Chapter 22 –– Grief

"Ummm...."

It took me a moment to answer after Aaryn took me by surprise by such a question. I don't exactly know how close the two of them are, so it is quite a delicate question that I have to be careful with.

“I think he’s nice. He’s really kind,” I told Aaryn.

I didn’t wanna reveal too much about my feelings, so I just told him the basic stuff.

“However, there was one thing bugging my mind,” I told him.

I’d been wondering about this for a while, but I didn’t know who else to ask, so this might the right time.

“What is it?”

“How long has he been puffing?” I asked him.

Aaryn immediately coughed on his drink after hearing me asking that. He must have not expected me to ask something like that to him. Well, he did ask me something personal without any small talk in the first place, so I thought I could do the same to him too.

“You knew? o_O”

“Yeah. He showed me.”

“Did you try it too? O_O” he asked with concern.

Uhh....I don’t know how to answer this. It felt like it could go wrong either way.

“No. Only shown.”

“Okay, good. He shouldn’t have ’cause that thing is illegal.”

....

What?

Okay, thankfully I lied.

While we were talking, the first dish arrived. The appetizer was some carrot soup topped with some root vegetables in it.

“I can’t believe he just showed it to his intended so casually.....” Aaryn said, dumbfounded by his step brother’s action.

“Well, knowing his personality, that does sound so much like him....” he added.

We then started sipping on the soup. Thankfully I learnt some basic table manner etiquette when I was in Dawoud’s mansion. This time, I was able to save myself from embarrassment this time.

“So, how long?” I asked him once more.

Aaryn seemed hesitant to answer. He doesn't know whether I was worth sharing his secret to.

“Well, since you are his intended, I guess you deserve to know.”

Aaryn then sipped on his drink before starting his story. Seems like this story is going to be a long one.

“It all started when his father passed away. Moshe was 9 when it happened. His father used to work in the flower field as harvesters and extractors. Back then, we didn’t have the machines like we do now, so everything was done by hand. I heard that he came home late every day because there was just so much work for the workers to do daily.

One day, his father fell ill and became bedridden. After having been checked by the healer, Moshe was told that his father got cursed due to the hazardous work environment and constant workload that he had to bear beyond his limits. Moshe tended to his father ever since, becoming his father's personal caretaker.

My mother also died due to the same cause, only a few years earlier than his father. Moshe and I were childhood friends before we became step brothers. Having gone through the same experience, I thought I was the only one who could understand his pain of losing someone he loved. Yet, he refused to talk to me about it and kept it all to himself.

He then suffered from severe depression to the point that he didn't speak to anyone and isolated himself from the world for years. Nobody could get close to him, not even me nor his mother. We were so worried about him, yet, we couldn't do anything. It was frustrating for the both of us.

One day, I saw him puffing for the first time. I confronted him about it, asking what it was and where he got it. He refused to tell me the truth and kept it hidden from me. Later on, I searched about it on my own to figure out what it was.

I told Lady Zara about it to let her know about her son's doing. Lady Zara was furious and confiscated all of his puffs. He wasn't even allowed to go outside of the manor in order to prevent him from getting any more puffs. He was denied any possibility of accessing puffs.

A few days after he stopped puffing, I heard that he wrecked havoc in the manor. He destroyed everything in his room and made a huge mess. He also attempted suicide several times which fortunately failed after being intervened by the servants in the manor. Knowing that confiscating his puffs made him a lot worse, Lady Zara then returned his puffs back to him.

It was not the right decision, but it was the bad out of the worse. Puffing calmed him down and stabilised him, despite the fact that it deteriorated his health. The healers might be able to cure the wounds to the body, but nobody could heal the wounds to the heart. Now, Moshe had become more mature and less violent, unlike what he used to be. However, years gone by, and yet he never returned to the way he was before losing his father. He had lost all of his light."

Woah.....

He must have been dealing with something really heavy. I didn’t know any of this and I didn’t think I would ever know if it wasn’t for Aaryn telling me. It's very unlikely that Moshe himself would most tell me about such a thing.

While we were having meals throughout our conversation, we finally almost finished our desserts. Before we did, Aaryn gave me his final warning.

“I'm warning you. Don’t you ever hurt him in any way or form. If I ever caught you doing so, you’ll pay the price,” he said in a serious tone.

I gulped a glass of water hearing that, scared of his threat.

“Just kidding. xP But seriously, be kind to him! >:(“

After dinner was done, Aaryn looked over the window. He saw another carriage halted right next to ours.

“Looks like your ride is here,” Aaryn said, implying that Moshe had come to pick me up.

Oh. I didn’t know he was the one who was gonna pick me up. I thought Aaryn and I were going back to the manor together.

“Let’s go.”

After we were done with the meals, we then went downstairs to the carriage to get back home.

In front of the restaurant, surely, Moshe was waiting for me. He picked me up using another carriage that he owned. He was talking with Aaryn while waiting for me.

“So, whom will you choose, Noam? x)” Aaryn asked teasingly.

