Winter Break

Flimsy flakes of a soft creamy white fell past a chilly invisible wall of glass. Various vehicles clogged the streets beyond that. The majority of them backed up against each other at several red lights. The color outside consisted of differing shades of gray while the skies were home to crowds of clouds. The only sign of the sun was the soft light that permeated through the billowy tufts of transparent pillows. Due to the current weather, this gave the stationary piles of snow outside an extended stay.

I was so close. It was right there in front of me, and I could have had it. Yet, it was one simple mistake that caused me to regret something for about half a year now. All I wanted to do at that moment was take it easy and stare out the window absentmindedly. I wanted to drown out the sea of unclear chatter across the classroom. The sight outside was only a vivid image in my mind gathered from the past few days of consistent weather. I could have seen it for myself, but I was brooding over the fact that someone had beat me to the window seat instead. I couldn’t help but sneak a glare at him now and then.

To be honest, it felt like an insult at times when I realized all I was given were the scraps of it. Scraps of the enjoyment of being able to look out at that window. But, just like with a lot of other things in life, all I could do in the end was turn away from it. I needed to accept that it just wasn’t meant to be.

At any rate, there was always next year.

With that in mind, I made sure to make a mental note to come extra early next time. It was funny to think that things could’ve been different had I known the student sitting by that window. But, I didn’t. He wasn’t a friend of mine after all. He didn’t look out the window all that much, so I was sure he wouldn’t have minded trading seats with me.

I didn’t know much about him. I didn’t even know his name. To tell the truth, I wasn’t familiar with anyone’s name in class. To be specific, I guess it was more that I forgot everyone’s name. Finding that fact a bit ironic, it was one of the main reasons why I had wanted the seat by the window in the first place. I didn’t socialize all that much, so I thought having a window by me would work out perfectly. I didn’t get the opportunity to talk much like everyone else, so I figured it would keep me busy. Plus, looking busy could keep me from also looking like some kind of loner or loser.

I hated to sound like a broken record but having that window had its perks. I’d be able to space out whenever I wanted, and I wouldn’t freak out anyone else by giving them an unintended gaze. All I had for now until the end of the school year was my desk.

There was something I found myself doing more than once in class every time I’d wrap up my work early enough. I’d just rest my head on my desk and stare at the little details scribbled on the wooden surface. Of course, I didn’t pay much attention to them. I just allowed myself to zone out.

This kind of thing tended to happen a lot more than I could count. I didn’t slack off when it came to my work, and that was partly because I never did much socializing to begin with. I ended up always having just enough free time to watch the others in my class to kill said time. And, that was all because I couldn’t exactly stare out that damn window and daydream.

Throughout my time here at Trinity High School, I realized that classes haven’t changed. Students still spend way too much time talking during lessons or being on their phones. It had already been half a year since we left middle school, and these students didn’t act any different. And because of that, their hard time with schoolwork didn’t change either. In reality, all it took was paying attention to the lesson if you wanted to pass. For me, at least. I’m not some kind of crazy genius that studies all the time. I’m just a student who follows directions and does as he’s told. That’s it.

It was easy to predict the sharing of answers and notes when it came to our assignments at the end of class. At some point, no one did anything, and they always ended up turning in their stuff late. The instructors all seemed used to it though.

Just the ordinary life of a high school student, right? Well, hearing that made me feel a little different. Was I also considered just like any other student for actually getting my things done on time? Using the time in class to get the work done? Getting my homework out of the way first?

Asking myself this from time to time made me wonder if some people are just destined to live certain lives. What if they want something else every now and then? Too bad, I guess. It’s not like I wanted to be irresponsible with my schoolwork. I just would have appreciated having my own group to spend time with. Someone to speak to aside from the occasional acquaintance greeting. It didn’t seem like that was going to happen unless I gave up on my academics, but there was no way I could afford to do that.

I can’t say I felt totally alone though. There was one other person in the same classroom that I wondered about. Actually, I was even hoping that she’d share the same feelings on the subject. Unfortunately, I couldn’t know for certain.

Her name was Naomi Aoki.

As far as I was aware, she was the only student in our class with an arguably foreign name. But, it wasn’t like she was a foreign exchange transfer student or anything. Based on her quite perfect English, I hoped it was safe to assume she’s been here practically all her life. Unfortunately, I haven’t gotten to know her as much as I’ve been wanting to know that for sure. She seemed to have a solid grasp of our culture here. But, that didn’t stop her from sticking close to certain key elements of her Japanese roots.

