Primordial Personality

I woke up and opened my eyes to an unfamiliar stone wall… Did I sleep while sitting up? That’s a first. “Good morning…” I heard then I turned my head to the right to see Lumi in her usual white dress while sitting down next to me. “G-good morning?” I greeted her. This… weird, what happened last night? Umm… let’s see, I.

As I was about to plunge deep into my thoughts, I remembered the previous events of when I was last awake. That’s right! I shouted in my thoughts as I tried to stand up. “Ahh! Ah. Ah. Ah…” But instead, I was met with pain erupting from all over my body and sat back down.

“Don’t stand up yet, you’ll open up all your wounds.”

“What happened to me?”

“I don’t know, you suddenly appeared in front of me and I froze you thinking that you were an enemy.”

“Ah… huh?”

Suddenly appeared? Froze? I think I remember something like that but I can’t tell.

“Then, when I thawed you out of the ice, you had wounds all over your body. Luckily, I had some bandages in my spatial storage, so I was able to patch them all up. Your clothes were a bit too bloodied so I patted it down with a towel. It’s still bloody, wet, and dirty but I don’t have any spare clothes for you to wear down here.”

“I-I see… then, thank you. You’ve saved me again.”

“It’s no problem… then would you mind telling me what happened?”

“Ah, sure…” If I remember right… I woke up in this cave. Found a weird dog, swam through a lake, solved some puzzles to unlock the door and then… I fought with Samael, how it ended is still a little blurry to me. “I was…” After remembering what happened I proceeded to tell Lumi all about it.

“Ah… so, what happened with Sameal?”

“I remember fighting him but during the latter half of that fight it was like I was half-asleep. It felt like I was dreaming.”

“Hmm… then anything else?”

“Erm…” I focused on my memories a bit further and tried to recall any detail that I missed. Oh yeah… just before my memories had gotten hazy, I think I had a small conversation with Sameal, his words were… “Primordial Personality?” I uttered as I recalled his exact words.

Suddenly Lumi stood up and moved over to the other side and sat down opposite of me. “You have one?” She asked as her expression turned serious and looked me in the eyes. “Umm… just before my memories have gotten blurry, I had a short conversation with him, then he said something about me acquiring a primordial personality.”

“This is bad… I didn’t expect you to reach that stage so quickly, you just started using your ability after all.”

“What exactly is it?”

“To put it in simple terms, it’s a bomb.”

“Huh?” I was confused.

“It’s something that protects you but at the same time it eats you from the inside out.”

“I get that part but I need to know the exact details, you can explain to me, I’ll try to at least get the gist of it.”

“I understand, then ask me any question, if need be, okay?”

“Yeah…”

“It’s another personality derived from your main one. Its main purpose is to protect the soul from breaking down due to mental instability.”

“Mental instability?” I know… I’m aware that my mental state isn’t exactly healthy but it shouldn’t be at the point where I’ve gone cucukoo. I just hate myself, nothing more than that.

“Like you’re going crazy… Look, I’m sorry I didn’t mention this earlier but the longer we have access to our connection to the 2nd dimension, our mind starts to break down due to the stress it undergoes.”

“How come you just mentioned it now?”

“I said I’m sorry… anyways leaving that aside for now, when you let your primordial personality take over, your physical abilities skyrocket through the roof, it’s like my nanomachines for example.”

“Is that all?”

“Yeah, that’s basically the simplest explanation of what it is.”

From what she said, it’s probably something like in games or tv shows where the character gets buffed by removing the ability to think. But it my case, it’s just that an alternate personality shows up instead of just going berserk.

“Why is it called a primordial personality?”

“Erm… I don’t know myself. It’s just what they’re called.”

“I see, then let’s go over this another time, we’re still in the enemy base, right? So, we need to get moving.” Sameal might still be wandering around here so, I want to get the jump on them before they find us here.

“That’s going to be a problem, you can’t move, can you?”

“Ah…” I’m injured, I probably can’t fight either… What a pinch I’m in.

“It can’t be helped, I’ll carry you.” She said as she stood up and walked over to me and picked up my body and thus carrying me on her back. Eh…?

“Umm… huh?” My mind’s not working properly, I can’t think straight. “Aren’t I going to get in your way when you fight?” I asked.

“No, I’ll just lay you down before I begin.”

“Okay…?” I can’t process what’s happening right now.

I’m tired… I can’t think straight... What the hell is happening to me? My vision seems to be getting blurrier as I blink too. Am I that injured? No… I need to stay awake; I can’t fall asleep now. It’s like something is invading me… could it be that alternate personality?

Lumi said that it’s derived from my current personality. I thought as I remembered not the events that happened in my memories, but my thoughts then when it felt like a dream.

I thought nothing but to kill, my bloodlust was intense. I was still half-awake during that time so; I remember bits and parts about it.

It seems like during that time it didn’t fully take over my body. Because if it had then I wouldn’t remember.

