Chilling Regret

I never liked fireworks. They were always so loud. One time, the bright lights almost blew my cover during an extremely important mission. Even now, as I sit here, watching without a single thought in my head, it is quite irritating.

Not much of a thought, huh? Did my brain just try to twist itself the other way as a coping mechanism? On the contrary, my mind was filled with many thoughts, and all of them were about Taiyori.

Every single word she said to me is still fresh in my head. That scene kept replaying itself, from the moment I saw her to the final declaration that I... Out of everybody who crossed her path, I was the one who made her feel the worst.

"Hah... That sucks a lot."

"Tsuki," a familiar voice called over.

It wasn't who I was hoping for, but I wouldn't necessarily say that I'd prefer anyone else.

"Sakuno..." I said weakly.

He walked over before sitting down next to me with a heavy sigh. He turned to look at me, but I couldn't bring myself to do the same.

"How long have you been out here for?" he asked.

"Since eleven," I replied.

"What? It's been four hours since then."

"Then I suppose I've been here for four hours. How did you manage to find me?"

"What a strange question to be asking me, of all people. Did you forget that I'm also an assassin of the Hunt?"

"Hm... I suppose I did. Very briefly."

For a moment, we sat in silence, watching the fireworks paint the sky with their mesmerizing lights and patterns.

"Heh. This sad, puppy look doesn't suit you at all," Sakuno chuckled. "Tsuki no Ran, a name that almost everyone in the underworld fears. 'If you see him for even a split second, then you're already dead.' Did you know? That's what they say about you."

"What an exaggeration," I sighed.

"Is it really, though? Even I don't have an a hundred percent success rate, and I've been in the game just as long as you have."

"Ninety-nine point nine. Close enough. Why are you bringing this up all of a sudden?"

"Because I'm worried about you, man."

I turned to see Sakuno with a look that portrayed just that: worriedness. It is a face that I rarely see behind that perpetual murderous gaze, so I know he's not kidding around.

"Yeah, well... To be honest, I'm worried about myself too," I scoffed. "I never thought I could feel this way."

"That's the hard part about living in the normal world, isn't it? Not only do we have to speak, think, and act like the common folks do, we also have to feel the emotions that comes with dabbling in normality. Prime example: falling in love."

"...'In love,' huh...?"

"Are you gonna deflect it like you always do?"

"Not this time, because there's no other way to explain this pain in my heart."

Sakuno then threw his arm around my shoulders and rested it there.

"I wonder... If I weren't an assassin, would we still be together right now?" I asked. "I know we weren't dating or anything, but it seemed really close. I wouldn't have minded staying like that for a while because... For once in my life, I was genuinely happy. It seemed as though all the sins of my past were washed away upon seeing her smile. Now that she's unable to smile, all because of me... I feel like I've just committed the greatest sin in my life."

"Even considering all the people you've killed?" Sakuno scoffed.

"To be honest, yeah. None of it feels like it measures up to what I did to Taiyori."

"That's the life we lead as agents of the Hunt. We're assassins. When we get the order, we kill. For the right reason, of course. But, not everyone in the world is gonna understand that. I always told myself that if people found out about the Hunt, they would never see us as anything more than villains. They'll paint us as a bunch of mindless killers. It's chill, though. As long as we know what we stand for, then it doesn't matter what the rest of the world thinks."

"I get that. I do... but if I really did feel that way, then I wouldn't be like this right now."

"You were instructed to live a normal life by Watcher. Everything you did fell in line with that. This was not your fault."

"Yes, it was. I hurt her, Sakuno. Even if it was unintentional, I led her to think that I was just like a normal guy, when in reality, I was someone any sane person would never accept. You know what she told me? She... She trusted me. Her, Taiyori Ayaka, trusted me. That's what makes it so much worse. I... betrayed her trust."

I dropped my head and cried while Sakuno periodically patted my back. It hurts. Just the thought of never being able to see her smile again... It hurts so much.

Eventually, my tears ran dry. My face felt extremely cold. Sakuno rested a small rag on my lap, but I didn't bother picking it up. I feel so drained and void of any energy.

"What are you gonna do now?" Sakuno asked.

I thought about it for a second, but I quickly realized that there was nothing to think about.

"The only thing I can do," I replied. "Just... Move on. She and I don't belong in the same world. That's all there is to it."

"Are you sure?"

"No, but what else can I possibly do? What other solutions are there that I'm just not seeing? Absolutely nothing. I'm devastated, Sakuno. I just want this pain to go away, but even if it does, I'll be reminded of her face when she said those words, and the pain will come back."

He said nothing, and I don't blame him for it. We may be trained assassins, but this is my first time dealing with something like this. I'd imagine it's his first time handling a friend who's going through it as well.

"I'm alright, Sakuno," I said. "I'm... gonna walk around for a bit."

"I'll come with you," he said.

"No. I want to be alone."

"Tsuki..."

As he stayed behind and watched me, I began trailing aimlessly along a sidewalk with no clear destination. I know he cares about me. I know he just wants to help me, and I'm grateful to him... but this is something I have to handle by myself. This happened because of me. It's no one's fault but my own.

I'll make it through this one day, even if I have to live the rest of my life drowning in my own sorrows and regrets. If I can't fix it, then I'll simply walk this dark path until the pain fades away. At least then, I can maybe forget about everything that has happened.

Suddenly, my ears perked up. I twisted my body around and saw nothing but a courtyard scarcely lit by lamp posts. This was no strike of the imagination. Amidst the cackling booms of the fireworks in the distance, I heard a faint scream.

Just then, I heard it again. Whatever it is, it's coming from behind me. I took a step forward, then another, ready for whatever may pounce from the darkness.

"...Help...!" a voice cried.

Without hesitation, I broke into a sprint. Against the chilling winds, I ran as fast as I could. There's no doubt about it. Even though I've only known her for a small amount of time, I could recognize that voice anywhere.

Eventually, I stopped dead in the middle of the path. My head turned left and right, but I still couldn't see where she was. She hasn't called out since the last time. Did something happen?

The sound of faint footsteps caught my ears. I turned to look toward an arching sidewalk. Stumbling into the light of a lantern was Taiyori Ayaka.