Over the moon for the Jester

Itsuki sat on a stool in the restaurant and gazed up at the TV. Live footage of Makihara's arrival in Los Angeles was being broadcast. Makihara scowled as he walked into the airport and was surrounded by the paparazzi.

"I never said goodbye," Itsuki muttered as she massaged her still bandaged head and face.

                                                                            ...

In America, the paparazzi began to part as a man in a purple business suit surrounded by old women and multiple men in black suits walked towards Makihara.

The man was none other than the current American President, Barney Obaba. He was also know as the Cougar king, due to his attraction for old women, and for the fact that old women seemed to like him.

"Welcome to America Mr. Makihara," Barney smiled.

"It is nice to see you again Mr. President, though I wish the circumstances were better," Makihara sighed as he shook Barney's hand.

"Don't worry. Americans are very understanding. I'm sure you'll do well here."

The large crowd then erupted as both jeers and cheers were hurled at Makihara.

"Sadly Mr. President, it seems there's more rabble that despises me here," Makihara thought as he determined there were more haters in the crowd than supporters.

Suddenly, one of the secret servicemen whispered something to Barney and showed him something on a phone. 

"Mr. President, you received an anonymous message that says "Nice broadcasting system, NERD!" along with a GIF of a fat shirtless daimyo dancing," a secret serviceman stated.

"OH! My eyes!" Barney cringed, as he viewed the message and GIF.

 But before he or anyone could could react, TVs around the world were hacked and displayed a live broadcast from the moon.

"Buwahahahaha! I'm on the moon!" Jester laughed as he suddenly appeared in the video feed and began dancing like he did in the GIF.

He was wearing his usual attire along with a comedically large space helmet.

"Thanks to some lousy bitches, I'm stuck on the moon. Well sucks for all of you. Cause I just took a massive shit on the moon!" Jester sneered as the camera panned to a steaming mountain of shit.

"How do like that Obaba!? I shit on the moon! You dumbass! That's what you get for seducing my brother from another mother's mother's mother!" Jester taunted as he did a double middle finger salute.

"Now, the world only has... I don't know the time so we'll say 5 minutes until all my shit splats into the earth! Now if you don't want to live in a shitty world, send all your country's money to the bank account listed below on on the screen. My ninjas are standing by to collect all the money. In the meantime, enjoy my new hit single, J.E.S.T.E.R.!" Jester laughed as music began playing and he began to sing and dance.

"Buwahaha ha ha ha!

Yo yoi, yo yoi, yo, yo,yo,yo,yo,yo, yo yo yoi!

My great tale began, when I looked at the sky, and realized I was heading towards the moon. I flew to space thanks to some lame ass fireworks, and unleashed my vengeance right here on the moon. 

I am the Jester! I am the greatest crook. I am the Jester! I am the evilest. I am the Jester! I am the greatest crook. I am the Jester! I am the evilest.

I shat on the moon, to ruin moon-viewing. It's one of my evilest plans. Don't want a shitty earth!? Well too bad for you! Blame that stupid ass bitch that sent me up here.

I will cheat my way to the top. I will destroy the world with my ninjas. They're all highly trained and fly through the sky. I will be, the Evillest. I'm gonna bring the world to its knees. With my dark ninjitsu, you're all gonna die.

I am the Jester! I am the greatest crook. I am the Jester! I am the evilest. I am the Jester! I am the greatest crook. I am the Jester! I am the evilest."

As Jester finished his song, the mountain of shit behind him was suddenly incinerated with a laser beam.

"AH! That was all my shit! The hell are you aliens doing!? I was gonna use that to throw at the earth!" Jester fumed.

Suddenly he was blasted by the laser beam and sent flying back to earth.

"[FUCK YOU] MOONMAN!" Jester yelled.

An alien wearing a crescent moon hat then appeared in the video feed before the feed cut out and everyone's TVs returned to normal.

                                                                              ...

"I um, apologize for that. Please allow me to escort you to your first fair," Barney nervously smiled.

Makihara sighed and followed.

                                                                            ...

Itsuki watched as Makihara fumed and ranted as he was forced to cook and serve food at a fairground.

