Delusions of Normality Pt. 3

Sometimes, I feel like I'm suffocating. No matter what I do, whether it be shouting or screaming, I don't think I could ever be heard. This is one of those moments.

"Tsuki, aren't you gonna eat?" Saki asked.

"Y-yeah..." I muttered. "Just give me a second."

"What's wrong?" Taiyori scoffed. "Don't tell me you're a picky eater."

"Not necessarily."

"Then why aren't you eating? Don't tell me you're not hungry."

"Well, now that you mention it, I'm not."

"Eh?! Why'd you buy it?!"

"I... don't really know."

Back during the peak of the Hunt, there was hardly a moment to rest. Even when I did sleep, it was maybe four hours a day—no breaks, no peace, just an endless chase. Proper meals? Forget about it. I was lucky to even have one meal a day.

Now, as I sit here, I could probably finish this bowl of ramen in under four minutes. The only reason I can't? It's too damn loud in here.

A moment ago, Shiro returned from the restroom, mentioning how hungry she was. That’s when Taiyori suggested we get something to eat. I thought we’d just grab something from the food court, maybe take it to go. But no—we ended up sitting down at a full-on restaurant.

"Tsuki, eat!" Taiyori chided.

"I can't," I said.

"Why not?"

"Eating in public is something I've never done before. There are too many people around."

"Seriously? You've never been to a restaurant with your friends?"

"I don't have any friends."

"What about Sakuno?" Shiro asked.

"We... didn't really have the luxury of time back then."

"You're lying," Taiyori scoffed.

"I don't lie."

"Pft... Yeah, right. I bet you're lying right now. You just don't wanna eat cuz you'd expose what a dirty pig of an eater you are."

"The hell...? Where did that even come from?"

"I'm just saying since you're so adamantly refusing. If you've got nothing to hide, then stop wasting food and eat."

I hesitantly picked up my chopstick and snatched up a small amount. Slowly, I drew it closer to my mouth. The aroma is nice. The taste is good too. Maybe I should just suck it up and finish what I started. At least, that was my mindset until I noticed the two pufferfish staring at me attentively from the other side of the table.

"Eugh...!"

Never in my life have I spit my food out. Watcher taught me to appreciate anything edible. As long as it didn't kill me, anything went, and that's how I grew up. Of all the reasons to spit out my food, it had to be this... I'm ashamed.

I took a napkin and wiped my mouth while the girls were laughing their asses off. At least they find it amusing.

"That was pure gold," Shiro said.

"I know, right?" Taiyori chuckled. "You should've seen the look on your face, Tsuki. Maybe you should go into acting. I'm sure you'd do an amazing job."

"I don't want to say that this is why I don't eat in public, but this is why I don't eat in public," I muttered.

"Aw, relax a bit," Shiro smiled. "We were just messing around."

"...I think I'm done."

"Wait! We'll stop, so keep eating!" Taiyori exclaimed.

"I'm not hungry anymore. In fact, I never was."

I stood up, grabbed the bags from the ground, and left the table.

"Wha—Hey, Tsuki!"

Ignoring their pleas, I stepped outside the restaurant, needing the cold air to clear my head. Once again, I've been proven right—being around people just isn’t for me. Sakuno is probably the only exception, since we both grew up with the Hunt. We know each other's limits, our boundaries. The others? They can be a handful at times, but... maybe I can count them too.

These girls, on the other hand... I'm not saying that I necessarily hate our current relationship. It's a nice change of pace for sure, but I'm just not used to it yet. Maybe one day, I'll be able to join them on the normal side of life.

"Tsuki," Taiyori called out.

"Oh. You finished eating already?" I asked.

"Unlike you, I was eating the entire time. Only had a couple of bites left."

"I suppose that makes sense. Where's Shiro?"

"She went to go wash her hands."

"I see."

Taiyori suddenly jumped up right in front of me, her face painted with clear disappointment. She tilted her head to the left, as if trying to get a better look at me. Was she not close enough already? This was way too much.

"Did we really get under your skin?" she grumbled.

"Hm... Not really," I answered. "I just wasn't hungry."

"I feel like there was a lot more to it than just that. Come on, tell me. Did we mess with you too much?"

"I told you, it's not that. I was telling the truth when I said that I'm not used to eating in crowds, even if it's with you two."

