Cold

We die for living.

Those are Wolf's words. I don't remember how many times I heard them.

But never forget! We ain't heroes. They shall live forever, but you'll be forgotten within one month.

That's the purpose of our lives as mercenaries. The first thing you learn in Gladio is how precious life is. We don't have another. We're responsible for our own actions. If someone wants to be a hero, let him be one. You're only a hero if people still remember you. I'm not into such stuff. Yet I won't turn my back on those people, not after getting this far...

Right after turning the last corner, I saw them crouching in front of me. They were so scared and shocked, probably because of all those screams and chaos. It was like doom was showing itself.

One, two, three, four, five...

I was expecting to see more people, but it seems like I was too late for them. There should have been at least 20 people to feed such a nest. But it cannot be helped; I don't have the luxury of mourning the dead. What's gone is gone, I cannot bring them back. All I can do is save people that I can reach, that's all.

As I got closer to them, they seemed to relax a bit more. At least they regained their hope, and that was really important to push them to go. I wasn't sure where the exit was anymore. After all those years, it was hard to call this place a metro; it was more like a whole new habitat for Infecteds. But any stairs that go up should be fine, I suppose.

And so I decided. I wish I could have told them what to do at this point, yet there was no way to do it. I just hoped at that moment. I hoped for the best. Just a few meters from them, I pointed to the first stairs I saw going up and turned my face to the swarm behind me. All Infecteds slowed down as soon as light reached them. I already knew that it wouldn't be enough to stop them, but I wasn't planning to do so. All I need is some time for them. At the same time, I slowly reached for my mace on my back. It was hard to control my breathing.

One.. two.. three...

I turned my face back toward them one last time. They were all up and seemed to be ready. I just nodded and gave my flashlight to them. My helmet would be enough to fight with Infecteds, so I could give them the time they need.

"Thank you, sir."

That was the little girl among them, probably the one I was looking for. I nodded again, then heard them running, getting away from me and from the Infecteds.

I smiled... It's been so long that I almost forgot how to do so. All I remember afterwards is me running into that swarm, swinging my mace around. They don't like light; they hate it. Yet I had a weaker light source than others at that moment. That's why most of them chose me over them. It must have felt safer for them. It's alright, that's the least I want. I kept attacking them, hitting them again and again. Maybe it was the adrenaline that made me feel like I was dancing among them. Maybe more like floating above them. I felt no pain. I saw nothing. All I knew was that I was surrounded by them. It is indeed alright.

I wonder what would happen to those people. I wonder if they managed to leave this rathole. I wonder if they are going to remember me until they die or forget me right away. No matter what, all I care to do is just keep swinging my mace around, hitting those Infecteds one by one. There are hundreds of them. It's so noisy. Hard to breathe. Hard to think. But it's somehow so peaceful.

...Just keep hitting them...

...Hitting them...

...Hit them...

...Hit...

...Hit...

...Hit...

...Until you pass out...

...Until your muscles riot...

...Until the very last drop of your sweat...

...Hit them...

...Dance with them...

...Catch the harmony...

It was like I had reached the top of my life. I'm not a hero. I'm not into that stuff. I just do whatever I want. I have no regrets, and that's all that matters. I was wandering around for more than 10 years, helping people around. Wolf would be angry; it's not easy to raise such soldiers in these conditions. But I believe he will understand me. I just wanted to be like him as much as I could. Not a hero, but a savior. They seem really familiar, aren't they?

Suddenly, I heard a gunshot. It was like I snapped back to reality. I was on the ground, lost my mask. The light on my helmet was broken. I couldn't feel my legs, and I could barely see anything. But I definitely heard it...

And again...

And again...

I felt relieved, then just hugged the sleep that had been waiting for me for a very long time.

Maybe after days, maybe after weeks, I saw Wolf right after opening my eyes. I couldn't hear anything, but I guess he was somewhat happy.

Then I saw the girl. She was good. She was crying.

Is it cold in here?

Then her mother came and started crying with her daughter. I guess they were just somewhat happy. I am alive, and they are alive. We survived in one piece.

I have a lot to ask, though. I wonder how everything went. It has to go well, but how good was my plan? I wanted to learn.

Then I saw... myself. At least what remained from me. My whole body was covered with a white sheet, except my head. I suppose it was because of the light that kept them away from my head for a while.

No wonder I felt cold.

No wonder they cry.

Yet I have no regrets.

I accomplished my task.

Tell me, Wolf.

Was I as good as you?

Would you save me again if I feel lost out there?