Where it all started

“Big brother, can I please sleep with you?”

Tsuna asked this while they were nothing more but siblings, even before she had finished her senior year of high school. Her body was hot, blushing all over steam rising, making her scent enticing. She wore one of his old hoodie’s and the collar of it was loose enough to clearly see her skin lying underneath giving hints of how little she was wearing. The skin that showed looked wet to the touch and she was panting lightly with her cheeks bright red. The only thing you could see on her lower half were knee high socks, the rest being obscured with his low hanging top covering her body. More flushed colors of her hair that was never present before sprinkled her hair due to sweat.

Seeing his sister wearing an outfit that seemed to be out of his dreams made his face flush with a pink hue that seemed to glow off his face; this shade only made his lack of any sort of poker face even more evident.

“Y-yeah sure come in.”

Tsuna’s face was glued to the floor in embarrassment shuffling across the floor getting on top of the bed. Ryuji followed behind dragging his feet making sure not to say or do anything that would reveal his feelings of the situation so he opted to lay down as far as he possibly could from his sister. He had thoughts of what she possibly could have wanted dressed like that but he would feel awful if he misread and forced her into something she didn’t want.

“So why do you wanna sleep together?”

Tsuna sat up crossing her legs leaning forward resting her hand on Ryuki’s thigh; her face was so close that he could feel her breath on his chest. She spoke in a seductive tone making him look away flustered but stopping him she grabbed his chin to make him look at her.

“I was just feeling a little lonely tonight and I knew you could fix that for me.”

Ryuji's face pulled away once again.

“I mean what am I here for if not to help when you're lonely so I can definitely help! You wanna talk about it or something?”

Ryuji’s blunt response tried to force the situation to calm down before he gave into her lust. Tsuna crawled on top of her big brother and whispered in his ear her steamy breath leaving his ear slightly moist.

“For what I want, talking is rather unnecessary.”

After saying this she lightly bit Ryuji’s ear. He had known what she had wanted since he opened his door and now he was sure of it.

“Lets keep it quiet for now so that we can hurry and get to the loud part.”

He said this while leaning in, prying her mouth open with his tongue causing her to fall to the bed as she accepted her brother's advances. When they pulled away a string of saliva hung between their mouths evidence of what they did. Ryuji leaned back in licking her neck gently and as she let out a noise he wanted to covet for himself in his fit of passion he lovingly planted a hickey on her neck; it rested near the top of her neck out there specifically so it would be hard to cover up. They got lost in passion through the night going on for multiple hours. The only words they dared to speak were ones of affirmation or to provoke the other to touch them more. At some point throughout the night Ryuji thought about Tsuna’s old boyfriend who she had broken up with that same year. When they were doing the deed at one point all he could think about was he just can’t be worse than him.

The next morning Ryuji woke up sweaty with stains across the bed but Tsuna was nowhere to be seen. He got up sorely and began to limp around the house searching for her. He checked what the time was and saw 6:30 on his digital clock. She didn’t have to go to school until 7:00 and he usually drove her there by this time she would normally be waking him up or making breakfast; this deviation from their routine only added to his confusion. He went back to his room to go get a change of clothes and found a note next to his bed.

Hey big bro, I know we had a fun last night but I can’t help but feel I took advantage of you. You were lonely and I used you to fulfill my desires. It just didn’t feel right using you like that so I think we should go back to just being normal siblings. I’ll do my best to learn from this mistake so I avoid hurting anyone else.

Love you big bro.

Ryuji read this and said under his breath.

“Please, just don’t say I love you cause it makes it hurt so much worse.”

Ryuji saw it best to go on with his day, quickly getting through his morning routine trying his best not to think too hard about it all but in the speed that he did everything he ended up right outside of his work an entire hour and thirty minutes early, the doors hadn't even opened yet.

Ryuji finally connected his phone to his car's speaker and played songs that he hadn’t heard in years. It was your normal sappy heart break songs with the twist of being nightcore. He had recognised years ago that these songs were just profiting off of the original artists work by speeding them up to avoid copyright issues but today they provided some nice comfort for him. Tears began to swell in his eyes and streamed down his face. No matter what the tears wouldn’t stop yet people kept walking by so to hide his face he leaned forward and hid his face but as he did this he heard a crinkle in his pants. He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and it was the one from this morning. He must have subconsciously picked it up while he was rushing so his brain could focus on anything but this. He stayed there crying for so long that he almost ended up late for his job so he wiped his tears, grabbed his satchel in a rush and dashed onto the bus.

