Isekaid by a drop bear

“G’day mates! I bet you’re gathered to hear my tale and research. I’m Drop Bear Dumbee! Australialand’s number one zoologist!”

*Note: This man has no zoology degree or license. He is just some wacko that runs around in the Outback*

“For years, I’ve always wanted to know one thing regarding Australialand Wildlife. Why is the Yowie, called the Yowie?

Ya see, I’ve always wondered why it was called the Yowie. Sure, some call it the Yahoo, but it’s always been the Yowie for me. Then I found a breakthrough!

In Japan, yaoi means boys love. Then it all clicked. The Yowie, must be into yaoi…”

*BZZT*

“That was the dumbest shit I’ve ever watched,” I growled after the video ended.

My name is Roux Bordereaux. I’m nothing special, just an average college honors student. Since I’m a college student, I occasionally do dumb things like dumpster dive to find old video cassette tapes. The one I just watched, however, was so cringy I think my IQ dropped 50 points just by watching it.

I decided to do the world a service and burned the tape in a trashcan.

                                                                               …

The next day, some of my dormmates invited me to go to the zoo with them.

“Ah, it feels so much better to see intellectuals handling the wildlife explanations,” I said aloud, much to the disturbance of those around me, and the confused employee giving facts about bears.

I then walked away and began smacking my face. That damn video really had messed up my mind. I’d seriously have to get my IQ checked after this, though if I did that, some of those nerds at the science lab might go hunting for traces of that damn video for “research purposes”.

As I wandered around, I eventually found myself staring at a cute koala high in a tree.

“Well this is a calming sight,” I smiled.

Suddenly, the koala ran out of eucalyptus leaves and became a violent drop bear. It dropped down on me and ripped my throat out. As blood gushed out and things began to go blurry, I could make out a zookeeper killing the violent drop bear with a gun. She then ran over to me. Her pretty face was the last thing I saw.

I was dead, or so I thought.

“Wake up! WAKE UP MATE!”

I awoke to a pair of large beady eyes staring at me.

I jolted and attempted to scream, however the sound that came out of my mouth was not human.

I then jolted my head up only to feel a surge of pain in my forehead as the giant eyes suddenly vanished.

“Ow! Looks like I got a little too close.”

My eyes and ears recoiled in horror as I recognized the man standing before me. He was dressed in a camo shirt and shorts, hiking boots, and a hat. He had a large nose, mustache, beady green eyes, and double chin. It was him. Drop Bear Dumbee.

“Where the hell am I!” I screeched.

“Australialand mate!”

“How did I get here from Canada?”

“Canada? What’s that mate? You don’t mean Canberra do ya?”

“North of America. You know North America!?”

“What’s America?”

I could not believe how dumb this idiot was.

“UNITED STATES!”

“Never heard of a place like that. Only united country I can think of is the UK. Oh! I have a map of the world! Show me where ya from,” he grinned as he pulled out an old parchment.

My eyes widened in shock when I saw the map. It was just like Earth, but only Island nations existed. Australia and Antarctica were the only fully intact continents on the map. Though some places like India, Italy, and surprisingly Florida existed in this world.

As I pointed toward where Canada would have been, I shrieked. My hand was not a hand, but a weird paw.

“What am I!?” I screamed.

“You’re a kangaroo mate.”

I spotted a watering hole and attempted to run only to find myself hopping. Sure enough, I was a kangaroo.

Dumbee then waltzed over and dunked his head in the water.

“It tastes great mate. Have a sip.”

I groaned and decided to. Bad decision. The water tasted like shit.

“Bleh!”

“Oh not tasty enough? Don’t worry mate, I’ll sweeten it up for ya,” Dumbee smiled as he began to unzip his shorts .

I grew queasy and hopped away as fast as I could.

                                                                            …

After hurling my intestines out, I saw a tarantula crawl out of a trash bag.

“Welcome Roux. I am Richelieu, the one who watches over this land,” the tarantula stated.

“Richelieu huh? Like the villain from that novel?” I asked.

“Yes. Exactly like him.”

“Oh, in that case I’m not trusting you. Being named after a villain is a big red flag for me.”

“Don’t! I’m the only substance of sanity for you. I take it you hate this world and wish to return to your previous one, yes?”

“I mean yeah. As long as I’m free from Drop Bear Dumbee.”

“Then you must complete a quest, and I will sew your throat back up. Seek out that which Drop Bear Dumbee seeks the most. Bye bitch!”

The tarantula and his trash bag then vanished in a puff of smoke leaving behind a puddle of brown goo.

“Crickey Mate! Where’d ya find that Vegemite mate?” Dumbee asked as he ran up and pointed at the goo.

Considering a trash bag had just been there, I didn't want to guess what that brown goo could be, though I doubt it was Vegemite.

“What do you seek the most?” I asked Dumbee.

“Speak? Well I speak a lot of words mate. I don’t know,” Dumbee mused.

“NO! Is there something YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING!?”

“Oh! There is something I’ve always wanted to find, the elusive Yowie and ask him if he's into yaoi.”

I face palmed so hard I think I lost a large quantity of brain cells.

“It’s gotta be that. Nothing else will do. If I find out the answer, I’ll be the greatest zoologist in the world, and I’ll be able to spend the rest of my days exploring the outback with the Yowie,” Dumbee grinned.

Why!? I’ll have no brain cells left if I journey with this loon.

“Then find the Yowie before you run out of brain cells,” Richelieu's voice rang out.

A health bar labeled, "brain cells" then appeared in front of me.

“If the bar hits zero, you’ll become just as dumb and stupid as Dumbee. I’ve given you 1 billion brain cells, however, that’s merely because Dumbee’s so dumb, you’ll be losing brain cells in large quantities. Find the Yowie and find out if he's into yaoi before you run out of brain cells, and you will be revived in your own world at full strength. Oh, you and Dumbee are also immune to dying and have super regeneration. You can’t regenerate brain cells though, and you can feel pain. Bye bitch!”

I hate my life.