V3 Incline 18: Eqkilibral, the God of All

"No... I already tried that way before with her..." I mutter quietly as I lean back into my office chair's soft cushions. A bejewelled finger lingers near my mouth as I continue to try and think of every possible thing I can do. Anything at all, I need to try it and see if it will work... I place the hand on my opulent desk of dark wood, polished gems and scratchless precious metals.

A long, drawn-out gust of frustrated wind leaves me, blowing around all the loose paper.

Is there anything I can try that I have not done before?

A hand strokes my chin as I close my eyes, oh how sweet her smile used to be. Before I tainted it with my cruelty and obsession. It's my fault things are the way they are now. I keep saying that I am sorry, I've tried to explain it...

"Should I try and ease her into our next meeting? Send the kids in first before I visit? Maybe I should bring her a present... Something, anything that can melt down this iceberg threatening my Titanic." I grumble in open ponder.

I lean forward as firm knocks on my office door reach all the way down to me. Despite the precautions I've put in place to have an excuse to ignore the noise, the knocks are still reaching me. Whoever is doing it is determined to get my attention. However, I've made the rules clear to all of them not to disturb me in my office unless it's direly important...

"Go away! I am busy, annoying cunt." I go, muttering the insult at the end so that they won't hear it and hold it against me later.

"Can I come in? I need to talk to you." asks... Motrtha?

I blink and get up from my chair as this is not like her at all, she's practically my enforcer with my privacy rules. With this being so outside of the norm with her, I go and open the first door and then further down the long, narrow pass. Reaching the final door, I listen out carefully for any giggles or the telltale signs of a prank. Yet, as I open the door, a familiar shiver enters my ears.

Tears.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" I ask her as she latches onto me. Returning the demanded hug, I stroke her hair as she shakes under the pressure of whatever is on her mind. She starts to push up against me and I bring her into my office, closing the main and then the next door with my powers. Bringing her to the depths of my private room, I settle her down on one of the plump chairs in front of my desk.

It's a pointless chair, admittedly, but, I like the vanity it brings to the room.

"I... I want to talk to you about the human soul you brought on board when you summoned Undwote here." she says as I go to sit back in my chair, only to stop short of it when I re-register her choice of topic. What on Earth is this all about? My first daughter is in shambles over a dead soul that is only around as a means to keep Undwote here. Eh?

Eh...?

"What about them?" I ask as I finally find the ability within me to sit down. A frown settles comfortably on my features as I start to wonder if Motrtha has ever shown acting chops. There are two feelings within me right now, a lack of amusement and quite a fatty chunk of concern. Either she is here over something trivial and it has somehow got her worked up or this is about...

My first daughter looks around nervously with a finger twirling her hair and a blood-burnt face, "I... Uh... I..."

Finding where the human currently is aboard my ship, I idly glare in his direction.

"I would like to have sex with him!" she finally blurts out as all other systems crash.

I raise a brow high and mightily as the possibility of a human soul seducing one of my daughters comes to mind. Not Aahtha falling to her undeniable base instincts as Pleasure itself. Not even somehow the womanly part, half, whatever of Oramvaleood. But, Motrtha, the one I made with the greatest degree of innocence, she is the one asking me this.

I start to cackle with a quaking chest, then laugh. I roar in bemused disbelief as that human soul comes to mind in its entirety. That boy a womanizer? Yeah right, he reminds me of my days as a college student, what with the hopefully fire-retardant workshop overalls he has on.

"No." I answer finally, with stern assertiveness as I do not have time to get into another one of these kinds of discussions with my daughter. We've been over this so many times and she's slunk away each time with a disappointed sense of understanding... Why now? Of all the times to act like this, why when we are so close to seeing my...

A fist clenches.

Motrtha looks down, disappointed, trembling in a different manner as she does so, "And... And why not?"

