Which Side?

“Cheers!”

Everyone harmoniously screamed as the sound of clanging glass shimmers throughout the karaoke booth.

“We should let the birthday boy sing something first!” A boy in the group gave the mic to the person standing at the corner of the sofa.

“Heck yeah!” The boy hunches over to the monitor screen located in the middle of the room.

“…”

Hours have passed with each person in this group getting their turn to sing their music. Some people chose generic popular ones, some chose English music to make them look different, and some chose popular anime songs with the audience smacking their wooden hand percussions, its sound barely harmonizing with the songs.

“Nakami! Here’s your extra drink,” A girl curls her mouth as she lends me a glass of coke.

“Thanks,” I replied with a smile.

This is already my fourth one…

“…”

The inside of my chest continues to bounce as if my heart is about to leap out with each beat that these songs produce.

I took a light sip and placed my glass on the table when I suddenly made eye contact with the girl to my right.

“Hey Nakami,” The girl to my right points toward the monitor, “Are you sure you don’t want to sing anything?”

“Yeah…” I look at her apologetically, “My voice doesn’t feel that well, so forgive me~” I stick my tongue out as I clasp my hands.

“That so…” The girl gazed downwards, “I was interested to hear your voice too…”

“It’s nothing special,” I wave my right hand at her, “I may not be singing, but I am having fun!” I pump my fists.

“Then all is good!” The girl averts her gaze and continues to smack her hand percussion.

“…”

I want to go home.

Why did I accept the invitation again?

---

Somehow, I was able to sit through that event till the end. I was able to get free food and drinks so it’s not all that bad, but I don’t know if I want to do that again though. Thankfully, my dorm is only a ten-minute walk from the place we were from. Since it was late at night, I decided to walk together with some of the people that are residing in the same place as me.

“That was really fun…” A relatively big boy stretches his arms followed by a loud burp.

“That’s gross dude,” A smaller boy smacks him from the side.

“It’s super late, so don’t raise your voice so much,” The girl from the karaoke adds.

“If I were you, I’d rather hide myself than get told off by a woman as pretty as her,” I grabbed the girl’s shoulder to my right and pulled her closer to me.

“N-Nakami?!” The girl yelped as her eyes widened.

“If I was a woman, I’d rather hide myself than have the personality of a creeper,” The small boy replied as he tucked his hands in his pocket.

“Gaah…”

“Settle down, both of you…” The girl pulled on our ears.

“Owowow!”

“…”

Eventually, she lets our poor ears go with the small boy rubbing his red left ear. He then looks at me with a pained expression,

“Does your ear not hurt?” He asks.

“It only hurts a bit, but it’s nothing to worry about!” I replied in a cheery tone.

It hurts a lot.

“…If that’s the case, then it’s alright!” She broke her gaze from me and looked to her right where she started teasing the small boy about it.

“…”

I know that I made it look like I was fine, but was it really that convincing? In the first place,

What’s the point of showing concern even though you barely know me?

---

“…”

I stand right in front of the white door. A giant gust of wind gushes over from the side, cooling off my body as if reassuring me.

“…”

In the end, I gripped the doorknob and pushed it open.

What greets me is a room that has a bunk bed to the right with sweatpants and shirts hanging off of the stairs, two separate tables on the left side, and a window with its curtain closed on the far end of the room. On my side of the table, there’s a laptop with a messy charging station that looks like a bundle of small snakes behind it, and textbooks that are haphazardly arranged. On my roommate’s side, there’s a whole set of makeup, a mirror, and different types of facial care products within her basket.

“Welcome back Nakami,” A blonde girl wearing a bunny-shaped headband peeks over from the top bed.

“…I’m back—”

“Back to what I was saying; girl, you gotta like—”

“…”

Well, whatever.

I tossed my bag onto the desk chair before flopping onto my bed, letting its softness engulf me. I opened my phone to notice a notification that said three missed calls came from my mom an hour ago.

“…” I stare towards the ceiling of the bunk bed.

“Girl, why do you keep sticking with that guy? I think you should just breakup or—”

“…”

Yeah, there’s no way I’m calling her in here…

Dragging myself out of bed, I moseyed over to the table where my bag sat. With a lazy stretch, I snagged my wireless earbuds.

“Haah…”

Honestly speaking, all I want to do is shower, mindlessly scroll through my social media timeline, and go to bed without thinking of anything else. But at the same time, I’ve been studying outside of my hometown for six months now, so the least that I should do is give my parents who worked their hardest to get me here some reassurance that I’m okay.

“I’m gonna go out for a bit,” I added as put my shoes on.

“Be careful out there!” The girl on top of the bunk bed yelled, “Then then, what’re you planning to—”

“…”

I tapped my feet on the concrete, put on my earbuds, and left the room.

As the door came to a shut, I immediately dialed my mom to which she immediately picked up.

“Hello~” Mom answered in a leisurely tone.

“Hey. How are you doing?” I tuck my phone in my pocket and walk away from my room.

“We’re okay, but your cousin misses you a lot, you know?”

“Ehh? Really?” I replied.

“He kept asking me, ‘When will sister come back?’ over and over again,” Mom giggles, “It’s honestly really cute…”

“Awhh…” I feel my cheeks softening at that remark, “Tell him that I miss him too and that I’ll be coming back for Christmas…”

“Understood!” Mom replied in a serious tone.

“Hehe…”

“Haha…”

“…”

“…”

“…Hey Nakami, how are you doing?” Mom asks with a soft voice.

“…I don’t know…”

“How so?”

“I just feel… disconnected I guess…” My gaze drifts downward towards the cold concrete beneath my feet, noticing that I’ve walked outside without realizing it. The cityscape unfolds to my left, an array of buildings standing like silent sentinels. Dim light poles cast a subtle glow on the surroundings, providing the only light source on this campus.

“How so?” Mom asks.

“It’s like… whenever I talk to someone, it always feels like there’s a barrier between us…” I replied as I continued to wander towards the exit gate.

“I’m sure it’s because you’re not used to Osaka yet. Don’t worry! You’ll eventually grow comfortable, I’m sure.” Mom reassuringly replied.

“I don’t think it’s something to get used to,” I exit the University and head towards the convenience store next to me. The door automatically opened up the moment I got close to it, “If anything, it’s more like I’ll never be able to—”

“Look at you being pessimistic again.”

“…”

The moment I step inside, the door behind me closes.

“I know that you’re a lot better at socializing compared to before, but you still need to build that confidence…” Mom added.

“No, I’ve been trying my best Mom. I just don’t know whether they want to or—”

“Then go beyond your best to connect.”

“…”

“You can’t expect them to lower their guard if you don’t approach them.”

“…”

I know that.

I understand that I never delve deep into their personalities to truly care for them as people.

If anything, I fully understand how stupid my current feelings are; on the one hand, I want to connect with the people around me, but on the other, I could not care less about what kinds of things they’re going through.

So then, what is it that I want to do?

Which side is the best one for me?