I read somewhere that people with multi-personality disorder tend to not remember what happens during the switch of personalities.

So, if my guess is right, then I can still try and tame it. Right now, this alternate personality of mine is like a savage beast waiting to rage.

It’s cool, I used to dream of having something like this in the past. But now that I have it, it feels unpleasant in some ways. The thought that this thing was derived from me right now is terrifying but makes sense in some ways.

When I was slacking or just being lazy around the house, I often read romance stories. Not the kind that people usually think of when they hear ‘romance’.

For example, the main character’s personality is a yandere. The type of person who will kill if the one they love is in danger. I absolutely love protagonists that have that kind personality. It’d be even better if the protagonist’s target loves them back and they both die in the end.

A double suicide ending…

It leaves me with a sense of despair, regret, and the desire of wanting them both to be happy despite all the wrong they’ve done.

Ah… that kind of feeling often suited my mood most of the time.

Anyways, those were the kinds of ‘romance’ stories I’ve enjoyed and so it really makes sense why my alternate personality is batshit crazy and murder happy.

I want to read something…

After all of this is over, I’m going to binge read before I do that. It should at least lessen the number of regrets I have.

I’m tired… but that feeling of being invaded is gone now. Thinking back on things probably made it go to sleep or something like that.

Speaking of endings… I wonder how mine will end. I’m already set on doing that but it’s still uncertain.

Will it end as a lonely one? A sad? Or maybe the unexpected happy end?

It’s unknown and I won’t know till I reach it. That’s why for now… I’ll try to set aside as many unpleasant feelings as I can and try to enjoy them somehow.

I’ve only found joy in reading stories, playing games, and what not these past few years, but I’ve suddenly got myself caught in a situation where people wouldn’t even believe me if I told them about it.

Not that I have anyone to talk to about this but I can feel it. I’ve been somewhat enjoying it, it’s like I’ve self-inserted myself into a story I’m reading.

It’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed anything outside of the things I usually do. My realization of the bad things I’ve done mostly stopped me from enjoying a lot of things in the real world. I still enjoy eating food, of course.

I feel like I’m rambling on and on about this for a bit too long but the bottom line is… I want to start enjoying more things that wouldn’t have been possible for me before.

I’m pushing my selfishness a bit too far here, but nothing can be done about it. It’s just human instinct, I can’t do anything about it.

***

“The nanomachines enhances physical abilities, right?” I asked Lumi as she was carrying me on her back.

“Yeah… Why do you ask?” She replied.

“Would it let me fight even with these wounds?”

I want to fight… I want to help her; I don’t want to burden Lumi with protecting me.

“You could but you’d just be pushing yourself.”

“Please, I promised you that I’d help.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, if I weren’t sure then I wouldn’t be asking you in the first place.”

“Fine, I’ll transfer them to you later… I can see that it’d be a waste persuading you so, if you insist then I’ll do it.” She gave in so easily…

“But if you push yourself too far, I’ll knock you out alright?”

“Why?”

“Isn’t that obvious? It’s for your own health and wellbeing. It won’t do both of us any good if you die.”

“Then… I understand, I guess.” Then the conversation went silent as she continued on walking while carrying me.

Eventually something resembling a door had come into view. Is it another riddle? I hope not… Those things are a pain to solve. I thought as we stopped right in front of it and I started inspecting it.

There’s no small pillar, no hand carving, nothing that resembles a message. Thank goodness. “Be on guard.” Lumi said as she placed her right hand on the stone door and pushed.

As soon as I saw what’s beyond it, I felt sick just at the sight of that thing.

“That’s!-“ I exclaimed but suddenly a headache had once again erupted. “Please… help me.” I heard the same voice from earlier but this time the voice was clear and there wasn’t any static noise.

What lays beyond the door Lumi had pushed open was the same sight as I saw earlier in that large space except it’s a much smaller scale. What’s in front of us is a space comparable to that of a building. The blue crystal chunks served as lighting, and in the middle of this space was a pit.

A pit of wolves cannibalizing each other, their numbers seemingly endless inside that pit. But what disgusts me the most is what’s in the middle.

A naked female human body crucified on a large iron cross with wolves bursting out from their nether regions to join the pack of them that’s trapped inside the pit.

There is something that looks like tentacles are attached to their stomach, several of them in fact not just in the stomach.

Their chest, under, waists, and mouth also have tentacles attached to them.

I squinted my eyes to get a clear look of their face.

I know that face…!

“You are… Kiara?” I muttered in shock as my eyes widened, the world around me seemed to stop, and my face got paler every moment at this realization.

That face whose expression is lifeless belongs to the girl I had learned was missing just before I met Lumi, Kiara Reyes.

No… no, no, no, no It can’t be, I thought she died? She’s one of the reasons why I’m helping Lumi and… I knew all along. I simply didn’t like to face reality.