Today his job wanted him to go on a trip and the rest of his peers to attend some corporate meeting. When he arrived on the transit, luckily there was a free seat in the back so he spread out while the rest of the bus all had at least one other person to their name. He was so happy to get a free seat so that he could try to think something up so when he confronted Tsusa he would be able to talk her out of this mentality. Though right as he was counting his blessings of having a free seat some guy tapped him on his shoulder.

“Hey, do you mind if I sit next to you?”

“Not at all man.”

Ryuji saw this as a small inconvenience but as the man began to sit down he began to spread his legs out crushing Ryuji in the corner, easily taking up two thirds of the seat. He even whipped out his laptop beginning to do work that had been due for weeks in his office. He had this stupid look to him and to compensate for this idiot.Though he did his best to not be in his way the guy elbowed Ryuji’s side not even bothering to say sorry. Half-way through the ride he picked up a call without headphones even though he had them they were just connected to the laptop instead of his phone. This drove Ryuji furious but he couldn’t do anything. All he could think about was when he got home before Tsuna got home he would break the chair that nobody used. The idea of hurting this man did more than just come across his mind but it was like his body yearned for that guy’s demise.

*Clunk*

Ryuji heard a sound and naturally checked his pockets just to be sure he didn’t lose anything. Low and behold his keys were missing from his pockets, so thoughts of his keys dropping to the floor flooded his mind. He squirmed a little moving in the little range he was given to no avail, no matter what he couldn’t find his keys. Though it wasn’t like he could check under the seats due to his knees being in the way and he couldn’t move due to that idiot. The idea of how helpless he was made him furious then the thought of when people got up they could step on his key and break it; it would be easy since it was a proximity key, one of those where you press the button in the car and it will start if it’s close enough.

Despite all the irritation the bus finally stopped at his destination. Before he got off he asked the bus driver if they could skim the floor to see if they could find his key due to his suspicions. He couldn’t check for himself because the bus had arrived late to the meeting. It was aggravating just one more thing that went wrong today. Though he decided to forget about it for now. After that he went through the standard motions of the meeting talking to people throughout trying to make the best of his time by keeping his head held high.

Despite the important talk that perpetuated the room he couldn’t stop thinking about Tsuna and despite how things went this morning last night's events still made him smile though when his mind that was replaying the events joyfully finally caught up to the note his blood began to chill and he got a lonely feeling in his chest. No matter what he couldn’t focus on business today so instead he got out a notebook that he brought so he could take notes but instead he drew a piece to help convey what his heart felt. It had ended up more creepy than he had wanted so he told himself that even if things become normal with Tsuna again he would still never show her. Though he showed some of the people that sat next to him and he was given high praise for his creepy colorful style that made him smile uncontrollably.

On the way back he rode the bus and finally got a seat to himself and while checking his bag he realized that he had put his keys in it. He couldn’t help but laugh at his own incompetence smiling in joyous shame, though after that outburst he realized just how strong all of his emotions had been today. Today surprised him looking back while all the things that happened today were stressful, scary, and many other emotions none of them on any other day would distract him from his main goals. He had always been incredibly dedicated to whatever he put his mind to but today was the first time in a while where he stepped back while the only thoughts that went through his mind was of someone else. Was love always this distracting? All he could do was sigh at the inconvenience of it. His life was going smoothly, he was moving quickly up the ladder and so many things were lined up for him to be sitting pretty before his twenties hit. Falling in love is the most beautiful awful distraction he had ever felt. On most days he would have figured out a way to take control of the meeting but instead the day was spent daydreaming letting his heart flutter more than it had any right to.

He had gotten off the bus around 8 Pm and decided not to go home. Knowing that he loved Tsuna was too much to simply go back to. He looked at the piece of paper and read it back. One word kept on replaying in his head.

Mistake.