"[Hey look! it's the Japanese guy the shit his ass and said funnel cakes got cocaine in em!]" a fair-goer sneered as he passed by.

"RABBLE! DAMN THAT HEATHEN FOR SENDING ME TO THIS HELL!" Makihara fumed aloud.

                                                                          ...

Itsuki sighed and returned to the kitchen.

"Feeling any regret?" Rika asked.

"No. He had this coming. Though I do feel a little guilty that my mistake ultimately led to this whole mess," Itsuki sighed.

"But it all worked out."

"I wouldn't call THIS things working out," Itsuki glared as she pointed to her bandages.

"Oh, right. Though Sti- Shiori said your hair follicles weren't completely destroyed so your hair will probably grow back."

"I'm more upset with myself. If I hadn't overreacted, this could have been avoided."

"Though Makihara might have decided to challenge me with a clear mind then in the future. I only beat him because Masaru was the sole judge. Had it been a standard judging panel, I might've lost. It was only because of his enraged state that I beat him and gave him his dues. So I know this sounds bad, but thanks for running away and getting tortured so that I could beat Makihara."

Itsuki glared for a second before sighing.

"I suppose when you put things like that, things did work out for the better in the end," Itsuki sighed.

"So you gonna get crazy now that Makihara's exiled?"

"Why would I?"

"Just a suggestion. Since Makihara's not here to criticize every little thing you do, you can afford to cut loose."

"I have no problem with my current lifestyle and routine."

"Hey, you got the final say, I'm just throwing things on the table. So how has your face healed up?"

"It's improving, though I'll probably be like this for a few more weeks I did have my head and face lasered remember?"

"Oh, I forgot! So uh, is your hair-"

"She said it would still grow back. Though likely not in the part where that tattoo was."

"Then I guess you'll either have to keep it shaved or get a crazy hairstyle," Rika chuckled.

"*Sigh* Seems I'll be opting for the latter."

"Hey, you'll look good. And if you ever need a crazy hairdo, Matcha's mom will give one to you when she gets out."

"I hate to ruin the mood, but the salon closed down," Matcha stated as she walked over.

"WHAT!?"

"Just this morning, Hina called me to let me know. I guess this final scandal was enough to convince the landlord to terminate the lease. Everyone was upset, but sadly this was inevitable. Hina might have trouble finding a job due to all her tattoos so she might end up moving to America. I heard she has some connections that might land her a decent job. No update on my mother though, sadly."

"Huh, and I even told that cop who was smuggling the drugs. Wonder if she was full of crap," Rika thought as she remembered her conversation with Reika.

                                                                             ...

"Your hypothetical partnership with the notorious thief Dastard, is a hindrance, but his involvement would suggest a scenario I was hoping would not come to be," Reika stated.

"Is it-"

"If Dastard truly was involved, then that would suggest all the intel we were given regarding the banquet was false. When I asked Superintendent Rikuma about where she got her intel from, she mentioned how Chief Sakaguro received it from one of the higher ups. This means that there is likely a high profile mole within the police."

"No way, that's messed up!" Rika gasped.

"Now the ball is in your court. Will you cooperate with me? If you do, I can see that you are pardoned for your past crimes," Reika asked.

"You said yourself that you can't build a-"

"There is the murder case from 9 years ago at the cryogenics lab. The statue of limitations has not expired and we DO have proof to convict you of that murder. Plus it seems Superintendent Rikuma also has a case building up against you regarding Hina Nozomi's murder."

"Alright, I get it. I'll be your bitch," Rika glared.

"Perfect, your cooperation is much appreciated. Now take out your phone so I can contact you later. For now you may return to work," Reika smiled.

                                                                               ...

"I called her as soon as Hina saved us from the cult at Helga's place, but there's been nothing since," Rika groaned.

"It's likely she's busy, possibly building up the case. It hasn't been 48 hours since you called her," Matcha stated.

"Then maybe the traitor got her. You mentioned that Yumeko's the superintendent's daughter, so he's probably the mastermind."

"I could see him covering it up, but mastermind? I'm not sure. I only know how bad Yumeko and Fujiko can be," Matcha sighed.

"Hate to interrupt, but we have a family of 6 arriving," Mimi announced.

"Well, guess we better get to work," Rika stated.