Times Lost

With a deep breath, I stepped into the office. Holiday was leaning against a table as she held a small book in her hand, and next to her was an empty chair.

"You're here," she said.

"Was that not obvious?" I chuckled.

"Keep pushing your luck around me, and I'll show you what's obviously going to happen to you."

"... Sorry."

Forthright and candid, Holiday has led Calypso for the past nine years, the most dangerous and threatening defect from the High Order's perspective.

That's why I always have to be careful around her. I've gotten used to Astrid's snarky retorts and Loki's carefree nature. Even Minerva makes some funny comebacks every now and then. Zephyr... I stay on my toes around her, but we can crack jokes, albeit very scarcely.

With Holiday, I can never do the things I normally do with the other Calypsos. The shell that makes up her exterior rarely cracks.

Sometimes, she threatens to behead Loki and Astrid every time they go at each other's throats. She could be dead serious about it, and I would be none the wiser.

"Anyway, Astrid said you wanted to see me," I mentioned.

"Mhm," she replied as she flipped to the next page of that book.

I waited for her to look up, but she didn't for a full ten seconds.

"So... What was it about?"

Finally, she shut the book in between her fingers and titled her loose eyes at me. My entire body jolted very slightly, but she probably noticed. I once thought that the deathly glare of Sigastiris was the scariest thing in the world. Turns out, she doesn't hold a candle to Holiday.

Every time she looks at me, I feel like I'm about to die. I know she won't kill me, but those stone-cold eyes frighten me to my core.

Holiday raised her hand at the empty chair, gesturing for me to sit down. Reluctantly, I walked over and plopped down.

Our eyes met, but nothing more. She maintained her gaze on me while I tried to avoid it. For a second, I looked over, but I immediately turned away. Is that sweat dripping down the back of my neck right now? Or perhaps... that's just the chill that's going up my spine.

"Strider," she finally said.

"Y-yeah...?" I gulped.

"I've been watching you very carefully for the past four months. Your performance, your attitude, and your capabilities. You know how it goes."

It's just as I feared. She has been watching me, and now, she'll most likely tell me that I'm not cut out for the job.

"Why the long face?" she asked.

"Huh? Oh... I was just... thinking," I mumbled.

"What, you afraid that I'm gonna tell you to go home again?"

"Was that... not what this was about?"

She threw a hand to her forehead and let out a restless sigh.

"Even if I told you to, would you actually go and do it?"

"Well..."

"Just drop it. You're staying with us. Certainly beats allowing you to screw off somewhere just to die a pointless death."

The feeling of my heart being dragged down faded. I had to fight back the smile that was trying to grow on my face. Otherwise, Holiday would've surely been weirded out.

"Okay," I said. "So you've been watching me. What of it?"

"Be honest with me, Solas," Holiday replied. "How confident are you in your skills?"

"... Odd question. Truth be told, I wouldn't still be here if I wasn't confident. The first time I set foot in the undercity as 'Strider,' I experienced what it was like to be on the other end of a barrel."

"What was that like?"

"You're asking me what it was like to have a gun pointed at you?"

"Hah. Point taken."

"But I've had many opportunities to get used to it, so I'd say I can hold my own weight. What do you think?"

Holiday pinched her chin as her eyes closed. "You've definitely proven that you have experience. Decent footwork, a good understanding of stealth, and undeniable agility. You even dodged a bullet. Sounds pretty unrealistic for a pure human, don't you think?"

"Are you implying that I'm not?" I chuckled.

"I'm just saying. It's hard for pure humans to pull off the things you do."

I've thought about it before. Sometimes, I wonder if I really am just a normal human. I don't recall having augmented at any point in my life, but who knows? Maybe that asshole of a father pulled some strings when I was a baby. I doubt it, though.

"So what was this about?" I asked. "You probably didn't call me here for a job evaluation."

"You're right," she nodded her head before taking a deep breath. "Solas. In three days, Calypso will be conducting an operation to infiltrate the Spire. I won't say that you have what it takes, but you'll be of some use to us."

"That... doesn't sound degrading at all."

"Take it as you will. Anyway, we've received intel from an informant of ours. The High Order... has procured a star-grade code from the Queen a mere couple of days ago."

"Star-grade code...?

"Indeed. It seems the High Order is planning to instate a fourth general."

I couldn't help but let out a frustrated chuckle. Those guys up there are the very reason why there's such a massive disparity between the Golden District and the undercity. They are the ones who created the law that all humans in the city need augmentations. They are the ones who started this war. They refused to listen. They refused to act.

"I don't get it, Holiday," I said. "What's the point of all this? Why are they forcing their own people to go through blatant torture? Can't they see that this isn't right at all?"

"You would think, huh?" she scoffed.

She tilted her head away with her eyes closed. When she reopened them, it was like she had just remembered something she didn't like.

"Project: Augmentation wasn't the beginning of the High Order's desperate attempt to augment all humans," she said. "For a very long time, they purchased unwanted children from the undercity and experimented on them. You've no idea... how many kids died because of it. That was the catalyst of La Senia's revolution seventy years ago."

"What...?" I gasped.

The Reclamation revealed the benefits of augmented humans, which far outweighed the capabilities of a pure human. The High Order used that event as an excuse to pass Project: Augmentation.

All of this is new to me. La Senia's revolution is a well-known event. However, the contents of the war were scrubbed from the city's database.

I remember explicitly. I tried to look up the revolution for fun, but literally nothing showed up except for a brief article that it did, in fact, happen.

When I made it clear that I had nothing to say, Holiday continued.

