that Loali and I would likely still be close, still have plenty to talk about and experiment with even if I didn’t have magic, but emotionally that was hard for me to accept, especially with the idea that my magic subtly affected people.

“I will not reveal too much, but I wish for you to know that Loali does concern herself with you. She has for quite some time. I, personally, have little doubt that she would care greatly for any version of you- even the version of you from your former world, without magic.”

I came to my senses with a nauseated feeling, realizing almost instantly afterward that someone was shaking my shoulders. I had abruptly been drawn from my own mind, and had a difficult time registering the people around me past a haze.

“What..?”

“Danny,” Loali, relief in her quiet tone, said, “sorry, but it's urgent. We’re surrounded by monsters.”