“I’d prefer to go with my suitor,” I answered confidently.

“Aww....I guess I got rejected once again ;(” Aaryn said, jokingly saying he got his heart broken.

Moshe then helped me get into the carriage and went straight to the manor. He was expressionless the whole time and didn’t even smile at me nor at Aaryn.

On our ride to the manor, Moshe asked me a few questions.

“How was your date with Aaryn?” Moshe asked in a serious tone.

“It was nice. The food was really good.”

“What did you two talk about?”

“A lot.”

I didn’t want to tell him that we were talking about him, so I just answered briefly. He didn’t seem satisfied with my answers.

“I see.”

After we returned to the manor, Moshe entered my room with me. I thought he had something to talk about, so I just let him be.

However, right after I closed the door, he suddenly jumped right at me.

He pushed me against the wall and interlocked his fingers around mine. He then started sniffing my neck with his long pointy nose.

“You smell nice tonight,” he said seductively.

“M–Moshe? What are you––”

Suddenly, I smelled pheromones coming from him. Is he....in a rut!?

He started putting his paw on my chest. Oh no.

“S-Stop....!”

I tried to stop his paws from lurking around my body, but his pheromones were too strong for me to resist. He smelled dreamy and masculine, giving off a very alpha presence.

“I’ll overwrite his scent with mine on you,” he whispered to me.

I could hear that he was somewhat aggravated, like he was bothered by something. Was he perhaps....jealous?

“I said stop!!!”

I mustered all of my strength and I pushed him away from me. I needed some space to think without the influence of his pheromones.

“Are you...jealous?” I asked him directly.

“With him? Why would I––”

“Be honest.”

Moshe took a moment of silence. He definitely looked distraught. I never saw him being this anxious before, an expression I’d never seen.

“I don’t like that you enjoyed your time with him,” he said frankly.

I could smell his pheromones slowly subduing. I could still faintly smelled it, but it didn’t bother me as much as earlier.

I walked towards him and grabbed his paw. I pulled him to sit on the bed, next to me.

“I don’t like him, if that’s what you’re worried about,” I told him.

He didn’t say anything and kept silent. He seemed like he had a lot in his mind.

I put my paw on the back of his hand. I held it and gave him some emotional support.

“I heard about what happened to your father from Aaryn. I’m truly sorry.”

Moshe turned his head towards me teary-eyed. We then made an eye contact and stared at each other. Since the timing felt right, I leaned my face forward and went for a kiss.

We kissed on the lips with our eyes closed. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly to comfort him. After a few minutes, I released him and we continued out conversation.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Moshe said, apologizing for trying to assault me.

“It’s alright.”

I could see him feeling slightly better after that. I guess it takes a certain approach to be able to calm him down.

“My father was an omega male lion. He worked at the flower field that we visited the other day. My mother took him as her mate when she was still the heir to the Felixia tribe chieftain. A few years after she became the chieftain, I was born as their one and only child.

During my childhood, I remember how my father and I used to go to the flower field together once every week on his day off. He used to show me how to pick flowers and arrange them to make a bouquet that he used to make for my mother. It was a special childhood memory of him that I cherish all my life.

When he passed away, it impacted me in a lot of ways. It was as if I was frozen in time, yet people around me kept moving like usual. I felt numb and couldn't feel anything, no matter what I tried to do. My mother and Aaryn did their best to help me, but I rejected them. I didn't need their help. All I needed was my father. He was the only one that could make me return to the way I was. "

Wow.....

I never heard him talk so much with such emotions. This must be something he had been keeping for a while.

"One day, I bumped into someone who happened to be a puff dealer. I wasn't interested at first, but after the first try, I got addicted to it and couldn't stop myself. Puffing calmed me down and put me at ease. When I puff, it blocks all emotions and I don't have to feel a single thing. In the end, puffing was the only thing that kept me going for all these years.”

I never realised how much he relied on puffing. I couldn't imagine being in his position.

“However, my mother is getting old and it is about time to pass on the title of the chieftain to her heir. Naturally, she wanted me to succeed after her. However, due to the customs of the tribe that only recognised mated individuals as a chieftain, I had to find a mate before I could become the chieftain. Just like what she did with my father in order to become the chieftain. That is the reason I became your suitor,” Moshe explained with honesty.

I see. That made sense. I was surprised that my suitors knew the reason they applied to become my suitor. I didn’t even know anything about me becoming their intended.

“But, do you want to be a chieftain?” I asked him.

“Either way, I don’t care.”

He sounded like he had no dream, no ambition, no will to live, for the lack of a better word. Even after all these years, he was still grieving.

I hugged him tightly to show him all my support. Even though Felixia tribesfolk are known to be hot-blooded, Moshe’s body felt ice cold. He didn’t tick any of the stereotype known to Felixia tribesfolk. He was truly unique.

“You can sleep here if you want,” I told him, offering to sleep together with me.

“That’s ok. I’m going back to my room.”

He then kissed me on the forehead and left me blushing. He returned to his room without saying another word, just a kiss on the forehead.