To Kiri, and also me

“C’mon, call me back.”

I had been scanning back and forth at the exchange of me and Wa Ghy U for nearly twenty minutes now, and yet no new messages had come up. So, there was nothing for me to do aside from scanning our conversation back and forth.

“Stan, there’s a problem, that tall girl Elina refused to invite Kiri.”

“What? Why? What did she say?”

“She said that she’s feeling too guilty for bothering her too much and she’s not fine with lying to such a great person. Jesus, we didn’t know she would become Kiri’s friend so fast.”

“My god, those cliché types always ruin it, man.”

“Wait, Stan, it’s okay. I asked everyone who was surrounding me about Kiri and a girl named Qi knew her personally. She said she’ll lead her here.”

“Oh, that’s nice. Thanks, Wa Ghy U, call me back if it succeeds.”

But he did not, and I could only wait here anxiously while the silence of my phone continued to torment me. It was no surprise that something had definitely gone wrong since it didn’t matter whether Kiri did come or not, Wa Ghy U would have already reported back to me regardless.

“Yo.”

In an instant, a feminine voice left me dead in my tracks, one that I did not expect or want to hear right at this moment. As I looked anxiously toward her direction, the reality of my situation, and also the downfall of my plan had come to my awareness.

“Long time no see.” She spoke with a wide grin. With her hair covering her right eye, the remaining one was emphasized to show a sense of insanity, and perhaps a hint of anger.

As if it wasn’t intimidating enough, the sky brightened into a yellow aura, illuminating the unholy presence before me.

“How?” With a scared and questioning tone, I inquired.

But she did not give voice to my doubts and only enclosed our position with a swift sprint.

“Fuck!” As worthless as I knew it was, my body still tried to reach for the motorcycle beside me, only to be pulled back by her. And into a wall, my back slammed.

“Okay, first I just want to clarify that all was done in good faith, and for your benefit.” Desperately, I fired away my reasons.

“Oh, is that so, Stan? What good merit would I gain from having the whole school think of me as a lesbian model.”

“Alice was the one who suggested it. Cut me some slack.”

“Heh, that damn blondie. What about that six-foot-tall dude that’s named after beef then? Why the hell was he telling all that embarrassing stuff about me in front of everyone?”

“Okay, maybe I wanted to humiliate you a bit for a quick laugh.”

She smacked my head, well, I deserved it.

“Okay, be honest, at least all of that was somewhat fun, right? I mean, you like crazy stuff, right? Right?” Still caressing the back of my head from her assault, I spoke once more.

She disclosed her mouth with an agitated expression, however, her voice halted for a moment before coming out again.

“Fine, it was pretty chaotic. But did you really plan all this? I mean I know most of them were from your school but what about Elina?”

“I’m glad you asked Kiri, I guess it is finally time to unveil my masterful plan-”

“Just fucking get on with it.”

“All right, all right,” I assured her. “We bribed her with exclusive commissions from the BL queen. She appeared on the first day with Mary-Beth and the two boys to make acquaintance, I don’t know what Mary-Beth and the two acted out in detail but I guess it worked. And from there she would invite you to go with her to the convention which later turned into a war. Alice only suggested the part where you guys dance by the way, so I gotta say, that whole Love war was my favorite part of the plan.”

I had thought that Kiri would somewhat be surprised, but all she seemed to be expressing was a doubtful visage. After a few seconds, she raised a question.

“Then, what if I had refused to go with Elina?”

“Figured you’d ask that, let’s just say that it’s all part of my intuition that you would accept a girl in need’s plea.”

Kiri gave me another dubious look, but she did not intend to delve deep into my answer and only distracted herself with another question.

“How did you even convince all of them, especially those two boys? They must have balls of steel to agree to being clowns for an entire school they’re not apart of.”

“Another good question. It was obvious and understandable that most of them refused at first, but for some reason Mary-Beth was very enthusiastic in meeting you, and I guess her energy just affected everyone around her. You could say she’s one of the true MVPs here. In Wa Ghy U’s case, he just wanted to help me as a friend, and the stories that I told him about you also made him very amused. While the others kind of had their own gains, the BL queen would gain new commissioners and spread her name widely, and those two boys will share a huge cut of 30% each from being the models, at the cost of ruining their image.”

“Wuh- ”, but she did not finish her sentence, rather, she came up with something new. “Then, is Qi in on it too? She was the one that led me to Wa Ghy U.”

Qi.

Just as I began to try to recollect the familiarity of that name, I swiftly remembered Wa Ghy U asking her to tell Kiri which I took from the contents of his message. And so, I answered.

“Nah, she’s an anomaly. The tall girl was supposed to be the one who invited you, but who would have thought she had befriended you and felt guilty? Those cliché nice people I swear.”

A hint of a smile smeared all over Kiri’s face, and I felt a little regret from my way of words, but just enough for me to push it away completely.

Kiri took a moment of silence, to which I was guessing that she was collecting her thoughts about the whole situation. The plan didn’t seem grand in any way, but I guess to say that it was the usual normal prank would have been an understatement. And after a few more seconds, the girl before me finally spoke once more.

“So, you came out of your way to another school just to plan all of this, and for what? Making me laugh a few times?”

Of course, I have indeed presumed that she would ask this and prepared beforehand, however, as her nightly stare met with mine, words struggled to come.

“I-uh, I just didn’t want us to fall apart, not again.” There were myriads of things I wanted to let her know, nevertheless, I knew I only had to say one thing. “So, I wanted to give you something to laugh at, to make your life a bit more interesting. Perhaps it was for a selfish reason like making myself more lovable in your eyes. Just like how your father was to you.”