"Because I sai-" I start to answer and she lunges to her feet, shattering my desk completely with the strength hidden in her deceptively soft body. My powers clean up the mess and put it all back together. However, the ship continues to tremble under the sudden usage of her divine powers.

"I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU, YOU MISERABLE THING! WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CANNOT MAKE LOVE TO!?"

"Pffft, love... I made you, that's why. I made all of you, even Thurnmourer despite what the epics and poems assert. What you will and can do exists solely in what I allow to happen." I tell her, leaning forward as I finish speaking. I sharply open a draw and fiddle with the paper contents inside to no real gain. I just need something to keep me calm so I do not get engrossed in this sudden outburst.

What concept does she have of love of this kind?

"YOU ARE PERFECTLY HAPPY TO LET AAHTHA TOY WITH MORTALS! YOU KNOW FULL WELL SHE'S TRIED TO BE INVOLVED WITH NIN!"

"She is the goddess of pleasure, it is part of the job. I can't do much about that without erasing her, like how I can't stop your older brother from creating. Or Waionr from being involved in that which old men are feared more than young ones. Oramvaleood will always argue morals, Avanvenger will always hold petty grudges. It's how it just is, Motrtha."

"AND I AM THE GODDESS OF MOTHERS... And yet... And yet... I have not a single child to call my own. So why can't I at least let this human give me what I want!? So that at the very least, loveless as it might be, I am still living up to what I am meant to be, a mother!" she prevents herself from breaking down over, the great contradiction of her life reminded.

"You are the concept of motherhood I fashioned to look after your older brother. All mothers look to you by virtue of what you are. You fundamentally are the mother of all their children so long as they pray for good omens in your name." I explain, my heart hurting as I set aside her rightful wants.

"RUBBISH! UTTER RUBBISH! DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU DAMNABLE IDIOT!? I AM THE GODDESS OF MOTHERS! MOTHERHOOD! BUT I HAVE NO CHILD OF MY OWN! I HAVE ONLY EVER BEEN A BIG SISTER TO MY FAMILY! EVEN THEN, SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD DOESN'T BECOME MINE BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WORSHIPPED TO! MORTALS LIVE THEIR LIVES INDEPENDENT OF US, OLD MAN!" she screams with every bit of vitriol within her.

I groan in self-directed disgust as I am increasingly made uncomfortable, "I don't care, quit wasting my time and leave."

"NO! YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME YOU STUPID OLD MAN! YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME! IF YOU WANT TO TREAT ME LIKE A DAUGHTER THEN YOU BEST START ACTING LIKE A FATHER RATHER THAN A PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT!" she screams, throwing aside my desk and shattering it once again.

I look in the direction of the tossing and turning papers as they descend... Among them, a picture of my youth, me and a woman with incomparable beauty.

"Oh... No, I shouldn't be surprised, should I? You are too focused on trying to win back someone who HATES YOU! SHE WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU AND HOW COULDN'T SH-"

I step forward, both hands tightening around her throat.

Walking slowly to the closest wall, our eyes meeting the whole way, as she chokes, I slam her against it. Her powers come out in force per my will, in their entirety, as do mine. She and her siblings think they grasp what it means to be omnipotent, but, I intend to show her that she knows nothing. And she claws at my wrists, desperate to hold onto life as the mortality of it frightens her.

"Do not ever say something like that to me, Motrtha. If you keep acting this way..." my grip tightens as the woman with red hair flashes in my vision... My beloved-

I start to look down as my first intentional creation gags as blackness fogs her vision and mind.

"IF YOU KEEP ACTING THIS WAY, I WILL ERASE YOU IN YOUR ENTIRETY! YOUR FAMILY WILL NOT REMEMBER YOU, THE WORLD WILL SEE NOTHING LIKE YOU! EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER DONE WILL NEVER HAVE EXISTED!" I roar with every bit of fury within me as all of creation vanishes. It's just me and her right now, nothing else. She starts to disintegrate in my grip and her neck steadily caves in as there is less and less to hold me back.

