Delusions of Normality Pt. 3

Sometimes, I feel like I'm suffocating. No matter what I do, whether it be shouting or screaming, I don't think I could ever be heard. This is one of those moments.

"Tsuki, aren't you gonna eat?" Saki asked.

"Y-yeah..." I muttered. "Just give me a second."

"What's wrong?" Ayaka scoffed. "Don't tell me you're a picky eater."

"Not necessarily."

"Then why aren't you eating? Don't tell me you're not hungry."

"Well, now that you mention it, I'm not."

"Eh?! Why'd you buy it?!"

"I... don't really know."

Back then, when the time of the Hunt was at its peak, there was rarely a moment to rest. Even when I slept, it was maybe only four hours each day. No breaks, no repose, always on the hunt. We never had time to sit down and eat a proper meal, so I've gotten used to eating once a day.

Though, as I sit here now, I'm pretty sure I can finish this ramen bowl in four minutes tops. The only reason why I can't... is because it's too damn loud in here.

When Saki came back from the restroom, she expressed how hungry she was. That was when Ayaka chimed in and suggested for us to get some food. I thought we were just going to go to the food court, maybe pick something up on the way, but nope. We sat down at a whole restaurant.

"Tsuki, eat!" Ayaka chided.

"I can't," I said.

"Why not?"

"Eating in public is something I've never done before. There are too many people around."

"Seriously? You've never been to a restaurant with your friends?"

"I don't have any friends."

"What about Sakuno?" Saki asked.

"We... didn't really have the luxury of time back then."

"You're lying," Ayaka scoffed.

"I don't lie."

"Pft... Yeah, right. I bet you're lying right now. You just don't wanna eat cuz you'd expose what a dirty pig of an eater you are."

"The hell...? Where did that even come from?"

"I'm just saying since you're so adamantly refusing. If you've got nothing to hide, then stop wasting food and eat."

I hesitantly picked up my chopstick and snatched up a small amount. Slowly, I drew it closer to my mouth. The aroma is nice. The taste is good too. Maybe I should just suck it up and finish what I started. At least, that was my mindset until I noticed the two pufferfish staring at me attentively from the other side of the table.

"Eugh...!"

Never in my life have I spit my food out. Watcher taught me to appreciate anything edible. As long as it didn't kill me, anything went, and that's how I grew up. Of all the reasons to spit out my food, it had to be this... I'm ashamed.

I took a napkin and began wiping my mouth while the girls were laughing their asses off. At least they find it amusing.

"That was pure gold," Saki said.

"I know, right?" Ayaka chuckled. "You should've seen the look on your face, Tsuki. Maybe you should go into acting. I'm sure you'd do an amazing job."

"I don't want to say that this is why I don't eat in public, but this is why I don't eat in public," I muttered.

"Aw, relax a bit," Saki smiled. "We were just messing around."

"... I think I'm done."

"Wait! We'll stop, so keep eating!" Ayaka exclaimed.

"I'm not hungry anymore. In fact, I never was."

I stood up, grabbed the bags from the ground, and left the table.

"Wha- Hey, Tsuki!"

Ignoring their pleas, I exited the restaurant and waited outside. Looks like I've been proven right. Being around people just isn't for me. Sakuno is perhaps the only exception since he and I pretty much grew up with the Hunt. We know each others' limits and boundaries. The others can be a handful at times, but maybe I can count them too.

These girls, on the other hand... I'm not saying that I necessarily hate our current relationship. It's a nice change of pace for sure, but I'm just not used to it yet. Maybe one day, I'll be able to join them on the normal side of life.

"Tsuki," Ayaka called out.

"Oh. You finished eating already?" I asked.

"Unlike you, I was eating the entire time. Only had a couple of bites left."

"I suppose that makes sense. Where's Shiro?"

"She went to go wash her hands."

"I see."

Suddenly, Ayaka jumped up right in front of me with a visible look of disappointment. Her head tilted to the left as if to get a better look at me. Is she not already close enough to see everything? This is too much.

"Did we really get under your skin?" she grumbled.

"Hm... Not really," I answered. "I just wasn't hungry."

"I feel like there was a lot more to it than just that. Come on, tell me. Did we mess with you too much?"