And quietness engulfed us. I’m sure we didn’t halt for long, and yet, every passing second felt like an eternity. As if having lingering thoughts, Kiri chose to speak once more.

The more I could see inside her unveiled mouth, the stronger my feelings gnawed at me anxiously. But whether it was fear or relief, I opted to embrace it, for I trusted in myself to have made the right call.

And so, I lent an ear to her following words.

“Stan, I told you this before. There is only one father that I have in the world, and he’s important to me. But there is also only one Stan that I know of, and I love him too.” Her eyes were met with mine, and as if her soul were finally willingly laid bare before me, I trusted to take her words to heart once more. “I’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t enough, it was just that I didn’t want to give up on something I had built for a year and a half, and I didn’t want to make my father sad for killing his hope of seeing me again.”

She exhaled. And as the final vapor of a winter breath dispersed into the warming air, Kiri carried on.

“You know, I was miserable when I came to this school. I know that makes you feel guilty, but half of it is because I myself had given up, so don’t be.” Her eyes began to divert her gaze away from me. “I thought that growing up means not escaping anymore, and so I focused on the future you and my mother had set for me. And even though thinking like that was tormenting for me, I convinced myself that it was right, that it was what everyone had wanted and what that was best for me.”

As a vehicle passed by the road beside us, her strands of nightly hair were blown up to cover her visage, and yet, she stood there unwaveringly. With singular strings slowly descending down with grace, she continued.

“Nevertheless, when something crazy and exciting came up, I still indulged in it, showing nothing but hypocrisy. It was no different from my runaway, it’s just the way I justify my reasons is so fucked. And yet, you saved me from myself once again.” As her voice trailed off at the end, I could hear her having trouble forming a sound. It was as if something had finally caught up to her, and she didn’t prepare herself for the shock. “You… saved me.”

For the first time in my life, the girl I knew did not laugh, smile, frown, or totally despondent, but she cried. Strings of tears strolled down her face as the cascade of emotions emerged into view, and the sight was so abnormal that I was left in utter speechlessness. Yet, I didn’t worry, for I know that the girl wasn’t sad, for I know the girl in front of me.

It was as if I could finally see her clearly, after all those years that we had spent together, this was the only time I could finally meet eyes with the girl named Kiri. And my body moved on its own.

“Why?” She mumbled. “Why are you hugging me?”

“Well, I’d figure that’s what you wanted, so I just obliged.”

In the midst of her rain, a chuckle fought its way through to resound in the air.

“Thanks. And I love you, for real, Stan.”

“Thanks too, Kiri. And I love you too, on God.”

She hit my back lightly before wrapping her hands around to embrace the boy before her.

We stood there, both sides showing their affection, and unprecedentedly, the clouds had aligned themselves evenly.

Even though the tawny sky was still radiating its heat down upon us, no way could it have matched the warmth I could feel from her then. And so, we enfolded and face one another, all deceit and superficiality gone, with only a sense of trust that we shared.

***

After all those things that had happened, everything went on as usual, the good kind of usual. Kiri and I kept in contact, and we continued to hang out.

There were bad times, there were good times, and there were just plain boring periods, nonetheless, we still met up. We had gone through so much worse before, situations that brought out the worse in us, lies that ruined our trust, and greed that made us use the other for comfort. Even so, we sticked together, and we carried on our love and mutual interest, for we both now understand each other, and we both forgive our past.

And we knew to not be obsessive, so, I and Kiri strived toward our best life, our own life.

I kept up with my hobbies and goals, as well as my relations. It was only because my friends were nice enough to agree to help me that I was able to reconcile with Kiri, and so I grew ever more thankful toward them. That’s not to say that I didn’t continue to treat them like ass, well, to justify myself I’ll use the BL queen’s words, ‘It’s my own way of showing affection.’ Regardless, they really were good people, and I couldn’t be more grateful to have them in my life.

Surprisingly, it was also likewise for Alice. Despite having her ways to talk with Kiri again, for some reason, she still kept in touch with me. Perhaps it was because we both shared our relationship with the girl that we loved before all of this, and I guess that makes us somewhat special to the other, ‘somewhat’ was emphasized here. Well, regardless, I won, and Alice lost. Ha!

When it comes to my hobbies, I did not forget to practice my guitar every day. And even though I did not join a band, I did perform as one of the side guitarists for my class’s concert at our school. Things didn’t go very far with my basketball too, still, I had fun, and I made new friends with my class’s team.

Kiri also had her own life. She shared pictures of herself with three other girls casually, setting a party in a goddamn boarding school, having an underground poker club, and smuggling eroge BL doujins. Jesus, the things this girl can come up with.

And in a few of them, there was a selfie of her and the tall girl Elina. Kiri thanked me for being the reason Elina made friends with her, so, guess they kept in touch after that whole bizarre plan.

This was totally unexpected even for me, but Kiri agreed to my suggestion of having a talk with her mother again. After all, I think that both sides loved each other more than they thought. And well, after their planned conversation, Kiri told me it wasn’t that bad, and that there was a chance that her mother will come into her life again.

In short, it was needless to say, we both had fun, with and without each other.

And, as the saying goes, time passes by when you’re having fun. In a blink of an eye, a year had already passed. A year full of excitement of life, a year fit for a high schooler, a year that I had wanted and worked toward.

A year for me and Kiri.