"When Project: Augmentation was passed, Captain Nemesis was the first to speak up. She, as an augmented human, knew the pain of the augmentation process. That was why she pleaded for them to nullify the law. The High Order... didn't listen, so Captain Nemesis did a little bit of digging. That was when she discovered what they had long since buried. The truth behind La Senia's revolution."

"And that's when..." I muttered without finishing the sentence.

"Correct. That was when Captain Nemesis reignited what La Senia fought for seventy years ago. As a result, she paid the ultimate price ."

So in the end, she fought and died as a defect. No... She died fighting for what she believed in. That definitely sounds like her.

"You're telling me that Nelia died... for something like this...?" I muttered.

"Are you saying that it wasn't justified?" Holiday asked.

"No, that's not it. I just... Hah... I don't know. I just wish she told us."

"That would've put you and your family at risk. There wasn't a chance that she could let that happen. She loved you, more than you could ever imagine."

It makes sense. I truly believe it does. It just hurts to know all of this now. Nelia had to shoulder all of that on her own. When I look back on it, I can't help but condemn myself for not knowing even though there was no way I could've known.

"You know what the worst part is?" I chuckled. "She probably died thinking that I hated her... and now... there's no way for me to let her know that I didn't..."

I leaned back on the chair, resting my neck on the headrest behind me. With an arm over my eyes, I let out concentrated breaths in an attempt to battle the tears that were forcing their way out.

Nelia and I had a weird dynamic. While she was all smiles and fun-loving, I wanted no part in her shenanigans. Every time she messed with me, pulled off one of her stupid pranks, and laughed as she ran off, I met her with impertinence.

"That's where I can tell you that you're wrong," Holiday said.

I looked up to meet her confident gaze. How could she possibly know that? Even if Nelia told them stories about me, I can't imagine they were anything fond.

"Solas," she called out. "Your sister requested two things from me upon her dying breath. I am now going to fulfill one of them."

"Requests...?" I mumbled.

"That's right. She told me to tell you that... she knew. Despite the way you acted around her, she knew that you held her close to your heart. She knew full well that you loved her. And her first request... was for me to tell you that she loved you, too."

My mind went black. Her words echoed in my head as endless memories of Nelia popped up in my head. A sudden warmth filled my body, and it wasn't until I snapped out of it that I felt the cold strands trickling down my face.

"And... what was the second request...?" I mumbled.

"... To keep you out of harm's way," she answered.

It felt like my mind was collapsing further and further into the void. Ever since Nelia died, there was a hole in my heart that couldn't be filled no matter what. Now, that hole was only growing wider.

"Until the very end, Nelia thought about me despite how I treated her," I muttered. "She cared for me like a true sister, but I never reciprocated those feelings. I just... didn't think our time together would be so short.

"I know how you feel," Holiday said as she bit her lips. "Trust me, I do. There were many things I wished to say to Nemesis, but when the time came to say goodbye, it was too late to tell her. I wish I could go back. If I couldn't change the outcome, then I wish... I could tell her everything. How much she meant to me. How much joy she brought to my life. How much... I loved her like a sister."

I tilted my head up to see something I never thought I would ever see in my life. Holiday... was crying. Her brows curled, and her eyes were glaring at me. It was as if the sadness over Nelia's last message was outweighed by the sight of Holiday's tears.

"Tell me, Solas," she muttered. "What am I supposed to do?"

"What do you mean...?" I asked nervously.

"I promised Nemesis that I would keep you away from trouble. Clearly, I've failed. Not only that, I... I'm the one putting him in danger, and now... I have to worry about losing you, too. I can't afford... to fail the both of you... not again..."

I abruptly rose from my seat and did the only thing that came to my mind. With the most confidence in the world, I wrapped my arms around the crying Holiday to try and calm her down.

"W-what are you doing...?" she sputtered.

"Sometimes... Father would scold her," I said as steadily as I could. "She would storm over to my room and bawl her eyes out, and I would hold her just like this for hours. It was my way of showing that I cared about her... that I didn't blame her... that everything was okay."

She didn't reply, nor did she push me away. Instead, I felt her hands crawling up my back as she buried her face on my chest.

"Every time I look at you... I'm reminded of her... of my failure... and why I'm still alive as the captain of Calypso while she's gone forever," she mumbled woefully. "Solas, I... I'm sorry. I'm so... sorry."

Candid and forthright, she has led Calypso for the past nine years... but she didn't want that position. It was forced upon her for the sake of their survival. Even someone like her has a reason to feel regret.

"I don't blame you," I said. "I never did. So don't worry about that anymore."

I have to remind myself that Nelia's death didn't just affect me. It also affects Calypso, and the High Order is to blame for taking her from us. They'll pay. I swear it.

"Alright, let go of me... before someone walks in," Holiday sighed.

I loosened my grip around her, and she gently pushed me away. She wiped the tears away, and, with a deep breath, looked at me again.

"So... Are you in?" she asked.

I wiped my face with my sleeves, before letting out a brief chuckle. "Hah, a mission to really hit them where it hurts? You know I'm all in."

"Are you absolutely sure? This will be one of our most dangerous missions yet, even for us."

"Can't back down just because of a couple of risks. If this mission will get us one step closer to changing this city... this world, then I want to do my part."

Based on the way she's looking at me, she still seems hesitant to allow me to come. I won't deny that I'm not the best person to go on a mission like this, but... I can't just sit by and do nothing.

Finally, she nodded her head. "Alright, Solas. In three days' time, be here by midnight. Don't be late."

"Copy that, Captain."