Farewell to Past Regrets Pt. 3

After two hours of soaking in the vibrant energy of the festival, Taiyori asked me to take a walk with her, away from the bright lights and bustling crowds. From where we stood, the festival was still visible in the distance, but the once-deafening noise had softened into a faint murmur beneath the cold, howling wind.

We walked quietly for a while along a deserted path, illuminated only by a row of dim street lamps. Taiyori held the stuffed squirrel she'd won, cradling it in her arms. Every so often, she would lower her head to brush her cheek against its soft fur, a small, peaceful gesture amidst the stillness.

"What did you think?" I finally broke the silence.

"Of what? The festival?" she asked.

"Yeah. To be honest, I had my doubts, but it turned out really well, in my opinion."

"Mhm... I agree."

I bent my body forward to get a better look at her face, but the moment our eyes locked, she turned away.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"W-what do you mean...?" she mumbled.

"Something seems to be bothering you. Are you cold?"

"... Yeah. It's freezing, so... hold me."

She threw her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around me. Is it really just because she's cold? Her body is trembling.

"Taiyori... Are you sure you're okay?" I said.

"It's not fair..." she muttered.

"Fair? What's not fair?"

"Your heart's not even beating that fast. Whereas mine..."

It was unnoticeable at first. As I concentrated, I could feel her heartbeat pummeling my chest.

"Tsuki... Can I tell you something?" she asked.

"Anything," I replied.

"I hate you so much."

"Eh? D-did I do something wrong?"

"Yes, you did."

She gently pushed me away and stood with her back facing towards me. My heart fell as a lump formed in my throat, barring any words from coming out.

"You know... I once told myself that I would never let anyone into my heart again. Every single time I did, it ended in the most painful way possible. Believe me, Tsuki, I've heard it all. I'm rich, so I have money to spare. I'm smart, so I can give all the answers. I'm hot, so... Hah... so I'd probably be good in bed. Just by existing, I was the target for a lot of awful shit."

I didn't even know what to say. After having such a decent time at the festival, this was the last thing I was expecting.

"I pushed everyone away because I didn't want to be hurt anymore. So tell me... Why is it that even though you hurt me way worse than the rest, I still want you to stay by my side?"

I took a step forward, but she turned around at the same time. The moment I saw her face, my heart tore in half. She was looking at me with a smile, and yet, it was an expression oozing with a noticeable hint of melancholy.

"I knew that, though," she scoffed. "I knew from the start that you wouldn't be like the rest. In a way... That made me scared, because the more I saw that dumb face of yours, the more I felt myself losing my resolve. I looked for every reason to hate you, but nothing worked. Once again, I found myself going down a path I swore I'd never walk again. Ran... Do you have even the slightest idea how I really feel about you?"

I'm not ignorant nor oblivious enough to have missed all the hints. I know how she feels about me, and that makes me happy. However, I can't ignore her past. To do that would be selfish and disgusting of me. I shouldn't be the one to force anything to happen. Never.

With a deep breath, I answered her. "I do."

"Heh. You do, huh?" she scoffed. "Of course you do. Like a stupid little girl, I made it so freaking obvious, didn't I? In the end, I couldn't hold onto my resolve. I showed my weakness. I allowed myself to grow attached again. I, Taiyori Ayaka, fell for you... because you just had to be there, didn't you? You just had to keep annoying me... You just had to make me smile and laugh... You just had to keep being yourself around me. Just a moment ago, you asked me if you did something wrong, didn't you? I'll tell you. Just by being there, you unmasked me, you broke down everything I worked so hard to build, and you... are the sole reason why I feel this way. And then, there's you, standing there in perfect stillness while I'm struggling to contain my emotions."

"...Do you really believe that?"

"Eh? What?"

"I'm asking if you really think that I don't feel anything right now."

My hands subconsciously clenched on their own. This time, I refuse to remain still for any longer. I approached her and took her hand, holding it tight. This time... I won't stay silent.

"T-Tsuki...?" Taiyori mumbled.

"You know... I never really liked the normal world," I said. "It was always too loud, too bright, and so much different from where I came from. You were no exception, Taiyori. You were the loudest of the bunch, but you shined brighter than the rest, and... Hah. I don't think I've ever met anyone like you. Day by day, you showed up just to annoy me, but with each encounter, you occupied my mind more and more. I've never felt anything like it. Eventually, because of you... I began to like the normal world."

I took a moment to collect my thoughts. I've never told anyone directly how I feel about them, not even Sakuno. It was unnecessary. However, this is different. No matter what, I have to tell her what I truly think.

"You might not believe me, Taiyori, but more than anything, I want you to be happy," I continued. "After everything you've been through, you deserve it, and I want you to know that I'll do anything to make that happen. Even if the whole world turns against you, I don't care. I..."

With another deep breath, I steeled my resolve. I’ve never been the most sincere person—kindness, thoughtfulness, and care always felt like illusions when applied to someone like me.

But now, standing here, staring into Taiyori's delicate eyes… I faltered. For the first time, I found myself wondering if I could be everything I once believed I could never become.

"Taiyori... I like you."