Epilogue: Endmost Destination

When I was still alive, I would have never guessed that the time after my death would have been the moment I’d found out how I should have lived while I had the chance.

I suppose you could call that regret, since I’d never get the chance to try again or really live to its fullest on the planet I was born on knowing what goals I would’ve set for myself when I had the opportunity. There are others who are still striving for Replacement because they do want that chance and I can understand why they would choose that.

Yes, some would call that regret but I don’t; I’m happy where I am. (I’m beyond that word, but that’s the most fitting descriptor I can think of.)

As Cyan said, “We Heralds are the lucky ones,” and I’m inclined to agree with her. (Don’t tell her I said that, I’m going to save it for a time when I need to get out of trouble.)

I’m lucky because I get to see both sides of life’s coin; I get to experience both sides regardless of my ineptitude for it -life, that is- and was given the chance to discover that the place I want to stay is here on Oeuvre. With Cyan and Calliope and… Jun.

Jun really is a good teacher; there’s always something new for them to show me and I love that I’m allowed to continue learning from that wealth of knowledge now that we have the time to spend. Knowing that I have somewhere and someone to spend it with, forever has never looked so inviting.

I always found that word -forever- to be a daunting one, more of an ominous foreboding than a promise of longevity but I’m warming to the concept the longer I stay; I understand now.

Earth will always be special to me -it’s where I spent my living life so of course it holds a unique place in my heart- but I am very satisfied in stating that it is no longer -and will never be- home.

That being said, just because I’ll never live on Earth again it doesn’t meant that I won’t spend a generous amount of the rest of my time watching over the people in my care and marveling at the amazing connections they can make.

Being a Cupid is something I’ve grown to love even more and it’s only made better when I step back and see who I’m allowed to do it with; my friends and the one person who has easily become my world, the axis by which I revolve around and I’m happy to be caught in the gravitational pull. (I know how that sounds, I just don’t care if I sound like a fool.)

I couldn’t have been more wrong about seeing darkness when I died; Oeuvre is like no other place that I could have ever thought of now or previously, with lights so brilliantly bright that it still takes my breath away when I fly on the wings that could carry me farther than I ever imagined I could go.

And, of course, Oeuvre gave me Jun; which is a gift that cannot be graded in a simple or singular metric. (I would go so far as to say it was unquantifiable but Cyan would tease me endlessly if I ever said that out loud.)

In the early days of Jun and I, there was always a disconnect when they would try to explain the magnitude of their affection for Heralding; how much it meant to them on a deeply personal level.

As I always did before, with the Earth colored glasses over my eyes I found it hard to understand how your ‘job’ could impact you so completely.

I’m not one to exclude others by saying things like ‘you have to see it to understand’ but… in this specific instance, I never would have been able to understand unless I came to the same conclusion myself. Because -like flying for the first time or trying to describe all the colors in an Oeuvre sunset- you had to experience it to truly comprehend it.

And I’m so happy to know that I do; Cupiding is a part of me that I never want to be without just as much as Jun will never shed their responsibilities as an Auspice. We’re both in total agreement on that front.

Maybe there will come a day when Heradling will no longer bring us the joy and fulfillment it does and has been giving; maybe we’ll even grow tired of each other but -regardless of the many paranoid worries I have- I don’t foresee our separation as something I’ll worry about now or any time in the future.

Call it intuition from a seasoned professional Cupid. (I have the highly coveted second opinion from the very best Auspice to back me up; there is a slight chance I may be biased…)

.

People get to come to Oeuvre because they aren’t ready to die yet. There is a little more to that but, regardless, it means when they’re here, they’re allowed to stay until they’re ready to leave.

I know that Passing On is an option, and that Jun is scared of what might happen after. (They’ve confessed their worries to me in hushed whispers as we laid in the grass between our desks, the calming sound of water and wind wisping around us as we stared up at trees slowly swaying above us.)

But I don’t think either of us will be ready to go for a long time.

There are so many things I still want to do and I can’t wait to spend them with my Auspice; the one who is still my key to knowledge and the adventure of new places and so many things. Oeuvre gave me the gift of a second chance; in Cyan and Jun and the Designation of Cupid even though it took me almost leaving before I realized what I was on the cusp of squandering.

I’m going to watch over Hana and the generations who come after, I’m going to guide and Match and protect as is the duty of Herald; we all have the innate passion to help or else we wouldn’t be here.

And I wouldn’t be here, with Jun -my Auspice- unless I was given the chance to open my eyes in a new world so far away from the one I started on; I wouldn’t be happy and impassioned to help for as long as my invigorated will permits me.

Because I’m the Cupid who fell for that Auspice.