"Lost and Found"

"Change my life forever? What are you talking about Eika?"

She sighed as she looked at me, her face seemed guilty about something she may have done in her past. Nonetheless, whatever I was about to hear, seemed to eliminate the presence of everything in the world. For at this very moment, it was only Eika and I.

"Shiro, I want you to listen clearly... as I know you probably hate me with all your being due to how I've treated you over the years. I know that it's inexcusable, but I have to tell you this. I can't keep hiding this from you. I've talked to your father about telling you, but he insisted on waiting until after you finished school. This has been eating me up for years... and I don't think I can continue hiding this from you."

I was very confused on what she was saying to me, what's all this about hiding things from me?

"Eika... what exactly is this about?"
"It's... the truth."
"About what?"
"The truth about your mother..."

As soon as she mentioned my mother, I wasn't sure what to think. What could she possibly know about my mother that I didn't know about already? But, I was extremely interested in what she had to say.

"Go on..."

After a brief pause, she began talking again.

"So... your mother passed away when you were a young child, from your perspective, you probably witnessed the happy parts of your parents' marriage. But those were only the parts they allowed you to see. It pains me to be the one to tell you this, but your father and I, were having an affair for about 2 years before your mother passed away."

I was completely frozen by this revelation.

"I'm sorry... did I hear that right?"
"Yes... you heard it right. Back then, I had zero idea about your mother, or even you for that matter. Every time I'd ask him about his private life, he'd say the same thing every time. I don't know why I didn't, but I never questioned it, I just let him continue spewing the same nonsense to me every time. I believe the reason that I never took the time to actually ask him about certain things, was because I was so in love with him. The thought of him being unfaithful to me never even crossed my mind, as I thought that I was the only woman in his life. The way he acted; was like I was the only thing ever on his mind. Not once did I ever get the impression that he was a married man... he never even wore his ring around me."

As she shared her story, everything I've ever thought about my father was immediately thrown into question. My respect was lost, as the more she talked about it, the more I was vaguely able to connect some dots. I remembered there'd be a few instances where my father would tell my mom that he had to stay late at work on projects. Due to his field of work, my mother wouldn't even have a reason to suspect infidelity of any kind. I thought about all the times that my father had told my mother about a dinner at work, or anything for that matter. I put everything he ever told us into question. Although I was conflicted, I nodded for Eika to continue.

"Right... so whenever he'd take me out to places, he'd ask me things like if I wanted kids in the future. I had found it weird to randomly bring it up, because I had told him I'd want kids one day. I did find it strange that he'd always put emphasis on a son, but again I never questioned it. Then came the day where your mother had passed away, all he told me was that he had a death in the family, and that he was helping with the funeral arrangements. Obviously, I wasn't about to question something like that... for obvious reasons. I had asked him if he needed any help with anything, but he'd tell me no. I figured that the family just wanted to keep everything private, which is perfectly reasonable. So, I just let him do what he had to do. A few days after the funeral, I was walking along the street one day, and by the rarest chance imaginable, I overheard someone talking about a friend who recently passed. I didn't have a choice not to listen to the conversation, because I was heading to the same place as them. I heard them mention something like, "I hope her husband is doing well." and since no names were dropped, it was a completely normal conversation. That was until they started talking about the said husband, then mentioned his name. That's how I found out it was your father..."

I raised my hand for Eika to stop talking. Which she obliged, while also looking very sad. 

"Do you mind... if I eat something... I need to process this before we continue..."
"Yea... of course, take all the time you need."

I could tell by her voice, how much this was eating her up. I had eaten in silence, as I had no idea on what to even say in this situation. After a 15-minute break, I walked back into the living room and sat back down next to Eika.

"Okay... please continue..."

She nodded slowly.

"After I learned of that, I was hurt and furious, yet I still had feelings for him. I had approached him about it, and that's when he came clean... and introduced me to you. When I saw you, I felt nothing but anger, to me, seeing you, was like a reminder 8 of the lies. To me, you were nothing but a lie... and for that reason, is why I treated you so harshly. In my mind, I knew it was wrong to take out my anger on an innocent child... but I didn't care, I was so blinded by rage that I couldn't see how much... how much I had ruined your life... I'm so sorry Shiro... I'm a terrible person..."

Eika had broken out in tears, now crying in my arms. I wanted to resist the urge to cry, but I couldn't for much longer. 

"Eika... I had no idea, this was the burden you carried for all this time..."
"Shiro... I should've been a better mother to you... you had nothing to do with what your father did... and yet, I took my anger with him out on you. Please allow me to make this right, I know I can't make up for the years of torment I put you through, but please allow me to be your mother for once... I didn't mean any of it. I was just a woman that didn't know how to act on her emotions properly..."

We sat there on the couch for what seemed like an eternity talking about things, and things that we'd both like to try. After a while, I looked up at Eika.

"Hey... Eika, do you mind if I just go on a walk alone for a while? I just want some time alone to process this. This was way more than what I expected to hear when I came home..."

She nodded to me as she wiped her tears.

"Of course, take all the time you need okay. I'll be here whenever you want to come back, okay?"
"Thank you..."

I left the house, for I don't know how long... I just kept walking around the town lost in my thoughts. I felt connected to Eika now, I understood her motivations, and her reasons for acting the way she did. I couldn't be angry at anything she did now... we were both victims of my father's lies. Before I knew it, the sun had set, and here I was, lost and destroyed. I was sitting on a swing in the neighborhood park thinking about everything I was told, and everything I had went through. I didn't know what to even do about this situation. I sat on that swing for so long, I didn't have the strength to do anything... I couldn't even stand up without my knees buckling from the overwhelming nature of the situation. I don't know how much time had passed before I finally gained any motivation to do something. 

"I guess I'll go back home..."

I told myself, but I still couldn't find the strength to stand up.

"I've been looking for you..."

I heard a voice from behind me. Before I could turn around, I feel arms slowly wrap around me, and a chin rest on my head.

"S-Seira?"
"That would be me! Now, how about you turn that frown upside down, and leave everything to me, okay? Let me take care of you for tonight..."