Chapter 6– I want to K*** myself

He vividly remembered the dreadful day of his so-called father's passing…

"Can't wait to show Dad what I drew!" the young voice of Hana remarked brightly.

"What is it?" young Sen questioned. "It kinda looks like a bunny."

"It's not!" Hana puffed. "Can't you see it's a dinosauw." She held up her drawing proudly.

"You mean dinosaur?" Sen snorted. "I'm a couple of years younger than you, and even I say it better."

"Oh, shut up. You try it then!" Hana challenged.

"Okay, I will. Watch this. Give me a piece of paper."

"Aha! See, you CAN'T say words right either!" She cackled.

"Yea, yea, I know. Alwight...- I mean ALRIGHT! See, this is why I shouldn't hang out with you anymore. You're making me lose my vocabulary," Sen muttered grumpily.

"DEAL WITH IT!"

"Pfft...idiot sister." Despite his remark, Sen couldn't help but give a soft chuckle of amusement. "No, but seriously, give me the paper, and I'll show you the correct way to dra-" He heard the front door open... instantly he didn't feel alright. Something was wrong.

"Oh, is Dad back home?" Hana wondered.

She hopped off the sofa and skipped brightly to the door. Sen felt something deep within him shudder. The air around him changed from playfulness to tension. I don't like this... he thought while cautiously following his sister.

They saw their mother enter through the front door, the hinges creaking ominously as a result. Her eyes were dull and lifeless when shutting the door behind her. Coming closer to their mom, Hana worriedly tugged the bottom of her shirt, yet she barely even met her daughter's gaze.

"Mommy, what's wrong?" Hana asked. Sen just watched behind his sister, waiting for her answer.

Their mother didn't cry or seem upset often, so this was a rare occurrence. Even after Hana's urgent question, their mom didn't reply. Her only response was another whimper of sadness. Then, as if she didn't have a single ounce of energy left in her, the mother collapsed to the ground, letting out violent wails that were a mixture of pain and grief.

"MOMMY! Don't cry, what's wrong?" Hana whimpered in distress. But the room remained silent, absent of any response. The only thing close to a reply was a volley of horrifying sounds of distress.

Hana cracked under stress and embraced her, crying regardless of the reason for their mother's tears. Sen still kept his distance, waiting for a logical explanation. He yearned to comfort his mother but convinced himself against it. He needed to be composed in these situations. That was what his father taught him.

"Oh, my dear children..." she finally let out a murmured sob. "I'm so sorry." "

Mom, please don't cry!" Hana wailed in distress.

Finally, she lifted her head and looked at them with tears flowing down her cheeks. That expression, he realized, was genuine. Something soul-crushing must have happened to warrant his mother's severe mental breakdown.

"My dears..." she started, "I don't think Dad will be coming home today..."

Something within Sen snapped...

....

The day Sen dreaded the most was here, his birthday, 'November 3rd'. Luckily, he quietly sneaked out of the house while his mother and sister were still asleep. Giving a brief sigh he started heading out to school.

Sen didn't sleep much at night. Dreams from the past kept bothering him. This wouldn't be the first time he was restless from disturbing nightmares, either. It was a common occurrence.

However, Sen eventually got used to them. He would often wake up at five am sharp and do his daily exercise routine regardless of how he slept. A healthy body was a healthy mind, as many would say. After that, he usually sat down and enjoyed some tea.

Although occasionally, Sen would skip that on the weekend and go straight to the library to study different topics he was interested in further. Nothing could satisfy his brain's hunger for knowledge. That was the only way he could confidently walk in the streets alone.

He had each and every single monster species memorized, along with their weaknesses and strengths. Of course, it would be foolish to think his knowledge would guarantee safety, but it did give him peace of mind.

People around Sen had their Senses, but what good use does it have if the person is stupid and rash? Maybe it was an attempt to make himself feel better, but Sen would beg to differ.

