Same Paths, Different Ways Pt. 2

I sat down on a bench beside the sidewalk, leaning all the way back. With my head tilted up, I stared at the dark sky, heavy with clouds. I've been trained to endure all kinds of climates—the eternal winters of the tallest mountains and the blistering heat of the hottest deserts. But nothing compares to what I'm feeling now.

Twenty-one years. That's how long I've been alive. In that time, I've seen countless things that would break a normal person. The deaths of families, the cries of children, and the bleak conditions of those less fortunate, struggling just to survive. I became numb, feeling nothing more than pity. It was just part of the job.

That's why nothing ever made me cry. Nothing. I've seen too much of this world's ugliness to shed tears over something that happens every day.

And that's why it's so funny that the first time I cry... is when I hurt the only girl I was ever fond of.

It’s funny... So why am I not laughing?

"Oh," said a faint familiar voice.

My head turned slowly, and my heart dropped immediately.

There, standing on the snowy pavement in her boots, was Taiyori, as beautifully dressed as always. Her natural wavy hair was tied into a ponytail, showing off a pair of silver earrings. She wore a thin jacket over a blouse, its strands tied into a neat knot at her chest. That's... the same blouse she bought at the mall when I was with her.

But unlike before, her eyes were cold, void of any emotion. It was a look I’d never seen from her. Behind her stood Nanase Misha. She must've been the one who made that noise earlier.

Taiyori began walking again. Just like before, she passed me without a single word, Nanase trailing behind her.

No... This time, I have to say something. I can’t let her go again.

"Taiyori!" I stood up and called out.

She stopped, along with ever functional organ in my body. It felt like my heart came to a halt. My breaths were so shallow that I might as well cease to breathe altogether. The only thing I could muster was a slight twist of my shoulder, but no more than that. Not even my eyes would blink.

"Misha... Wait for me up ahead," Taiyori said.

"Y-yeah," Misha replied as she ran forward.

Slowly, Taiyori turned around, and that cold, dead stare, despite how calm she seemed, was now filled with rage.

"What do you want?" she asked.

She's listening to me. I finally have a chance to speak. However, nothing came out. Why won't my mouth move?

Taiyori sighed and turned away once more. "I see. You're just wasting my time."

"I'm sorry!" I shouted, prompting her to stop again.

"...What... did you just say...?

"I'm... sorry..."

"You're sorry? Sorry for what? For lying to me? For leading me on? For acting like you were just a normal guy when you were actually a fucking murderer?"

I couldn't even rebuke that in any way. After all, she's absolutely right. What I did to her is as clear as day, and there's no defending it.

"Why are you quiet all of a sudden? I thought you had more to say than a hollowed apology," she grumbled. "Answer me this, Tsuki, if that's even your real name. Why did you get closer to me? Huh? You called me beautiful, showered me with words of affection, did everything I asked you to, and for what? Why... Why did you make me trust you just for me to find out that it was all fake?!"

A violent heartbeat raced through my entire body, and it felt like I was starting to bleed from within.

Taiyori... trusted me?

Suddenly, all of it came flowing back to me. All the moments she smiled at me, touched me, and spoke to me... She would never do those things for any other guy. I've always wondered why, and now, the answer was clear.

"This whole time... You didn't have a shred of affection for me, did you? Not even as a friend. In your mind, I was always the rich and pretty little girl you could use and toss out when you didn't need me anymore. Is that right?!"

"N-no... That's not it at all," I mumbled. "I... I truly did..."

"Did what? You liked me? Is that what you're trying to tell me? Did you really think I'd fall for that? Do I look that stupid to you?"

I kept silent. Saying anything now would only worsen the situation. Truth be told, I thought I liked her. Maybe I still do. However, I always pushed it back into the depths of my heart, for someone like me... doesn't deserve someone like her.

It hurts, though. Now that I know, it hurts so much. Even if I tell her my true feelings, it would only seem like I'm lying again.

"Ever since you told me, I've been thinking about it for hours and hours," she scoffed. "You're an assassin, but it still doesn't make any sense. What were you after this whole time? I can't be expected to believe that you wanted to date me, right? So what was it?"

There were so many things I thought I could say if I were ever given the opportunity to talk to her—so many things that could clear up this mess. However, now that I'm standing here with that golden opportunity in my lap, there wasn't a single word that came to mind.

"You know, I've had my fair share of people who've wished death upon me," Taiyori muttered. "Some even tried to take it. I don't care. I never did, because my life isn't as picture-perfect as you'd think. I thought that if I could just continue moving forward, then it would turn out better. That's what I believed, and that was all I could do. You see, Tsuki... I don't really care what others say or think about me. Not anymore. But you... I cared about your opinions of me, so why did you have to hurt me...? Of all people, you, a boy that I was foolish enough to completely trust. Why...?"

"Taiyori... I would never hurt you," I said. "Please, understand."

"What am I supposed to be understanding? Even though you've got blood on your hands, you won't hurt me. So? What's the reason?"

"You're someone who I've come to hold close to my heart. I... When I found that you had been abducted, I came as fast as I could."

"Oh, is that so? Am I supposed to be glad that a criminal saved me from another criminal? You want me to give you a nice little smooch as a thank you?"

"N-no! I just... Don't know what else to say to make you understand!"

"You know what I understand? You're a killer, but you're also a disingenuous trash who thought it'd be fun to toy with a girl's heart."

"W-what...? How—"

"Don't fucking try to deny it. You know what you did, and still, you're begging for my forgiveness? Is this all some kind of game to you?"

"How are you any different?"

"...What...?"

I didn't even realize what I had said until it came out, full volume. Although it was just a slip of the tongue, it had already left its mark. 

"What do you mean by that...?" she muttered.

"T-Taiyori... I didn't mean—"

"You didn't mean what? That I'm what they call the 'the Belle?' That's what you were going to say, wasn't it? I toy with the hearts of dumb boys for my own validation. Is that it?!"

"What? No! Just listen to me!"

"Why should I? Give me one good reason why I should listen to you. Ah, no. Don't even bother yourself. Why don't you just finish the business you started?"

She flung her arms out as if presenting herself to me. "Well? Here she is! Taiyori Ayaka in all of her glory. Whatever you want from me, go ahead and take it, because that's all you were ever going to do anyway."

I felt myself getting more frustrated with each word she said. It's clear now that no matter what I say, she'll never understand. In all of my life... my emotions have never been this fucked up.

"Taiyori..." I mumbled. "You're playing so hard into that role that I genuinely don't even know if this is the real you right now."

That one line was all it took to fuel her rage once more. She stepped forward, slowly raising her hand to the side. With that, she swung.

I saw it coming. I had every opportunity to counter it, and yet... I didn't.

Her open palm struck me across the face, releasing a deafening crack. For a moment, the howling winds dispersed, but they came back just as quickly, along with a cold, painful sting on my face.

Taiyori lowered her arms and shot me a sinister glare. "Who the hell... do you think you are...?"