"I told you, it's not that. I was telling the truth when I said that I'm not used to eating in crowds, even if it's with you two."

She crossed her arms and threw on a taunting smile. "Ehhh? Why not? Can't handle sitting next to two beautiful girls? Maybe that's why you couldn't eat. We were distracting you too much."

Someone, please, just grab a shovel and smash it over my head as hard as you can. Ayaka is playing so excessively into this role that I'm genuinely starting to believe that she's a psychopath.

"... For real...?" I muttered.

"No need to deny it. One time, I had a guy look at me for a single second and freeze on the spot. He didn't even notice the water spilling from his own cup until I winked at him."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm being serious, you know. Heh, you could even say that I'm used to this kind of treatment."

"Is that so?"

"Yep. You could even say that I'm the authority on this matter."

"Doesn't seem very healthy."

The smile on her face abruptly dropped. "Huh? What... do you mean?"

"You're your own person, aren't you? And yet, you're over here saying that you're used to it as if you're not. Just a doll who smiles for the sake of other people's expectations. Doesn't that get tiring?"

I came to a halt when I noticed her looking at me in a way I would've never expected from someone like her. She relaxed her eyes, lowering her brows while her mouth was slightly ajar.

I'm generally good at reading emotions, even from my victims. Moments before death, they're either terrified for their lives or reminiscing about their previous transgressions.

This time, however, was different. It only serves to confirm that I wasn't imagining it. Just like before, she looks noticeably sad.

"Taiyori?" I said with concern. "Are you alright?" 

She took a deep breath and tilted her head away. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You seem like you're not fine, so I wanted to make sure."

"Haha... I was just thinking... I was right all along. You're such a weirdo, Tsuki."

"... What?"

Ayaka turned around, and I immediately froze. Her wavy hair of wine red swung across her face like a sea of scarlet roses. Her hazel eyes curled gently as she wore the most genuine smile I had ever seen from her.

Dozens of people were passing us by, yet I could only see her. All sounds dissipated, from the footsteps of the masses to the deafening chatters, leaving only her voice. She paused, she looked at me, and for the first time in my life, my breath was completely lost.

"And here I was thinking you'd turn out to be like the rest," she scoffed. "Oh, how wrong I was. You're nothing like them, no... You're far worse."

"... I..."

"Speechless? I know. Everyone around me often ends up like that. I can't really help it."

After collecting myself, I took a deep breath. "What was it that you said the other day? 'Creeps, perverts, and gold diggers,' right? If I'm something worse, then what exactly am I?"

She let out a soft giggle before inching closer to me with her hands behind her back. Again, why is she getting so close? Perhaps a better question; why can I feel my own heartbeat right now?

"You tell me," she scoffed. "You know just the right words to say to a girl, yet you claim that you don't do well in crowds. It seems like you have quite the experience. Are you sure you're not a player?"

"A... A what...?"

"Pft... Hahaha! You didn't know what Line was, and now you don't know what 'player' means? Have you truly been living under a rock this whole time?"

Again, my body froze. Many things in the normal world are perceived so differently in the underworld. I've gone so long with my life hanging by a thread, a testament to the harsh conditions of my past.

Upon the battlefield of life and death, the sound of laughter was often accompanied by the faces of the most heartless and deranged criminals. It was a sign that our target was a remorseless individual and should be killed at all costs, yet here I stand in wonder, questioning how a laugh could be so... beautiful.

"Hm? What's wrong?" Ayaka smirked. "Did you finally fall for me?"

"Not a chance in hell," I sighed.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Out of nowhere, she raised her hand to my forehead and flicked it with her fingers.

"The hell...?" I mumbled.

"Hehe. You really are such a weirdo," she giggled.

"Ehhh...?" someone hummed to our left.

At that moment, we both visibly jolted. Our heads turned at almost the same time to see Saki standing there with a suspicious smirk.

"S-Saki..." Ayaka stuttered nervously.

"How interesting... Since when did you two make up?" she snickered.

"No! Wait! I-it's not what you think!"

"Oh, sure, sure. I totally believe you this time."

"Honest!"

"Uh-huh."

While Saki continued walking down the corridor, Ayaka was constantly in her face, spouting the same words over and over again. Honestly... And she's saying that I'm the weirdo. Yeah, right.