Naming Sense? Naming War!

«Your name shall be…» said the principal.

«Yes?» I replied.

«Arthur!»

«Like the sword-king guy? That’s kinda lame…» said Kupimor.

«John then!» continued the principal.

«Are you a musician? Or perhaps a religious fellow?» the little guy asked me sarcastically.

«Fine, fine… Let’s go with something classical, is Julian to your liking?»

They’re gonna keep wandering on this path of tentative naming, aren’t they?

«Julian is fine» I interrupted them.

«He said he likes the name, old man» affirmed the shorty.

«Thank you! Thank you!» the principal esclamed in my direction.

Was he planning to go on indefinitely? Are we sure he’s related to the heavens? He seems more like a devilish brat rather than a pure and divine being.

Hell wasn’t spawned out of benevolence after all, somebody that could come up with the idea of “eternal damnation” can’t be a magnanimous being.

In my old world we had quite a plethora of mystical beings, every religion tried to win the “spiritual war” but there was never a concrete proof to any higher being existance, I wonder which one was actually right; not that it matters now, mind you.

The only thing I’m sure about is the absolute pain in the neck any of those entity would have been in a first-hand meeting; I mean, imagine a guy millions years old getting angry because you had the audacity to have lewd thoughts with the sexual impulses he gave you…

They always sound like abusive parents, don’t they?

«Are we done here?» I ask them.

«Yes, your uniform and school supplies will be delivered to your dormitory shortly» replied the principal.

«Dormitory?»

«Yes, dorm, what’s the issue?»

«That’s gonna be an hassle, isn’t it?»

«What do you mean?»

«Well, dorms are usually pretty squallid and stuff»

«It’s true that the boys dormitory is a mess but that’s only because we don’t manage it directly»

«What? Why only the male dorm?»

«The situation is quite complex… The girls dormitory was mixed until a certain nutj- person came into power… Something about decency and her androphobia?»

Not again… Sane people are rare in this world, I guess.

«Can’t you make an exception?»

«That would put me into trouble, the situation isn’t honestly that bad»

The definition of bad is subjective to the person. Upon further evidence, our definition of the word “bad” was definitely mismatched.

«My only option is to suck it up, huh?» I ask them.

«Sorry for the inconvenience, if she was here we wouldn’t have to do such an half-assed job» the old man replies apologetically.

«She?»

«…»

The principal falls silent and search for a reaction from the chibi-looking dude, not that Kupimor was anywhere close to being easy to read.

The god lightly shakes his head. Very expressive fellow, isn’t him?

Strangely buddy-buddy for being two dinosaurs…

«Anyway, you should join the lessons soon» continued the headmaster awkwardly.

Changing topic like that?!

The Majestic trio, at this point, begins to tread the wate- hallways of the institute.

Destination? The stars of course!

Just kidding, we were just going to the classroom.

Yes, the third person and the self-flattery was vital.

No, It’s not a case of chuunibyou.

I swear to Kupimor!

I don’t even know if something like that actually happens, I’ve never seen anyone talking about being a “grey eminence” or a “dark lord” in real life. Although I haven’t seen an hermit crab either, yet they supposedly exist.

How do you guarantee the existence of a random object or behaviour if you don’t have any first-hand experience of that thing?

A theme quite common in this world, that is.

«Should I know something about classes?»

«Nothing as egregious as the previous case…»

«I meant, please explain me how classes work»

«Oh yeah…»

Why is he flustered now? Is he a teenager girl?

Almost exposing the secrets of the gods must be an incredible adrenaline rush, unwarranted in this case though. It would normally be a matter of life and death for your average joe, provided that the subject was of any significance.

I was basically appointed by a god to be his champion, most information would hold no confidentiality whatsoever anyway.

Essentially, fundamentally, the thing is… They weren’t willing to share.

You see, when you live thousands, millions even, years your perception of the world and your sense of humour start to fork from what is common sense. It’s like an average 80 years old grandpa who grew up on a rural zone but on steroids. I wouldn’t imagine my grandparents finding short-form content to be “funny”, or even interesting in the slightest.

I mean, my grandmother was barely able to use a TV remote; not that I am proficient with that damn magical version which just came into my possession at that time. My employer didn’t exactly explain how to use it, what it was, why it was, why he gave it to me, what the buttons did, why buttons in the first place- and 99 other crucially necessary information.

«Our school system isn’t very strict, you can choose your own classes and attend them how you see fit»

«That sounds nice, a slacker’s dream!»

«As they say, ignorance is bliss»

«Huh?»

«You have to pass the exams, we guarantee proficiency, not attendance»

«I don’t see the problem in that, though…»

«The requirement to pass tests is… How can we put it… Staggeringly high?»

«Don’t worry, I’m pretty good at school chores»

«Only a third of the exam takers pass each time»

«That sounds stupid, why would you put a rule like that?»

«We didn’t… It’s just that the examination is unhumanly difficult…»

«I’ve heard enough, can I go home already Kupimor?»

He glances at me and laughs while mumbling something along the line of “You wish!”.

Maybe I should retire in the countryside. I don’t even have any power, or even knowledge related to this world. I’m a literal newborn in that sense.

«There we go» said the principal opening an impressively adorned hardwood door.

The moment we step in the classroom, something falls on us.

«W-Water?!» I mutter surprised.

The just before noisy room was now dead-silent, you could literally hear mosquitoes flying from a 10 meters distance.

Impressive soundproofing I must say. But why do I feel sticky?