I especially found her individuality to be an attractive trait. Other girls here tended to change things about themselves to keep up with trends. As for her, she didn’t bother with any of it. She was always dressed so presentable, and she didn’t need to follow any kind of trend to do that. At the same time, she also didn’t seem to care much about impressing anyone else.

What intrigued me about her right off the bat dealt with the few things I was able to find in common between the two of us. In some ways, she was just like me. We both tended to finish our assignments as soon as possible. However, she did so at a pace I could only ever hope to imagine doing myself. Aside from that, I also learned that whenever she had free time, she would keep to herself as well. Yet, instead of spacing out like me, she’d always grab a book from her bag and go straight to reading it. And, once she had an open book in front of her, hardly anything fazed her at all. I was convinced that not even a fistfight in the middle of class would concern her. I could see her not even bother looking up for a second.

To everyone else, her existence was something you could ignore for the rest of the year, maybe even past. As for me, she was much visible. I wanted to get to know her. There was just something about her that caught my eye. As for trying to talk to her, I still didn’t have a clue on how to do just that without being stuck in small talk.

At some point in the real world, I found myself facing in her direction. She was reading a book of hers in complete silence, as expected. Her seated posture appeared unapproachable. Yet, something about it was also kind of beautiful at the same time. All of a sudden, her focused gaze glided from the book over to me.

For what must have been a second or two, the gazes from our eyes made a direct connection. When I realized what I had been doing, it immediately felt like it had been hours. Because of my absent mind, I had been staring at her for way too long than I should have been. Startled, I almost jumped from my seat and turned away from her direction as fast as I could. Instead, I calmly faced the front, and, with a stroke of luck, that was when the dismissal bell finally rang.

I picked up my bag with a swift motion of my hand, hoping it wasn’t too obvious, and headed for the door. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve waited for everyone to dash out of the room first. But, I didn’t want to stay there a second longer. I didn’t like the idea of Naomi having anything to say about my accidental case of wandering eyes.

It was hard not to notice the majority of students as I walked through the hallways. They were expressing their goodbyes to friends before they’d end up leaving for vacation. Whether they were going to leave or stay home for the break, I caught bits and pieces of what they said as I passed by. A lot of it had to do with staying in touch over the winter. Some even took it a step further and hugged each other with tears in their eyes. I couldn’t quite grasp the concept of it. They were only not going to see each other whatsoever until classes resumed in January. It would be idiotic if they were going to hang out during break anyway.

Still, it was a bit lonely to hear and witness this as I walked through the halls like a ghost, but it was nothing new. It wasn’t like I had a phobia of people or anything. It was more like I couldn’t have much of a connection with anyone else here. They already had their own thing going on at this point anyway.

When I arrived at the front doors of the school, I found that there had been a gentle snowfall outside. Pathways were clear of snow. This left a stark contrast when it came to the fields of what once was littered with grass. Before heading out, I pulled up the zipper on my jacket and hooked up the earbuds around my neck to my phone for later use. Afterward, I pushed open the front doors and walked outside.

It felt a lot more refreshing to be out rather than inside the school. I felt like I had a lot more breathing room despite the icy air that entered my lungs every time I inhaled. In front of me, the walkway had been lit up by nearby lampposts. It wasn’t exactly evening yet, but due to the weather, it wasn’t a surprise that they were on so early.

I scanned through the different crowds of students that were on the same large walkway. Once I found the nearby bike stand, I headed towards it. After looking through the few bikes that were there, I spotted mine and approached it. The next step was unlocking the lock I had on it. As I pulled out my key, I continued to hear students walk and chat behind me.

Parents or even older siblings drove most of them home. The higher-year students had the great opportunity of driving home themselves. Some of the others walked if they didn’t live too far. And, some also used other methods of transportation like the city bus. Few people like me rode their bikes.

After finally taking care of the lock, I pulled my bike out of the stands. Then, I held a firm grasp on the handles with both of my hands, keeping them upright. Just getting into the motion of pulling my leg around to take a seat, a nearby voice addressed me and put a stop to those motions.

“Chase.”

That unemotional and firm voice almost froze every bit of my nerves. I looked back cautiously to find who the voice belonged to. Of course, I should have realized who the owner had been just going by their borderline deadpan tone.

It took me a short moment before I could respond with her name.

“…Naomi?”

She remained silent and stared at me from several feet away. She wore what appeared to be a trench coat fit just her size, along with a fluffy scarf around her neck. Fur earmuffs hugged her head to keep her ears warm from the chilly weather. Slim black stockings wrapped around her slender legs. Her fur boots suffocated the snow beneath her.