She crossed her arms and threw on a taunting smile. "Eh~? Why not? Can't handle sitting next to two beautiful girls? Maybe that's why you couldn't eat. We were distracting you too much."

Someone, please, just grab a shovel and smash it over my head as hard as you can. Taiyori is playing so excessively into this role that I'm genuinely starting to believe that she's a psychopath.

"...For real...?" I muttered.

"No need to deny it. One time, I had a guy look at me for a single second and freeze on the spot. He didn't even notice the water spilling from his own cup until I winked at him."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm being serious, you know. Heh, you could even say that I'm used to this kind of treatment."

"Is that so?"

"Yep. You could even say that I'm the authority on this matter."

"Doesn't seem very healthy."

The smile on her face abruptly dropped. "Huh? What... do you mean?"

"You're your own person, aren't you? And yet, you're defaulting to a twisted sense of familiarity as if you're not. Just a doll who smiles for the sake of other people's expectations. Doesn't that get tiring?"

I stopped in my tracks when I caught her staring at me in a way I never would've expected. Her eyes softened, brows lowered, and her mouth hung slightly open, as if she was at a loss for words.

I’m usually good at reading emotions—especially in my victims. Moments before their death, they're either gripped by fear or weighed down by the sins they've committed.

But this was different. It confirmed what I'd already suspected. Just like before, she looked unmistakably sad.

"Taiyori?" I said with concern. "Are you alright?" 

She took a deep breath and tilted her head away. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You seem like you're not fine, so I wanted to make sure."

"Haha... I was just thinking... I was right all along. You're such a weirdo, Tsuki."

Taiyori turned around, and I froze in place. Her wavy, wine-red hair swept across her face like a sea of scarlet roses, and her hazel eyes softened with a gentle curl. She wore the most genuine smile I had ever seen from her.

Dozens of people passed by, but at that moment, I could only see her. Every sound faded—the footsteps, the endless chatter—all of it drowned out, leaving only her voice. She paused, locking eyes with me, and for the first time in my life, I was completely breathless.

"And here I was thinking you'd turn out to be like the rest," she scoffed. "Oh, how wrong I was. You're nothing like them, no... You're far worse."

"...Um..."

"Speechless? I know. Everyone around me often ends up like that. I can't really help it."

After collecting myself, I took a deep breath. "What was it that you said the other day? 'Creeps, perverts, and gold diggers,' right? If I'm something worse, then what exactly am I?"

She let out a soft giggle before inching closer to me with her hands behind her back. Again, why is she getting so close? Perhaps a better question; why can I feel my own heartbeat right now?

"You tell me," she scoffed. "You know just the right words to say to a girl, yet you claim that you don't do well in crowds. It seems like you have quite the experience. Are you sure you're not a player?"

"A... A what...?"

"Pft... Hahaha! You didn't know what Line was, and now you don't know what 'player' means? Have you truly been living under a rock this whole time?"

Again, I froze. So many things in the normal world feel foreign compared to life in the underworld. I've spent so long with my life dangling by a thread, a constant reminder of the unforgiving past I've endured.

In the world of life and death, laughter was always the mark of the most ruthless and twisted criminals. It was a signal—a warning—that our target was devoid of remorse and had to be eliminated without hesitation. And yet, here I am, standing in awe, wondering how something as simple as a laugh could be so... beautiful.

"Hm? What's wrong?" Taiyori smirked. "Did you finally fall for me?"

"Not a chance in hell," I sighed.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Out of nowhere, she raised her hand to my forehead and flicked it with her fingers.

"The hell...?" I mumbled.

"Hehe. You really are such a weirdo," she giggled.

"Eh~?" someone hummed to our left.

At that moment, we both visibly jolted. Our heads turned at almost the same time to see Shiro standing there with a suspicious smirk.

"S-Saki..." Taiyori stuttered nervously.

"How interesting... Since when did you two make up?" she snickered.

"No! Wait! I-it's not what you think!"

"Oh, sure, sure. I totally believe you this time."

"Honest!"

"Uh-huh."

While Shiro continued walking down the corridor, Taiyori was constantly in her face, spouting the same words over and over again. Honestly... And she's saying that I'm the weirdo. Yeah, right.