Go Home

Ren exhaled deeply, watching the misty cloud of his breath float higher into the chilly air. For a moment, surrounded by tall pines and cold frost, the boy had been able to forget that this wasn’t his home. That he hadn’t been in The Guard for the last two years.

Two years of hell.

His feet sunk with a loud crunch in the snow with every step. It was so much quicker using his wings for transportation, and most angels preferred it, but he enjoyed the familiarity of walking from place to place. After spending the majority of his life concealing his wings, it only came naturally to do so every time he returned to the land. It was easy to slip on his bracelet and into the crowd where no one had time to think twice about him. Only in The Kingdom did Ren keep his raven feathers on permanent display for all to see. The Kingdom never let him forget just what he was, so he wouldn’t let them forget either.

Not that he spent much time in the heavens, anyways. Just long enough to gather information and take on his next job before coming back to the land to complete the mission. And as long as he finished it in a reasonable time frame, then it didn’t really matter if he spent a few hours on the ground, walking through the trees. Pretending that he was home, and that she was there.

Everyday had become the same. Search for Rogue Ones that the heavens had deemed a threat, take their heads, dump them off at The Kingdom, and then do it again.

Over.

And over.

And over.

Nothing ever changed.

There were certain things at home that never changed; the land, the chores, the whispers at night. The consistency of day-to-day life was comforting, something that would always be there that he could rely on like the rising and setting of the sun.

But he lived for the unpredictability.

The chaos.

Her.

There was a sudden impact in the snow behind him. Something had fallen from the trees above and the angel reached for his sword, berating himself mentally for allowing his attention to wander so far off as not to notice another’s presence in the area.

“Ren.”

Every muscle in his body seized up and he couldn’t move. There had only ever been one person who could surprise him, throw him completely off guard, and into a state of disorder.

This was either a dream...

Or a nightmare.

“Ren.” The voice so lovely, so desperate, calling for him.

He turned, terrified, exhilarated.

Please be there.

Please don’t be there.

Emerald eyes looked up at him, relief and joy shining in them.

No.

He was on the girl in an instant, crumbling to the ground and pulling her into his lap, holding her body as closely as possible to his own as he shook with the adrenaline that rushed through him. He ran his hands up and down her entire form, unsure if she was real or his imagination, and buried his face into her neck and hair. Inhaling fully, he breathed in the scent of her that he had longed for but never forgotten. The fragrance of newly bloomed wildflowers, autumn leaves, clear and crisp water. The pulse in her neck beat against his lips. Proof that she was really here.

Go away.

Don’t leave.

“Ren.” Sakura pulled back, grabbing his face in her hands, and smiled. Smiled oh so sweetly. The way only she could. “I finally found you.”

Ren could barely breathe, lost in the spell of her gaze. “How’d you find me?”

Her smile grew. “Luck. I’d been told the next town over had a lot of angels coming and going and I just thought… then I caught your scent.”

She was so beautiful. She always had been, but the past two years had made her even more so as she veered further away from the preciousness of a child and closer to the allure of a woman. Her face had leaned out with the losing of the baby fat and the curves that had begun to form when he left were much more prominent now.

Fuck.

“You can’t be here. You have to leave,” he insisted as his hands continued running over every part of her, refusing to let her go, wanting more. Fingers tugged at the collar of her shirt, a shirt that was once his, to expose the ebony feather on her shoulder.

His mark.

He was hers.

And she was his.

Why was she doing this to him?

“Ren,” she choked, the tears swelling in her eyes. “Raz is dead.”

The revelation was no surprise, but hearing it spoken aloud was more jarring than when he had read it in the letter that Torg had undoubtedly spent a small fortune to have sent up to The Kingdom for him to receive. It had been simple then to tear and discard the parchment and its contents, tucking its information into the back of his mind to process at another time and place far from the heavens. That was harder to do now with the misery he felt replicated on the face before him.

“I know.” The admission made him sick. He should have been there. He should be there now. He should have never left. He should have never been made to.

“Ren, it’s… it’s all my…” She buried her face into his shoulder and wailed, deep mournful sobs racking her body as she clung onto the boy.

