Not All Endings Are Happy

Ivy held the fox girl’s arm as they walked slowly around her home. She had learned that her name was Aoi, this was her first child, and they were the same age. Ivy couldn’t help but admire the freckles that speckled across her cheeks and nose despite her face being twisted in agony as she forced herself to breathe through the near constant contractions. Her dark blue-gray hair was pulled into a ponytail high on her head, and her belly was large on her otherwise small frame.

“I don’t want to do this,” she sobbed, her voice barely a whisper despite her pain. “Please make it stop.”

“You’re doing great,” Ivy encouraged gently. “It won’t be much longer. You’ll have your baby soon.”

It had been hours, how many they weren’t sure, and Aoi only struggled more and more as time passed, the pain getting worse. She had been uncomfortable but in high spirits when the three women first arrived, but now she was barely able to maintain standing on her own.

Sakura assisted Akiko in putting white linens on top of a mat on the floor and setting the extras close by.

“It hurts. Please get it out.” Aoi looked at Ivy, her amber eyes pleading for relief.

The girl rubbed her back. “Is there pressure? Do you feel like you need to push yet?”

She nodded, gritting her teeth and holding back a squall, only allowing a few small squeaks to escape instead.

Ivy assisted the expectant mother to the mat and held her hands as she squatted down and Sakura followed behind her, holding onto and keeping Aoi steady. Akiko stood behind Ivy, guiding the girl in the proper way to reach and feel for the readiness of the mother to deliver her child.

“You’re ready.” Ivy smiled while removing her hands and holding them in wait for the infant’s arrival. “On your next contraction, push.”

Aoi nodded and clenched tightly as she made her first push, a guttural scream erupting and filling the home.

“Hush, child.” Akiko’s fingers gently caressed Aoi’s cheek, her voice soft. “You must mind your tongue.”

Ivy looked up at the old woman, horrified at the command. “She’s birthing a child. Of course she’s going to scream. It’s painful.”

“All the more reason to stay silent. It is the way of a woman to bear pain without complaint.”

Ivy opened her mouth to argue. To defend this new mother’s right to do what she needed to. To give her a voice instead of allowing it to be stifled.

But she never got the chance.

“Ivy.” Sakura smiled mournfully at the girl when she turned to her, emeralds expressing the heartache that they both shared in that moment. “Aoi needs someone to bring her child into this world safely. I know you can do it.”

She stared in astonishment at the woman who had raised her. Never had she seen her back down to anyone or anything. Never had she kept silent when faced with a situation she didn’t like. Never had she resigned herself to the ways of others or expected the girl to do the same.

Ivy couldn’t understand Sakura’s reasoning, but she could feel it, just as strongly as if it were her own.

Hopelessness.

Acceptance.

It wasn’t what Ivy wanted.

But what could she do other than focus on the things she could control?

“On the next contraction.” Ivy’s gaze slipped back to Aoi. “Push as hard as you can.”

Aoi pushed again and again, biting back her cries while Akiko instructed Ivy on where to place her hands and how to cradle the child as it slipped from its mother and into the world. Ivy grasped the new life as its tiny wail signaled its arrival in the quiet home.

Aoi fell back against Sakura, gasping and exhausted. She lifted her head, sweat drenching her face. “Is it a boy?” she asked desperately.

Ivy beamed up at the new mother, pure joy spilling from her. “It’s a girl!” Ivy watched her face as it crumbled from hope to despair, and she took shelter behind her hands as she tried to quiet her sobs. The girl looked down at the new, precious life, her fragile body covered in the fluids of her original home, but the hair of her ears and tail and tufts on her head the same vibrant color as her mothers.

She was beautiful.

She was a miracle.

She was worthy.

If only others would see her that way.

“Cut the umbilical cord and I’ll take the child for now.” Akiko instructed, handing her the scissors.

Ivy did as she was told, cutting the infant free before tending to the afterbirth and gathering the soiled linens and disposing of them into the basket they had come from. Together, her and Sakura assisted Aoi in cleaning herself and changing into clean clothes. They helped her into her futon and Akiko held out the perfect creature to her creator. Aoi took her, looking down at her with hollow eyes, heartbroken.

“She’s beautiful,” Ivy told her. “Like her mother. She’ll bring so much joy to your life.”

Aoi nodded, but whether or not she actually heard the words was unclear.

The three women continued their work, finishing up with the cleaning and making sure the mother was as comfortable as could be before leaving her on her own with her child. They exited the house, the sun far across the sky and beginning to dip towards the horizon.

“I’ll go inform her mate.” Akiko smiled at Ivy. “You did wonderful for your first birth. You’re going to make an excellent midwife.”