Was that all she saw it as? A simple mistake? He knew he couldn’t force his feelings onto her but he didn’t know how to talk to her about them. Ryuji had learned some psychology long ago and it had plagued his love life ever since. Because when you know how the brain works it's easy to make people do what you want and when you break it down human interactions are really manipulative. Saying I love you is trying to manipulate their heart into saying the same. If you ask for help you manipulate them to use energy on you. If you share an idea you could manipulate them into your line of thought. He had no idea if that type of manipulation was moral so he just stayed quiet and did his best to stay a neutral party since being on one side pulls the other in too harshly. This ambiguity caused him so much pain.

He decided to take refuge at the local park closest to his house and began to swing. They made this crude screeching sound that hurt his ears but he enjoyed swinging enough to ignore it. Much later he was starting to get bored and hungry due to the onslaught of strong emotions his brain had not signaled him to eat yet. Right as he was thinking of getting up and going to a Waffle Home to eat something he smelt something sweet, kinda cinnamony in the air. He looked down from the navy blue sky and he was met by Tsuna’s blonde hair that pierced the scene’s drowned out colors. She was holding a tray of Lakkris Toppar, a traditional icelandic dish; they are cake balls rolled in cinnamon and then drizzled in icing. The steam from the dish rose into the air almost making a personal northern light for the two of them. Ryuji waved to her while yelling.

“So, how’d you find me?”

While this did contradict the purpose of him going there he would be lying to say that it didn’t make him happy.

“Well it's only legal to loiter at parks and there aren’t many around here so it was only a matter of time before I found you.”

She silently sat next to him and they looked to the sky. Even though no words were spoken they could feel each other's tiding emotions.

“He-” “You kno-”

The two of them tried breaking the ice at the same time, leading them both to be silent for a second not to be rude.

“You can go fir-” “You firs-”

They did it again and they both broke out in laughter. The situation might have been serious but this let eachother know that they didn’t change, only the situation did. Now being less stiff Ryuji reached over and grabbed one of the cake balls she made as he did this she spoke.

“I really am sorry about last night.”

Ryuji chewed a little longer than he needed so he could naturally meet the pace of the situation. So after he swallowed he spoke.

“Why are you sorry?”

Tsuna heard this and was utterly surprised she spoke in a conflicted tone being forceful with her words.

“Wait you’re not mad? But I made a mistake.”

Ryuji ate another one and began to lightly swing.

“No, to be completely honest with you I do think I’m mad even though I may not feel it. I’m not angry about what you did, I'm mad that you only see it as a mistake.”

Tsuna looked at him surprised as his tone remained constant even though the words he spoke sounded painful. She got off the swing and began to press aggressively against Ryuji’s stomach while yelling at him.

“But I used you! And for what? Just so I could feel better about myself! Please just let me say sorry, I’m trying to be good!”

Ryuji couldn’t help but smirk and laugh a little.

“It’s wild out of all the things you don’t think about, that you choose this to overthink.”

Ryuji got up and hugged Tsuna, letting her rest her head on his shoulder with a moist feeling falling down to hit his shirt. Holding the tray with one hand and holding her in the other.

“Thank you for worrying about me. The idea that you think about me so much you can overthink yourself into being wrong is more than flattering.”

Tsuna spoke in the middle of her cries only amounting to whimpering.

“What do you mean I’m wrong?”

Ryuji pulled her back letting her legs rest on the swing while he presented the tray to her.

“You made this right?”

Tsuna’s hands were up to her face wiping tears off staining her sleeves.

“Yeah, what of it?”

Ryuji grabbed one and threw it in the air, catching it with his mouth, eating it.

“There, I used you. You made this and I ate it so I took something you gave me so I’m an awful person right?”

Tears had begun to get caught on her glasses so she took them off hanging them by her shirt.

“That's different, I made those for you! That was my choice to give them to you!”

Ryuji leaned in, hugging her one last time putting his finger on the hickey he gave her the night before.

“And it was my choice to do that, what we did was nothing more or less than you making food for me. If I felt bad enough to cut ties with you every time you made food for me then I would not be able to live with myself. What we did was express our love now. If what happened between us wasn’t love then please feel free to leave and learn from this.”

Ryuji took her hand and got on one knee.

“But if you love me then stay with me I’ll be sure to do the best I can to support you and love you plenty so please Tsuna will you go out with me?”

Was this manipulative? Sure he asked a question with only two real answers and planted the idea in her head but the result wasn’t bad. He just wanted to express his genuine unbound love for his little sister.