As she stood in front of me, I was able to observe much more than her wardrobe. I took careful note of her long and straight hair. Dark bangs covered the majority of her forehead. Some layers from the back made their way to the front of her body where they then reached her thighs. If I wasn’t mistaken, the color of her hair was black. Due to the mixed lighting outside, I was almost convinced it was a dark purple instead.

I finally paid particular attention to her sated violet eyes. That was when I noticed her pointing them back right at me with almost no emotion lingering on her face. Her gaze felt icy just like the sudden breeze that blew past us. At that point, I began to worry somewhat that I had done something that bothered her. As she planted her right hand into her coat pocket, she held her bag around her shoulder with the other.

I couldn’t keep track of the seconds that passed as we stood staring at each other with no end in sight. There was an absent intervention of words. Finally, Naomi decided to walk closer, closing the somewhat large distance between us. She ceased her movements once she was about a few steps away from me. In response, I could only ponder the reason why she stopped me in the first place.

“Was there something you needed to tell me?” She broke the silence and asked.

I had to admit that it wasn’t something I was exactly expecting.

“Uh. No… Why?” I responded out of curiosity.

“I found you looking over at me back in class. I thought you had something on your mind.” She mentioned without any hesitation.

From the time I’d been around her, she had always been a blunt kind of person. She didn’t seem to be afraid to speak her mind, and if someone had a problem with it, she didn’t care. It was as if all that mattered to her was herself. Of course, I didn’t mean to say she was selfish. At the least, I hoped she wasn’t like that at all.

“Oh…yeah…” I decided to come clean. There was no way I’d even try making up a pathetic excuse for her. She was definitely too smart for that. “Sorry… I was just thinking and I kind of wasn’t paying attention to where I was looking.”

It was the truth. Not the whole truth, but the truth.

“I see.” She turned her head towards the masses that were exiting the school. They began to separate and lose volume over time as more and more students left. I didn’t take my eyes off of her though. The feelings I had prevented me from looking away. I found the sight of her far more interesting than any of those leaving us behind.

Even so, it didn’t take too long before she turned back to me.

“I’ll let you be off then. Enjoy your winter break.”

She turned to move down the path the others had used to head home.

“Wait,” I called her, which seemed to surprise her somewhat. She stopped and returned the same expression she had already been giving me. “If you’re not busy…do you…want to get some coffee or something?” I asked, digging my hands into my own coat pockets and shifting my eyes in another direction.

It was pretty embarrassing to ask that…but what was the worst that could happen?

She studied my expression for a few seconds before she managed to change her own. Her mouth and chin were lightly buried into her scarf, but I could see a positive change through it. She formed a light but not too expressive smile.

“Coffee?” She considered, looking back in calm thought. “That sounds appropriate for a time like now.”

As she said that, my eyes grew in excitement. But, at the same time, they were left in suspense since she hadn’t properly given her answer.

“Unfortunately…” She added, having my eyes drop into a lifeless abyss now. “…I’m afraid I have responsibilities I need to handle back at home.”

“Oh…” I lowered my head from disappointment. If there was only one thing I hated, it was having my hopes raised only to die out like that. Either way, whether I was being stubborn or an idiot, I decided to pursue it for a bit longer. I prepared to double down at the risk of failing. “…what about during winter break? Are you doing anything?”

“I’ll be studying.” She answered in her usual and almost deadpan expression. “I can’t afford to fall behind when we come back.”

“…right.” My eyes fell towards the ground. It felt like I could have just stayed standing there the rest of the day in dismay. Thoughts of her rejection flooded my mind.

Maybe…just one more try?

I lifted my head and eyes back to her. “Do you need a ride? It seems a little too cold to go home on your own.”

“I’m fine.” She stated freely once again. “I’ll just walk for a while and take the bus shortly after. I appreciate your offer though.”

“It’s no problem…” Any positivity in my mood for the rest of the day was pretty much thrown out the window at that point.

So much for that…

“I’ll see you when we come back.” She turned away to walk on ahead, but I didn’t stop her this time.

“Yeah…see you,” I mentioned despondently.

I only watched the sight of her figure grow smaller until it eventually disappeared.

After a moment to myself, I released a heavy exhale. I then proceeded to pull my leg around the seat of my bike and positioned myself to ride out.

Once I made my way out and onto the side of the streets, I aimed my direction towards home. But, I couldn’t help but pay more attention to my thoughts rather than the road ahead. Though my sight was trained straight ahead of me, transparent and nearly invisible images clouded my mind. At that moment, I thought about Naomi. Then, I came across the memory of when we first began to somewhat get to know each other.

Or at least the existence of each other.