Just Breathe

“No! No! No! Ivy! Wake up! Wake up!” Sakura crushed her body down on the thrashing, screaming girl, holding her down before she started to tear at her own lovely face and rip at her dark amethyst waves like she had done in the past. “Wake up!” She continued to yell, knowing that her voice wouldn’t penetrate through the frantic struggle and into Ivy’s ears and consciousness. All she could do was grapple against the lambasting of limbs and wait for Ivy to wear herself out and become calm and still once more.

The fits had begun almost immediately after the demon had found the young girl. Sometimes they happened in her sleep or while traveling on the road. The worst of them occurred in towns, when out of nowhere, Ivy would collapse to the ground, her body writhing and screams deafening as people swarmed around out of concern or curiosity. It once happened in a library where she nearly pulled the whole bookcase down on top of herself as she was in the process of grabbing a book, her body dropping and bringing everything down with it. The fox had taken the brunt of the impact before gathering the girl in her arms and rushing from the building as she ripped at Sakura’s face, shrieking as if an invisible force was possessing her body and engulfing her in agony.

Ivy was plagued with them often for the first three years, no rhyme or reason as to when they would begin or end or what triggered them. Then, one day, the sudden realization that the girl hadn’t had one in months hit the woman. It was difficult to understand how even though nothing had changed, they were just gone for the most part. The girl was seventeen now and this was the third one in the past two years. Out of the three, this one was the worst, but still nothing compared to the ones that had tormented the girl in the past. And at least this time it was happening at night in the comfort of the tent where there were no prying eyes or questioning voices.

Even though they had puttered out into a rarer occurrence, there were nights where Sakura would wake in a cold sweat, completely panic stricken, the sounds of the girl’s shrill cries screeching so clearly through her brain, absorbing into her psyche. She would flail in the darkness, frantically searching for Ivy in the tent or bed of the room they had rented, completely terrified until she found her still peacefully asleep without so much as a whimper coming from her. For the rest of the night the woman would be wide awake, her arms protectively enclosed around the girl while her anxiety spun out of control, mind racing, wondering what forgotten horrors were buried deep under the girl’s delightful and bubbly exterior.

Ivy would never remember the fits, but the remorse that spilled from her when she saw the damage she’d caused would make the demon feel as if everything in her was being shattered. To watch someone so divine and pure break a second time was torture, and Sakura would do anything to alleviate the girl’s pain.

But there was never anything she could do other than wait for it to pass.

Sakura held the girl loosely as she thrashed around violently, body convulsing and shrieks growing even louder and higher pitched, making the fox’s ears ring. She was always so afraid of accidentally hurting her, her strength so much more than Ivy’s. It was so easy for her arm to slip out from the demon’s grip, the girl’s nails clawing at and dragging deep down the side of the woman’s face, blood springing forth as they scraped the skin and flesh away.

Sakura captured her arm again, wrapping herself a little tighter around her and curling her body around the girls.

Her lips found Ivy’s ears, and the whispers began.

Words that weren’t hers, but she had borrowed.

All the things that had once comforted her.

It’s okay

I’m here

I’m not going anywhere

I won’t leave you

Just breathe

I promise

It’s going to be okay

Just breathe

Sakura whispered the words over and over until the girl’s fighting settled into quiet shuddering before completely relaxing and falling back into peaceful slumber. She laid there, delirious over what was tormenting the girl so horribly. Looking at her now, so tranquil and comfortable, snuggling herself deeper into the demon’s embrace with soft sighs, all Sakura could do was run her fingers through Ivy’s hair and hum gently to her.

She may not be able to fall back asleep, but she would make sure to not disturb the girl’s rest. To make sure it was as peaceful as possible.

As the first rays of light rose over the horizon and began to seep into the tent, Sakura peeled herself away from Ivy and crept away. She watched the sun make its appearance, so warm and bright, reminding her that another day had gone by.

I’m here

But he wasn’t.

If he was, things would be different. He would be able to cradle the petite girl without the threat of harming her, always cognizant of himself and those around him. He knew how to be in control of himself, something Sakura had always struggled with. He would know the right things to say to the girl to help guide her from the misery that consumed her.

He would know what the right thing to do was.

And Sakura wouldn’t be alone in all of it.

She ran her fingers across the mark on her shoulder, tracing the outline as she’d done countless of times before. A ritual as natural as breathing.

Where was he?

Was he okay?

Had he succeeded in giving up on her?

Unlike how she had failed in doing the same for him.

Was he happy?

Was he still searching for her?

Please don’t stop looking.

Please stay away.

Please come back to her.

Please find her.

Please don’t.

Sakura heard the girl stir. Heard her exit the tent.

She breathed deeply as Ivy called out to her, and she turned and smiled as sweetly as she could.

Ivy’s eyes went wide, frightened, guilty. Her lips lost their perfect upward curve, and they twisted miserably while despairing sobs spilled from them. Her delicate hands reached out, touching the deep trenches in the woman’s face, the ones that she knew she had dug. The ones she didn’t remember creating. She fell against the demon, begging for forgiveness.

Again.

Sakura held her gently.

She whispered.

The same words that he had whispered to her.

It’s okay

I’m here

I’m not going anywhere

I won’t leave you

Just breathe

I promise

It’s going to be okay

Just breathe