Internal struggles

Do you know that sensation of waking up on a bright sunny morning? When the sun directly touches your face seeing it even with closed eyes? Ivaylo felt how the sunshine was warmly caressing his whole face. He momentarily opened his eyes, dust particles floating in the air and that light blinding him.

He placed his arm over his face and then turned his back towards the window. He woke up with a pulsating headache and a bad hangover. He overdid it yesterday with his drinks. Finally, he opened his eyes fully to gaze at the blood-stained sheets. Confused he rose in his bed and looked around at his half-empty apartment.

Ivaylo lived at that place already for a year, but never put any effort to furnish it. He owned only the necessities. A small two-bedroom apartment in a huge skyscraper in the city center, where all the important businesses were located. He only had like a five-minute walk to work.

The fullest "room" at his home was probably the walk-in closet. Every other room had just a few pieces and then just emptiness. Even the kitchen was half empty. He did not cook and ate only simple semi-finished foods or he ordered something out.

He looked around his bedroom which consisted only out fo the bed and one nightstand with a lamp. Ivaylo inspected his hands, which were covered in blood. What had happened to him? His feet hit the cold tiles of his floor. He followed the trail of blood which led into his bathroom.

"Oh... So that's the reason..." Yesterday he went into a drunken rage and punched the mirror breaking it. He peeked into the remains which still were glued to the frame and didn't fall out. That horrible humanoid face. How much he hated his own reflection. He looked away...

Ivaylo touched his left shoulder. So he did it again. When he becomes too drunk or too upset he has this habit of hurting himself in a place that is not visible to others. Usually, he does it with his own claws, but this time he used a shard of that mirror, how creative.

He cleaned up the mess he created and took a shower. Covered his lower half in a towel he walked out to the combined kitchen and living space. His partly wet feet smacked on the tiles making an echoing sound around the apartment.

In the white kitchen, Ivaylo put some water into the coffee machine. He then walked over, turned on the TV mounted to the wall, and sat down on the gray couch putting his feet on the coffee table. A boring broadcast and some random news. Nothing interesting...

He turned it off and looked at the time. It was the weekend. What should he do? Probably some bar hopping again, but for sure, he should keep his boundaries today because tomorrow starts a working week again.



Ivaylo worked at the highest skyscraper in the city as a Chief Executive Officer. He worked himself up the ladder with his own skills and persistence. Everybody admired him for it. He didn't need any of his family connections.

His corner office was located up high in the clouds, oriented northwest. A wall with books and files stood behind of the desk which overlooked the west part. He often snuck a peek at the sunset while working. Everything was very neat and organized. He hated mess and clutter. Everything had its designed place where it belonged.

Today was an ordinary day. He was looking through the documents and controlling them. He went to the toilet and on the way back to his office his ears twitched. Ivaylo overheard a conversation. A couple of Hybrid Beastmen with the lion as the core animal talked about some weird things.

"Did you hear?! You could adopt a human kid as a pet?" said the first one. "That's crazy!" said the other one. "Also, I heard that you can officially hire a human as your maid or butler. Well, I would choose a pretty female and maybe make her take care of my "lower department" if you know what I mean." The first one winked at his friend.

Disgusting! Ivaylo thought to himself. Who would ever want to get into such a relationship with a HUMAN?! It really appalled him. He walked past them throwing a glare at them both. "Please, during working hours... refrain from talking about nonsensical topics which are not part of your job."  Both were left flustered by Chief's scolding and apologized.

At his office, Ivaylo leaned into his leather chair making a little squeaking sound. His left hand was resting on the armrest and his right was freely in the air spinning a pen around. Why would anybody want a human in their own home? They are the pure evil in this world.

A flashback of his great-grandfather and his metal prosthetic arm appeared in his mind. Also, that story of how he came to it... A human military man chopped it after several cuts just for fun to keep it as a trophy when his great-grandpapa was captured for a short while during the war.

Ivaylo couldn't imagine the excruciating pain he must felt. He will never trust any human. Luckily, that species avoids cities occupied by Beastmen, so he can keep his peace on his mind. The only thing that bothers him is that humanoid thing looking back at him in the mirror...



Back home, Ivaylo stood in the walking closet. He had a few drinks before he came home, so he was again in one of his moods. He unleashed his tie and undressed his white expensive shirt. Neatly folding it into the cubicle and the tie hanging up.

He sat down on his bed and stared out of the bedroom door into nothingness for a while. He touched the injured shoulder and pressed his claws into the same spot which began to bleed again. Slowly his head was lowering down and he could feel something once more.