I look her in her tearful eyes and, I stop.

Dropping her to the ground, all of creation returns to normal and my office is repaired again. I watch carefully as she whimpers and shakes. Hands and feet scrape the ground as she desperately tries to escape my office. I back away and fall onto a chair as her tears bounce about my head, their acidity carving memories into it.

Trembling to myself quietly as the door out refuses to budge, I wipe my eyes as they suddenly become wet. The sound of a crying child fills the room and I stand up. Moving over to the utterly terrified goddess, I pick her up and hold her close. I try to whisper to her to be quiet and I bounce her all I can but her tears won't stop...

What is wrong with me...?

What in all that is good with this world do I have to be so vile and detestable? I've already once killed everyone I cared about in an apocalyptic war where the only winner is those who survive. I said those words to her, there is no escaping that. I seriously considered and tried to act upon murdering my first daughter.

"Shhhhhh... It's ok, Daddy is here, shhhh... It's ok, Daddy is here..." I hypocritically reassure her with as I clumsily find another chair to sit down on. Moving her to my lap, I continue to hold her close as her tears are accented by violent coughing. I start to go quiet and I maintain my protective grip as my daughter continues to fear the anger of her father. Her awful, sinister father, an evil man.

The one that deserves to be hated by the one he loves, just as she said...

I look down at my daughter and I see short white hair and amber eyes instead of what should be. My head jerks back as I fail to keep my quaking mind in check, illusions are getting the better of me. This isn't my daughter, this is... My dear friend from so long ago, my mind is casting such delusions on me now!?

"Kone..." I mutter quietly as I recall what my actions had compelled her into doing just as my mind stops playing tricks on me. I killed my friend in a hug like this, they had turned her into a suicide bomber. With her consent. A word-activated bomb made in desperation as the great powers of the world fell to my machinations.

I remember the event so well but the word which nearly killed me is all but forgotten.

"I'm sorry, Motrtha... Daddy is very sorry for hurting you!" I tell her as I tighten my grip gently, kissing her forehead as I rub her small head. She starts to push away from me and I let her go, fully expecting to hear the door open and lock once again.

Looking up, I see she is back in mature form and simply standing still, all quiet.

She finds a chair and hides behind her dress-covered legs, "Sorry for saying what I did... I know she means a lot to you... I'm just angry..."

"It's fine, Motrtha, I know you all hate these trips. I had no right to act the way I did, even with everything going on..." I tell her, letting out the longest possible sigh afterwards.

"If you wouldn't mind... Can we actually finish the discussion? Can we come to an actual solution?" she asks me and I start to give ground to her as my guilt consumes me.

The words bounce around my head as the strange request lingers, "You want the human to impregnate you so that you may actually have a child to call your own? An actual child that leaves everyone else as uncles and aunts... Myself a granddad."

She hides her nod as well as her expression and I start to quietly consider it. I don't know, I really don't know. I am not under any circumstances making her a lover as that would feel strange. If my creations are my children then I'd just be allowing incest to take its disgusting grip. I can't make her a child either as that would simply repeat her initial creation when I handed off Thurnmourer to her.

No.

She needs to actually give birth for this contradiction in her existence to be placated. But, as her father, I cannot endorse the idea of some mortal getting it on with so little actual feeling there. I groan as that boy comes to mind. My fingers drum aggressively as I refuse to tap into my omniscience to gain a better understanding of him.

"Are you sure it has to be this human?" I ask as I look back towards my daughter, a tight clench on my immortal heart as I continue to see her terror.

"No... No, no it doesn't have to be him. It's just, since we can no longer enter the mortal realm since the incident with the... Fourteen. I can only offer myself to mortals through rituals and scripture, all tied to mothers now and mothers to be, and even then, purely wisdom and care. I cannot actually talk to or come to love a man specifically because of the conditions you have mindfully set in place. Nin might be my only chance to do this, he's the only mortal I have ever been in direct, hand-touching contact with!"

