Goodbye Thanatos

While we fall into the night sky so dark and deep, I remembered.

I could only see her eyes as a reflection of mine,

bleeding senses and filling voids.

The emptiness grew around us since the day we met and around the rooftop we just left behind.

It was not always like that; I don’t know a lot about her, but I can feel her pain.

A pain so dark, so different.

Like an angel so lonely, so scary. Above everyone but with no one.

“I was always told by everyone, since I was a little girl, that I was here to be loved and praised.

“Because you are like an angel, everything you want you can have. I’m yours, I knew it when I first saw you in that rooftop and saved you.”

“Saved me?”

“Yes, from jumping. I’m yours since, I can feel that inevitable bond.”

We kept falling, arms around each other,

one last time.

Together.

“Falling for you is the strangest joy I’ve ever felt as a man, as a grown man.”

I know it since the first time I saw her beautiful hair blow with the wind while standing on the edge of the roof with her bleeding eyes lost in the dark and deep night sky.

“Let go of me...”

She said with that charming voice. I love her voice. I hate her choice.

Words like knives that cut through souls.

“Why…? I’m yours, you’re my angel.”

“Because he’s calling me, my god of death is calling me.”

“Am I not here?... Why can’t you be here with me, just one time? …Not even now can you see me?”

“I can’t… Why are you here?” she asked with charming voice.

While we fall, I remembered.

Remembered she told me about her god of dead. Remembered her honesty always, plain, and simple.

Am I the one who lied?

No!

I was always honest with her. I was honest when falling for her and I’m honest now falling with her.

I was honest trying to save her, I’m honest now.

Am I though? Is this what I want?

Questions started filling the emptiness in me, the void I felt seconds ago, disappeared.

My bleeding eyes, reflecting hers, were now gone.

I can now see clear, I can feel her deeply, feel her touch.

Empty and vain.

“Why are you here…?” she asked with her heartbreaking voice. I don’t love her voice.

Tears started falling from my eyes, no more emptiness, no more voids, no more bleeding.

“I’m here because I’ll follow you everywhere. Because I knew I was yours since the day I saw you there standing at the edge of the roof. Like an angel, staring at the dark and deep night.”

As those word soared through my voice, I remembered.

I could see clear now, my soul felt free.

I now see the sky shining bright, a full moon above us.

The night got cold in an instant; I could feel the warmth from the muggy heat leave my spine. This time, for good.

I’m scared. I didn’t want to die, I just wanted to help her.

“I lied, I’m sorry. I lied!

I just wanted to save you so I could save myself. I wanted to stop feeling useless, feeling ashamed of myself.”

I can see now. No more bleeding eyes, no void, no emptiness.

“I’m sorry I lied, I wanted to escape and there you were. Standing at the edge, staring to the night. I wanted to help myself feel better, not for you just for myself. For my broken heart. For being left behind”

She smiled and gazed into my eyes one last time. I could tell this was the first time she could see me. She stared and slightly smiled.

“You are here now, with me, holding hands beneath the night sky.

Right now… this moment… stays forever.”

Sticked to the muddy floor, facing each other, I saw her smile one last time, while her stare grew deeper and deeper and her voice disappeared, she whispered.

“Goodbye”

I saw her disappear into the night and once again, something inside me, wanted to follow. I know now I don’t want to save her.

I know now, I’m here to follow her.

Somewhere.

Anywhere.

Everywhere.

Not because of love.

Not to save me. Not to save her. I can’t save her, and I can’t save myself either.

But to follow.

Follow my God of Death.

So, I gasped and reached for her in the dark.

I surrender myself to the night. To follow her.

“Goodbye.”