Another Birthday

The year went by in a flash. Is... what I wanted to say but it wouldn’t be the truth. At first, it was strange waking up in my real home for the first time after months, even though my parents didn’t notice my absence at all. From their point of view, I just fell asleep after going back to my room, and by the time my mom washed the dishes and called me to watch a movie together, I was sleeping already.

But it was still strange and unusual getting back to my old daily routine and meeting my colleagues and friends again. I missed Jack greatly, even more than I expected. After the first few weeks, when I could no longer stand it, I googled the name of his father’s company. According to the data I’ve found and the articles I’ve read, it had a thriving business and was expanding all over the world. Sometimes I had the urge to go there and take a look at him from the distance, to see him at least for a few seconds as he gets in his car or gets out of it when leaving the company or arriving at it. But I didn’t want to risk being seen and change the outcome involuntarily. Whatever that may be.

Luckily, I had many things to do, so I didn’t have much time to think about him all the time. Only every few minutes. My younger self was wise enough not to spend the money I deposited into a separate bank account with a note that it was savings for the future. Now besides my salary, I also have all the money I’ve earned when working for the Liu family, plus a few more due to the interest on it through the years. After getting access to the account, I spent my days finding a suitable house for my parents to move into. It took longer than I expected but at least it kept me occupied. Once I found it, I bought it, gave them the keys, and helped them move their belongings and furniture. They really liked the house I’ve chosen for them in the suburbs with a garden and everything. As for me... I decided to stay in the apartment in the city center where I used to live with my parents. Only, I bought some new furniture and rearranged everything in it according to my taste.

Maybe I’m too sentimental but I couldn’t bring myself to leave the place you once lived in.

******

As people get older, every year seems to pass faster but this year, I felt the opposite. Christmas was the hardest. I hate being single on Christmas Day. Way worse than on Valentine’s Day. And on New Year’s, I raised my glass to drink a toast for you and wish you a happy new year silently. I saw the fireworks and I felt lonelier than ever before, even though I was seeing it with friends. After that, I only had to get through another few months but they seemed to pass even slower than the rest of the year. And as the last two weeks came by before our meeting, I constantly felt a twinge in my chest and I had to loosen my tie every now and then to help me breathe. I was too restless those days and had to actually make myself concentrate and pay attention more when I had a client to talk with.

When the day of my birthday finally arrived, and thus the day of our meeting, I felt like I was on the verge of either screaming out of frustration or suffocating or both. I was on edge all day, not knowing how it was going to be. Will he come? Does he even remember me or that we agreed to meet? And even if he remembers, does he want to come? Or he’ll come just to tell me he has moved on and loves someone else already. For me, the latter would be even worse since not so much time has passed for me which wouldn't have been enough to get over him, while he had years to do that.

But I still went there, directly to the second floor. I only remembered this much, then walked around until I found the place we agreed on. When I found it I stared at those clocks afraid to move and counted down the remaining ten minutes. There were a few people around at first but as the closing hour was getting closer they left one by one. Only I was standing there now with butterflies in my stomach which only worsened when after a while, I heard someone coming. The person didn’t seem to be in a hurry as the sound of his footsteps showed otherwise. It was already five p.m. just like the time we agreed on. It can only be him. I hope it is him.

After hearing his footsteps stop behind me, I didn’t turn around immediately. I wanted to prolong the moment just for a few seconds more before seeing his face and hearing what he had to say. When he finally spoke, his voice was the same as I remembered, albeit more mature, and manlier.

‘“Don't be afraid of the clocks, they are our time, the time has been so generous to us. We imprinted time with the sweet taste of victory. We conquered fate by meeting at a certain time in a certain space. We are a product of the time, therefore we give back credit where it is due: time. We are synchronized, now forever. I love you,”’* he told me in a deep, captivating voice which brought me to tears instantly the moment I heard it. I tried to concentrate on the dial of the clock to prevent me from actually bursting into tears and as I mustered up the courage and turned around, I realized what I thought about his voice was also true of his appearance. If he was handsome before, now he is dashing. He is wearing a dark blue three-piece suit and he aged like fine wine. Just my cup of tea. Always has been.

“You were right. It is cheesy,” I remarked with a smile.

“Jack Liu,” he said as he extended his hand for a handshake and smiled back at me.

“Asher Scott. Nice to meet you. Again,” I smiled brightly as I reached out to shake his hand. Who knew that after getting to hold my hand, instead of shaking it, he would pull me in his embrace and kiss me?

Not that I complain.

“Last year I went to Canada to finally see Notre Dame de Paris with the original cast,” he told me when we finally let go of each other. “The performance was magnificent. And it reminded me of you,” he added in a low voice while looking at me.

“I’ve missed you just the same,” I told him earnestly.

“Do you know why I even agreed to wait this long?” he asked suddenly but seeing my puzzled look, he answered it without me guessing. “Because I wanted you to be my equal. Not my subordinate,” he told me seriously. “And I also needed time to get myself together, so that I could talk with my father fair and square. He either gives me his blessings or I sell my shares and start over somewhere else,” Jack said in a resolute manner which made me stunned.

“I told you not to give up anything for me.”

“I know. But I don’t always listen. Besides, everyone can be persuaded if one has a good bargaining chip. I’m his only child, it wasn’t that hard as long as I didn’t waver.” It made my heart melt as I heard this. I stroked his cheek with the back of my hand which surprised him a little.

“And now he tolerates other people’s preferences?”

“Not really. But I didn’t give him a chance to disagree. He shouted at me fiercely but I stood my ground and didn’t give in. Not this time,” he told me in a low, husky voice and embraced me again. “Because you are worth fighting for.” And this time the tears really started rolling down my cheeks and although I didn’t make a sound, Jack must have sensed it because his arms tightened around me as if he wanted to console me. So, I also wrapped my arms around him and hugged him in return and we stayed like this until I finally ran out of tears.

“It’s my birthday today. What do you want to do?” I asked as I raised my head to look at him.

“I should be the one to ask you this,” he said. “But never mind. I have some ideas. After all, I had ten years to plan it,” he grinned at me teasingly.

“Then what’re we waiting for?” I said and let go of him. “I wanna see this plan of yours unfold.”

“Unfold?” he grinned even broader than before.

“The pun was not intended,” I replied in a snarky tone and frowned at him. “But whatever. Let’s just leave first before they throw us out since closing time is getting nearer by the minute,” I said as I checked the time on my watch.

“I don’t mind it. At least they’ll throw us out together which is already a win,” he laughed at me as he grabbed my hand and pulled me after him.

And as we were on our way back home, I thought to myself that for the first time in many years, I can wholeheartedly say that I am truly, sincerely happy.

Because I’ve finally found you.

*It is a letter written by Félix González-Torres to his lover Ross Laycock in 1988.