"I see." I go, nodding slowly as I doubt what I know to have been done with good cause. Mortal kind is not safe with the divine around.

"Of all the times we've done this, when all the family comes here... This is the first time someone else has come aboard, someone from outside the family. Someone not related to you in the slightest! I know you have your issues with making a lover for me, so I started to hope that this might be my chance... A chance to have a father to give me the child I need to have..." she goes, venting what she can as her voice putters out to quiet muttering.

I start to shake my head, "Motrtha, he's a soul destined for the process all the dead go through. Undwote is going to recycle him into magic and spread it back into the world like a fresh helping of nutrients."

"Then bring him back to life, restore his mortality so that Undwote cannot interfere! You alone have the authority, power and privilege to do that, Dad." she reminds me, looking up.

"You want me to let him impregnate you then bring him back to life so your child does not grow up without a father?" I ask to make sure I understand this correctly.

"No... No!" she incoherently rambles as she starts to swirl her divine powers about, creating a small amulet with it. One that looks oddly similar to a pearl necklace.

"Why the trinket?" I question, not really getting it.

"To directly bless him with a fraction of my essence as the Goddess of Motherhood. He will naturally magnetise women towards him as my powers work into the minds of them. The children he will make will be blessed by me directly!" she explains, losing me to an extent. How is this any different to what she is going through now?

"Motrtha, being a mother requires a man to pay a visit..." I say as my eyes shift about.

"As a mortal, he is not strong enough to do that, Dad. He either needs to be promised to me again at the end of his returned life so that I may have a happily ever after, after he has grown in strength. Or, I directly place a portion of myself within him, making his children more than meets the eye."

I nod slowly as I go over what she said before, "So, you will make women flock to him and he'll... Hopefully, turn out to be greedy?"

"This will only affect women who actually have any kind of feelings for him. It will turn them up a notch, speed it along... You know, make the prince and the princess realise the truth of their relationship... Only by a little! Undwote mentioned he died near an aelenvari flower so everything should work out as he is young and you know..." she struggles to explain and I do not know if it's what I have done so recently or her own embarrassment.

I blink, "Who are the aelenvari, again?"

"The mortals with their heritage tied to Pluuit. We have talked a fair bit about the near-extinction event they went through millennia ago because of one of the titans named after Undwote's puppies." she quickly clarifies and elf-things come to mind.

"Oh! The ones with the overwhelming female-to-male population."

"Yes! Them!"

"Now... About Undwote. I doubt this will go over well with him given it means revoking an already withheld soul in its entirety." I say and Motrtha shakes her head vigorously.

"Oh, just forget about him. It's one soul, one! His slight, petty frustrations mean nothing compared to us actually resolving something I have languished over since my creation."

"Alright... Uh, I... I guess I can be fine with this." I tell her as I think it all over as best as I can. It's bad enough that my daughter serves as a fill-in mother and I'd rather not leave her without a father for her child... Children?

"THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" she squeals over and over before she charges me to deliver revenge for my prior transgressions. I try to smile as she squeezes and she pounds a hearty kiss onto my cheek.

"...Wait! How are you going to be giving him this essence of yours?" I ask with fatherly worry as she leaves as if she never heard me. She simply giggles on the way out as I start to look increasingly like a dumbstruck idiot. I shrug as I pray to myself that she keeps it to the confines of her room.

I smirk a little as I start to get on with something unrelated to what I was doing prior to her arrival.

"A granddad, huh?" I go, yet, as the thought stales, my expression straightens. I return to my desk and put my arms up on it.

One goes on its elbow, the hand coming up to my lips in an unstable twitching manner. The other arm joins it in its posture and one set of fingers pushes up the other. I briefly stare at the darkness filling my somewhat cupped hands. They break apart, palms pressing up against my face.

"For fuck sake..." I go, my mouth contorting as my eyes leak.