The young women split ways from the older woman, and made their way back to Sakura’s home, a depressing silence between them. Without warning, Sakura spun in front of Ivy and the girl collided against her and was held tightly in her embrace.

Sakura smoothed amethyst waves down as she nuzzled against their silkiness. “I know.” Two words that held so much more behind them.

“She is so beautiful,” Ivy said quietly, her tears spilling and soaking into the woman’s shirt. “So perfect.”

“She is.”

“It’s not fair.” The girl managed through her grief.

“It’s not,” the fox agreed, “but life’s not fair. She’ll just have to find her place like the rest of us.”

Ivy nodded, unable to do much else other than be held until she could calm the swirling of overwhelming emotions within her. When she finally could, she looked up at the woman and sniffled. “I’m glad you ran away.”

Sakura laughed. “Me too. Everyday I’m glad for it. Being here just reminds me of that more and more. I fucking hate this place.”

“I’m grateful for all that Akiko has done for me. I know it hasn’t been easy for her to do it.” The girl forced a small smile. “But I’m ready to go.”

The fox sighed in relief. “Good. So am I.”

“Can we go tomorrow?”

“Bright and early.” She smiled lovingly down at the girl with her sweet, tear-streaked face forlorn. It broke the woman’s heart to see. “You want to hear a secret? You can’t tell Ren. He’ll never shut the fuck up about it if you do.”

Ivy stared up at her, eyes brightening with curiosity. “Okay.”

“Before Ren went to The Guard, I was convinced that we were going to get married and have children. I had it all planned out. When we’d marry. When we’d have our first. Our second. Our third. What their names would be.” She glanced away, longing for what she never had. “I’m kind of jealous of that girl, to be honest. I would never want to be in the same position as her, that’s a fucking mess, but I wanted that life. A home filled with children with the man I love.”

“So you do love Ren,” Ivy challenged. She had known it all along but still couldn’t believe that the woman was actually saying it out loud.

“I do, more than anything.” She looked at the girl, eyes narrowed in warning. “Don’t tell him that either though. He’s known it for years, but it’ll be another thing he won’t shut the fuck up about if you go blabbering to him about it.”

Ivy nodded, knowing she was right and not wanting to deal with it either. “I think Ren would make a good father.”

“That’s because he still acts like a child.”

That was very true.

The girl hesitated but decided to make the push. “He told me what your feather means.”

“Of course he did,” the fox spat. “He never shuts up.”

“He said you were his bride.”

Sakura shrugged, seeing no point in being secretive about it now. “Yeah, that’s what this feather means. Angels give it to their One, the person they choose to dedicate their life to. If he told you that much, I’m sure he showed off my scar. I had to carve that into his shoulder since I don’t exactly have a lot of feathers on me. We did it the night before he left for The Guard. Just two dumb kids making dumb decisions.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No,” she answered immediately. “We may have been young and naive, and it may not have been the best decision ever, but it makes no difference. Whether or not this mark is here, it doesn’t change how I’ve always felt about Ren. Or how he feels about me.”

Ivy gave her a teasing grin. “Is that why you never cover it? To show it off?”

Sakura snorted. “No. I’ve already told you this. Fabric makes it itchy.” She released the girl, and her hand went to scratch at the feather hidden behind the dark fabric of her father’s old shirt. “It’s been driving me nuts for days. I need to just wear my own clothes and let it breathe.”

A skeptical pout puckered Ivy’s lips. “I don’t believe you.”

“You never do.”

She looked up at the exaggerating fox who was really playing up the extent of the itchiness of her shoulder. “You know, you can do all those things you wanted to do now. Fill a home with babies with Ren.”

The demon’s gaze softened as she took the girl’s face in her hands and kissed her forehead. “You are my baby, and I am doing all the things I want now. Besides, I’m not ready for that so Ren can wait. I’m a prize that deserves to be won, and he spent a lot of years not working for it. I’m not just going to make it easy for him now. It’s good for him to struggle. He needs to fail. Keeps him occupied.”

Ivy could understand her not being ready, but the rest was completely lost on the girl. “I don’t think I understand.” She wasn’t sure if she even wanted to.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s probably better you don’t.” Sakura looped her arm through the girl’s and guided her along.

It seemed like good advice, and she would listen to it. “When you do have babies, can I deliver them?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t allow anyone else to handle something so important. You’re the only one I can trust since Ren would probably just freak out and drop the kid.” The vixen’s ears twitched, a dark expression replacing the gentle one as she looked over towards the rising of voices at the training grounds. “But the way that man’s going, he’ll be lucky to see another day, much less any of his children being brought into this world.”