People could decide for themselves which is more important. He was lacking in some areas but compensated for that by absorbing information and data. So, in retrospect, he could very well be safer than any of the people walking past him who had super strength or super hearing.

Soon, on his way to school, he passed where yesterday's monster incident happened. The area where the killing occurred had yellow tape surrounding it, blocking any bystanders from entering. Just like he predicted, the blood from the child was also still present on the concrete. What he wasn't expecting, however, was who he saw gazing dully at the scene.

The child's mother. I assumed she wouldn't want to be anywhere near this place; I guess I was wrong. Sen paused for a moment. No, the mother didn't return to the crime scene after all. She was here all night...

Sen realized this simply by looking at the woman's clothing. Since the incident happened at night, Sen couldn't see what she was wearing. However, what helped him determine his conclusion was simply because the lady's attire had a few scratches and inconsequential bloodspots. They were so minor that not everyone would be able to notice them. What was far more noticeable were the wrinkles and dark circles under her dull and lifeless eyes. This gave him more than enough reason to believe she stayed at the crime scene of her deceased child all night long.

The poor woman appeared to be at a point where she had no tears to cry. Sen contemplated that since he saw the incident unfold, sending his condolences to the grieving mother would be a kind gesture. But it simply didn't involve him. Thinking like this could be deemed cold and unthoughtful, but it was simply the truth.

Nothing Sen could say would give any merit or future benefit to her. So why go through the trouble and waste her time? Glancing at her, he gradually walked past the sobbing mother. Albeit, while doing so, he heard a slight murmur.

"Why God, why. What did I do to you..." the words of the grieving mother weren't directed at him but more or less a silent question that would never be answered. Those simple words made Sen halt. It suddenly made him reminisce about his father.

"Monsters were sent to our world because of our sins." He still couldn't fully grasp what his father told him that day.

That quote was simply a fictional explanation of Sen's question. There was no proof that god caused all humanity's suffering to occur due to their sins. Yet, Sen couldn't help but feel that was the only explanation for the phenomenon. God gave us power and, in return, punished us for our greed. To put it in more simple words.

This still didn't quite answer all his questions: why do I have to be punished for something I didn't do?

Chances were, the mother also bore that question. And unfortunately, Sen didn't have an answer to that, regardless of his knowledge.

"I'll just kill myself..." the mother murmured under her breath.

Sen gave out a sigh. Getting himself involved in these types of affairs wouldn't be something he usually did, but at this point, if he remained quiet, guilt would bite him in the ass later down the road. Sen was still human after all, he wasn't absent of emotions like many would assume.

"Don't kill yourself. It's not going to help anything," he bluntly remarked. The woman slowly lifted her head. Clearly, she didn't know anyone was listening to her murmurs of despair. In fact, a few people still walked by, barely taking notice of the distressed woman. The world is a cold place. It's not like I was going to walk away a few seconds ago. But hey, I guess I'm more compassionate than all these people. I'll give myself a little pat on the back.

"What would you know, kid," she retorted. "You're too young to understand loss."

"Well, perhaps..." Sen wasn't going to bring up the fact his father died 'which he still didn't believe' "I do know something, though. Since I'm not blinded by grief, I'm going to give you a piece of invaluable advice. If you think God is out to harm you or specifically make your life a pain in the ass, then what's the point of killing yourself?"

"Huh? Obviously, to make my pain go away."

"Really? What's going to happen after you kill yourself? If you're so convinced it's God's doing, I'm sure he won't let you in heaven, would he?"

"I don't care if there's an afterlife. I want my pain to be gone..." she let out a tired sigh.

Sen shook his head; she didn't understand his point. "Your pain might be gone, but that pain won't disappear. It'll simply haunt someone else. No matter if you kill yourself or not, wouldn't you want to end that cycle of pain?" he asked. The woman turned to him– realization apparent on her face. "If you truly want to end that pain for good, keep it inside you. It won't be able to escape and haunt anyone else…"