All he wanted was to break down with her. Meet her tears with his own. Hold on to her the way that she held on to him until all the overwhelming sorrow they shared passed, and the words that needed to be spoken could be understood. Take her hand and follow her wherever she went.

But he had to let her go.

And he had to do it now.

Before he couldn’t anymore.

“Sakura, you have to go,” he pleaded, pushing her back from him.

“No.” The girl shook her head and tangled her hands into his hair. “Come with me.”

He wanted to. More than anything.

“I can’t. You know I can’t.”

“Please Ren. I need you.” She pulled herself to him, her lips almost touching his, their heat radiating against him in the freezing air.

It was all he ever wanted.

She was all he ever wanted.

She was all he ever needed. That only became more and more clear with every day that passed without her. How easy it would be to close what little space was left between them, to finally have what he desired most.

But it wouldn’t be easy.

He wouldn’t be able to leave.

He would take everything.

And she would be the one to suffer.

The boy pushed the girl from him, her body rolling into the snow as he stumbled to his feet, weak and unsteady, unsure of where to go, what to do. The reality of the situation he was in abruptly crashing in around him, constricting his lungs and distorting his mind. “You have to leave! You can’t be here! I can’t be here!” He tried to move away but she pushed herself from the ground and flung herself around him.

“Ren! Please!” she begged, clawing at him desperately while feeling him slip away. “Please don’t leave me. I need you, Ren. I need you!”

He felt so afraid, but it came out so angry. “You have to go! Go home, Sakura!”

“Please! Ren!”

The boy grabbed her shoulders tighter than he intended and bent down, his face in hers. “No!” he yelled, her ears flattening against her skull as she winced away from the harshness of his voice. “You have to leave!”

“Ren,” she whispered, trying to change his mind. “You promised.”

He heard her screams.

Saw her blood.

Her lifeless eyes.

“They will kill you!” He had never felt so out of control. “They will fucking kill you! They will torture you! They will cut off pieces of you and force it down my throat while I watch you die! You have no idea what those bastards do to those who betray them! I can’t go with you! Promises don’t mean shit if you’re dead!”

Her eyes were so full of love, the look that he could never resist, resigning herself to the fate he described as she tried to pull him back to her. “I don’t care what they do to me. I just need you.” Her voice like a song.

But it wouldn’t stay that way for long if he went with her.

He forced her to her knees in the snow.

Ren knew what he was doing to her.

To him.

To them.

He was breaking everything.

But you can still fix broken.

And he would find a way to do that.

No matter how long it took.

“I do. Go home. I’ll come back to you. I promise. Just give me a little more time.” His hand went to his wrist and pulled the bracelet away, freeing black wings against the pure white snow.

“I’ll never forgive you.” Her eyes went wide with shock at what just spilled from her own mouth, but there was no stopping the words once they had begun. “If you leave me, I’ll run, and you’ll never find me. Ever.”

The panic rose in Ren’s chest as a bleak smile spread across his face despite the helplessness that engulfed him. “I’ll find you, no matter where you go. Because I’m yours, and you’re mine. I love you.” And before she could respond, he was in the air where she would never be able to catch him.

The girl would try though, her arms and legs a flurry as she scrambled after him, tangling against each other and launching her back into the snow.

Calling for him.

Over and over.

Chasing someone who didn’t want to be caught.

Until her body was too weak to move.

Unable to even cry when her heart was gone.

And there wasn’t anything left.

Only the emptiness.

The proof that she was nothing.

“I hate you!” she screamed at the boy who had left her. Again. “I fucking hate you!”

She sat staring into the sky long after he had disappeared. Waiting, hoping that he’d come back.

But he didn’t.

And she knew he wouldn’t.

The demon got to her feet, feeling as if she would die right there. But one foot in front of the other, she was still alive, still moving, until she made it back to the small clearing with the girl who sat against a tree reading a book. She looked up at the fox, her black hood covering her dark amethyst hair, and smiled.

“Did you find who you were looking for?” she asked, brimming with excitement.

Sakura grabbed Raz’s baldric and strapped it across her shoulder and chest before sliding the glaive onto her back. She forced the most cheerful smile she could muster. “I didn’t, but that’s okay. We don’t need anyone else. Let’s get going.”