Indecisive Determination

The Gloam Tree must’ve known and approved of my goals. Why else would it have sent Norte to me and said those things to me? Why else would Norte have so readily helped me figure out what I needed to make my own version of a mosaic gate capable of crossing dimensions, my so-called mosaic teleporter?

Danny said that the Gloam Tree could read his mind and had access to his memories, and I’d gotten the impression that it read mine as well. Considering the actions it took with that information, it must have agreed with me that Danny should have the choice to go back.

But would he choose to use it?

Danny was clearly curious about what I was doing, but like always he didn’t ask me a question he could tell I didn’t want to answer. I’d learned a while ago that Danny was averse to conflict. I figured some of that was that he was afraid of what could happen to him here if he actually got into an argument with someone, but from what he’d told me he’d also simply been that way in his own world as well. Maybe he was afraid of being disliked.

I wish he’d just yell about something. Anything, just once.

But that just wasn’t who Danny was. He was passionate, but in a way carried himself like a background character in a story someone was telling about someone else. He went along with the flow in most cases, hardly ever fussed about anything, and could be indecisive. He was inventive, but not adventurous- though I guess he’d already been forced to experience plenty of adventure just by coming here.

It would take me a while to gather everything I needed to send Danny home. A device intended to cross worlds needed a lot of stored up magic, and similarly a lot of high-quality materials that could store that magic. Preferably inorganic, so that they wouldn’t degrade quickly, even though they’d be harder to use. And harder to find.

It would still degrade eventually, as I could never create such a permanent device as the Mosaic Gates left behind by Xovod between the Night and Luminescent Domains, but I wanted the device to be as stable as possible. There was a chance, even if Danny didn’t use it, that the village could take advantage of the mosaic teleporter to evacuate somewhere else within the Night Domain in case of emergency, or that we would find some other use for it. Magic of this kind needed to be as reliable as possible, for the safety of everyone who used it, or else all sorts of accidents could take place in the transport process. So, high-quality inorganic materials were the safest bet for its construction.

I’d eventually have to gather those materials, either by myself or through merchants. Norte had given me ideas about where I could find some materials, and if I wanted to get them I’d need help. I’d already quietly been consulting with Itelber about my ideas, but they were suddenly becoming real.

I might actually be able to send him home.

Mom had likely already gathered what I was thinking and doing to some extent, and since I’d need her help anyway it made sense for me to actually discuss with her, Itelber, and Illose too. Illose would be able to help us arrange for people to join me and guard me while I gathered what I needed, and in order for me to get that help I’d need to tell her what I needed the hunters for. My mom could theoretically command them to do what I needed, but it would’ve been stupid for me to ask her to be heavy handed about it if Illose resisted, and to be honest my mom would probably have told Illose anyway.

“You are really planning on making a mosaic gate? Is that actually possible?” As I’d expected, the brief overview I’d given of my plan was surprising to Illose especially, while Itelber and mom seemed to treat what I'd said as inevitable.

“Loali, do you truly want this?” My mom’s question prompted me to answer her, neglecting Illose for the time being.

“Danny shouldn’t be here.”

“That is not what I asked.” She persisted.

“If I can make it happen, I need to give him the option to go home. We just talked about this at dinner- his world is a lot safer for him. He has family there.”

“I suppose this is why you’ve been avoiding talking to Danny about how you feel about him?”

“I can’t.” I hadn’t really expected her, considering the way she’d scolded dad before, to bring that up now.

“I’ve noticed that too, Drufyna.” Itelber commented, before he turned to me. “You know that won’t end well.”

“If I tell him, I-”

“And if you do not, he might believe you do not care for him that way at all. What sort of choice would he be making if he did not know of your feelings? What if he feels the same for you in turn and only chooses to leave because he does not believe his feelings are reciprocated?” Mom said, unexpectedly interrupting me mid-sentence. Her eyes were intense, but I kept my gaze steady with hers’.

“He shouldn’t just stay because of me. If telling him that is the thing that makes him stay, then I shouldn’t tell him. He can always find someone else.”

“Loali, that’s-” Itelber started, but I continued my own explanation.

“I’ll think about what you said, alright? But for the past few years I’ve been thinking about this a lot. This world isn’t as safe as his old world, and he’s already been without his family for years. If I became the only thing that prevented him from going back there, especially if something happened to him, then... I couldn’t live with that. I’d feel too guilty.”

“From what I recall, monsters don’t pose much of a risk to Danny himself... but I understand what you mean.” Mom sighed, and though I thought she was done she continued. "But what do you really want? I agree that you ought to give Danny a choice to go back to his old world if such a thing is possible, but what about you? What about the time you have now? You already said it'll take quite a while for you to make this device, potentially a couple of years.

“Even if he ultimately decides to leave, what about spending some time indulging yourself in the meantime would really be wrong? I have a feeling both of you would be heartbroken if he left regardless, so... why not create sweeter memories? You need not be with someone your entire life to find value in the time you spend together. It has been painful to watch you say nothing to him, and to watch him do the same. I agree with your father on that point at least.”

“The same?” I questioned, only to receive a chorus of dumbfounded looks.

“You’re not that dense. He’s clearly wanted to say something to you for a while, but he probably has not because he can tell you do not want to discuss it.” Itelber pointed out for the three of them, and I just shook my head.

“That doesn’t mean he’s interested in me as much-” I cut myself off from saying “as I am in him,” but I could tell they had a good idea of what I almost admitted. “Regardless, my point still stands.”

“I think you’re greatly underestimating how Danny feels about you.” Illose added this time. “What would you do if he finally approached you himself? He has not so far, but that will not necessarily remain the case.”

“All I need is a year, maybe two. I doubt he’ll get that kind of confidence so quickly.”

“People can surprise you.” Itelber, a sigh in his voice, continued, “And I think there’s a fundamental flaw in your reasoning. Since he clearly already cares for you, maybe loves you, what’s to stop him from choosing to stay for you anyway?” He paused for a moment, but I had nothing to interject.

He might have a point.

“He’s probably already held onto those feelings for some time. Without a definitive rejection, and as long as you continue to get so embarrassed by little pokes and prods and spend so much time with him, he’ll likely continue to hold onto those feelings.”

I immediately understood that the solution to that would be to reject him, but the nausea that thought evoked told me that I wouldn’t be able to do that. Nor could I distance myself from him, practically or emotionally, while he was still here.

“Your face tells me that you’re not about to do either of those things, so why not take Drufyna’s advice instead? If you have to think about it this way, consider the chance that it might not work out, and that you’ll end up resolving that dilemma for the both of you by having given it a chance.”

He was making a really good point. If Danny did at all feel similar to the way I did, I could see that still interfering with his decision. Honestly, it was a proposal that was getting easier for me to accept by the moment. I wanted to accept it, and even if it might be for a short time I wanted to experience a relationship with him.

“Alright...” I sighed, having to hold back just a note of excitement when I saw it in their own expressions. “If he asks me, I’ll talk to him about it.”

“I...” Illose cut herself off as soon as she started, and I took the opportunity to shift the conversation.

“Anyway, I didn’t come here for parents’ relationship advice. I still need help with the mosaic teleporter.” Thankfully, though they shared a few sighs and looks between them, mom took the hint and moved on.

“So long as we go about this carefully, I’m willing to support your goal."